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The Dark Room

5 months ago

Not sure if any of you guys have ever played or heard of The Dark Room by John Robertson, but for those of you who haven't... I suppose the best way I can think to describe it, is that it is either the best or the worst text based adventure game of all time, and I really can't decide which. Either way, I'm going to attempt to recreate it for you! ^_^

... You awake to find yourself in a dark room!

A. Go North

B. Turn on Light Swith

C. Sleep

D. Why?

The Dark Room

5 months ago

D.  Why?

The Dark Room

5 months ago

... Because it's dark. And it's a room. And you're awake in it. ^_^

A. Sleep

B. Turn on Light Switch

The Dark Room

5 months ago
Sleep!

The Dark Room

5 months ago

You're completely overwhelmed with exhaustion from spending a whole 10 seconds doing FUCKING NOTHING!!! You fall asleep... And when you wake up... Guess what...

You awake to find yourself in a dark room! ^_^

A. Check Pockets

B. Czech Pockets

The Dark Room

5 months ago
Czech pockets!

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Congratulations! Your pockets were made in the Czech Republic. This information doesn't help you escape, but it's lovely to know.

A. Will you ever be kind to me?

The Dark Room

5 months ago
Will you ever be kind to me? :'(

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Hmm... Let me think about it... No. And now you're dead. ^_^

Would you like to play again?

A. Yes

B. No

The Dark Room

5 months ago
I gasp! Was... was it the belt!?

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Yes. Sorry, wish I could help, but I'm afraid the belt just really doesn't like you. It was made in Germany and seems to have some kind of grudge against your Czech pockets... Ah well, what you gonna do?

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A.  Yes

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Then start a new game then! angry

The Dark Room

5 months ago

You awake to find yourself in a dark room!

A. Go North

B. Turn on Light Swith

C. Sleep

D. Why?

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Can I go south?

The Dark Room

5 months ago

No... And just for asking, you're dead.

Would you like to play again? ^_^

A. Yes

B. No

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A.  Yes

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Oh, what fun! laugh

The Dark Room

5 months ago

You awake to find yourself in a dark room!

A. Go North

B. Turn on Light Swith

C. Sleep

D. Why?

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A.  Go north, I guess...

The Dark Room

5 months ago

You proceed in the direction you believe to be north... And walk into a wall. It then occurs to you that you have no idea which direction north is. How can you be sure? You don't have a compass, and even if you did, you wouldn't be able to see it. You're in a dark room!

A. Type

B. Weigh

C. Abandon Hope

D. Find Light Switch

The Dark Room

5 months ago
D. Find Light Switch

The Dark Room

5 months ago

How will you find the light switch? You're in a dark room! You need the light switch to see, do you see? ... Oh, I just got the weirdest sense of deja vu. frown

A. I see

B. I don't see

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A.  I see

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Bullshit you see! You're in a dark room!

A. Listen for Light Switch

B. Touch the Wall

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A. Listen for Light Switch

The Dark Room

5 months ago

You listen for the light switch... It bores you with stories of the great war between electricity and steam.

A. Smell For Light Switch

B. Touch The Wall

The Dark Room

5 months ago
A. Smell For Light Switch

The Dark Room

5 months ago

The dark room smells of roomy darkness.

A. Touch The Wall

B. That Doesn't Make Sense!

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A.  And if you say it is too dark to find, screw you.  I'll stumble until I do.

The Dark Room

5 months ago

You caress the wall... It's indifferent to you.

A. Touch Another Wall

The Dark Room

5 months ago

It's just being coy.  

A.  Touch another wall

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Now the first wall's jealous!

A. Apologize

B. Touch Yet Another Wall

The Dark Room

5 months ago

B.  Touch another wall.

Bitch needs to know that I can have the biggest wall-harem I want.

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Oh, I see! You’re just some sort of brick work slut, aren’t you? Now the walls have lost all respect for you. They cannot stand your bizarre brand of brick and mortar molestation. The walls collapse and the ceiling caves in… You die!

Would you like to play again?

A.Yes

B.No

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A.  Yes

The Dark Room

5 months ago

You're just a glutton for punishment, aren't you? ^_^

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Ja, pretty much.

The Dark Room

5 months ago

B. Turn on Light Switch

The Dark Room

5 months ago

How will you find the light switch? You're in a dark room! You need the light switch to see, do you see?

A. I see

B. I don't see

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Idk. How dark is the dark room?

The Dark Room

5 months ago

... It's dark. ^_^

Edit: Oh shit, that was the wrong reply. Let me fix that...

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Well, that's always been your problem. Self esteem too high! Think you can turn on anything. Even inanimate objects. What would you turn the light switch on with?

A. With My Finger

B. Think Outside The Box

The Dark Room

5 months ago

B. Think Outside The Box

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Congratulations! Your brain is now free of cardboard. Unfortunately, you're not trying to escape the box, are you? You're trying to escape the dark room!

A. Abandon Hope

B. Kill Self

C. Think Outside The Room

The Dark Room

5 months ago
C. Think outside the room
Let's delve into the absurdity of this world!

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Hey, get your own thread.

The Dark Room

5 months ago
you complain about me commenting by commenting?
Then, my answer was the beginning of the thread you created with it. interesting.
And that's funny that you complain about me answering to "think outside the room" just to repeat it immediately after.
It's not "thinking outside the box" it's basically "bashing your head against it until something cracks".

