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Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Having a comment featured (2 points)

Recommending a comment for featuring (1 point)
Recommending a user's excellent aid in the last six months for points (1 point)
Recommending a tag change for a storygame (1 point)
Recommending a storygame for movement to a different category (1 point)
Recommending a storygame for a change in maturity level or difficulty level (1 point for each)
Recommending a storygame for featuring (1 point)
Recommending a storygame for unpublishing (1 point)
Recommending a comment for deletion (1 poin
t)

So, in other words, if you go, right now, and find 5 storygames which are not properly tagged (there are literally dozens of these out there), then you'll get 5 points.

The catch: to get points for recommending something, I have to agree with you. If you recommend a story for featuring and I don't feature it, then you don't get the points. This is to prevent people from gaming the system. Don't worry, for most of the above recommendations, you won't get rejected often if you follow proper procedure. (Except maybe on the "recommending for featuring.")

However, you need to follow the correct procedure to get your points!

Recommending a comment for featuring:

Reply to THIS thread to THIS post with:
- A hyperlink to the storygame
- The comment that you think deserves featuring (copy and paste it)
- The username of the person who wrote the comment (doesn't have to be the exact username, just enough so I understand who it is)
- If there are already 3 featured comments on the storygame, you also have to let me know whose comment you think should be replaced.
- If I agree, you will get 1 point and the person whose comment is featured will get 2 points. If you are reccomending your own comment, then you only get 2 points.

Recommending a comment for deletion:

Reply to THIS thread to THIS post with:
- A hyperlink to the storygame
- The comment that you think deserves deletion (copy and paste it)
- The username of the person who wrote the comment (doesn't have to be the exact username, just enough so I understand who it is)

It has to either have spammy punctuation, flame the author, be completely incomprehensible, be a duplicate comment, or not actually be a comment (such as "..." or "poop" or something).

Note: Do not recommend comments on Endmaster, madglee, or Tanstaafl's games for deletion unless they are spammy or deformed. Basically, they like to read their flamers so don't rob them of that.

 

Recommending a user's aid in the advanced editor (post must be made in the last 6 months)

Reply to THIS thread to THIS post with:
- The user who provided the aid
- A hyperlink to the post where he provided the aid

Recommending a tag change for a storygame

Reply to THIS thread to THIS post with:
- A hyperlink to the storygame
- All of the tags you believe the story should have

Recommending a category change for a storygame

Reply to THIS thread to THIS post with:
- A hyperlink to the storygame
- The category you believe it should be in
- A short explanation of why

Recommending a change in maturity or difficulty level for a storygame

Reply to THIS thread to THIS post with:
- A hyperlink to the storygame
- The change you think should be made
- A short explanation of why

Recommending a storygame for featuring

 

Recommending a forum thread for deletion

Reply to THIS thread to THIS post with:
- A hyperlink to the thread
- A short rationale for why

Recommending a storygame for unpublishing

Reply to THIS thread to THIS post with:
- A hyperlink to the storygame
- A short explanation of why [specifically, you must describe how it fails to meet minimum site standards]

    • After receiving at least 7 ratings and being published for at least 1 week, the storygame is rated 1/8
    • After receiving at least 7 ratings and being published for at least 1 week, the storygame is rated 2/8 and its length is 1/8
    • The storygame has all of the following characteristics:
      • Grammar and style poor enough that it cannot be ignored
      • A plot which is poor or nonexistent
      • Poor pacing (usually characterized by frequent and unpredictable end game links)
      • A lack of important decisions
      • Unbelievable or overly cliched dialogue (if dialogue is present in the story)
    • The storygame has "dead" pages- pages with no links or way to proceed.
    • The storygame's central concept is pornographic in nature
    • The storygame is not a storygame and is instead intended to fulfill a goal such as communicating with another member (including all inside jokes) or advertising a product.
    • The storygame is explicitly described by the author as a "troll" game, or intentionally poor quality.
    • Any unfinished story rated 4 or less which has been published for over six months.
      • What qualifies a story as "unfinished?"

