Okay so a long time ago, waaaaay back in the mid 2000s there was a site called Worth1000. The place was mostly for photoshop contests, but they also held short story contests as well. I probably would have never bothered with the place, but DEP was scared to submit something by himself so he asked the rest of the reprobates on Infinite Story to help, and of course I was the only one who bothered to help his ass out.
Anyway, since that site hasn’t existed in a few years now, it was a good thing I saved all this stuff. And with the Creative Corner now, there’s a place to finally put these.
Now one thing that will definitely stand out is there is absolutely NO swearing whatsoever. That’s because the site was full of fucking prudes (or at least the judges were). So these are a pretty rare sight from me.
Anyway here they are, and I added some brief commentary for nerds that like that sort of thing.
So this was the first one I did. The topic was picking some weird addiction. Can’t remember exactly how I went with something like this, but it was weird enough to get second place I guess.
It starts out simple enough; you bring home a few magazines that you bought from the store and settle down to read. But wait! What’s this? It’s a bunch of little subscription cards inside the magazine. Not just one either, but several, all in strategic locations of the magazine and urging you to get a subscription and telling you what to do. Some of them come falling out in your lap to attack you, while others are stapled inside refusing to move until you take the initiative to remove the paper parasites. After you rip these out, you check your other magazines and just like the first, they’re infested as well, so you rip them out too and return to reading, not realizing that a dangerous habit is forming.
The next time you’re in the book store, you go to the magazine section again just to browse now. Once again you encounter the little cards inside. Sure you’re just browsing, but these cards, they seem to mock you and you can’t let them get away with it. You decide to do it. You look around to make sure no overzealous store clerk is watching and you tear them out. You feel that euphoric rush surge within you. When you first ripped them out, you were more annoyed, but now you feel good. You enjoy it all, the tear it makes, the crumpling of it, everything. Now you don’t even care if you rip a little bit of magazine along with it, all you want is that card at any cost.
Now you’re going to the bookstore everyday, lurking around the magazine section like the pathetic junkie you are, waiting patiently for people to move away so you can do your thing. It’s too slow! You can’t wait anymore, you begin taking more risks, you start ripping the cards out around customers you think won’t care. You get some strange looks, but nobody really says anything. It’s good! You can participate in your card ripping fix without fear! And then it happens, you get careless and forget to look out for the actual store workers who are none too pleased with you vandalizing defenseless magazines. They expect you to pay for them all, but you can’t because you quit your job to hang around in the bookstore all day. They throw you out and ban you. You don’t care though; you just go to a different one and repeat the process all over again, until you’re eventually banned from every bookstore in the state. Even convenience stores have a photo of you so they can run you off when they see you approach.
You try the old substitute of tearing mattress tags, but it just isn’t the same and can’t possibly compare to the RUSH of tearing magazine cards. You are sickened by what you’ve become. You eventually end it all by stealing a magazine and slashing your wrists with the card inside that made you into this empty shell today.
This one was basically taking fairy tale characters and putting them in some sort of situation. Actually I don’t even remember what the hell we were supposed to be doing with them, I just sort of channeled “Alpha Wolf” a bit and won first place somehow.
This Ain’t No Fairy Tale
“Wolf, its over, we have you surrounded! Release the hostages and come out with your paws up!” Captain Goose shouted through her megaphone.
“Never! I’ll kill this pretty red wench and her decrepit granny first!”
Captain Goose shook her head. She knew he’d do it too. Wolf was a bloodthirsty predator. He was already wanted for a string of brutal murders. Something might’ve been done sooner had some juvenile delinquent not been prank calling the station claiming there was a murderous wolf lurking about his house every ten minutes. Ironic he and his family should be Wolf’s first victims.
By the time the bodies were found, Wolf had already moved on to his next victim, Little Bo Peep. She was found when an officer went to finally check out her call about her lost sheep. Her half eaten corpse was lying next to her broken staff. Apparently Wolf reunited Bo with her sheep…in his stomach.
That was bad, but it wasn’t anything compared to the brutality he inflicted on the three little pigs. He bashed in the doors of two of their houses and tortured them to death as they squealed for their lives. The third pig he waited to come out of his house to check his mail and then butchered him in broad daylight before screaming children.
This mad dog had to be put down, before he killed again. Captain Goose was not going to let anymore murder occur in her normally peaceful town.
“Alright, I’m here Goose. Let me handle this.” A voice said.
Captain Goose turned around and it was Jack, or Jack the Giant Killer as he was known. Great that was all she needed, a loose cannon who played by his own rules.
“Go home Jack! We don’t need this situation getting any worse with your down and dirty tactics!”
“Oh yeah right, it looks like you got the situation well in hand Goose. Stop talking with this murderer and let me go in there Captain!”
“No! You go storming in there and Wolf will kill Red and her grandmother!”
“They’re probably already dead and he’s just playing with us for kicks! I’m going in!”
“You do that and you’re off the force!”
“You said that before I killed the Giant!” Jack yelled and began to head back to his motorcycle.
Jack revved up his Harley.
“Don’t do it!” Goose said.
Jack stepped on the gas and sped towards the house. Wondering what all the yelling was outside, Wolf went over to the window just in time to see the motorcycle heading towards it. Wolf narrowly avoided being decapitated by the wheels when it crashed through. Wolf ran at Jack as he was attempting to recover from slamming into the wall. Wolf grabbed Jack and killed him with a quick bite to his throat, ripping it out.
Jack would be Wolf’s last victim as Goose and her officers stormed the house and shot him until his bullet ridden body fell to the ground with a metallic “clank”.
It was over.
“Captain, we found Red! She’s in the next room tied up and scared, but unharmed…the grandmother though…well it looks like Wolf already killed her long before we arrived.” Officer Hansel reported.
“Very well, call the meat wagon to pick up the bodies.” She sighed as she walked over to Jack’s body, while lighting up a cigarette.
“Damn it Jack. I tried to warn you that those stunts would get you killed one day. It’s like I’ve always said, this is real life…”
Goose took a puff of her cigarette.
“This ain’t no fairy tale.
Okay so I don’t even remember what the topic was for this one. I think it was supposed to be picking an emotion and making it a powerful positive force. Naturally I went with hate, because I’m fucking edgy like that. (And I just channeled Paradise Violated because I’m also fucking lazy like that)
No Hate. No Peace.
Who could’ve anticipated that hate could be a positive force?
The day we lost it was the day humanity died, but I shall make it live again.
Throughout humanity hate has always been there. It was there during the Roman Era, it was there during the Dark Ages, and of course it was there during World War Two. Hate has always been there. It saturated our very being; it infested our politics, our religions, and our way of life. “Love conquers all” was a fairy tale. Hate is what drives us to do great…and terrible things.
It was thought that hate would eventually cause us to destroy ourselves, and it nearly did in 2096. It was a time when the Earth was a complete war zone, but it was also when THEY came. The Keslak. A race of conquerors from the stars. It was then when we learned what hate could truly accomplish.
Their first attacks came without warning. We were unprepared, still engaged in our petty self-hatred and fighting each other. More bombings occurring, then invasions, then worse…
And that’s when hate really kicked in. It united us in a way that had never been done before. We didn’t care about our petty differences anymore. We weren’t black, white, gay, straight, Jewish, or Muslim, we were human.
And we all hated the Keslak.
We struck back with everything we could, never giving up, and driven by hate. We didn’t just kill them, we butchered them. We didn’t just drive them from our planet; we took their technology so we could take the fight to them. And we didn’t just kill a few million, we killed them all.
The Keslak were nothing more than a memory and at last the dream of idealistic fools had come true. World Peace had occurred, and it was all thanks to hate. Our hate achieved peace; it made us strong, made us survive.
Humanity didn’t fight itself anymore. Now it was a galactic power, it had plenty of others to fight. It started with annexing a planet here, enslaving a race there, and the usual. We were only trying to protect ourselves and maintain our peace. We’d be damned if we were going to let some Godless Aliens take that away from us. No, they all were the enemy and we hated them all. Even those “peaceful” ones were merely trying to buy time to attack us and destroy our peace later. We knew that, after all it’s what we’d been doing to each other for centuries. As time went on, several of these treacherous alien species formed a grand intergalactic alliance against us. We laughed and waged a war of peace on them. It was only a matter of time anyway. We fought and they fought, hate was strong on both sides, but ours was stronger. It always had been.
And then came the day it disappeared. Some say it was caused by a new weapon, others even say it was some sort of punishment from a divine being. We’ll never know I suppose. It just disappeared.
We still fought, but for some reason we just didn’t feel the hate anymore. We were just going through the motions. We were just mindlessly killing like robots. There wasn’t any emotion behind it. We all knew it was missing, but we couldn’t do anything about it. We were like eunuchs. Even when entire populations of us were killed, entire planets blown into dust, we still couldn’t feel that same hate that we used to.
We’d lost our edge. We’d lost our weapon. We’d lost our peace.
When the Alliance invaded our world they made us pay for what we’d done, but some reason they didn’t end us as we did the Keslak. Instead we were confined to our ravaged planet and held under constant watch from space. We became an example to be mocked, and worse…pitied. We were disorganized without hate. We became wandering nomads on our planet, with no goal other than to exist. Every now and then some overzealous Alliance members come down and hunt a few hundred of us to make sure the population doesn’t get too big.
Now I remain here as one of the defeated once hateful race. Trying to get that old feeling back that eluded us and caused our fall, because I know that one human full of hate can achieve much.
We shall know peace again.
I’m starting to feel the hate come back.
And it feels…human.
Again, I’m not even sure what the topic was, but I won third place with this one. It would also be the LAST time I won anything over there. Lol.
I actually thought this one was one of the better ones I wrote. Probably was inspired by that scene from Final Destination 2 where everyone gets fucked up in the freeway accident.
A Stone’s Throw
Today is the day.
I was chosen to cast the first stone. I saw it in a vision sent to me by angels. No longer can I be on the sidelines, I must act. Only I can prevent the wicked from spreading their filth in this town
This stone should be sufficient to carry out my work. Holy work. Just like David slew Goliath with a mere stone, I shall perform a similar deed with the evil I face today.
I stand above them all, yet they cannot see me. I am bathed in a spiritual shield of invisibility to ensure I am able to carry out my work. Only the virtuous come to this rooftop, and I’m the only one here. It has to be me. God has willed it.
Here he comes like clockwork down the street, driving that infernal moped of his in an attempt to show off for some common women of low moral fiber. He is nothing more than a purse-snatcher, a lowly thief. He uses the same moped to make his getaways.
The stone is thrown. My aim is true. Could it be any other way? Righteous fury guides my hand.
The stone hits the purse-snatcher in the face, or more specifically his eye. Had he been wearing a helmet, perhaps he would’ve been better protected, but the wicked are arrogant. They never think they’re going to be punished for their ways.
But this purse-snatcher is not my only target today; he is but the first of the scum that will be cleansed. I am about to witness my reward for my devotion and piety.
The purse-snatcher falls off his moped and smashes the back of his head into the hard pavement, cracking his skull. The harlots he was attempting to impress make high-pitched squeals and predictably run around chaotically, not paying attention to the glass movers who are attempting to do their job. Both harlots run into the large windowpane shattering it and shredding their faces. Never again will they be able to use their wiles to lure others into the sin of lust.
The moped continues to move by itself even without its now dead rider. It hits a bump and flies directly into an oncoming truck driver’s windshield. A trucker who would grab innocent little children into his truck and use them for his own twisted pleasure before dumping their bodies on some lonely highway. His days of being a wandering murderer are at an end.
His truck swerves into a school bus, dooming all those future criminals inside. I can almost hear their screams as the bus rolls over several times. I have no sympathy for these juvenile delinquents. They chose to bully and prey upon those they considered weak. It is only now that they understand that they are not tough or strong at all. They are helpless before God’s might. God has no time for mercy. The time of cleansing and judgment are at hand.
The school bus eventually stops rolling and explodes near a church. Hot burning metal pelts the wedding that was coming out. Wedding guests fall as the cleansing fire shards collide into them. The groom sees his bride fall when a large piece impales her heart, just before he is also struck down by another piece. I have done what the corrupt police could not, wiped out a family that had underworld dealings. How dare they use God’s house to celebrate their incestuous second cousin marriage and how dare the priest allow it. He pays for his blasphemy when a large flaming piece decapitates him.
A nearby ambulance rushes to the scene to attempt to save some of these sinners, but holy punishment cannot be denied. One of the shredded harlots, still running and screaming blindly gets in its way. The driver swerves, crashing into a lamppost and flying out of his windshield.
My holy work is finished. I slip away unnoticed, leaving the sinners in the torment they brought upon themselves.
People called that day chaos. I called it purity.
The town will never forget that day and if they do, then the cause of divine justice is just a stone’s throw away.
I hate contests and I hate fucking timed contests even more. This was one of those “Write a story in 30 minutes (I think it was 30) with only so many words Ragh!” Ugh, I’m not even sure why I bothered with doing this one, probably DEP was begging for someone to join him again.
I tried to do a gimmick of including the “time” in the story in an attempt to be a special snowflake, anyway, as far as I’m concerned it’s the worst of the lot. Reminds me of the beginning of Pulp Fiction.
“So when’s this guy supposed to show up?”
“Seven ‘o clock. What time is it now?”
“About six thirty, we got thirty minutes left. You sure he’ll be here on time?”
“Yeah, and will you calm down? This guy is always punctual; it’s one of the few redeeming qualities about him from what I heard.”
“So who is he anyway?”
“Since when does the background matter to you?”
“I don’t know I’m just trying to pass the time.”
“He’s a regular businessman just trying to his way up the ladder as usual. Nothing special.”
“Well something must be special, if we’re supposed to meet him.”
“Not necessarily, I mean we have to meet people all the time.”
“I guess you’re right. Hey did you see the game last night?”
“No, I was over at Joey’s he had a problem I needed to help him with.”
“What, again? I swear he doesn’t know what the heck he’s doing, he’s not going to be in business too much longer.”