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Are you high? None of what you just said makes any sense.

The Dark Room

5 months ago
I ain't. A comment is a "leaf" until someone answer to it, making it the node of a thread. Your comment being "get your own thread", I was merely pointing that you were, in fact, creating a thread by complaining.
Out of boredom, I also criticized the mismatch between your choice and the "lateral thinking" that is called "thinking outside the box".

The Dark Room

5 months ago

C. Think Outside The Room

The Dark Room

5 months ago

You think outside the room. Which means your brain is outside the room! Wonderful! You've done it!!! There's just one problem... Your body is still inside the room. So, if your body is inside the room and your brain is outside the room, that can mean only one thing... You're dead!

Have fun aimlessly floating around in a jar on some mad scientist's bookshelf... Unless of course, you'd like to play again. ^_^

A. Yes

B. No

The Dark Room

5 months ago

I get the impression that this is an unwinnable game, but A. 

The Dark Room

5 months ago

What in the world would give you that impression? cheeky

The Dark Room

5 months ago
Oh when I saw the title I thought you meant A Dark Room, which had a popular thread here awhile back and owns.

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Oh yeah, I remember that game. I think I spent a couple of days doing nothing but playing it. ^_^

The Dark Room

5 months ago
I don't see how being in a dark room would be a problem. Just have a blind protagonist, problem solved! :)

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Do you smell or listen for the light switches?

The Dark Room

5 months ago
I think she senses their heartbeat, like a snake or Daredevil. Or maybe she detects their lifeforce. Who knows. None survived, anyway.

The Dark Room

5 months ago
Or maybe, just maybe, I just touch the walls until I find one. But this is ignoring the obvious fact that as a blind person, I don't really need to find a light switch. I just need to find a door ... which is done the same way as finding a light switch.

The Dark Room

5 months ago

By groping the poor, unsuspecting walls. ^_^

The Dark Room

5 months ago

You awake to find yourself in a dark room!

A. Go North

B. Turn on Light Switch

C. Sleep

D. Why?

The Dark Room

5 months ago

C. Sleep

The Dark Room

5 months ago

You sleep. You wake up. I'll give you one guess...

You awake to find yourself in a dark room!

A. Check Pockets

B. Czech Pockets

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A. Check Pockets

I know what happen with the other one.

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Congratulations, you're wearing checked pockets. It's a hideous fashion choice, and you wouldn't have known because the room is so dark... But I decided to tell you anyway. ^_^

A. Really Check Pockets

B. Abandon Hope

C. Weep

The Dark Room

5 months ago

C. Weep

I don’t care that I’m in a room, or even that I can’t see, but the fact that I’m wearing checked pockets is just too much.

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Oh, lovely. This is you:

"Oh, I'm in a dark room. I guess I'll take a nap... Hmm... I'm still in a dark room... Fuck, my pockets are ugly... Waa!" Remember at school when the teacher said you were unnecessarly dramatic about everything? Well, this is why.

A. Lean On Wall And Weep

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A. Lean On Wall And Weep

This is usually when my mom comes and comforts me, telling me that my pockets aren’t that ugly, even though I know she’s lying.

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Awh, poor diddums. You weep against the wall. You weep and you weep and you weep and... Well done! You have found the light switch! Or, at least... Your tears have! Your tears trickle down the wall. Your tears find the light switch. 1000 volts dance up your tears into your face. You die!

Would you like to play again? ^_^

A. Yes

B. No

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A. Yes

 

The Dark Room

5 months ago

You awake to find yourself in a dark room!

A. Go North

B. Turn on Light Switch

C. Sleep

D. Why?

The Dark Room

5 months ago

C. Sleep

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Jesus, you're a bunch of lazy bastards, aren't you? You also go to bloody sleep, and when you bloody wake up...

You awake to find yourself in a dark bloody room!

A. Check Pockets

B. Czech Pockets

The Dark Room

5 months ago
C. Check Packets

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Oh? You have packets? What of?

A. Crisps

B. Cigarettes

C. Condoms

The Dark Room

5 months ago
B. Cigarettes Then check my pockets because cigarettes means I have a lighter, doesn't it?

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Congratulations, you have a packet of cigarettes... But... Hasn't anybody ever told you that smoking kills? You die!

Would you like to play again?

A. Yes

B. No

The Dark Room

5 months ago
This shit is rigged.

I want the next person who plays to have to contend with a zombie Mizal lurking in the dark.

The Dark Room

5 months ago

C. Yes, but only if it isn't rigged.

(And you can't kill us off because we're already dead!)

The Dark Room

5 months ago

It's not rigged... But I'm not very good at deviating from the script, so basically, any time somebody picks a non existing option... They die! (Granted, they will probably also die if they pick an existing option, but don't blame me, blame the guy who made the game.) cheeky

The Dark Room

5 months ago

You awake to find yourself in a dark room!

A. Go North

B. Turn on Light Switch

C. Sleep

D. Why?

The Dark Room

5 months ago

B. Turn on Light Switch

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Well, that's always been your problem too. Self esteem too high! Think you can turn on anything. Even inanimate objects. What would you turn the light switch on with?

A. With My Finger

B. Think Outside The Box

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A. With My Finger

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Once again, logic has arrived at the dark room! You would turn the light switch on with your finger... There's only one problem with that... You're in a dark room! Your finger doesn't know where the light switch is! Unless of course your finger can see in the dark... Can it?