        1. Specifically stating in the description/text of the game that it is a "demo."

        2. Ending abruptly with a notice that it will be continued later.

        Games that say they are the first in a series are not automatically considered "unfinished." As long as the game itself is complete, even if the author never returned to write a sequel, it is not up for unpublishing.

         

If you don't follow protocol, either there will be no negative repercussions, you will be ignored, or I'll take your advice and not reward you with points. Following protocol expedites the process for me so I don't have to spend a lot of time making changes.

To summarize: post here (for the most part) with recommendations for who I should reward / what I should change and I'll reward you with points. Take a second to check the posts above you and see if someone else has already made the recommendation.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

30 days + Difficult to scroll on the iPad means let's start a new one. 

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending Stories for unpublishing;

1) http://chooseyourstory.com/story/warriors~3a-the-unknown-destiny~2e~2e~2e~21

The storygame has "dead" pages- pages with no links or way to proceed.

2) http://chooseyourstory.com/story/hero's-quest---ep~2e1

The storygame has "dead" pages- pages with no links or way to proceed.

3) http://chooseyourstory.com/story/jadeclan

The storygame has all of the following characteristics:

  • Grammar and style poor enough that it cannot be ignored
  • A plot which is poor or nonexistent
  • Poor pacing (usually characterized by frequent and unpredictable end game links)
  • A lack of important decisions
  • Unbelievable or overly cliched dialogue (if dialogue is present in the story)

4) http://chooseyourstory.com/story/minecraft-adventure~21

After receiving at least 7 ratings and being published for at least 1 week, the storygame is rated 2/8 and its length is 1/8

5) http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-werewolf-in-land-park

The storygame has "dead" pages- pages with no links or way to proceed.

6) http://chooseyourstory.com/story/a-day-as-a-cat~21

After receiving at least 7 ratings and being published for at least 1 week, the storygame is rated 2/8 and its length is 1/8

7) http://chooseyourstory.com/story/alone-in-the-ball-pit

After receiving at least 7 ratings and being published for at least 1 week, the storygame is rated 2/8 and its length is 1/8

8) http://chooseyourstory.com/story/fencing-simulater

The storygame has all of the following characteristics:

  • Grammar and style poor enough that it cannot be ignored
  • A plot which is poor or nonexistent
  • Poor pacing (usually characterized by frequent and unpredictable end game links)
  • A lack of important decisions
  • Unbelievable or overly cliched dialogue (if dialogue is present in the story)

9) http://chooseyourstory.com/story/robot-fight

The storygame has "dead" pages- pages with no links or way to proceed.

10) http://chooseyourstory.com/story/manifest-destiny

The storygame has "dead" pages- pages with no links or way to proceed. (you said it yourself in the comments.)

11) http://chooseyourstory.com/story/warrior-cats~7ethe-great-war~7e

The storygame has "dead" pages- pages with no links or way to proceed.

12) http://chooseyourstory.com/story/john-cena-vs-the-rookie

After receiving at least 7 ratings and being published for at least 1 week, the storygame is rated 2/8 and its length is 1/8

 

 

Recommending Stories for Category change;

1) http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-new-beginning

Should be in Fanfic. WC game.

2) http://chooseyourstory.com/story/warriors~3a-the-unknown-destiny~2e~2e~2e~21

Should be in Fanfic. WC Game. (It'll probably be unpublished soon too. Just have to wait six more days.)

3) http://chooseyourstory.com/story/warriorcats-adventure-part-1

Should be in Fanfic. WC game.

4) http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-maze-runner

Should be in FanFic. It says in the description that it's based off a book/movie.

 

 

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Do you not agree with them? Or did I do the recommending wrong?

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Seth?

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Sorry, Taco.  Memory lapse. I'll get to it today.

Dead links dont need an explanation, but for the list of characteristics, pls include examples.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

And . . . done!

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

3) http://chooseyourstory.com/story/jadeclan

The storygame has all of the following characteristics:

  • Grammar and style poor enough that it cannot be ignored

"I am sincerley sorry i was chased by dogs and i was hungry, i meant no harm at all." You purr so graciously. the younger cat hissed and yowled. "We should rip off your fur!" "Lionpaw!" - no paragraphs between different speakers, 'I' lpwercase.