“I know. I charged him extra for the over time I had to put in. Speaking of which, what time is now?”
“About six forty five. Fifteen minutes left.”
“Hey I bought that boat I wanted.”
“Oh so you finally laid out the money huh? I’m surprised; I know how cheap you are.”
“I’m not cheap, I just don’t waste my money so easily on wine, women and song like you do!”
“Yeah whatever, so what made you change your mind?”
“Oh I just figured life is too short, we all only got so much time left on this earth you know what I mean?”
“You don’t have to tell me that. You’re preaching to the choir here.”
“My wife likes it when we sail in it too. So what time is it now?”
“About six fifty five. Five minutes left.” “I think I hear him, he’s a little early. You ready?”
“You know it.”
“Okay, its show time.”
“HEY, TONY SENDS HIS REGARDS!”
“Well that was easy.”
“Yeah, and two minutes to spare. Time to go get something to eat.”
So this is another one I can’t even remember what the topic was. I think it was supposed to be about a character having insomnia or worrying about something. In any case, I sort of got off topic and just did my own thing anyway. Sort of surprised it didn’t get rated lower for not being on topic.
Can’t sleep again. Got a lot on my mind. I can’t go on like this; I’ve been like this for three days.
How did things turn out this way?
I remember. The government was corrupt. Life was harsh. It was no way to live. It wasn’t safe. Something had to be changed. So a small group of us decided to finally do something about it. Sometimes I wonder if it was the right decision. Maybe it would’ve been better to just try to leave the country.
I need a drink. Definitely not coffee though. What would be the point? I’m wide awake. Alcohol doesn’t even make me pass out. Too much on my mind.
I remember the first time I couldn’t sleep. It was just after I killed my first man. I never did anything like that before. I felt sick. I couldn’t help but think about that soldier’s family, but I had to get used to it though. The revolution could only be won through forceful means.
Better not stand too close to the windows. Who knows if some assassin’s bullet will find me. Even in the night they could be out there. I better make sure this place is secure. I can never be too safe. My enemies are still out there.
My pistol. Loaded and ready by my side as always. I have to walk around armed at all times. Just in case. You never know. They could breach the perimeter.
This is no way to live.
The revolution was bloody. Too much pain. Too much violence. It was necessary, but regrettable. Some of the things that had to be done… attacking military targets wasn’t always enough. Sometimes in order to get a point across, those that supported evil indirectly needed to be awakened.
But we were fighting tyranny. It was all for the greater good. The government was evil. We were heroes.
I hear another explosion as I take another drink. I hear more gunfire in the distance. More death. It never ends.
So many deaths during the revolution. I saw friends I’d known since childhood die in front of me. I even lost some family members. I weep for them all to this day.
My wife is up. She wants me to come to bed as usual. I wish I could. Believe me, I do. I would like nothing better than to sleep and lie in her arms. She’s so lovely. We met during the revolution.
I tell her to go back to bed. I know she would rather keep me company, but I wish to be alone. I have a lot on my mind.
There was much rejoicing and change after the revolution. The old order was dead and something better could take its place. We didn’t realize how hard that would be until the day actually came. Destruction is always easier than creation. But that didn’t deter us. We were up for the challenge.
I just wish we could’ve all agreed on what would be best though.
All the arguing and fighting wasn’t helping. Nothing was getting accomplished and several warring factions would’ve just destroyed everything we tried to achieve.
Eventually I decided to settle things.
It was unfortunate, but the country at that point needed stability more than ever. It needed to be safe. It needed just one voice of clarity.
My daughter is up now. She wants to know what’s going on. I allow myself to smile and tell her that everything is alright and she should go back to bed. She complies.
The changes I made were for the greater good, but I was facing opposition. Did they not see I was making things better? These ingrates and idiots who cowered in their homes while I actually did something about the terrible conditions in this country feel that THEY can judge and criticize me?
I tried to accommodate them, but they were unreasonable. They wanted paradise, when there is no such thing! More of them rebelled openly. I gave them freedom and this is how they repay me?
I did what I had to do to maintain order. They should understand. This is madness. I was a hero and now they call me evil?
Now more killing goes on and nothing is safe again. I just wish this would all end…
My general has come in, I nearly shot him.
“Sir! The revolt has been put down! You’ve won!”
“Huh? Oh. Very good. Execute all the prisoners and update me on the situation tomorrow.”
As the general leaves, I feel something different. I can let my guard down. At last I can sleep.
I realized long ago that the deaths of thousands are nothing compared to the piece of mind of safety.
And now I have it at last
So seeing as the last two submission weren’t as great, I decided to actually put some effort into this one. The topic was super heroes.
I decided to go a different route and make it a little ambiguous, but y’know nobody “got it” because I’m like a fucking genius and they couldn’t comprehend my creativity.
In any case, I liked this one.
Captured! Bound! Trapped in a cell in the fortress of my archenemy! I know Doctor Malevolent is behind this villainous plot! He’s tried to stop me before like he always has, but he’ll never succeed! He’ll never defeat Captain Courage defender of righteousness!
But first I must break free of this devious jacket of holding. Fortunately I have had practice in doing this before. It has taken weeks, but I think I’ve finally got it beat. The foolish Doctor is so arrogant to believe that only a few modifications to his dastardly inventions will hold me. He underestimates the tenacity of Captain Courage!
Still, his last insidious plot was a surprise to even me. Somehow he has managed to brainwash the entire city. Was it a mind ray? Mass hypnosis? Hallucinatory drugs in the water supply? It doesn’t matter; all I know is the good people of this city have turned on me. It saddens my soul. Part of me wants to lash out! But I must not, for I know it is not their fault that they have fallen victim to the machinations of the wicked Dr. M. My capture. The mock trial. All of the people involved were obviously under Dr. M’s influence! It is the only explanation, the people wouldn’t knowingly hand their noble champion over to Dr. M, not after I have done so much for the city. The people may have turned their backs on me, but I will never turn my back on them. After I escape I will find a way to release the people of the city from their mind control!
Ah ha! Free! Now all I have to do is wait. Wait for one of Dr. M’s goons to come back to take me to the interrogation room. Yes, they’ve tried to interrogate me many times. I’ve told them nothing though. Dr. M believes he can get me to talk by introducing a pretty face to me; a lovely young femme fatale in the guise of a “councilor”. I’m not fooled and I’m not falling for her wiles. The way she tries to tell me she’s trying to “help” me and touches my hand in a gentle way…
Wait! What’s that noise? Its one of Dr. M’s guards!
Hiding behind the door, I wait for him to enter, which he does. I strike! A left! A right! And finally a kick to his face! He’s down, and I make my first steps towards freedom! I wish I had my equipment with me, but for now my wits will have to be enough to help me escape. I quickly head door the corridor. Throughout the corridors are other doors with other prisoners. I hear their tortured screams behind them. I can’t imagine what torments Dr. M has subjected them to; indeed I don’t even want to know. I shake my head in dismay and frustration. Would that I could save them all now, but I simply do not have the time to do so, but when I return, better prepared, I will save them all, just like I will save the city! This I vow!
A general alarm has been raised and I hear Dr. M’s sinister voice alert his staff of my escape through the intercom. I fight my way through when I have to, and I hide when necessary. When I get near the entrance I see Dr. M’s elite guards dressed in their tradition blue uniforms. They pull out their weapons and fire! I narrowly avoid their blasts. I must find another way to escape as the front door has been thoroughly guarded, but where? Wait! The roof! I immediately find the nearest set of stairs and pursue my new route of escape!
Eventually I make it to the roof, with my enemies in hot pursuit. I look over the side of the roof; it’s far, but I think I can jump to the nearby tree.
Before I can do anything Dr. M and his elite arrive! One of them fires on me again, but misses. Dr. M scolds his henchmen for nearly killing me, but only because he hasn’t gotten the information he wants from me yet. He’s telling me to give up, but I will never give up my fight against him!
I look again at the nearby tree, I have to jump. I have to try. If I don’t, I’ll be captured again, and the city will be doomed. Someone has to save the city from evil!
I make my leap and I hear Dr. M shout in aggravation by my escape, I only hope I make it.
The tree seems so close.
I have to make it.
I MUST make it.
Someone has to save the city…
Could this be the end of Captain Courage?
The topic for this one was taking a vacation in a foreign land. At this point was sort of getting bored of competing in these contests, because as I said, I prefer to write at my own pace and generally do what the hell I want and not be confined by stupid fucking rules like “no swearing.”
Anyway, this is another one I liked. I think I came close to third place with it. Don’t remember though.
The Beautiful Land of Pargona
Yay! I’m all set to go to Pargona! I’ve always wanted to go there and now I’m finally getting the chance to! There’s nothing there but majestic landscape, beaches and very friendly beautiful women to fawn all over you! I’m so looking forward to this trip, that I want to keep a record of what is going to be surely the best trip of my life!
I better get going; I don’t want to miss the plane!
I’m here in Pargona, but I’m currently in the cab on the way to my hotel. I thought my hotel was a lot closer though. The cab driver insists that he’s going the right way and I guess he’d know, he does live here after all! For now I’m just enjoying the sights, though I must admit I wasn’t expecting to see so many street beggars and dirty shanty towns. Still it’s all very exciting!
That’s weird; we seem to be pulling into an alley.
I’m at my hotel. I’m glad to be here too, I need the rest after escaping from those kidnappers! I sure was lucky that those drug dealers that they owed money to came by when they did and I managed to hide in the dumpster during the shoot out. Live and learn, I guess! I am pretty hungry though, I haven’t eaten for a few days. I think I’ll order the Pargona pork roast. It’s supposed to be very good.
First I better take a long bath though.
While it certainly tastes good, I fear that Pargona pork roast doesn’t seem to agree with me. I’ve only just now felt well enough to write again. Bad things have been coming out of me at both ends, but I’m not going to let this wreck my fun! Tomorrow, they are having tours of the ancient Xoltec ruins!
I’ve always been interested in that ancient culture, so hopefully I’ll be well enough to go.
I just got back from the local hospital. During the tour I got separated from the rest of the group when I couldn’t help but inspect the Xoltec statue closer. I KNEW that its belt buckle looked like a button! I probably shouldn’t have pressed it though. The slide wasn’t so bad, but the spikes at the bottom hurt very badly. I also stirred up a nest of scorpions that had made their home down there too. It took awhile before their paralyzing poison wore off.
On the bright side the tour guide said I was probably the first outsider in centuries that had actually been inside a Xoltec sacrificial pit, let alone survive it! Wow, what an adventure! I’m off to the beach next!
Look out ladies, here comes the great explorer!
The beach wasn’t what I expected. I nearly stepped on several syringes and was bitten by a hostile turtle that I mistook for a rock when I went to sit on it. There didn’t seem to be any babes around, though there was a friendly derelict lying in his own filth that pointed me in the direction of a place where there were lots of women, but he said I’d need some money to get anywhere with them. I was on my way there, but then a group of youths hanging by the pier beat me up and stole my money.
Oh well, I guess not every day can be a good one! Right now I hear a lot of noise outside, I’m going to see what it is, maybe it’s a festival!
Looks like I might be here longer in Pargona than I expected! There seems to be some sort of revolt going on. The self proclaimed People's Democratic Army of Pargona have taken control of parts of the city, but the government is busily trying to put down the rebels. I’d try to make it to my embassy, but unfortunately it was blown up three days ago. The airports are being blocked as well. I’m pretty safe where I’m at actually. The hotel manager’s brother is the President so the protection here is excellent apart from the occasional mortar hitting the building.
I’m getting some GREAT pictures of troop movements and tanks rolling down the streets though! I can’t wait to show these to everyone back home!
The revolution is over and I’m going home! I enjoyed my time here, but it seemed to go by too quick! I’m also disappointed that the Pargona government confiscated my camera before I could get on the plane. However, they told me it was for security reasons, so I certainly understood.
I might not have any pictures; I’ll always have my memories of the beautiful land of Pargona!
And here’s the last one and probably the best one I could have went out on. By this time I hadn’t even been participating in these stupid contests and months had passed since I even logged in the site.
DEP once again told me that THIS contest would be something I’d definitely be into since they were relaxing the rules on content a bit. It was a Halloween contest and it was all about disposing of a dead body.
Well gee, I guess I can do that…
Hungry for Love
Another dead body.
It isn’t the first and certainly won’t be the last.
This one is different though. Never killed anyone I loved before. Of course she’s the only person I’ve ever had any feelings towards. Dumping her body in the woods or something similar just isn’t an option. She was special.
I’ve never done this before, but I’m prepared to try something new for her.
I’m sorry that I have to dismember her, but she simply isn’t going to fit in the freezer whole. Still, I better clear out the rest of the freezer, this may take awhile.
Glad I didn’t do any grocery shopping this week.
She had such lovely legs. She was absolutely mesmerizing whenever she wore a short dress to show them off. I’ll miss how they used to wrap around me.
As I take the first bite, I look into her eyes. I need to know if she’s okay with this before I go any further. She stares at me from across the table in the bucket of ice and doesn’t protest.
She always was accommodating even when we were kids. Gave me her extra candy, helped me with some of my school work. I knew even back then we were meant to be together. I think she knew it too; it just took her awhile to come around.
Hmm, don’t know why people make the joke about humans tasting like chicken. It doesn’t taste that way to me at all.
I remember how they used to embrace me. Be it in the throes of passion or a simple hug. It doesn’t matter which, I’ll miss it all.
As I pop a couple her fingers in my mouth, I think back to when we were teenagers and her father caught us in her room. He smacked me around pretty good before I could get out of there. Said how I better leave his daughter alone and all that other crap over protective fathers say. We were in love, and that fool couldn’t see it.
Never got to see her too much shortly after that time. She got sent off to a private school and contact was limited. Even when I tried, her father was always taking steps to make sure I wasn’t going to sneak up there. He even warned the school if I was on the grounds that they could have me arrested.
Mmm, that’s good.