A. My Finger Can See

B. My Finger Is Normal

C. My Finger Is Flipping You Off

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A. My Finger Can See

The Dark Room

5 months ago

It can? Well, that's extremely impressive. Your body can do some incredible things... Why is that?

A. I'm Radioactive

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A. I'm Radioactive

Expecting the worst...

The Dark Room

5 months ago
STUDY

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Lol thanks

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Yes! Plot-point unlocked! You are radioactive! You were born in Chernobyl... Oh dear. This isn't going to end well, is it? ^_^

A. Abandon Hope

B. Quit

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A. Abandon Hope

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Well, that escalated quickly. You know, if you're going to abandon Hope... Why don't you abandon her sisters too? Faith and Love and Charity. I never said you were alone in the dark room. There were four little girls with you, and you just abandoned them. Now they're dead. Four dead little girls... How does that make you feel?

A. Kill Self

B. Quit

C. Steal Their Stuff

The Dark Room

5 months ago

C. Steal Their Stuff

The Dark Room

5 months ago

YES!!! Ladies and gentlemen, this is the mark of a true gamer! Killed the children? Loot their corpses! I am so proud. ^_^

Unfortunately, I think you'll find it's difficult to steal from immaterial concepts like Faith and Love and Hope and Charity. There were never any little girls. Sometimes I lie to you! Can we get back to the game now, please?

A. Find the Light Switch

B. Check Pockets

C. Click Heels Together

The Dark Room

5 months ago

C. Click Heels Together

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Good choice! Of you go then. Up you get, Undr, put a nice pair of ruby slippers on. Click your heels together and say, "There's no place like CoG." ^_^

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A cruel ending for me. I obviously don't want to visit CoG, but refusing would make me die either way. I suppose there's no "undo" option, right?

*grits teeth, clicks heels and mutters, "tHeRe'S nO pLaCe LiKe CoG"*

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Yes there is, it's called Tumblr... But well done! Come on undr, once again! "There's no place like CoG!" Only this time, louder!!! ^_^

The Dark Room

5 months ago

"There's no place like CoG!!"

The Dark Room

5 months ago

LOUDER!!! ^_^

The Dark Room

5 months ago

*Sighs*

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE COG!

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Perfect! You finally did it! You're not in Kansas anymore, baby! You're on the CoG forums! The community are waiting to welcome you with open arms! How doe that make you feel?

A. Happier Than A Fat Kid With Cake

B. More Nervous Than A Black Guy In A Police Line Up

C. Depressed As An SJW Without A Straight White Male To Scream At

D. Uhh... Extremely Excited To Meet All These Lovely People. ^_^

The Dark Room

4 months ago

C. Depressed As An SJW Without A Straight White Male To Scream At

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Oh dear... Did you just insult SJWs? On CoG? The motherland of the SJW? Well, congratulations, the entire website is TRIGGERED!!! You are banned for a thousand years for reminding them that straight white males exist.

A. Click heels together for CYS! ^_^

The Dark Room

4 months ago

A. Click heels together for CYS!

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Huzzah! That's it undr! Come back to the beautiful realm of edge-lord mods, highly dedicated trolls and enthusiastic cat molesters! Click your heels together three times and say, "There's no place like CYS!" ^_^

The Dark Room

4 months ago

*Clicks heels together three times and says, "There's no place like CYS!"*

The Dark Room

4 months ago

YES!!! Well done, my boy! Well done! You're back in the safe, sweet comfort of your CYS home! And your loyalty to this webiste has been rewarded! You are no longer alone in the dark room... Mizal is in the room with you! Hurray!!! ^_^

... Unfortunately, since she alredy died in here, and as per her request, I'm afraid it's zombie Mizal. She pounces on you and devours you alive. Om nom nom. That's good brain.

Would you like to play again?

A. Yes

B. Please, for the love of God, no!!!

The Dark Room

4 months ago

B. I have come back home, it's now time to watch others struggle.

The Dark Room

4 months ago

You can't abide the torment anymore! Throwing a hissy fit like a little bitch, you turn off your computer and surrender, knowing that The Dark Room is an opponent that you can never hope to beat. In order to clear your mind and try to forget your shameful defeat, you exit your bedroom and venture into the beautiful, sunny, magical world known as "outside" ... Congratulations, you've escaped! ^_^

The Dark Room

5 months ago

And you awake to find yourself in a dark room!

A. Go North

B. Turn on Light Switch

C. Sleep

D. Why?

The Dark Room

5 months ago

B. Turn on Light Switch

Then

A. With My Finger

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Finally! Fucking finally! Logic has arrived at the dark room! You would turn the light switch on with your finger... There's only one problem with that... You're in a dark room! Your finger doesn't know where the light switch is! Unless of course your finger can see in the dark... Can it?

A. My Finger Can See

B. My Finger Is Normal

C. My Finger Is Flipping You Off

The Dark Room

5 months ago

B. My Finger Is Normal

The Dark Room

5 months ago

That's a boring choice! This is you! "Oh... I'm in a dark room... yes ... Well, that's normal."

A. What is normal?

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A. What is normal?

That I died again?

The Dark Room

5 months ago

This is you: "Oh, I'm in a dark room... yes ... Well, that's normal... But what is normal?"

A. Christmas!

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A. Christmas!