  • A plot which is poor or nonexistent

Same as most of the other warrior cats, but with a chance to end it early. You join a clan, you do this, you find a mate, you become a warrior, etc.

  • Poor pacing (usually characterized by frequent and unpredictable end game links)

Any variation from the storyline gets you an end game link

  • A lack of important decisions

Same reason as above, plus about half the time it's just clarifying whether or not you're a tom or a she-cat.

  • Unbelievable or overly cliched dialogue (if dialogue is present in the story)

"Um Heartwing, i have known you for a long time and i would really like it if you would be my mate. Please i truly really love you."

"Oh Lionclaw i have waited forever to hear those words!"

"Heartwing, I will never love anyone else,

 

 

8) http://chooseyourstory.com/story/fencing-simulater

The storygame has all of the following characteristics:

  • Grammar and style poor enough that it cannot be ignored

You Thrust Your Sword at your opponent and hit him in the side. - It's not even a sword. It's supposed to be a fencing simulator. Also, it shouldn't be capitalized. The style of having only one or two sentences per page is very monotonous.

  • A plot which is poor or nonexistent

You either attack, block, or chose whether you're balanced when meeting a new opponent - or there's just one link and you can't even decide that. Each page only had one or two links on it.

  • Poor pacing (usually characterized by frequent and unpredictable end game links)

There was no excitement. If you clicked the wrong link, you lost and it was end game.

  • A lack of important decisions

Already mentioned above

  • Unbelievable or overly cliched dialogue (if dialogue is present in the story)

No dialogue

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/LeafClan-Story

Changing Maturity Level to 3

"You are frozen in shock as you watch Brownpelt and Silverleaf crumple to the ground.

Then the worst thing happens - you watch as Gorsestar, the enemy Clan's leader, delivers a killing bite to your mother. "No!" you and Dreamkit cry. "Retreat!" Gorsestar yells."

 

 

By the way, can I just make a list of all the games that deserve the "serious" tag?

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Oh gosh yes. There's probably literally hundreds of them.  >_<

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a change of category:

Basic History/Geography Quiz

This game is currently in "Edutainment". It should be moved to "Everything Else", as it is a quiz.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Storygame for featuring

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/orpheus

-------------------------------------------------------

I found this story to be a great piece of writing. Capable of being featured easilly in my books.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

The title isn't even capitalized...

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

I put the wrong hyperlink. You haven't even looked at the actual page to know.

chooseyourstory.com/story/orpheus

There! Just look at the actual page to know. It IS capitalized!

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

*shrugs* I was going off of the link. Usually if the story is capitalized, the link is too. You must have typed it in instead of copy/paste.

Edit; Also, for it to be featured, doesn't it have to have an average of 7/8 or 8/8 rating from various people who've read it?

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Well "The Firebird" got a 6/8 rating and is featured. Also, I did copy/paste it. So that's strange if it usually is capitalized on the link...

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago
On another note, there are already six featured games in "Love & Dating". You have to recommend which one "Orpheus" should replace and why "Orpheus" deserves to be featured more than the story it is usurping.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Orpheus was unfeatured to make room for Through Time.  See how it has the "Previously Featured" tag?

 

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Yeah, 3J switched it out on account of its linearity.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a storygame for unpublishing:

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/college~2e

After receiving at least 7 ratings and being published for at least 1 week, the storygame is rated 2/8 and its length is 1/8.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago
Did this one ever get unpublished? I see it out there today and see weird things in the author's profile (??? for member since)?

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a category change:

Warriors: A Lightclan Story

Currently in "Everything Else", should be moved to fanfiction.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

A comment for deletion: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-story-of-a-unicorn

"What the heck and help me will my points and challenge me ok" by Pewdiepie10

This is a comment to an unpublished story through an exploit in exp points and "sneak preview". The user has also rated the story. More details are posted here: http://chooseyourstory.com/forums/writing-workshop/message/15913#546378

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending game for deletion:

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/minecraft-adventure~21

Reason: I have no clue how this hasn't been deleted. It's been published for over a week and has a rating of 1.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

I had already recommended it to be unpublished in my long post up top. *checks point histories*

Hey wait, why did you get the point for it? Did Seth just miss my post?