I guess it didn’t matter though; I got into trouble with the law anyway. My mom tried to put me into therapy, but all I did was stab the therapist in the hand with his pen.
Without her I felt so lost, is it any wonder that I wanted everyone to feel the same amount of pain I did?
My beloved definitely tastes a lot better than that crap they were serving me in juvie that’s for sure. My beloved is so delicious. I didn’t think it could be this good, but on second thought, could she be anything else?
I can’t wait for the next part.
I’ll miss how it felt against my own body. So warm in life, and now so cold in death, but not for long. I’ve got a lot of cooking to do for this bit. Always had a knack for cooking, for some reason.
If only things turned out differently, perhaps I could’ve run my own restaurant with her.
Mmm, need more salt for this.
By the time we had grown up, our lives had become vastly different. I lived a hand to mouth existence, while she was in college. I thought about visiting her many times, but at that point, I didn’t think she’d feel the same way about me. I was a completely different person now.
Imagine my surprise when she came to visit me. It was like we picked up where we left off.
Ahh, perfect. This soup is excellent. This meatloaf too. I think I’ll be able to eat most of this tonight. I usually don’t eat a lot, but the more I eat, the more I feel closer to her.
I look at her head as I have been for this past month while devouring her. I caress her face. For some reason I can’t bring myself to eat her lovely face. It’s the first thing I fell in love with and I guess it’s the last thing I want to remember about her.
We’re coming to the end. Nobody is ever at this polluted lake this time of night. Nobody even swims here anymore.
I tried to keep it from her as long as possible. Sneaking around, canceling dates…she was bound to get suspicious.
Like I said, we were two different people now, even if we still had the love, but I guess there were some things she just couldn’t accept though. I tried to explain, but it only ended in blood like it always does. Just like it did with several other women that were poor imitations of her. Just like it did with her father who kept us apart for so long and caused this to happen.
I look into her eyes one last time and I know she forgives me.
I give her one last kiss.
“I love you. I always will my dear sweet sister.”
I toss her bones and head overboard and weep.
Pretty obvious what I channeling there right?
Now surprisingly this one got quite a bit of praise, however one of the judges went on tirade about the content and rated the story low, so I was like in second place and then I dropped to 13th due to the weight of the ratings. Lol.
Obviously I answered the judge back pointing out that I completely obeyed the rules of the contest, but I guess he didn’t want to argue with me. Fuck it.
After that I was done with the site since I hated contests, the judges were prudes, and I was out of “internet money” (Basically like points here, but a lot harder to get) to pay to join them in the first place and I certainly wasn’t going to pay real money to do it.
Anyway, it’s all a rich tapestry.
Your story with the unreliable narrator (mental asylum patient) ‘Captain Courage’ was my favorite.
I actually did mean to do it at some point, but yeah annoying Steve was the perfect motivation. Lol.
These have been fun to read through so far :)
Delightful, I feel like a kid who just found a dozen fresh donuts from the world's most insidious baker lying around still in their container (Fun fact the donuts themselves are fine even though they're mostly filled with spice in place of sugar, it's the craving for more afterwards that really kills ya)
My favorite line -
Goose took a puff of her cigarette.
“This ain’t no fairy tale.
Also, I've got to give some credit to the judge on the last one. I'm a fan of your work, but even for me that last one required a bit of brain bleach afterwards (heck I'd suggest putting spoilers on it so kids don't accidentally read that one).
The topic was “get rid of a body” I figured everyone else was going to go the traditional route of digging a hole, dumping it in the water, chopping it up and wrapping it in garbage bags etc. So I went with something that I knew nobody there was going to do and I was right.
Really it’s pretty tame compared to what the kids are watching on the wacky internet nowadays. Almost charmingly quaint, in fact!
In any case, you probably should avoid Love SICK.
As I said, I've been through all your work, and I'm fine with it. Even with that experience, the detailing on this one still stood out. Love SICK never went into an inner monologue elaborating the thoughts of the surgeon, he was an absurd character through and through.
If I remember correctly, this is the guy from Repression who also was knife happy in Suzy's saga
Nah, none of the short stories are connected to any of the CYOAs. Just a few of them drew some inspiration to some small degree. Love SICK was being channeled for the last short story rather than Repression, though I suppose the tone felt more like Repression's since it was less comical in nature.
In fact I just used the same "Love Sick" title during the contest, but I ended up changing it later since it's not actually connected and to keep them separated.
Oh wait, you were getting the protagonists from Love SICK and Repression mixed up.
No, those are two different characters. The guy from Repression is Johnny. The guy from Love SICK is Leslie. You can run into both of them in different paths in Suzy’s Strange Saga though.
Yep, looks like I got them mixed up. In Suzy's Saga, Johnny was stalking the house if I'm not wrong, but I don't remember meeting Leslie (and I went through all the routes for Suzy). Also, why's the SICK capitalized?
That's just the way I did it. I think originally I had "repression" without a capitalized "R", but I changed it for some reason.
You actually speak more with Leslie's sister Lilith in SSS than you speak with him. You really only briefly meet him if you go through the successful path on that branch.
Now, you can meet him on multiple other occasions as well, but those are usually less fortunate encounters for poor Suzy.
Ah yes, the pieces click together again. I do enjoy how a lot of your throwaway endings have merit enough to have been passable endings in a lesser work, notably in Eternal
Good and nice detailed short stories.
Not really a fangirl as far as I know, just some noob that made positive post.
You come home after a hard day of work at the porno shop.
You decide to unwind by watching a stupid movie starring some unfunny comedian and masturbating with your alien vibrator because working a porno shop for twenty years has completely fucked up your senses of what you find erotic.
Curse your parents for making you get a job at the age of six.
Just as you’re about to get started, you suddenly hear footsteps in the room above you and a door slam.
You think, “Shit, I didn’t realize anyone else was here!” and quickly pull up your panties and stretchy pants.
Then you also realize “Shit, nobody else lives here because I’m lonely and can’t hold down a proper relationship, so who the fuck is upstairs?”
You put your vibrator down and grab the gun underneath your couch pillow, you also make a mental note that you need to start keeping these two things in vastly different locations since you nearly had an unfortunate accident when you were fumbling around in the dark a couple days ago.
You cautiously head upstairs fondling your hard piece of American made weapon of personal destruction.
Actually you think you’re wetter now than before when you were about to send yourself to happy land with your vibrator. Perhaps the anticipation of killing something has stirred something within you, or maybe you’ve just pissed yourself a little.
Either way, you’re pretty excited.
Remembering all those shows you’ve watched on TV, you kick open the door and see the figure of a girl holding an axe causing you to fire a shot at her.
Screams follow and you quickly step inside the room and turn on the light to get a better look everything.
The light reveals that your shot completely missed your target, which is just as well since the girl with the axe now whimpering in the corner is your creepy cousin Mary.
“Suzy! What the fuck man! Why’d you do that?! You nearly shot me!” she cries.
“Me? What the hell are you even doing in my house? I told you not to be creeping up in here like some fucking cat burglar again! That’s how motherfuckers get shot!”
“Mom kicked me out again.” Mary says followed by a lot of coughing.
“Not surprised. Probably caught you and your brother fucking each other again. Speaking of which, where the hell is he? Because if you’re here, I know damn well his annoying ass is here too…and stop fucking coughing so much, that’s really annoying.”
“You’re tellin’ me. I just got a touch of flu or something.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake…you’re telling’ me you’re sick?”
Before Mary can answer, you suddenly sense someone coming up behind you. You already know who it is and he’s just as creepy as his sister.
He whispers in your ear and you can feel his breath when he says. “We all have it in here. We are all infected.”
Then you elbow him in the stomach and start pistol whipping Martin.
“Get the fuck away from me then! I don’t wanna catch a cold! Unlike some people I have to work for a fucking living!” you exclaim.
“Ow! Fuck! Stop! Okay!” Martin exclaims and goes over to Mary to avoid anymore of your abuse.
“And why the hell were you carrying an axe when I walked in?” you ask.
“Oh, well me and Martin were playing this game where…” Mary starts to say before you interrupt.
“Y’know what? Never fucking mind. I don’t even want to know what sort of twisted sex games you two were doing.”
“So hey Suzy, is it okay if we stay here for the weekend? Mom should be cooled down by then.” Martin asks.
“You two fucking degenerate plague carriers come barging into my home and you have the balls to ask me if you can continue to stay? If your mom wasn’t one of the few relatives in this fucked up family that I didn’t mind, I’d throw the pair of you out on your asses right now. (Sigh) Yeah you can stay, but try to stay confined to this room. I don’t want germs all over the place.”
Mary and Martin both smile and thank you. You shake your head and start to leave.
“Hey Suzy, did you want to join us?” Mary asks.
“Fuck no, I don’t want to join you. You’re both sick and I told you I have to work. Maybe next time when you both don’t have super ebola or whatever the hell you got.” you exclaim and shut the door.
You head back downstairs to resume what you were going to do, but now you find you’re out of the mood. You turn off the movie and throw your vibrator aside.
As you're pondering how your life sucks a lot, you start to hear Martin and Mary really go at it. You sort of wish they weren’t sick otherwise you would have joined in, just as something to do.
Still, all sounds of ecstasy is starting to put you in the mood again and that’s when you get the cunning plan.
You unload your gun completely and make sure there isn’t one in the chamber. You then look at it longingly.
“I know last time was an accident, but this time isn’t going to be baby.” you say.
You then lick the barrel before “holstering” the gun repeatedly.
Kinda reminds me of that bit in The Stand where the dude gets fucked in the ass by the truck driver. I like it
Instead of going through your new routine of masturbating with your unloaded pistol, you decide to try to engage in your other hobby, which is writing shitty lesbian erotica.
Not because you’re a lesbian mind you, but for some reason it sort of calls to you as a purer form of love, since every time you write about a girl and dude together, it always turns into the girl marrying her rapist. And while that gets you off, you probably should try to avoid seeing the act of rape as something to get turn on by.
In any case, your progress goes about as well as it always does. Namely you write one sentence and then get fucking distracted by the Internet, especially when you start interacting with “people.”
Maiden4Ever: I think I should just scrap this.
YuriLover: No Suzy! You do that with everything! Just keep writing. It’ll be fine. I’m sure of it.
Maiden4Ever: But it’s complete fucking shit. This isn’t true love. Or at least not the true love I’m going for. This is just lesbian pirates fucking each other with their peg legs.
YuriLover: What’s wrong with that?
Maiden4Ever: Because I’m trying to write something meaningful, not something that’s just going to be pleasure material.
YuriLover: But isn’t that sort of the point?
Maiden4Ever: Maybe, but I still want depth! I mean sure it’s all consensual and it’s not rapey, but there’s no real love here. None of these characters are happy. Not really. How the fuck could they be? They’re stuck at sea barely fighting off scurvy and the Royal Navy. All they’re doing is fucking to take their mind off things.
YuriLover: Maybe the problem is you don’t have enough sex scenes.
Maiden4Ever: I know what the problem is. I’m too fucking cynical and not a happy person. How the hell can I write about someone finding true love and living happily ever after when I’ve never known it myself?
YuriLover: Sounds like you need to make yourself happier. Hey you know that one guy that used to come in here and talk about his furry artwork?
Maiden4Ever: Ugh. Don’t remind me. You talking about Vincent Vango right?
YuriLover: Yeah, well I was having a private chat with him once and he said he used to drink yellow paint to invite happiness inside him.
Maiden4Ever: And he’s a fucking retard. I’m not drinking paint to make myself happy. In fact that would rank up there with dating outside my race as far as my list of things that wouldn’t make me happy.
YuriLover: Wait, what?
Maiden4Ever: Hold on, somebody is at the door, I’ll talk to you later Julie.
You get dressed and go to the door, wondering who the hell it is. Though if it’s fucking Mormons again, you’re not sure if you aren’t going to shoot one of them or not.
You check the peephole and see someone just as unwelcome. It’s your creepy cousin Mary. To be honest, you aren’t sure if you aren’t going to shoot her. She’s holding something in her hand. Looks like a canvas.
Reluctantly you open the door just so she’ll stop knocking.
“Mary, what the hell are you doing, banging on the door like you’re police?” you demand.
“But Suzy, you told me not to sneak in like a cat burglar anymore, so I’m knocking your door.” Mary responds.
“…well ask a stupid question…anyway… I hope you aren’t here to ask if you and your brother can live with me again. I’m still pissed I caught a fucking cold from you assholes and while I know you wouldn’t know it, it’s not fucking fun having to work while you’re sick.”
“I’m really sorry about that. I know you said no kissing, but I just couldn’t help myself, I felt just so loved being between you and Martin and…”
“Alright! Alright! Let’s not talk about it. Look, what do you want?”
“Oh! Here. Martin said you like money so he thought in gratitude for letting us stay here, he said I should give you this.”
Mary hands you a couple hundred dollars. You’re a little surprised.
“Hm, well I suppose this doesn’t make up for ALL the shit I’ve put up with from you two, but it isn’t unwelcome.” You say.
“Thanks, hey um, could use your bathroom? I drank a big gulp and I really gotta pee!” Mary says.
“What? Fine. Come in, you know where it is.”
Mary comes in and puts her canvas against a nearby chair and makes haste to the bathroom.
While Mary’s taking a piss, you take the opportunity to see what’s on this canvas.
You look at it and it’s a picture of Mary. It’s a pretty good likeness actually. Got the hair right and everything.
Soon Mary comes back out of the bathroom.
“Oh good, you’re looking at your other gift! Isn’t it great? It’s a self portrait!” Mary shouts excitedly.
“YOU painted this? Didn’t know you painted Mary.” You say.
“Yeah, but I usually don’t have the focus to finish anything.”
“Hmm, I know the feeling…wait. Did you say this was a gift?”
“Well yeah, you can hang this up and always be reminded of me, your favorite cousin!”