The Dark Room

5 months ago

You have selected Christmas. You sleep. You dream...

A. Move to Bethlehem

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A. Move to Bethlehem

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Yes! You must return to the land of your fathers. The Roman governor is taking a census! ^_^

A. Book An Inn

The Dark Room

5 months ago

This is really linear...

A. Book an Inn

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Oh, shit! You forgot to book an inn! It's too late now! They're all full!

A. Ask For a Room

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A. Ask For a Room

Let me guess. This loops back to me being in a dark room.

The Dark Room

5 months ago

There's no room at the inn!

A. Look For Another Inn

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A. Look For Another Inn

The Dark Room

5 months ago

There's no room at this inn either!

A. Premier Inn!

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A. Premier Inn!

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Lenny Henry hasn't been born yet. He can't help you.

A. Sleep In A Stable

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A. Sleep in a stable

How long can this chain go on?

The Dark Room

4 months ago
(you shouldn't have asked)

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Would I get into copyright trouble If I turned this into a cyoa?

The Dark Room

4 months ago
Not if you publish it on CoG apparently.

The Dark Room

4 months ago

CoG?

The Dark Room

4 months ago

It's already a game on Steam ^_^

The Dark Room

4 months ago

You sleep in the stables. You sleep. You dream... And when sleep has ended... Come on guys, you know the words! ^_^

The Dark Room

4 months ago

I wake up in a dark room!  

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Close enough... You awake to find yourself in a dark room! ^_^

A. Check Pockets

B. Czech Pockets

The Dark Room

4 months ago

A. Check Pockets

Perhaps I have some memento from my night spent in the stables?

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Austinc

Congratulations, you're also wearing checked pockets! ... Well, this is embarrassing, you and Austinc both showing up at the same place wearing the same thing. But don't worry, I'm sure no one will notice because... You know... You're in a dark room.

A. Really Check Pockets

B. Abandon Hope

C. Weep

The Dark Room

4 months ago

A. Really Check Pockets

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Hey man don't question the pockets just do a magic trick. *pulls Dust Bunnies out Czech pockets* hehe lol.cheeky

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Oh... You really want to stick your hands in your pants and just have a little rummage, don't you? I'm sure it's nothing sordid, you're just a sort of self-adventurer, aren't you? Would you perhaps prefer to check your inventory?

A. Inventory

B. Options

The Dark Room

4 months ago

I'm going to regret this won't I? *sighs* A. Inventory?

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Serious gamer that you are, you check your inventory... So, what's in there?

A. Gloves

B. Lint

C. Cheese

D. Stop Checking

The Dark Room

4 months ago

D- Stop checking

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Good! Get those filthy hands out of your pants and get back to work!

A. Find Light Switch

B. Go North

C. Sleep

The Dark Room

4 months ago

I’m guessing Inventory is just a euphemism for penis.

B. Options

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Lol your loss. wink

The Dark Room

4 months ago

... You need options, don't you? Bloody millennials. You know, back in the 80's, we just played the game as it was, but no! If you can't adjust the height of your character so it looks exactly like the version of you that you always see dressed as a fox in the sex dreams that you no doubt explain in tedious and disgusting length on the Furry-Furry-Yiff-Yiff blog you no doubt maintain, you just can't handle it, can you? Fine! Have some options!

A. Change Language

B. Adjust Brightness

The Dark Room

4 months ago

B

The Dark Room

4 months ago

What, the screen, or your IQ?

A. My IQ

B. The Screen

The Dark Room

4 months ago

B. the screen

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Of course... But you may only adjust the brightness down, or else you will defeat the purpose of the game... Congratulations! You have unlocked hard mode!

A. Let's Play Again... But Harder!

The Dark Room

4 months ago

A. Let's Play Again... But Harder!

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Of course... From the top then! ^_^

The Dark Room

4 months ago

A. Let's Play Again... But Harder!

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Definitely A.

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Now this is a person who knows what they want. :p

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Oh... I guess Cricket wants to have a good little rummage too. Having fun in there? Got anything good?

A. Gloves

B. Lint

C. Cheese

D. Stop Checking

The Dark Room

4 months ago

A this is to answer above ^ on my part I just didn't see it.

The Dark Room

4 months ago

A. Gloves

 

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Gloves! They're heavy and thick, Cricket... Just like you. ^_^

A. Lint

B. Cheese

C. Stop Checking

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Hell yeah

A. Lint

 

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Yea Cricket you can do it I just want at least one person to escape so I know It's possible.

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Undr has already escaped.

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Yea I guess you're right.

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Lint. Wonderful! You have a matted up ball of revolting lint. Great for choking up pulg holes, children or pets. ^_^

A. Cheese

B. Stop Checking

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Hmmm...choking up plug holes, you say?  

C.  Insert lint up the rectum of Coins's mother.  

The Dark Room

4 months ago

You attempt to shove the lint up the rectum of Coins mother... Unfortunately, Endmaster is in the way. He politely informs you that while he appreciates your enthusiasm, lint doesn't make for a very effective butt-blug, and would you kindly stop cock-blocking him, please? ... Now, where were we?

A. Cheese

B. Stop Checking

The Dark Room

4 months ago

I guess I'll just...throw this lint out then...Maybe I can use it to plug my nose with if this cheese smells too bad.