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Shhhh... Only dreams now.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a change of category:

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/hogwarts-2015

Reason: It is currently in "Fantasy Adventure," but it's based off of 'Harry Potter,' so it really belongs in 'Fanfiction.'

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/ministry-of-magic

Reason: It is currently in "Fantasy Adventure," but it's based off of 'Harry Potter,' so it really belongs in 'Fanfiction.'

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/ministry-of-magic-interview

Reason: It is currently in "Fantasy Adventure," but it's based off of 'Harry Potter,' so it really belongs in 'Fanfiction.'

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Hmm, I think I might wait and see if those are unpublished entirely. . .

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

I think this is a suitable one to feature as the third comment on the story, and it's a nice going away present for TinTin. (Two big fat points!)

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/repression

In my opinion, this is one your best games. Something I've noticed is that you tend to use one of two types of protagonist in your stories; the badass (Eternal, Ground Zero, Alpha Wolf, Necromancer...) and the lame...ass (Geek, Tales from The Basement, AVSCYS). Then I guess there's the normal guy just trying to survive in Death Song, the vagina-wearing lunatic in Love SICK and the kid in Imagination who have both badass and lameass characteristics.
But anyhow, what I'm trying to say is that although Eternal is arguably your most epic and impressive story (and probably my favourite overall), I could relate a lot more to the protagonist in this story. I read Eternal as if from a distance, in awe, as the almost god-like protagonist went through his various tribulations. But I read Repression as if I were there. Your other 'lame-ass' protagonists, like in TFTB and Geek, were a bit extreme (not a criticism; I get they're meant to be satirical characters/butt monkeys for your own twisted amusement), but this repressed lame-ass reminds me of people I know IRL. Not to mention myself lol. And it was great that the lame-ass could have a happy ending for once (that is actually realistic-not, 'you're suddenly a completely normal person and you live happily ever after', but 'you did some good today. Things are starting to look up'. And it was scary how easily things could go wrong as well, like IRL. I'd also agree with 31TeV and Loon about the merits of your writing style here and the variety of endings. And yeah, this is probably your most tasteful game.
My one criticism would be about the 'group hug' option. It was kinda cool in a 'wtf!? Oh, forgot I was reading an Endmaster story lol...' kinda way, but I felt like it was just thrown in there to fuck with us, and therefore the story lost some of it's realism (and therefore, it's relatability and poignancy and whatnot) for me. Otherwise, I think I might have given this an 8/8 like Eternal.
But anyhow, great job! 7/8

-- Tintin on 3/28/2015 12:34:19 PM

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Reccommending a story for deletion:

Ministry of Magic Interview

It has recieved 20 ratings, and it's 1/8, AND its length is 1/8.

Precisely zero decisions of any importance.

Shit grammar.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago
It hasn't been published for a week, though.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Curses!

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago
All three of those HP games were published on the same day. If they maintain the same rating, then, in a few days, you can recommend all three of them for unpublishing.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending game fore deletion:

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/after-the-ministry-interview

Reason: It isn't even a game. It's just click, click, click, click, click, done. Seriously, that's how many clicks that are required.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending storygames for unpublishing

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/splice-girls

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/attack-of-the-manatees

Reasons:

The storygame has all of the following characteristics:

  • Grammar and style poor enough that it cannot be ignored
  • A plot which is poor or nonexistent
  • Poor pacing (usually characterized by frequent and unpredictable end game links)
  • A lack of important decisions

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/The-Werewolf-in-Land-Park

Reasons:

  • The storygame has "dead" pages- pages with no links or way to proceed.
  • The storygame is not a storygame and is instead intended to fulfill a goal such as communicating with another member (including all inside jokes) or advertising a product.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

@Penworth, you can't just list the standard, I need  "A short explanation of why [specifically, you must describe how it fails to meet minimum site standards]"

 

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Oh ok. Sorry. I'll edit it.