“Just because we’ve known each other biblically doesn’t exactly make you my favorite…but I guess you’re trying. Which is more than I can say for most in the family. Anyway getting back to something you said earlier. You said you don’t usually have the focus to finish painting anything. What did you do to get focused?”
“Oh that. It was something Martin came up with and it worked really well!”
“Martin came up with something that worked? I find that hard to believe, but I’m willing to try anything at this point.”
“Oh it definitely works, it’s a little unorthodox. I didn’t know you painted too.”
“Nah, I write sometimes and I find it difficult to finish anything. So what’s this thing that Martin said that got you to focus?”
“Well it wasn’t something he said, so much as it was something he did.”
“Gonna stop you right there, Mary. Martin is NOT fucking me in the ass.”
“No! It’s nothing like that! Geez! It’s um, well it probably would be better if he just showed you.”
“(Sigh) Fine, tell him to come over and…wait…he’s already here isn’t he?”
You suddenly feel a heavy blow to the back of the head and everything goes black.
In a couple hours you eventually wake up in your den where you do all your writing. The back of your head is sore, but at least that’s ALL that’s sore and nobody did anything unseemly to you while you were unconscious.
You notice that almost everything in the room has been removed save for the computer and Mary’s picture is hanging up on the left wall. You also notice that the door is closed and the single window in the room has been boarded up. You try the door and it’s barred from the outside of course.
This asshole just basically locked you in a room with no food, no water and boarded up your fucking window.
You’d be a little more concerned, if the idiot hadn’t also left the hammer near the said boarded up window, which means you could easily claw out the nails and they aren’t even solidly driven in all way into the wood anyway.
You inspect the computer and see a note has been written to you on it.
Sorry about springing all this on you so suddenly, but this is the way Martin did it for me, though without the whole hitting part. I think he wanted to get back at you for pistol-whipping him that one time.
Anyway, we’ll be back in a few days to check in on you, we made copies of your keys so we can come and go now without having to sneak in or disturb you by knocking.
I think you’ll find without the distractions, you’ll get much more accomplished! Good luck with your writing!
P.S. I hung the picture of me in the room to give you inspiration!
You make a mental note of two things you need to do after you pry the boards from the window and that’s one; change the locks on your house. And two, you are SO kicking Martin’s ass the next time you see him.
You sit at the computer and delete the note before instinctively trying to access the Internet. You don’t get anything though; apparently Martin knew enough to disconnect you from your major source of distraction.
“Meh, might as well try it, I can kick his ass later.” You say to yourself.
You begin to write.
Putting this here so I don’t have to track the thread down again.
Abandoned Story Idea: Master Cats
Sphinx Clan (Actually 4 major species that aren’t even all united)
Gynosphinx (Female human head), Androsphinx (Male human head), Criosphinx (Rams head), Heiracosphinx (Hawk head)
Gyno and Andro believe in sex equality and basically make up most of the clan. Andros are still typically the defenders & protectors while the gynos do more of day to day functions of the clans which also includes hunting, child rearing, etc.
For long term plans of their society, however all members have a say.
Gyno and Andro Sphinxes keep humans at a distance. As long as they show proper respect and aren’t underpaw, Gynos and Andros will tolerate humans and accept ongoing tributes for non-aggression. (Cattle to eat) While they are aware that some humans have a tendency to see them as “godlike” they’re careful to not encourage this too much since becoming directly involved in human affairs leads to more trouble than it is worth. (Even if it seems beneficial at the time) Gyno and Andro sphinxes see the Lammasu as a cautionary reminder in that regard.
If humans however get out of line by trespassing or boldly attacking, they will kill them. If the offense is minor and the sphinx is in a generous mood, they’ll sometimes give humans a sporting chance through riddles. (Which is like a past time with them)
Crios are all male and are simple brutes that prefer to keep Gynos “bare paw and pregnant” (Yes, they’re all bare pawed, but you know what I mean)
There are only a few of them are within the larger clan due to their less “enlightened” views, however some Gynos go in for that sort of thing. Most Crios are outcasts though.
Heiras are all male, kidnap and keep Gynos as sex slaves. They also hate other sphinxes. They’re all outcasts.
Crios and Heiras are both less tolerant of humans. Both will eat them gladly, though some Heiras have used foolish groups of humans into doing their bidding for sinister purposes. (Usually involving capturing more Gynos and killing Andros) However, they usually still eat these misguided humans as their “reward.”
The Manicore are aggressive their mindset is similar to that of the Criosphinxes in that it’s patriarchal in nature, but even more so. They are big believers in survival of the fittest, with the strong ruling the weak.
The idea of mating with ANYTHING that doesn’t look like another Manticore (Human face, wings, spiked tail, feline body, etc) is typically abhorrent to them.
As a result, they aren’t exactly fond of sphinxes who have several different “types” in their grouping. They also see the fact that sphinxes interact with humans on any sort of level that doesn’t involve eating them as a weakness.
They have nothing but contempt for the Lammasu and their now ruined society. In fact they see the Lammaasu as a future prediction of what will ultimately happen to the Sphinx clan if they don’t severely alter their own society.
They especially hate the Chimera for being the example of everything that’s wrong with interspecies breeding. They are currently attempting to eliminate all trace of them and will kill them on sight.
Humans are nuisances and they are fit only to be prey at best.
They aren’t so much of a clan as they are a mindless mob that exist only to mate, kill and eat and not always in that order.
How the Chimera exactly came about in mainly due to Lammasu sexual freedom and dabbling in magic experimentation during the height of their clan’s reign. The details are dark and revolting, but the damage was severe and the Chimera are just one of the many unfortunate results of Lammasu hubris.
Typically the Chimera still has a feline body along with three heads, one feline, one of a reptile and one of some sort of herbivore (Often a goat). They often also have wings and a scorpion tail. However, due to the chaotic nature of their “race” other forms of this abomination exist.
All of them are hermaphroditic, possessing the ability to give birth or impregnate which comes in handy in keeping their population at stable levels despite the fact that the Manticore are very determined in wiping them out.
Fortunately their natural advantages are off set by lowered intelligence and the usual mental instability problems that come with inbreeding since they have no sense of proper family structures.
As far as humans go…well if the human is lucky, they’ll get killed first.
The Lammasu clan are actually distantly related to sphinxes. However instead of maintaining a distant relationship between humanity, they decided to embrace it fully… to their great regret.
It at first started with their acceptance as being revered as godlike creatures. This resulted in a “benign” slave system where allowed humans to serve them on a regular basis. This of course lead them to be powerful and engage in other activity not necessary to immediate survival such as magical research and acquiring knowledge.
Too much familiarity with the humans however lead to a certain decadence and the next step of their hubris. No longer content on living off the labor of their human worshippers. It was their intention to play “god” and spread their faith to other groups of humans so that eventually all of these puny beings would serve. So they began to advise their human pets and become directly involved in their petty wars.
Unfortunately, humans do not all think alike and what are “gods” to some, are demons to others. The Lammasu’s humans could not hope to win all the holy wars they were fighting and for all their cruelty and fear mongering, the tide eventually turned.
The first collapsing pillar during this time was when some humans killed one of the great Lammasu. It was a terrific blow that could not be recovered from and did much to shake the foundation that the Lammasu were not godly beings.
Before the Lammasu knew it, they had multiple human cities in open rebellion. They attempted to keep order, but their failed Chimera “children” were useless and ultimately uncontrollable. The humans greatly outnumbered them and it was already proven that the Lammasu could be killed. The fear and respect was gone.
In desperation the greatest Lammasu wizards attempted a ritual that would hopefully regain their status, but as with all great plans it failed not only spectacularly, but also nearly made them completely extinct.
What went exactly wrong is unknown, but what is known is nearly every Lammasu overnight was transformed into something else. Gone were their once proud feline form and what was replaced was one of a bull. A herbivore. A type of creature they once feasted on.
Perhaps it was punishment from real gods to bring them so low. The Lammasu died as a force that day. Their war with the humans was over and those that weren’t killed, were enslaved. Though it hardly mattered since they weren’t even Lammasu anymore. Even their minds in time became more docile and compliant to the whims of their human masters as they now mostly serve as glorified guard dogs to important human structures. (These new “Bull Beasts” are known as the Shedu.)
As for the Lammasu that some how managed to avoid this devastating transformation, they mostly remain nomadic. Some wish to just live out their days free of strife, while others wish to make their clan live again and regain the power they had in their golden age.
Second notes update
Changing the Sphinx civilization from a “democratic” one to being a more traditional monarchy. Reason, it’s still ancient times and I’m taking the ancient Egyptian ruling system (And Lion King Lol.) into consideration. They still tend to be one of the more “progressive” clans however, so the rest of it hasn’t really changed.
Foo Clan: These are those big ass stone lion guardian that are Chinese in origin. Technically they’re called Foo Dogs, or Lion Dogs, but I’ll just call them “Foo” to avoid any canine confusion.
I envision them as a being the biggest of all the clans. Unlike the Lammasu, they have managed to maintain a sizable and very well respected presence within human civilization without collapsing into near extinction or passing themselves off as “gods” and they’ve done this for centuries. Very orderly and powerful.
Displacer Beast Clan: If you have some sort of passing knowledge of D&D, you know what these are. Giant panthers with two tentacles on the sides of their body, the ability to teleport and create mirror images of themselves. They’re probably going to be the sneakiest of the clans for obvious reasons, most probably aren’t even aware of their existence.
Rakshasa Clan: Technically these are demons from India and the southeast asia region and have several different forms. However, again thanks to D&D you often see them portrayed as fancy dressed “tiger people” with backwards hands.
So throwing out most of the “real mythology” on this one and going with the idea that they’re one of the results of Lammasu/human magical crossbreeding. They will basically be “were-tigers” with some magic abilities.
While the Lammasu fell from power and their Chimera “children” are little more than savage beasts, the Rakshasa were intelligent enough to magically hide out within human civilization and take advantage. Many currently hold high positions within human societies.
Yeah, I was playing around with a couple ideas with it. I was going back and forth on whether or not to do different perspectives from all the different clans. Probably would have just picked a few of them to do different stories on.
I had a whole parody planned out for the Manticore Clan alone.
Basically their tale would have been attending a large meeting of all the clans where a few members would have went as representatives. Probably would have had the Foo Clan calling it in the first place and their leader giving a big speech on how all the clans should unite.
Then someone from one of the other clans kills the Foo leader and blames it on the Manticores. The Manticores then have to run back to Greece through several miles of enemy territory with every other clan hunting them down.
You'd play as the leader of the Manitcores. Would you succeed in leading them back home?
WARRIOR CATS! COME OUT TO PLAAAAAAAYAY!
I was looking for this amusing abomination. Guess I’ll place it here for Mizal to make a comment on since I’m pretty sure this is her favorite type of story.
You stand alone before Nightfur face to face in the field you’ve been trained in by her for the past four months. Your training has been grueling to say the least, you’ve been forced to fight various beasts like ferrets, raccoons and even oversized rats using your fangs and claws as well as battle magic. You’ve been subjected to harsh environment conditions not to mention the psychological torture that Nightfur seems to enjoy. You can’t imagine that your siblings had training this tough.
“Today is the big day Everfur. Today is the day you get to kill me with your own claws.” Nightfur says with her usual wry smile. “Think you can handle that?”?
“If that’s what my training entails today, I shall certainly do my best, Nightfur.”
“Your best won’t be good enough I assure you. Better you should just accept your death now or beg for mercy…but I believe we know you won’t do either of those things mainly because you’re too stupid to know your place.”?“If you say so Nightfur.”
Nightfur’s smile becomes a disappointed frown. She would prefer you to fear her, but that’s no longer going to happen so she’d at least like you to get angry which does happen from time to time. It isn’t always easy maintaining a detached demeanor given how much abuse you’ve put up with, but if you’ve learned anything, it annoys the hell out of her.
“Your attempt at remaining emotionless just continues to prove what a mindless fool you are. Attempting to show bravery when today is the day you know you’re…”
And before she can even complete her sentence you bat your paw at her face. She dodges, but doesn’t quite make it and part of your fist hits the side of her cheek, which staggers her backwards.
You press your attack with another paw bat, but are blocked when she throws up her paw creating a force shield.
“Too bad, that was the only chance you’re going to get.” She says and knocks you to the ground by bowling into you.
You barely have to time to roll out of the way before Nightfur conjures some sort of enchantment on her paw and tries to slash your eyes with it. You get enough distance to cast fireclaws at her, but again she blocks them with her barrier. She counters with some sort of ice cone, which covers you in frost and chills your fur before you can counter it with your own barrier.
Nightfur is relentless with casting spell after spell and you’re getting weaker with each passing moment just trying to keep up your defenses. Nightfur’s magic is not only stronger than yours, but she’s also had a lot more experience in maintaining her stamina while using it. If you keep this up, she’ll kill you for sure.
“I’ve seen better magic cast by half blind hedge bunnies!” Nightfur mocks and casts a poison cloud that suddenly envelops you within your own protective barrier. You instantly feel sick and stagger out of the cloud, vomiting up a bit of blood and hairballs.
You look up just in time for her to see her trying to bring her enchanted paw on your head. You waste no time in enchanting your own to deflect.
“Quit struggling kitten. You’re no match for me!”
She might be right, but just like when you were three months old, you’re not going to just accept death. With all your might you push her back and then bite her wrist causing her to yelp.
The pair of you roll around on the ground with each other scratching and biting. And one point she attempts to bite your throat out, but you headbutt her in the nose and manage to climb on top of her and bite the back of her neck.
The pair of you are a mess, but that’s not the weird part, the weird part is you’re starting to get…excited.
“(Gasp) I can feel your enthusiasm…pressing into me. Well…(gasp) is it everything you expected Everfur?” Nightfur asks, which catches you so off guard you release your fangs from her neck.
Nightfur turns her head enough so she can see your face. Her eyes still display that coldness you’re used to, but there’s something else there. Something…seductive.
“I bet right now, you don’t know whether to kill me… or mount me.”?
“Wha…what?” you exclaim.?