A. Cheese

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Cheese! Wonderful! Delicious on crackers. Disgusting beneath the fore-skin... Cheese. ^_^

A. Okay, I know what I have now.

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Excuse you?!  I'm circumcised.  

B.  Keep looking

The Dark Room

4 months ago

You keep looking... But you can't see very well... You're in a dark room.

A. Okay, I know what I have now.

The Dark Room

4 months ago

B.  Keep feeling

The Dark Room

4 months ago

Get your hands out of your pants, you dirty boy!

A. Okay, I know what I have now.

The Dark Room

4 months ago

I take my hands out.  Then I put them back in.

C.  Okay, I know what I have now, but I am going to keep feeling for more anyway.

The Dark Room

4 months ago

I'll take it... And since the thread's way too long, I'm going to start a new one. ^_^

The Dark Room

5 months ago

You also awake to find yourself in a dark room!

A. Go North

B. Turn on Light Switch

C. Sleep

D. Why?

The Dark Room

5 months ago
Why?

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Because it's still dark. And it's still a room. And you're still awake in it. ^_^

A. Sleep

B. Turn on Light Switch

The Dark Room

5 months ago
Sleep.

The Dark Room

5 months ago

After a bizaree wet dream involving an assortment of short crust pastries and The Jonas Brothers...

You awake to find yourself in a dark room! ^_^

A. Check Pockets

B. Czech Pockets

The Dark Room

5 months ago
I don't have pockets.

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Oh shit, you don't have any pockets... Infact, you don't have any clothes at all! You are naked in the dark room! Why the fuck are you naked? What have you been up to, you dirty, dirty boy? I think it's time you started contemplating your life choices... Unfortunately, you don't have much time for that. You catch hypothermia and die!

Would you like to play again? ^_^

A. Yes

B. No

The Dark Room

5 months ago

A. yes

 

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Oh goody! ^_^

The Dark Room

5 months ago

You awake to find yourself in a dark room!

A. Go North

B. Turn on Light Switch

C. Sleep

D. Why?

The Dark Room

5 months ago

D. Why

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Because it's dark, Algae! And it's a room, Algae! And you're awake in it, Algae!

A. Sleep

B. Turn on Light Switch

The Dark Room

5 months ago

B. turn on the light switch

The Dark Room

5 months ago

Well, that's always been your problem, Algae! Self esteem too high! Think you can turn on anything. Even inanimate objects. What would you turn the light switch on with?

A. With My Finger

B. Think Outside The Box

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5 months ago

A. With my FingerS

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5 months ago

Yet again, logic has arrived at the dark room! You would turn the light switch on with your fingerS... There's only one problem with that... You're in a dark room! Your fingerS don't know where the light switch is! Unless of course your fingerS can see in the dark... Can they?

A. My FingerS Can See

B. My FingerS Are Normal

C. My FingerS Are Flipping You Off

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5 months ago

My normal FingerS flip you off and then feel around until they find the wall the lights attached to.

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5 months ago

Hmm... I am curious... What about this game so far has led you to believe that this was a good idea? Still, I don't want to seem unreasonably cruel. There's something I have to admire about a man who commits whole heartedly to a bad chioce. ^_^

You flip me off... Bad news, Algae! I am not in the dark room. You are in the dark room, which means you flip off the shadows, and I don't mean Cliff Richard's opening band, I just mean the darkness... And no, I don't mean them either.

Let me tell you something, Algae... The darkness doesn't care!

A. Weep

B. Refuse To Cry

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5 months ago

Be a real goblin and cry my eyes out in the corner.

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5 months ago

Hey, guess what... This is you:

"Oh, I'm in a dark room... Fuck you, dark room! ... Oh, the dark room doesn't care... Waa!" Krenko the Mob Boss... More like Krenko the Sob Boss! Am I right? Huh? Huh? High fives? No? Ah well.

A. Lean On Wall And Weep

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5 months ago
D. Light up the room with a bright smile!

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5 months ago

You light up the room with your bright smile... But why is your smile so bright? Oh shit, you drank a whole bottle of fluorescent dye. What the fuck did you do that for? Well, you can see as clear as day now, but the bad new is, you also die of poisoning... Would you like to play again?

A. Yes

B. No

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5 months ago

A. Lean on wall and cry.  Then realize that I found a wall and search along wall for light switch.

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5 months ago

Your tears electrocute you. I’ve already done this option.

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5 months ago

*quickly drys eyes before this happens.*

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5 months ago

Watch it say your blind

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5 months ago

What?

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5 months ago

Oh, you're touching the wall? Okey dokey!

You caress the wall... It's indifferent to you.

A. Touch Another Wall

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5 months ago

I will tell the wall that I am not interested in them and only finding the light switch for freedom A.

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4 months ago

Now the first wall's jealous! ... And extremely offended! Seriously, what's wrong with the wall? Is it because they're too fat?

A. Apologize

B. Touch Yet Another Wall

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4 months ago

A. Apologize 

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4 months ago

It doesn't care. It's a wall.

A. Touch Yet Another Wall

B. Find Light Switch

C. Exit

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4 months ago

C. exit

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4 months ago

Haha... No!

A. Quit The Game

B. Unplug The Computer

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4 months ago

C. Haha... No!

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4 months ago

Haha, hahaha, hahahaha... No!

A. Quit The Game

B. Unplug The Computer

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4 months ago

D? Haha, hahaha, hahahaha... No!