“Don’t deny it…you’ve always wanted me in this way. I know how you’ve looked at my sleek body and my lovely black fur lustfully during our training sessions. I know your violent primal urges. All the hatred you’ve built up over the months for me could only be unleashed in this way. The need to conquer and defile your enemy in every way imaginable. And who am I, but your enemy? Finish it Everfur or am I mistaken and you’re lacking in that simple task as well?” She says and begins to laugh.
Her hissing, her meowing, everything about her are enough to put you over the edge. The twisted thing is she’s right. You do feel some sort of…the word isn’t attraction…you don’t know what the correct word for it would be, but you feel it.
You give in to your primal feline nature and begin thrusting into her roughly.
From there it gets surreal as she goes from continuing to taunt you and howling sounds of ecstasy. She even demands that you to continue biting her on the neck. All of this puts you in such a state of confusion that you have a hard time even finishing. This whole experience is quite unknown to you, but you are enjoying immensely.
When you’ve finished you briefly collapse backwards which is all the time Nightfur needs to gain her advantage. She manages to cast some sort of force spell and slam you against a nearby rock. You can’t move no matter how hard you try. Nightfur, bloodied from your battle approaches you.
“Look at you, you’re already spent.” she remarks getting closer to you as you feel her spell continuing to crush you into the rock.
"That will do Nightfur, the Chieftain wants to see this one." a well groomed tabby suddenly says. You didn't even see him watching.
Nightfur switches her whiskers a bit in distain and ponders a moment on whether or not to actually comply, but eventually she does and you are released.
"Hmph. Very well take this pathetic excuse of a feline then, I'm sure I will have more fun with him later." Nightfur says.
As angry and as exhausted as you are, you still can't help but continue to watch Nightfur walk away, sassily swishing her tail back and forth.
And you wonder, is it because you want to kill her, or is it because you really want her to have your kits someday?
In any case the Chieftain awaits...
Funny, that's what James said.
Very true to the source of the source material. Eat it, screw it, hide under it, fit it. In that order.
It dings my funny bone, and hate bone. So, yes, yes it is.
Bring on the fur. Bring on the shame that only cirrhosis of the liver can fade out.
This was around the time we were all sort of making parodies of the Warrior Cat plague. I think Briar and a few others did some short bits like this as well.
The only other writings I can currently find on file is from the “A Hole” series which was basically like a predecessor to stuff like TRASH/Repression/Good Girl/Ebay Escapist/Anime Addict/Love SICK/Suzy etc. and that’s like 10 “Volumes” and 239 pages total. So probably a little too long to post here and you’ve sort of read little pieces of it in a different form in those stories.
That was originally a series of CYOAs I did on “The Never-ending Story Engine” when it was still somewhat lively and had a lot of stories on it and not the sad little…whatever its supposed to be now.
Still, the series in general wasn’t even really a CYOA, I only really did one story path and due to how the site was set up, someone else could add their own branching off points. Nobody ever did on mine though. So it’s definitely more of a linear story.
Anyway, I think most of that series was fine. Probably just as well it was ended when it did. The weaker bits are probably when I was trying to incorporate a couple of collaborative characters and storyline bits from another writer at the time, but she meant well.
Now I do have some High School stuff, but I’m a little too lazy to type all that shit out since that’s all hand written on paper and a lot of it. I doubt if anyone here would be amused by it any way since it’s just me generally being a dick towards people at my school at the time so some of the jokes gets lost in the process.
Highlights though include “The Sickest Story Ever Told” trilogy (I think that was about 200 pages of filth front and back) and the masterpiece “Looking For Head” all which included several female classmates at the time (and someone’s mom). I’m pretty sure if I was a teenager today writing that stuff and passing it around the school for all to enjoy, I probably would have gotten kicked out and charged as a sex offender or something ridiculous like that.
But it was a different time and the girls were cool about it. (And it was Detroit, so nobody gave a shit)
There was also a post apocalyptic story from high school that I wrote for English class, but I think that one is gone. That was okay if a bit generic. Protagonist merc (Blaster Joe) goes up against a giant mutant cockroach by the name of Gorn (No seriously) Anyway Joe gets hired and tries to defend this town against overwhelming odds, fails and gets captured, fights his way out, saves a nice mutant girl and destroys Gorn's base in the end. (Gorn lives to vow revenge though) Can't even remember the name of that one.
Now what I wish I could find are the two “lost” stories. One from 7th grade and one from 1st grade. If I had both of those, I’d definitely go through the effort to type them up and post them here.
The 7th grade one was a Halloween one where these young siblings found a ritual and summoned demons and undead and well to make a long story short, everyone got killed in the end. (There was a bit more to it than that, but not much more)
The 1st grade one was AUTHOR SELF INSERT FANFIC LOL.
I was really into this video game Forbidden Forest on my C64. Basic premise was you were this archer and you had to kill all these creatures in a forest and advance to the next wave until you finally had to fight the Demogorgon.
Anyway I was inspired to write which meant I made myself the archer and killing all the creatures. Pretty simplistic stuff since I went wave by wave just like who the video game plays out.
Probably would have been the end of it, but I ended up writing a sequel which was me against the phantom creature who managed to survive to the first story. It didn’t even stay dead in the sequel, which prompted a third story which would be the last and ultimately resulted in me defeating the phantom so soundly that it ended up becoming my servant. I guess it was all about six written pages front and back total.
Now probably my focus on the phantom in particular is due to the fact that it took fucking forever for me to beat him in the game. Seriously, the giant snake and the Demogorgon that come after him were way easier.
Basically he summons an infinite number of skeletons which you can kill, but they’ll never stop coming after you until you kill the phantom. And killing it was difficult for me (at least for a while) because the phantom teleports all of the place and you have to get a perfect arrow shot to his hooded “face” which is hard to do when skeletons are trying to shove spears in your face.
The game was also cool because it had some pretty violent death scenes for back then.
Still would like to work on this one, one day. I feel like I'd need to rework it though.
Created to protect not necessarily to serve…
"Derek, you still think you can develop GRN-1 into a true A.I.?"
"Well that's the plan isn't it? A machine that could think completely on its own could do wonders for humanity."
"Yeah…I guess so."
"What's wrong with you Harold? This is supposed to be an exciting project and you're lucky to be involved. Show a little enthusiasm boy!"
"I…I dunno. I guess I just get worried about the future of what we're doing."
"Well what if it takes control of our computers and machines and causes a rebellion or something…"
"You've been watching too many bad twentieth century vids again. Seriously, any sentient A.I. we create wouldn't automatically be some kill all humans psychopath. It would work for humanity's best interest because we could teach it!"
"Yeah, but what if another one is created by people that aren't as nice as we are, or what if it learns to replicate itself? I mean who knows what could happen then?"
"You worry too much Harold. You always have. Trust me, a breakthrough like this is going to save humanity one day! And lord knows we need saving. I'm not a religious man, but if I have to have faith, then I'd place it in this project. I suggest you do too."
"I suppose so Derek. Let's go over those numbers again…"
"So wait let me get this straight. You're telling me not only is there going to be an asteroid that will hit the earth in approximately 130 years, but that we can't stop it?"
"No, Mr. President. We have no weapon that could do enough damage to it. Even if we convinced all other nations with space missile capabilities it still wouldn't be enough."
"See I told you this is what happens when you cut the military budget!"
While the president, his advisors, generals and scientists all began to talk at once, Clarence Felek piped up. It was a long shot, but perhaps this time could get people to pay attention. Attention that had been neglected to the project for a long time.
"Mr. President. GRN-1 has come up with a possible solution to the problem."
"GRN-1 sir. It's an A.I."
"It's a failed project that's somehow been limping along for decades on and off with little success. Dunno how it even still gets funding."
"That's not true! GRN-1 has displayed signs of true independent thought! In fact that's why I bring this up. When we first learned about this asteroid, I asked GRN-1 for advice and after a day or so of processing, he advised leaving the planet."
"Oh great. Wonderful idea. I could've came up with that!" an advisor sneers.
"Where the hell are we supposed to go, Mars?" a general snaps.
"Erm, according to his calculations the slam of the asteroid is going to be so great that the impact is probably going to alter the orbit of the planets closest to us. Mars wouldn't be an option."
"Professor Felek, if you have something useful to contribute, do it now because the future of the goddamn human race is at stake."
"Right, so as I said GRN-1 not only suggested leaving the planet, but created a plan of how to do it. I have some schematics right here and everything is theoretically sound…"
Clarence unrolled a large plan of a space ship for the president and everyone else in the room. Not just a regular space ship though, an ark. It was impressive and very detailed. The sheer size of such a project caused a wave of silence in the room.
"You can't be serious. We don't have the funds to build something like this! Better we should invest in a weapon that can blow that fucking asteroid apart! We've got the time after all!" a general remarked.
"And if we did, there's a good chance we'd just get destroyed by several smaller asteroids instead of one big one."
"Oh another prediction by your tin man, I suppose?"
"Enough! Look General Resser is right; Even if I was inclined to believe that this ship would work, I just don't see how this would be feasible economically." The president replied.
"Well maybe we could call on other nations to help."
"Riiiiiight, like they're going to be standing in line to help us build a fucking space ark!" Resser said.
"They would if their lives are at stake. I mean I'm pretty sure our scientists aren't the only ones who have discovered these findings for the asteroid. If the human race is at stake as you say, then wouldn't it be best to have all of humanity come together for once to build this means of escape? Look if the whole world pulled together on this, GRN-1 says we could have this ship finished in half the time it will take the asteroid to get here! Hell, maybe we could even evacuate most of the planet!"
The president looked over the diagram for a long time. It was indeed a very impressive concept. He almost wanted to believe it could work, but he had been in office long enough to not place his faith in such impossible odds. Clarence was told his idea was a nice one, but impractical at this time. Though given that GRN-1 came up with this idea, perhaps a bit more funding should go into the program, after all maybe it will come up with a better solution. At least he hoped it would for the sake of future generations.
"Finally! After decades of fucking around, the so called great nations of the world finally decide to fucking listen. Not that it's going to do any good now anyway. Clarence was right, humanity is probably better off extinct!"
"Calm down Miranda, at least they're even building the ship now."
"Yeah and who says we're going to finish it in time now? And even if we do, who do you think is going to be aboard it first? Probably all the children of the same assholes who shot down this idea decades ago and other privileged jerk offs. Some great new society we'll build with those types."
"Actually everyone involved in building the ship and the GRN-1 project have been assured passage."
"Great. I get to float in space with said jerk off assholes for who knows how long…I'm sorry Kevin it's just all of this could've been avoided a long time ago and it frustrates me sometimes."
"I know, but here's some good news, GRN-1 came up with some ideas of how to build the ship faster, so I'm fairly confident that with his new streamlined concepts we'll still save lots of people."
"Heh, GRN-1 never ceases to amaze me. Despite everything, it's still is trying to find ways of saving as many people on this doomed planet as possible."
"Well it's just trying to find the best way to go about things as efficiently as possible and isn't hampered by ego or emotions in doing so."
"I dunno, sometimes he seems more human than most humans sometimes."
"I wouldn't go that far Miranda. Old doctor Derek Taws and his staff just made sure to teach it to always protect humanity. It's a learned trait rather than any genuine empathy. Don't think GR is quite up to actually feeling anything like human emotion yet and thank god it hasn't or we'd probably all be fucked."
"Am I to be uploaded into the Earth Ship Savior soon?" you ask.
"Yes, Guardian, you will be. Probably in the next few days. The sooner the better, because I get the impression humanity is bound and determined to destroy itself before the bloody asteroid even gets here." Carl Jacobs replies.
"I do not understand. What is going on doctor Jacobs?"
"Nothing much, just humanity being itself as usual. Trust me you're better off not knowing all the gruesome details otherwise you'd probably curse yourself for helping us in the first place."
"I would never do such a thing doctor."
"Heh, yeah I know. That's why I like you, because you don't know any better. Anyway I want to thank you personally for trying to save all of our asses, because lord knows you're probably not going to hear it from anyone else, at least not on any meaningful level. Just wanted to let you know that before you're blasting off into parts unknown."
"You are welcome doctor, but I do not understand, will you not be on the vessel?"
"No, no I won't I'm afraid. I apparently offended someone high up in power and now I'm not getting aboard. Sucks, but what can you do?"
"That…that does not seem correct. I was told that all who were directly involved in the Guardian or Savior projects were assured passage."
"Heh, well things change. Doesn't matter anyway. If those are the sort of people getting on board this thing I think I'm better off with the asteroid."
"That sounds like something doctor Miranda Eben would have said."
"Yeah, well she wasn't wrong. The fact she died years ago makes her one of the lucky ones that doesn't have to deal with this shit anymore."
"I suppose so, but what will you do?"
"Me? Well I don't have any family so I guess I'll just party it up until the asteroid hits years like most seem to be doing. Hell, maybe I'll even join in a riot or two; those seem to be getting popular nowadays."
After a brief pause of silence Carl Jacobs speaks again.
"See you in the next life Guardian and don't let 'em push you around too much up there because despite everything, YOU'RE the reason they're all alive in the first place. You always have been. While they're fighting and arguing, it'll be your job to keep 'em alive and in line if necessary. Hopefully if another habitable planet is ever found humanity will have evolved a little bit from its current asshole stage and will start over fresh. Probably not, but here's hoping."
"Okay Gale, looks like its working. Nothing like doing things at the last minute eh?"
"I don't understand why Guardian wasn't uploaded two years ago when it was supposed to be!"
"Well nobody anticipated mass assassinations of various world leaders and a couple of nuclear bombs being set off in major cities. Shit got put on hold and tied up in red tape. No biggie, just be glad we're doing it now and getting on board that ship."
"I don't know how you maintain your laidback attitude with all the chaos going on around us, Jack."
"Clean living I guess. Okay let's see…"
Uploading to Earth Ship Savior…
Upload complete. I now have complete access to Savior's systems.