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4 months ago

Hah, hahah, hahahaha, hahahahaha... Yes!

A. Ha!

B. Haha!

C. Hahaha!

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4 months ago

C. Hahaha!

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4 months ago

Hahaha... No!

A. Quit The Game

B. Unplug The Computer

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4 months ago

B. Unplug the computer

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4 months ago

... You awake to find yourself in an ever darker room!

A. Go North

B. Turn on Light Swith

C. Sleep

D. Why?

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4 months ago

A.

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4 months ago

Ehem... What is this "A" you speak of? I believe you mean "A", correct?

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4 months ago

A. go along the north.

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4 months ago

You proceed in the direction you believe to be north... And walk into a wall. It then occurs to you that you have no idea which direction north is. How can you be sure? You don't have a compass, and even if you did, you wouldn't be able to see it. You're in a dark room!

A. Type

B. Weigh

C. Abandon Hope

D. Find Light Switch

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4 months ago

B. Weigh

 

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4 months ago

Oh... Oh Algae, no... No, no, no... It's just too sad. Is this what pop culture has done to you? To your entire generation? You think, "Oh! I'm in a dark room! ... I do hope I'm not fat."

You weigh yourself. You don't like what you find!

A. Type

B. Check Pockets

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4 months ago

A. Type

 

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4 months ago

Wonderful! And what will you type?

A. 50 Shades of Grey!

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4 months ago

B. I very nice latter requesting freedom...

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4 months ago

You write a very nice letter requesting freedom. Freedom... From Christian Grey! Hence why your letter is titled "Fifty Shades Freed", the equally terrible sequel to "Fifty Shades of Grey". ^_^

Anyways... You have written the most horrific piece of filth in all of creation! A book that is pure torture to read. Not only a crime against literature, but against bondage itself (which is ironic, since those guys love torture... But even they can't stand this monstrosity!) And as punishment for your crimes, I have no choice but to inform you...

YOU DIE!!!

Would you like to play again?

A. Yes

B. No

C. Can I have an inventory too? ^_^

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4 months ago

c

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4 months ago

You awake to find yourself in a dark room! ... With some gloves. And some cheese. And some lint. ^_^

A. Eat Cheese

B. Eat Gloves

C. Eat Lint

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4 months ago

B.  Eat gloves.  Old animal matter is good.

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4 months ago

Hungry, but also stupid, you eat the gloves... And promptly choke to death on them. Would you like to play again? ^_^

A. Yes

B. No

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4 months ago

OBJECTION!

Crickets cannot choke.

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4 months ago

Why not? Too much practice deep-throating?

TAKE THAT!!!

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4 months ago

Do you have a problem with that!?  

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4 months ago

surprise

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4 months ago

Not at all. Gobbling on goolies is a very productive past time, and a great way to make new friends. ^_^

... You're still dead though. Would you like to play again?

A. Yes

B. No

C. Can I at least keep my inventory? I feel like I was making progress.

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4 months ago

The only way to make friends.

C.  Can I at least keep my inventory?  I was killed unjustly and nonsensically, as it is impossible for a cricket to choke.

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4 months ago

Once again, you awake to find yourself in a dark room! ... With some gloves. And some cheese. And some lint. ^_^

A. Eat Cheese

B. Eat Gloves

C. Eat Lint

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4 months ago

Looks at gloves longingly

The lint I need to save.  So I suppose I'll eat the cheese.  

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4 months ago

Hungry from your virtual captivity, you tuck into a fine meal of moldy, processed curds. Your stomach grumbles... Oh dear. The cheese doesn't seem to have agreed with you. Too bad. I hear indigestion can give you some weird dreams. frown

A. Eat Gloves

B. Eat Lint

C. Sleep

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4 months ago

I should join the weird dream club eventually.  I might as well today!  

C.  Sleep

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4 months ago

You sleep. You dream. And when sleep is over... You awake to find yourself... On a bizaree and cringey edge-lord internet forum! Everything is controlled by some egotisitcal she-witch who everybody indulges because she wrote a half-decent story about 5 years ago and everybody is silently hoping that if they put up with her crap for long enough, she might actually get around to writing the sequel... But here's the plot twist, Cricket... It'll never happen! NEVAH!!!

A. Fuck this shit, I'm bored now

B. Wait... You're telling me Quest for the Holy Grail isn't getting a sequel? crying

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4 months ago

I love me some suspense-inflicted pain.  This forum needs more EndMaster though.  

C.  Ask someone to call EndMaster three times for me because I lost my phone

 

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4 months ago

Having all the excitement and  anticipation of a 12 year old edge-lord attempting the Momo challenge... But also being a complete pussy, you ask someone else to summon Endmaster for you while you hide behind the door, nervously giggling to yourself and occasionally popping your head in to ask if he's here yet.

Anyways... @Endmaster @Endmaster @Endmaster @BEETLEJUICE!!!

I leave this puny cricket's fate in your capable hands. ^_^

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4 months ago
This'll be one of those rare times when tagging End three times likely won't result in a ban. After all, you're a very good author and Cricket's End's new favorite daughter. But good try!

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4 months ago

The notification never showed up so the summon failed anyway. (Well the banning summon failed I suppose) Only reason why I knew anything at all was due to clicking the thread and glancing through it.