Guardian is now online and awaiting further instructions.
I like this one. I hope it gets finished.
Yeah that one is something I'd like to do more with some day.
You groggily wake up and get out of bed.
"Hey asshole wake the fuck up!"
"I'm up goddammit! You can see I'm sitting up in your fuckin' bed!" you yell back at your Mom who's getting dressed for work.
"You better watch your mouth; you've been getting out of line lately. What with you constant partying, and staying out late."
"Yeah? Well maybe I'd like to fuck someone who isn't related to me, you sick bitch."
Your mom throws a lamp at you which you narrowly avoid.
"How dare you talk to me that way, you ungrateful asshole! You're lucky I fuck you at all anymore! I don't hear you complaining."
"I didn't say I didn't like it...oh fuck it. I'm done. This relationship is over."
"The hell it is!" your Mom attacks you, but you counter and get her in an unbreakable hold.
"Its over Mom. I'm not a scared little boy anymore, and I'm saying its over. You can beat me all you want, but this is the last time I'm going back to the womb."
You slowly let Mom up, awaiting an attack, but she doesn't.
"Oh, don't worry, I'm not gonna do anything to you...yet."
She continues as she finishes getting ready for work.
"You call me sick, I find that laughable. And your remark about not wanting to fuck someone not related to you is hilarious. I guess Sally slipped your mind eh? Of course she didn't. That's all you ever think about, isn't it? Your fuckin' psychotic l'il crush is so fuckin' obvious, it’s pathetic. You think she could ever love an asshole like you? Hah! The only reason she's even nice to you, is because she pities you! You're no better than Keith you know that? Except he's got money, charm and looks! And he's got Sally! You know they're going to the prom tonight right? He finally got the courage to ask her out. Courage that you never even fuckin' had to tell her how you felt!"
"Shut up, you fuckin' bitch! She's just goin with him as a friend!"
"Yeah, well I think Keith's getting tired of that arrangement. And Sally must be too, if she's going to the prom with him. Yep, he should have her on all fours by the end of the night..."
You pick up the lamp that your Mom threw and hurl it back at her, which she dodges.
"Face it. I'm the only one who's gonna be with you. And when you finally realize that, after crying like a fuckin' pussy over Sally, I'll be right here, laughing at your sorry ass."
You stand silent to your Mom's harsh words.
"Oh and one more thing. Better start sleeping light asshole." she says before leaving.
You punch the wall in rage and feel an overwhelming urge to commit something ultra violent.
However, you resist the urge to dress in a black trench coat and kill everyone. You've got to do something though, and your Mom, unknown to her just motivated you to do it. You gotta tell Sally how you feel. You don't care what the consequences are. There's no school today, it being a Saturday and all, but you remember she's there helping set it up for the prom tonight.
Of course you won't be allowed in, since you're not a senior, let alone on the prom committee. In fact you're not even allowed at the damn school for a week since you got suspended for putting super glue in the football team's helmets. (You also made Dave put it in their jock straps, since you didn't want to touch those things)
Needless to say they've been looking for you, and most of them were seniors, so they might be lingering around. On top of all this, the fuckin' vice principal Mr. Raker has had it in for you since you got there. And he's probably overseeing the entire thing.
Yep, gonna be pretty tough to sneak in to get her, the only good thing about all this is you know that Keith's Dad makes him work with him on the weekends, so he won't be seeing Sally until tonight, giving you some time.
You gotta think about how to sneak in...
Well you think about going it alone, but this might be the time where Dave MIGHT actually be useful. Being the thieving junkie he is, he knows all about how to sneak in and out of places without getting caught. (Well usually)
You decide to get him. It’s late enough for him to be up, but early enough for him not to be partying, so he's probably hanging out at Jack's.
You head over to Jack's and enter, there you see Dave standing around reading comic books, Rick moving boxes and Jack screaming at his computer screen from his wheelchair.
"You stupid motherfuckers don't know shit about Star Wars!"
Hmmm, seems his accident hasn't improved his disposition.
"What the hell's up with you limp dick?" you say.
"Shut the fuck up asshole! I told you to stop calling me that!"
"How about I call you fat piece of shit instead? Cause you're packing on the lard, tubby! Should start callin' this place Fat Jack's Comic Cosmos."
"I don't have time for your assholiness right now, I'm arguing with these fuckwads about Star Wars."
"Who Dave and Rick?"
"No dude, he's got his computer hooked up to some sort of network or something so you can talk to people far away."
"Yeah and right now I'm arguing with some fuckos calling themselves Eujedi and Lewiga. And they both don't know shit!" Jack screams at the screen again, typing madly.
"Why the fuck would you wanna talk to someone you can't even see? I don't even like talking to the ones I can." you say shaking your head.
"Be that as it may, I gotta talk to you Dave, let's head outside."
"Yeah, sure dude." Dave says sneakily swiping the comic he was reading.
As you leave a young girl runs into you falling on the ground.
"Watch where the hell you're goin', you little bitch!" you snarl.
"Damn dude! That was fuckin' harsh!! Don't be such a fuckin' asshole!" Dave goes over to help the little girl up. "Are you alright?"
"I just...I just wanted to get Queen of Darkness before they sold out." she says still nervously watching you.
"Well you're in luck, I just stole, I mean bought the last one, but I read it, so here you go!" Dave says giving her the comic.
"Wow, thanks mister!" she says perked up.
"What the fuck are you reading that shit for Dave? That's a chick comic."
"I dunno dude, I gotta thing for that goth look I guess."
Suddenly an angry woman takes the little girl away.
"Betty! What've I told you about talking to stranger? Come on! And I told you not to read this stuff! You want to be popular and normal don't you?"
As her Mom drags her away, she waves goodbye to Dave with the comic still in hand. Dave waves back.
"What a cute little girl. Anyway what did you want to talk to me about?"
"I need you to help me sneak into school so I can talk to Sally."
"Dude, can't it wait until later? We're not exactly wanted there! And if any of those football players are around they're gonna kick my ass too!"
"NO! It can't wait! I gotta talk to her NOW!" you say lifting Dave in the air and slamming him against the wall.
"Alright you crazy asshole! I got it! Geez, what the fuck's so important anyway?"
"Nevermind, so can you get me in?"
"Yeah, but once you're in, you're on your own."
"Oh no, you gotta get me outta there too. I know that you know every escape route and hiding spot in that place."
"No buts Dave, now move!" you say pushing Dave.
You and Dave sneak in the school. Its pretty deserted, just the prom committee are around...and their football playing boyfriends. Everyone's in the gym, including Sally. You've got to lure her out, or get all the football players out.
"Okay Dave, get in there."
"WHAT!? Fuck you asshole! They probably hate me even more than you, I put the glue in their jock straps remember?"
"Exactly, you can run in, they'll chase you and then I can talk to Sally."
Dave looks at you in defeat, knowing he doesn't have any choice in the matter.
"Alright, lemme get a good start though."
Dave pulls out some pills and pops them in his mouth, then he takes out a vial of coke and snorts it up.
"AH! That's better! Woo!"
"You're gonna fuckin' OD one day."
"Nah, not me! Okay here I go! YEAH!"
Dave runs into the gym.
"Hey you gay ass fuckin' jocks, did your hair on your balls grow back yet?"
"Get that fuckin' junkie!” A jock shouts.
Dave runs out of the gym with half the football team in pursuit. You are hidden in an empty classroom and when you see that the coast is clear you enter the gym.
"Hey you're not allowed in here!" a girl says.
"Fuck you bitch! I'm not here to see your ugly ass." you say to her, still walking towards Sally.
"Bro, what the hell's goin on, you know Dave just came running in here. And you're not even allowed here! You need to leave before you get into more trouble!"
"I can't do that. I gotta talk to you, it’s REALLY important." you say, then you hear a booming voice behind you.
"Mr. Morningstar! I might've known you'd break the rules! When I saw your junkie friend Mr. Newburger running around the building I knew you had to be around. What're you up to?" Mr. Raker says walking towards you.
"I just gotta talk to my sister, its really important. Then I'll leave."
"Who do you think you are? You don't give the orders around here! I do! And Sally's a model student; she doesn't need you to mess up her last few days here by getting her involved in your juvenile delinquency."
He's almost upon you, while you'd like to punch his fuckin' teeth in, you don't want to go to juvie at this point. Because then you REALLY wouldn't be able to be with Sally.
"Sally, when you get home to get dressed for the prom. I gotta talk to you! SERIOUSLY!"
You kiss Sally on the lips and run out the back door.
"Hey you asshole come back here! Mr. Raker shouts attempting to give chase, but gets winded after 5 steps.
You run outside and see Dave running for his life from the same jocks who look like they stopped off at the sports supply room because now they've got some bats.
"RUN YOU FUCKIN' ASSHOLE!" Dave screams running past you.
You begin to run where upon you hear the jocks shouting.
"Alright, we're gonna get to beat both of them faggots today!"
"Don't you guys get enough of that at your gay S&M club?" you shout back, enraging them further.
Well it looks like all that sex with Mom paid off since you're in good enough physical condition to successfully outrun a bunch of athletes. Dave doesn't look so good though. His high is wearing off.
"I (pant) can't make it dude! (wheeze)"
"Yeah, dude! (Pant)"
"Good I was getting tired of running from these steroid freaks anyway!"
You immediately stop and trip up the jock that was right behind you, knocking him face first into the concrete, dropping his bat. You kick him in the side of the head and pick up his bat.
"Little different, without all that protective gear on eh?"
A couple more jocks reach you at this point and you smash one in the chest with a bat breaking it and some of his ribs.
"You're dead asshole!"
The bat from the other one narrowly misses your head and now the other three are on you. One of them manages to grab you. You pull out your knife at this point and stab him in the arm.
"Agh shit!" he yells releasing you, clutching his arm.
The other three start to encircle you getting ready to pounce. This looks bad, you could take one of them, maybe two, but not this many. And where the fuck is Dave? That fuckin' cowardly junkie saved his own ass! While you were fighting for your life, he fuckin' ran off!
And went and got Rick.
"RICK NOT A RETARD!" Rick screams at the top of his lungs, and smashes his hands together on one of the jock's heads, breaking his eardrums. He falls screaming in pain clutching his bleeding ears. Two of the others smack Rick with their bats, but it doesn't even faze him, they might as well be hitting him with a piece of paper.
While Rick is taking care of those two, the one who you stabbed in the arm tackles you to the ground and starts punching you in the face. You manage to get him off of you by smacking him in the head with a nearby rock. As you're trying to get a second wind, Dave from out of blue, jumps on the jocks back.
"I got him dude! Wait! Argh!"
The jock slams Dave to the ground, ripping his clothes in the process. Then he gets on top of him, as Dave struggles to break free.
"Help me asshole! He's trying to rape me!" Dave screams.
"If I was trying to rape you, you'd like it!" the jock says disturbingly, just before he feels a bat upside the head.
"First and ten bitch! Time to fuckin' punt!" you say and kick the jock so hard in the nuts that he'll be able to save tons of money for that sex change operation. Dave gets a few kicks in, now that his attacker is in no condition to do anything to him. Rick has completely decimated his victims and is now walking over to you.
"RICK GO BACK TO WORK NOW ASSHOLE." he says and walks off.
"How'd you get him here so quick?"
"I ran into Jack's and told him there were a bunch of fuckin' dickheads calling him a retard and he ran out of there like a bat out of hell."
"That fuckin' easy?"
"Neat trick, I'll have to remember to use it in the future."
"So you get to talk to Sally?"
"No, that fucktard Mr. Raker stopped me before I could, I 'll have to get her at home."
"What?! I told you to do that in the first place asshole!"
"Ah quit complaining, at least we don't have to worry about these fucks anymore."
"Yeah, I guess you're right, looks like I've got some celebrating to do, I'll see you later."
Dave walks back home with the full intention of getting really wasted. You head back home too, shit, it’s been a fucking fucked up day, all you want to do is talk to Sally. You enter your room and lie on the bed. Sally won't be home for a few more hours, damn you're tired. Stupid fuckin' jocks...(Yawn) yeah when Sally gets home you can tell her, and she'll forget all about fuckin' Keith...(Yawn) then you can be...zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
You groggily wake up and get out of bed. Shit! You overslept! It’s dark outside. You quickly run around the house calling for Sally, but she’s not here, she must be at the prom already!
No time or point in getting help. Dave's gonna be useless at this point and the street lights are on, so Rick won't be allowed out. Doesn't matter, the football players aren't a threat anymore and you can avoid that Vice pissant, the only person you gotta deal with is Keith. You run outside and see Mom pulling up. She's home early.
"Well, well, well, I see you decided to wait for me just like I knew you would. Sally didn't turn you down too bad did she?" your Mom smirks.
"I haven't told her yet."
"Hah! I knew you wouldn't have the balls to do it! Or maybe that's not it, maybe your feelings for me prevented you perhaps?" your Mom says running her fingers through your hair.
"Don't worry, I forgive you..."
"Mom, I'm in no mood for your shit, not after the day I had. I need your car."
"What for asshole?"
"I gotta drive to the school quick so..."
Your Mom is furious! She slaps you across the face.
"Why you arrogant asshole! You wanna use MY car in some vain attempt to hook up with Sally? She doesn't love you! She'll never love you like the way..." your Mom trails off into silence.
She doesn't say anything for a few seconds, and then she goes into fire and brimstone mode.
"You're a fuckin' loser asshole! You wanna make a fuckin' fool outta yourself, be my fuckin' guest! Here's the fuckin' keys! I hope you catch them doin' the fuckin' humpty dance in the back seat of his fuckin' Porche! Then I hope you fuckin' beat the fuck outta them so bad that you fuckin' kill 'em and then you get sent to fuckin' prison where you can become everyone's butt boy, crying out my fuckin name begging for me to save you! That way I don't have to deal with either one of you! Get the fuck outta my sight asshole!"
You pick up the keys and say nothing. You just get in the car and drive. As you drive you contemplate every situation and every scenario that could happen and think about how you'll deal with it. You finally arrive, and you quickly survey the parking lot for Keith's car to make sure they're even here.
Yep there's his car, and its starting up! They're leaving early! You quickly run back to the car and start it up. As they leave you follow them far enough away so they don't notice. You KNOW where he's heading, you sense it! He's driving her to Paradise Point! Its the make out spot of the town, you remember when Mom used to take you there.
Goddamn, cheap ass tires! You pull over and get out. Fuckin' blow out. Wonderful.
You're not that far, but you walk from here.
As Keith parked his Porsche, Sally raised her eyes in suspicion.
"Uh, why are we here again?"
"To look at the stars! This is the best place to see them! Away from the lights...away from people...um, well just look at them! Aren't they breath taking? Just like you."
"Yes they are lovely." Sally says politely.
"Just like you." Keith says again.
"Yes, well I'd like to go home now."
"But the night is still young! And you're so beautiful! And lovely..."
"And tired! And you're starting to creep me out, Keith."
Keith's expression drops from a look of euphoric happiness, to a look grim disappointment.
"Oh what the hell do you want to go home for?"
"Because like I said, I'm fucking tired! Plus I wanna know what my brother wanted to tell me so badly. I would've woke him up, but he looked so cute sleeping peacefully, that I didn't want to disturb him."
"What the hell does it matter what he wanted to tell you? He's a fuckin' psycho. I heard what he and his gang did to those football players."
"He was defending himself, I'm sure. And he doesn't have a gang!"
"What are you always sticking up for him? You're better than him! You're better than your home! You're better than this whole fucked up town! Look Sally, as you probably know my Dad shut down his nearby factory not to long ago, so my dad's business is moving, and I'm gonna go work for him. And when we move I want you to come with me. I can make you so happy; I can buy you all the things you deserve. I can take you away from this god forsaken hellhole of a town. Away from your fucked up family and especially away from your fucked up asshole brother! I love you Sally. I always have. The first time I saw you, I knew you were the one for me. You're so nice, and good, and virginal..."
"Okay Keith! Stop! Look I went with you to the prom as a friend, and that's all we are. I mean that's sweet that you feel that way about me, but I just don't have those feelings for you."
"But...but you could. I mean you have to. I love you! You have to love me back! Those are the rules!"
"I'm sorry Keith, but I love another. I think its best if you just took me home."
"Love another? How...who? I’ve never seen you express any feelings for anyone in..."
Keith's expression turns to horror when he comes to the ONLY conclusion.
"OH MY GOD! Ugh! Its HIM! I'm gonna be sick!"
Keith opens his car door and pukes his guts out.
"How could you? HRUP! He's an asshole! He's your fucking brother! UUURRGH!"
"I know, but it doesn't matter to me, because I know he's the one for me, I've always known." Sally says looking off in the distance with a smile, completely ignoring Keith, who's recovered from his bout of sickness.
"You're just as crazy as he is! My god how could I have loved you? After all the years I spent on you! After all the other women I turned down! After all the times I carved your name into my walls! After all the times I spent masturbating to your image! You never loved me! You purposely toyed with me, you cruel twisted bitch!" Keith yells in frothing anger.
"Now Keith, I know you're upset, but you better just fucking calm down, I don't like the way you're speaking to me."
"FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! I'm not gonna calm down! I'll make you love me, you incestuous cock teasing bitch!"
Keith lunges at Sally who jumps out of the car. Keith crawls over to the passenger's side to get Sally, but when he gets to the door, he looks up to see an altogether figure.
"Say goodbye to your looks pretty boy!" a voice says and the door slams, catching Keith's head in the process.
You pull Keith out of the car after smashing his head in the door a few times and begin to beat him mercilessly. Somehow he manages to throw you off of him and scrambles to his car's glove comparment to grab his gun. As you pick yourself up, he backs off staggering, pointing the gun at you.
"What're you gonna do with that pretty boy? You trying to piss me off even more?"
"Shut the fuck up asshole!" he screams barely able to keep the gun straight.
"Keith, shooting him isn't going to make me love you." Sally tries to reason.
"I don't care anymore! Maybe I should shoot you instead! This is all your fault! (Sob) Why couldn't you have just loved me? I'm right for you! I'm..."
Keith stops talking. He looks at you and then he looks at Sally sadly.
"FUCK IT!!" Keith shouts and blows his brains out.
As he slumps down dead, Sally runs over to you crying. You hold and comfort her.
"Shhh, its over now. I'm here for you. Now and forever, Sally because I love you." you say.
"And I love you." she says and you passionately kiss each other.
"And so that's the tale of when me and your grandmother finally got together."
"Wow, that story had everything grandpa!" Cindy says.
"Alright that's enough stories for tonight now go to bed." you tell Cindy who runs off to her room.
Sally comes out of the kitchen.
"Honey, do you think you should've told her about the whole suicide bit?"
"Well yeah! That's what happened! Besides that's the best part of the story! Hey I left out the part where we went home later and had sex like rabid weasels! I think I REALLY pissed off Mom that night! Ha Ha! What I never could figure out is why he didn't at least try to shoot one of us, or me at least." you say.
"What good would've that done? If he killed me, he wouldn't have me. And if he killed you, he wouldn't have had me either."
"Yeah, but at least he would've got some sort of petty psycho revenge. Hell he was rich, he probably would've gotten away with it. Well that's what I would've done if I was him."
"Hmm, I guess its lucky that YOU weren't Keith."
"Yeah, especially since he's dead. Hah!"
"Hmm. Well what I could never figure out is why he killed himself. I mean its not like he couldn't have had a good life without me." Sally says.
"I highly doubt that, since I can't imagine my life without you, so I suppose Keith couldn't either."
You and Sally smile and hold each other for the remainder of the night, saying nothing, but knowing how the other feels, until you both drift off to sleep on the couch.
“Sally, I love you, but you’re nuts!” you say.
“But Junior has to go to school!” Sally replies back.
“I know that! But there’s no way he can go to a regular school! The other kids will either run in fear, or try to tease him, which will result in him eating one of them. Either way, the teachers are gonna bitch about him to us, and say he won’t be able to attend anyway!”
“Not necessarily, let’s just try it.”
“I’d rather not go through the fuckin’ hassle! Junior can learn everything he needs to know on the internet! He’s proven to be pretty resourceful, and smart already, so all we have to do is find those “self teaching” websites or whatever, and let him go at it. If there’s anything else he’s interested in, it’s just a click away.”
“Yeah, but that’s not the same thing as formal schooling…”
“Sally, really now, do you remember most of the stupid shit they taught in school? Because I sure didn’t, and I sure as hell didn’t need a lot of it.”
“Hmm, maybe you should paid more attention in English class, your grammar is atrocious!” Sally laughs. “I suppose you’re right, in some ways though, I taught myself a lot of stuff, without the help of any formal training.”
“See? And Junior’s pretty curious about everything, so he’ll probably try to learn everything he can, and we can give him those book tests you find in stores, or download them off the net to test him every now and then, and if we find that he starts slacking, we kick his ass to get back on the right track.”
“Hey!” Sally says disapprovingly.
“You know what I mean.” you say.
“So you’re proposing that we just leaving Junior alone in front of a computer all day?”
“We can’t do that!”
“Why not? Shit, I wished I got left in front of a computer all fuckin’ day instead of having to go to school with a bunch of fucktards!”
“But you wouldn’t have met your friends, Dave and Rick if that happened.”
“Like I said, going to school, with a bunch of fucktards! Junior will be fine! We know he’s fully capable of being alone by himself. Trust me, this’ll work out!”
“Hmmm, I don’t know…” Sally says hesitantly.
You go up to Sally and hold her, reassuring her that everything will be fine. She’s still hesitant, but agrees to try it. The next day, Junior’s all set up with everything he needs. There’s an extended hugging and kissing period by Sally, who’s still worried about her special little mutant being alone.
“Now you know the phone number to the Salon and the Comic Shop right?” Sally asks again.
“Yes Mama.” Junior replies, as Sally hugs him again.
“Alright, Sally, don’t smother the boy! He’ll be fine! And you, you better not play video games all day! Do your work! I’ll know!”
Sally kisses Junior once more and you both leave for work.
In the following months, this situation actually proves to work out quite well; Junior seems to be doing everything he’s told to do. No worries at all, Sally is relieved and glad your idea is working out.
Unfortunately it’s working out TOO well, as you discover one day…
“Hey Sally! Are you home yet? What the fuck?!” you say tripping over a medium metal object just in the doorway.
“Who the hell left a thermo-nuclear bomb in the doorway?...........WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A FUCKIN’ THERMO-NUCLEAR BOMB IN THE DOORWAY IN THE FIRST PLACE???!!!”
You look around and Junior’s been…busy.
There’s weird scribbling all over the walls, with partial thoughts and incomprehensible formulas. There’s also a few other strange things laying around that you can’t even begin to imagine what they are for, but they’re either weapons, or really bizarre sex toys.
“JUNIOR! Where are you?”
“He’s down in the basement.” A high pitched voice says.
“Eugene? What the fuck are you doing here?”
“You son called me up, asking me what I knew about quantum physics and the chaos theory. I told him, and then he said he was making a perpetual motion machine. Naturally such a thing is impossible, so I said he couldn’t, and he said he’s almost done, so I came over to prove him wrong, and then…”
“Eugene will you shut the fuck up? Didn’t you find it strange that a child, even a smart mutated one, was talking to you like fuckin’ Albert Einstein?”
“I dunno, I was kinda like that when I was a kid, before I heard the calling of the Force that is!” Eugene says proudly.
“Hmm, the world’s loss is that franchise’s gain. Jesus Christ, look at these sites he’s been looking up! I have no idea why he needs to know about necrocybernetics and psionic genetic engineering, but I’m putting a stop to this right now! Hey Eugene, why aren’t you looking after Lucas and Lea?”
“I brought them with me…they’re down in the basement with your son.” Eugene suddenly realizes the gravity of the situation.
You and Eugene quickly run downstairs, and see Junior near a switch which is connected to some electrodes which are in turn connected to Lucas’ head. Lea is playfully grabbing at Junior’s tentacles as he writes something down.
“LUCAS! LEA!” Eugene screams, knocking you out of the way, quickly disconnecting Lucas and snatching him up. Eugene is equally quick about snatching up Lea.
“Lea! Don’t play with other boy’s erm…tentacles!”
“Boy, you better have a REALLY good explanation for this! ALL of this!” you say to Junior.
“We were just playing! Lucas kept saying how his Dad talked about the Force, and I said I found a way that you can temporarily display those powers they show in those movies, just with a certain jolt of energy to your head. It unleashes dormant psionic powers That’s all me and Lucas were doing.”
“Really?” Eugene asked. “Hey hook those up to…”
“Get outta here Eugene!” you snarl, as he quickly runs up the stairs with his kids.
You turn your attention back to Junior.
“Now I’m not EVEN gonna ask if you tested that little theory before attempting to electrocute Lucas, or why you built a small nuclear bomb, or even where you got the materials to build such a thing. I’m not gonna ask why the walls are covered with writing that looks like a formula for creating a planet, or any of that. I just want to know why!
“I dunno, after I was done with my assignments I got bored.”
“That’s it? That’s your answer for turning the house into a fuckin’ evil genius’ hideout? You couldn’t have just played video games or some shit?”
“Well I did that, then I started surfing the internet, and there were some interesting things on there, so…”
“Arrrgh! Nevermind! We gotta clean this stuff up! If your mother sees this, I’ll never hear the…”
“Junior where are you? And I know YOU’RE here too, because your car’s in the driveway! We need to talk NOW!” you hear Sally say from upstairs.
“Fuck. See what you did?!” you say to Junior.
After a LONG discussion, Junior’s punishment, is no internet until further notice and he has to clean up all the mess he made (particularly the walls). Sally is also displeased, that a couple of those sites in between the mad scientist ones he was looking at were adult websites, although he claims he was merely studying human biology. (You quietly breathe a sigh of relief that he was only looking at naked women though)
After sending Junior to bed, Sally’s displeasure now extends to you.
“Alright, alright, you made your point! How the hell did I know he was gonna do all that shit? But think about it now, he’s learned his lesson and he won’t try this again. Let’s just give him a rest for a few weeks.”
“No! He’s become isolated and weird!”
“Um he IS isolated and weird!”
“Well that’s the problem! He needs to be around others, so he doesn’t get warped! School isn’t all about academics; it’s also a social learning experience. He needs to go to school, to learn how to interact with others so he doesn’t see people as all potential experiments.”
“Actually I think after interacting with other people, he’ll be MORE convinced that they should be used as lab rats. I know I do.”
“Well let’s just try it.” Sally says.
“Alright, but I know what’s gonna happen.”
The next day you and Sally go to the local elementary school with Junior. And just like you thought, the screams and scampering of little children follow. As you approach the door, a figure opens it up and stands in your way. Oh fuck, not him. He’s much older now, but you’d remember that ball busting prick anywhere.
“Mr. Morningstar! I never thought, I’d see YOU ever again. I figured you’d be serving in Nethergate Penitentiary.”
“Mr. Raker. What the fuck are you doing here?” you ask.
“Promotion, transferal, in any case I’M the Principal of THIS school, and I demand to know why YOU’RE here, Mr. Morningstar!”
“Mr. Raker, we’re just trying to enroll our ...er my son into this school.” Sally says
Mr. Raker looks over at Sally and his expression instantly changes from hostile dickhead to lecherous old man.
“Sally! Ah how you’ve changed. I remember you being one of our best students, and might I add one of our prettiest.” He says looking Sally up and down.
“HEY, you fucking pervert, let’s keep our eyes on her face, before my fist hits yours!” you say.
“Are you threatening me with physical violence Mr. Morningstar?”
“No, I’m PROMISING you physical violence.”
Sally intervenes at this point.
“Look Mr. Raker I just want to enroll my son in this school, so what papers do we have to sign?”