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4 months ago

A.  Rejoice with exceeding gladness

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4 months ago

You rejoice with exceeding gladness... So much so that your poor little cricket heart can't take it. You suffer a cricket heart attack and die. Would you like to play again? cheeky

A. Yes

B. No

C. Crickets can't have heart attacks!

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4 months ago

C.  Crickets can't have heart attacks!  

Open circulatory system, baby.  

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4 months ago

No choking, no heart attacks... Am I going to have to squish you?

A. Yep

B. Please don't

C. Crickets can't get squished

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4 months ago

C.  Cricket's can't get squished. 

I have an android body that is the reason I can easily type and all that.  

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4 months ago

Fair enough. Still, let me ask you this... Why is nobody paying attention to the puppy? Did you guys not see the fucking puppy? I demand that somebody plays with the puppy!

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4 months ago

I wouldn't want to get in the way of a puppy and his fucking.  

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4 months ago

What's he fucking? frown

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4 months ago

It's hard to tell from the front here, but it looks like your mom.  

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4 months ago

A.  Politely look away from the scene.  

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4 months ago

You politely look away from the scene... My Mum is amused by your coyness and invited you to join in.

A. Join in

B. Look away even more politely

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4 months ago

B.  I am a good cricket I am.  

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4 months ago

Now my Mum is extremely offended! Is she not good enough for you?

A. Yes

B. No

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4 months ago

A.  Yes, she is, but she needs to remember that our Tuesday is our day.   I can only handle her the once a week.

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4 months ago

... Well, it's Tuesday. You gonna join in now? ^_^

A. Yes

B. No

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4 months ago

B.  No, I'm too bitter and jealous because now she's screwing a puppy on OUR DAY!

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4 months ago

Well, now my mum is furious, and decides to abandon her beastiality for a nice, modern, bug-squishing fetish. Apparently it's all the rage nowadays.

And no, you can't play again until everybody stops fucking around with the thread at the bottom. The light switch is right there! Somebody flip it already.

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4 months ago

Kinky.  Ah damn.

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4 months ago
Can I make this an actual story game? Or would that be stealing. Or should I just do it but with big red words written in blood that say it doesn’t belong to me and it belongs to the author.

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4 months ago

Already ahead of you, I started about a week ago maybe 2.

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4 months ago
Damn, guess I have the slowest draw in CYS *fistfull of dollars theme music intensifies*

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4 months ago

You also awake to find yourself in a dark room! ... With some gloves. And some cheese. And some lint. May I recommend the house special, sir? I hear the lint is a local delicacy. ^_^

A. Eat Cheese

B. Eat Gloves

C. Eat Lint

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4 months ago
I’d like some well done lint please

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4 months ago

Hungry... And extremely stupid, you wolf down the ball of lint... Does nobody on this forum listen to me? What did I just say about choking? ... You need to chew your lint, you daft pillock.

A. Chew lint

B. Swallow it whole

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4 months ago
Swallow it whole like I swallowed ..... ummmm maybe it’s best I don’t mention that?

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4 months ago

You reckless turd! You're choking now! Goodbye Mr Airflow!

You sleep, and when sleep is over... You awake to find yourself in a dark room! ... Oh, and you vomited. Lovely.

... But what's this? Shuffling and snuffling from the darkness... It's a hungry little friend... Oh my... IT'S A PUPPY!!! heartheartheart

I think it wants to eat the vomit.

A. Let him eat the vomit

B. Put gloves on puppy

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4 months ago

Let him eat the vomit. If a puppy wants it, there is no force in nature that can stop it. 

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4 months ago

Awh! He likes it... And he likes you! Making a friend, are you, Llewxam? Well, it's working. It's tail isn't just wagging, all it's little puppy paws are wiggling happily. Why, it's like watching Bill Cosby wave you goodnight as the roofies kick in. ^_^

A. Pat it's head

B. Rub it's belly

C. Scratch behing it's big, fluffy ears!

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4 months ago
¿C. Please?

(Yes Max I’m stealing your thread which you stole from me, get your own, child)

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4 months ago

Awh! You scratch behind it's adorable puppy ears and he rolls onto his belly with glee! You've made a little buddy, Garforj! So, how about it? Shall we give your fuzzy little friend a name?

A. Pup

B. Fido

C. GarforjiTheBastard Junior

D. Shit-head

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4 months ago

D

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4 months ago
God dammit Max! ¿What in the ten minus one squares of heck is a huckleberrying greenish yellow bastard son of a Scottish immigrant peddler like YOU doing here looking so fucking
RAZZMATAZZ right now? How can I get this into your head, GET YOUR OWN THREAD

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4 months ago

Insult thief. You are the lowest of the lows. You should be ashamed

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4 months ago
You are a thread thief and therefore don’t have the right to criticize a non-thread thief.

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4 months ago

I’m only stealing what wasn’t originally yours. I don’t know if you have noticed, but a majority of this thread has how many of your responses in it? 

Hint: It’s less than 1

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4 months ago
No, You are replying where I’m supposed to be replying to this chooseyourstory within a forum. What I’m saying is reply to the creator of this thread yourself you twat.

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4 months ago

Oh but I did.... check my first reply

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4 months ago
RrrrEEEEEEEEEEEEE you annoy me child. STOP ANSWERING FOR ME. I don’t give consent. No consento, no writo on my replies please, got it?