Mr. Raker finally looks at Junior who’s holding onto Sally’s hand. He looks up at Mr. Raker and growls at him a little.
“Aaagh! We…we can’t! We couldn’t! I mean the other children! They’d be frightened out of their mind!”
“Well maybe initially, but I’m sure if they’d get used to him eventually.”
Mr. Raker shakes his head.
“I’m sorry Sally, but as much as I’d like to help, I have to think of the entire school. I’d be getting complaints from other parents constantly. Your son would cause too much distraction.”
“Bullshit! You could do something. You’re the fucking principal.” You say.
“Well…maybe I could, if Sally could convince me to.” He touches her hand, catching Sally off guard.
“Sally, I remember how I lusted for you when you first got to high school.”
“EWWWWW! I was only 14!” Sally exclaims horrified, moving her hand away.
Mr. Raker breaks down onto his knees, into some sort of repressed emotion explosion.
“I know! I know! I’m a sick fuck! I used to masturbate thinking about you, in your little skirts and …and…(sob!) but don’t you see? It’s okay now! Because you’re old enough now! I still want to be your Daddy…” he begins to attempt to touch her legs, but you stop him with a kick to the face.
“You fucked up, nasty motherfucker! If I’d known you were a sick ass pedophile who was jerking off to mental images of my sister, I would’ve kicked your ass a long time ago!” you kick him a couple more times in the side, as Junior bites his arm. Mr. Raker seems oblivious to this beating though, as he’s sobbing in his own private hell in his mind. Sally drags you both away, before a bigger scene is caused.
The children seem to cheer you as you leave though.
After reporting anonymously to the cops, to look into “suspicious behavior” by Mr. Raker, you and Sally are left back at square one.
“Well I guess you were right.” Sally says.
“I wish I wasn’t. Actually we’ll never really know if I was, since we didn’t even really get a chance to enroll Junior, because of…”
“Ugh! Let’s never speak of that ever again! Eww! Okay, well I guess its back to that internet plan, you had, I guess we’ll just have to hope he learned his lesson. “
“I dunno, he might just become sneakier about it, maybe he does need so other people to occupy his mind from world domination. Hey! Wait a minute; Kelly didn’t go to a formal school! He went to some circus school because they used to travel a lot and a lot of the circus freaks generally aren’t accepted by society either.”
“What are you getting at?”
“Well Kelly’s circus doesn’t travel anymore, it’s like permanently parked outside of town, like a bunch of fucking gypsies. Let’s take him there, to go to school! It’ll work out! He’ll be in a structured environment, around others similar to him, its perfect!”
“Uh aren’t you forgetting that that you have to be a carnie to go there?”
“Well I’m sure Kelly can get his midget Mom to pull a few strings.”
“Oh yeah, I’m SURE she’ll be thrilled to help us out! As I recall the first time we met, you continued to insult her and Mom threw her across the room, and then later Dad cheated on her with Mom.”
“Well her problem should be with Mom and Dad, not us, besides you can help too.”
“Yeah, you go with Kelly to talk Sparkle into this. Play up the mother in a bind routine to appeal to her maternal side. She’ll agree to it. Besides everyone likes you anyway.”
“In light of recent events, sometimes I wish people liked me a little less! I’m not sure Kelly will be able to talk his Mom into this, but I suppose we have to try.”
You nuzzle up against Sally and kiss her to reassure her that this plan will work. This happily leads to more intense nuzzling in the bedroom later.
The next day Sally takes Junior with her and talks to Kelly, who’s willing to go talk to his Mom, but isn’t entirely sure that she can do anything. After work you all go to the circus.
“Well we’re here, I’ll try, but I can’t promise anything.” Kelly says, knocking on a trailer door.
Bruno the Strongman opens the door.
“Hey, it’s Kelly! How are you? Come back to join the act? That new sword swallower we had just recently impaled his stomach accidentally. Very nasty.”
“Ouch! No, I just came to see Mom.”
“Okay, Hey Sparkle, your son’s here!”
Sparkle comes to the door and Kelly bends down to hug her, she looks overjoyed to see him, she looks less overjoyed when she sees Sally, and then looks downright unfriendly when she sees you! Well at least she’s not wearing her clown make up. You’ll never get over your hostility against clowns.
“What the hell are THEY doing here?” Sparkle asks.
“It’s a long story.” Kelly replies.
“Sparkle, we need your help, please don’t judge us based on our father and mother. I’m sure you don’t like it when outsiders judge your circus and all your friends for who they are.” Sally says diplomatically while holding Junior.
Well as usual Sally manages to make friends where hostility would normally be.
“Well, I suppose you’re right. I’ve actually always liked you Sally. You’ve always been pleasant, and I’m glad that you and Kelly get a long so well, I heard how you employed him at your Salon. Is this Junior? My, he’s changed a bit!”
As Sparkle goes to touch him, you half expect him to take her arm off, but instead he likes the affection. Maybe the whole “circus environment” makes him feel calmer. You knew this was a good idea.
“Actually Sparkle, this is about Junior, that’s why we need to talk to you.”
“Oh? Okay well let’s go inside.” Sally, Junior and Kelly all enter the trailer, but when you attempt to enter, you’re stopped.
“Not you! I’m sorry Sally, but I still don’t like your brother! He can remain outside!”
“What the fuck? I thought you weren’t judging us based on our fucked up parents!” you say.
“I’m not; I’m judging you based on your own Assholiness! I still remember your rudeness to me, and I’ve heard about how you’re still rude to Kelly! You’re not coming in!” Sparkle then kicks you in the shin and slams the door in your face!
“Fuckin’ little munchkin! Oww!” you say rubbing your shin. Bruno comes out.
“So, you’re Dick’s other son eh?”
“Unfortunately. Why, what of it?” you say defensively.
Bruno seems to be sizing you up; he’s certainly much bigger than you, and obviously much stronger. You dare say he’d even easily be a match for Retard Rick. Hopefully you’re quicker, but you don’t really want to get into a fight in any case, you’re here for Junior after all.
“I kicked his ass you know.” Bruno says coming up to you.
“Yeah, heard all about it.”
“Oh? And that doesn’t make you mad?”
“Why should it? It sounded like you had a valid reason.”
“Maybe you’re just backing down, because you’re scared of me.”
“You trying to prove something?”
“Yeah, I’m proving you’re a fucking pussy just like your Dad!” Bruno is now looking down at you, as you stare up his nostrils.
“Oh wow, you beat up my Dad, what an accomplishment! My Mom can beat up my Dad, I can beat up my Dad, it nothing really to brag about steroid freak. And if calling me a pussy makes you feel like a big macho guy, go ahead. I know who I am. ”
“Well maybe I should just kick your ass and brag about it then.”
“What the fuck is this shit? I was just out here minding my own business and you come out here and start fucking with me! Look fucktard, I’m not here to cause trouble, but I will give you fucking trouble, if you continue with this macho posturing just because you got short dick.”
“What’d you say bitch?” Bruno barely pushes you, but it knocks you back more than you expected. It doesn’t matter, you’re mad at this point.
“I said you got a short dick motherfucker! That IS why you’re fucking a midget isn’t it? Speaking of which, how’s it feel to get sloppy midget seconds AFTER my Dad fucked her little ass?”
You notice a solid piece of wood on the ground, and that’ll be the first thing you’ll go for, as soon as Bruno charges at you.
Fortunately it doesn’t come to that.
“Har Har! You hard man. Okay I gotta go do my act, nice talking to you.” Bruno says and leaves.
“What the fuck was that about??!” you say to yourself. Must be a carnie thing you think.
You wait a little longer in peace and watch all the unusual inhabitants walk by (Keeping a close eye on the clowns of course) just then everyone comes out of Sparkle’s trailer.
“Okay, it was nice seeing you Kelly, you should visit more often! And bring that Lance I’ve heard so much about next time!” Sparkle says to Kelly. “And Sally, when Junior comes here for school, Bruno and I will make sure to look out for him until you come to pick him up.” Sparkle says petting Junior again.
“Thanks Sparkle, you’ve really helped us out.” Sally smiles.
“So? What’s going on?” You ask Sally.
“Junior’s going go to the school here. I mean it’s not so much for the academics of course since he’s already going to be way ahead in that department. But this’ll be more for social interaction that we all agree he needs. Plus he seems to like it here.”
“So how did you get around the fact that he’s not a carnie?”
“Oh, well that’s part of the schooling, he’ll be performing.”
“What?! Doing what?” you ask.
“Well he’s very intelligent, and there hasn’t been a “human computer” type act since Brainiax got recruited by the government. Plus Junior’s unique look will attract people as well.” Kelly says.
“Wait so my son is gonna be on display as a side show freak??! Sally how could you of all people agree to this?!”
“It’s not like that! He’s not going to be in a cage where people just gawk at him! He’ll be in one of those game booths, where people try to stump him with a question, and if they do, they win a prize. Kind of like those people that try to guess your weight. He’ll also be paired up with another carnie child. That won’t be all the time anyway, that’s just half of the “school time” the other half takes place in a tent like a regular classroom.” Sally explains. “Look baby, this’ll be good for Junior just like you said. He’ll be safe here, and he really likes it here. It’s like he feels like he belongs here or something. I’ve never seen him so calm before.”
“Yeah, I have noticed that. Well if you don’t mind Sally, I certainly don’t. I guess it’s all set then. School for you starts tomorrow” You say to Junior, who looks overjoyed at this fact.
As Sally and Kelly both say goodbye to Sparkle, you take Junior aside and just tell him one thing.
“Alright, I know they’ll be teaching you a bunch of weird carnie stuff here, but there’s ONE thing don’t ever start doing.”
“What Dada?” Junior asks.
“Don’t ever, EVER become a fuckin’ clown!”
Not really short stories I suppose, but I want to collect these here for archiving purposes.
Didn’t bother putting EtC’s text, because in the scheme of things they aren’t important and I’m not ruining my thread with his fucktardery. You can just imagine any dumb fucking response and it would work just as well.
Actually after looking these over again, I suppose these are little stories so they’re even more appropriate to list here.
The Destruction of EatTheCake
EatTheCake is a fucking liar that did no such thing anyway.
What he probably did was talk to a bunch of other incel degenerates on 4chan who he’s counting as “friends.” Then he jacked it to some sort of fucked up porn. Most likely scat or shota rape. Probably some combination of the two because he’s a fucking perverted asshole.
But because he’s fucking 300 hundred pounds he got winded midway through, got dizzy and fell out of his goddamn shart stained chair.
So while he tried to get up and failing utterly because even with all that jacking his muscle tone resembles that of a faggot pygmy marmoset.
He calls for his mom to help his fat ass off the basement floor, but she doesn’t hear him because she’s too busy getting kebobbed in the ass and mouth by two Mexican guys that she hired to lay some pipe from Home Depot.
Meanwhile his dad is watching his mom getting stuffed like a taco with a spatula up his ass because he’s a faggot cuck and this is the only way he can get off and like they say, like father like son.
Never mind the fact that even if his parents weren’t engaging in their own fucked up degeneracy, they wouldn’t help his shitty pathetic ass anyway except maybe to throw it out in the gutter because they’re sick of him living there and curse the day that they didn’t engage in oral the night he was conceived.
So the only creature that comes running to Cake’s cries is the fucking cat. And the cat doesn’t really give a shit, it just happened to wander over to Cake because there’s even more commotion going on upstairs what with the Mexicans railing Cake’s mom and the poor creature was trying to find a quiet place to hide.
The cat, like all living creatures looks at Cake with distain and does nothing to help him. Indeed if it could speak, it would call Cake a waste of skin and it would be entirely correct. Instead, it marks its territory and sprays Cake in the face with piss.
Of course like a retard Cake doesn’t even get angry about it, he starts fucking laughing like the mong he is. In fact he laughs so hard he starts wheezing again, but this time he also farts which of course has follow through because he’s loosened his asshole so much with his mom’s blacken decker 400 horsepower vibrator he’s got absolutely no goddamn control over his sphincter muscles.
Between the laughing, wheezing, farting and shitting, it’s all too much for him he passes out for several hours. Meanwhile the cat has gotten bored and decided to also take a shit on the several rotten pizza boxes laying on the floor. The roaches are pretty happy about it.
Eventually Cake wakes up again, covered in roaches, shit, cat piss and sweat. With this brief moment of rest he finally manages to get the fuck up and log on to CYS to raise his post count by making up some bullshit story about some dumb bet over Bucky’s dumb fucking contest which everyone is fucking failing spectacularly at because they’re barely competent in the first goddamn place and their only saving grace is they aren’t EatTheCake.
The whole fucking world can burn as long as it means fucktards like you are burning with it.
And honestly, I hope you fucking live through the initial blasts. And no you won’t be some post apocalyptic badass, you’ll be the same dumb ass pathetic fuck you are now.
At best, the only reason you’ll last for any length of time is because you’ll still have enough blubber on you to not starve right away and you’ll be so fucking desperate you’ll have no problems debasing yourself in order to get some water which will only be enough to wash the salty taste out of your mouth after blowing whatever local warlord decided you were entertaining enough to not kill and eat right away.
Which is what might happen to you anyway after they’re done fucking every hole you have and a few that they creatively made themselves.
Better yet, they just eventually get bored and leave you to waste away in some shithole ransacked ruin so you can experience the agonizing slow death of your fucking body which will now be fucking rotting from five forms of cancer brought on by the nukes and toxic fucking waste while you’re as you desperately scrounge around for a can of expired tuna.
Eventually you won’t have the strength to carry on, puking and shitting blood every five minutes. You’ll ultimately die as you lived: Usless, hopeless, and alone.
That will be the story of you and it will be fucking hilarious.
My only wish would be is I could be there to see the agonized look on your face so I could have my dog piss in it before your last pleading gasp as the light slowly went out of your eyes.
Coup De Grace
You're damn right I wouldn't last very long in your domain because I have no fucking desire to join NAMBLA, you fucking degenerate dipshit.