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4 months ago

Got it ;)

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4 months ago
D

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4 months ago

Shit-head! Yes, a fine name indeed! Oh, Garforj, what fun you're having! You love puppies! Oh, how you love puppies! It chases you! You chase it! It barks! You bark! Oh, you're having such a wonderful time. Puppies are great, aren't they? It's your little Puppa-wuppa-puppa-wuppa-woowoo! Yes! How you love him so! And I bet... It'll even help you get out of here. ^_^

A. Go North

B. Turn on Light Switch

C. Sleep

D. Why?

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4 months ago
D

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4 months ago

Because it's dark. And it's a room. And you're awake in it... With the world's most adorable puppy!!! ^_^

A. Sleep

B. Turn on Light Switch

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4 months ago

C. Throw Shit Head in order to find a wall

(Haha, now I stole your thread)

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4 months ago
*controller throwing intensifies*

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4 months ago

You throw Shit-head at the wall... He bounces off and wags his tail happily. The wall is delighted by the adorable ball of fluffiness! ^_^

A. Throw Shit-head at another wall

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4 months ago

B. Hold Shit-Head hostage until the wall tells me some helpful info

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4 months ago

The wall adores the puppy so much that it refuses to let any harm come to it. To appease you, they decide to offer you something... Congratulations! You've found the light switch! You have but to flick it... But right now, your hands are full of puppy.

A. Put the puppy down

B. Forget about escaping and live in peace and harmony with the adorable ball of fluffiness! ^_^

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4 months ago

C. I allow the wall some puppy time for showing me where the light switch is, as well as to show the light switch that I’m good on my deals. After the Wall is satisfied, I briefly rub Shit-head against the light switch a couple of times to get it addicted to the feel of the puppy’s soft fur. Then I hold the puppy around it’s midsection with one hand, and put my other on it muzzle threateningly. I then tell the light switch that if it doesn’t turn itself on it will never feel it’s fluff again.

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4 months ago

... You threaten the poor, innocent puppy infront of the light switch... It makes no response. It's a light switch. Looks like you're going to have to turn the light switch on yourself.

A. Put the puppy down

B. Forget about escaping and live in peace and harmony with the adorable ball of fluffiness! ^_^

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4 months ago

Cricket, I apologize for my previous remarks about the condition of your feet, and I hope that you can look past my past mistakes in order to help me in a time of need. I would like to tap out to allow someone that has more limbs than me to take over, since I love Shit-head too much to risk holding him/her/it/whatever with only one hand. I believe that you can safely hold Shit-head as well as turn on the light switch. What do you say?

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4 months ago

As I am a very forgiving cricket, I shall agree for the sake of Shit-heads everywhere.  Just keep your eyes on my face while we do this please.  

C.  Use multiple legs to grab Shit-head, and turn the light switch on

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4 months ago

You attempt to turn the light switch on, but your pathetic Crickety limbs just aren't strong enough... But you might be able to flick the light switch if you use all of your limbs, but to do that you'd need to... You know... Put the puppy down!

A. Put the puppy down

B. Forget about escaping and live in peace and harmony with the adorable ball of fluffiness! ^_^

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4 months ago

C.  Call Autistic over to flip the switch while I hold the puppy.  

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4 months ago

C. My brain may be no good, but I can flip switch real good

 

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4 months ago

Yes, Austinc, I'm sure you're a champ, unfortunately, the wall only revealed itself to the one who is holding the puppy. So, only the person holding the puppy can flip it... After they've put it down, of course.

A. Put the puppy down

B. Forget about escaping and live in peace and harmony with the adorable ball of fluffiness! ^_^

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4 months ago

Weird logic, but okay. I’m going to go for a left, right, left, right, jump, crouch, jump, crouch, A, B, A, B. Now that I’ve activated cheats, I’m going to give my self a diamond pickaxe to break through the wall while cricket hold shit-head.

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4 months ago

Holds Shit-head

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4 months ago
*comes back from the dead, stomps on cricket and holds and pets shit-head*

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4 months ago

Ghost rises from body

I'm telling my dad!

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4 months ago

/kill GarforjTheBastard

/tp Cricket Austinc

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4 months ago
*possesses shit-head, jumps out of cricket’s arms?, and curls up in a fetal position in the corner*

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4 months ago

/unpossess Shit-head

/kick GarforjTheBastard

/tp Shit-head Cricket

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4 months ago
Uhhhhh shit

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4 months ago

Wait, what was that? A? I definitely heard A. After jumping around, crouching and doing the cha-cha slide for awhile, you definitely said A first... A it is! You put the puppy down! ^_^

 

 

... But wait... No... There's no need to euthanize the dog, Austinc. No, you don't need to twist it's little head like... Oh... ... ... That's... That's okay... It's little tail was probably tired from all that wagging.

I see you selected B next, but... I'm afraid the option to live happily with the puppy is no longer available since... You know... He's gone up to puppy heaven.

A. surprise

B. sad

C. crying

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4 months ago

A.  surprise

MEEEAAAT

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4 months ago

You eat shithead... He's delicious ^_^

... And, I think I'm going to end the game there. I'm bored now, and also past any point where I actually know what happens next, so... Yey! That was fun!

You all die horribly... Except for @undr who managed to escape. Congratulations, undr! You win... A flamboyant potato! ^_^

Image result for pineapple

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4 months ago
That bitch is lying to you, Undr. That's a pineapple, not a potato. Trust me, I know these things. :)

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4 months ago

I just want to have reply #301!