 

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Comment on You!

why
-- Slim jim on 1/16/2015 6:35:38 AM

Comment on http://chooseyourstory.com/story/The-Black-Butler
Well. Uh...
-- Creature on 4/9/2015 2:17:52 PM

Comment on Hobbit quiz

aaa
-- A on 3/7/2015 3:47:57 AM with a score of 250

hi
-- me on 12/23/2014 12:53:58 AM with a score of 350

Hishau
-- Hi but on 9/7/2014 10:08:53 PM with a score of 500

Comment on The Bachelor

lol
-- katkid98 on 4/9/2015 9:27:33 AM

All for deletion, obviously.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/ARFEC-2013
Needs the foreign language tag.

P.S. Thanks for listing me up there, Seth!

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Done

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a comment for deletion:

ass

A Game of Life and Death
ass (Score of 2000)
4/21/2015 9:05:05 PM

Reason: I guarantee you this guy's name is not at all relevant to my game. :P

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago
I don't see how or why you hyperlinked the word 'ass', as that commenter is not a member here. I will admit, though, that seeing the words 'mailto: ass' made me laugh a little.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

I didn't hyperlink it, though, James.

I copied it directly from my comments list and, bizarrely, it was hyperlinked in my comment list, even though it's not hyperlinked on the game. (I'm assuming the guy somehow did that on purpose, even though no other commentor's name was hyperlinked.)

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago
Sorry...

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Every once in a while that happens. Hyperlinked names in comments even though the person doesn't have an account.  It may have something to do with guests who type an email address as their name.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago
Ah, that makes sense.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

:P Nbd.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Edit: Disregard.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a change of category:

James 2

This story should be moved from "Edutainment" to "Everything Else", as it is a quiz.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

done

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a storygame for unpublishing

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/ministry-of-magic-interview

After receiving at least 7 ratings and being published for at least 1 week, the storygame is rated 1/8

Recommending a storygame for unpublishing

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/hogwarts-2015

After receiving at least 7 ratings and being published for at least 1 week, the storygame is rated 2/8 and its length is 1/8

 

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Done.

I know other people mentioned it, but I don't think it had been a week yet.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/suzy's-strange-saga

?Add tags: Drama, humor, RPG, horror.

Also maybe part of a series?

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Those are already on it. 

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Whoops, wack. Weren't there a day ago haha. Damned Endmaster.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending tag change for storygame:

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/fnaf-the-first-night~21

If you don't delete the entire story, then you should at least delete the 'Based Off A True Story' tag.

Reason: FNAF isn't a true story. Sorry to break it to delusional fans, but it isn't.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

They're not necessarily delusional. Ever watch Game Theory?

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Or, possibly the author thought it meant based on a real story. They didn't put it in fan fic either.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a category change for a storygame:

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/fnaf-the-first-night~21

Fan Fiction

Tis based on Five Nights at Freddy's

Recommending a storygame for unpublishing:

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/a-hungergames-adventure

  • The storygame has "dead" pages- pages with no links or way to proceed.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Unpublished the second, but didnt change the tag on the first since its unpublished.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a story-game for unpublishing:

FNAF The First Night

This story-game has:

1.Grammar and style poor enough that it can not be ignored.

"You walk in your office. You open the cameras and check out the place. 'Creepy.' You whisper. Why did i come here? You take out a notebook."

In this example, you have have two instances of internal monologue. Oddly, in one case, the character's thoughts are in quotations, while, in the other instance, the character's thoughts are simply italicized. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to the author's choice to do so. Of course, there is also the glaring failure to capitalize the pronoun "I".

2. A plot which is poor or non-existent.

The main character's motivations for taking the job, which pays horribly, are not defined.

3. Poor pacing

The story ends abruptly and anticlimactically, when, after getting molested by a purple robot bear, you choose to look at Pirate cove and realize that your shift is over. Prior to that point, you have no indication of what time it is or even when your shift ends.

4. A lack of important decisions.

There is an Endgame link on the first page, removing almost every incentive to continue. The consequences of your actions throughout the game are nonsensical. If you choose to try to flee through the door of your office when attacked by a purple bear, as opposed to throwing him a rabbit leg that you have in your desk for some reason, you get cornered by a chicken who crams you into a fursuit, killing you. But, on the same page, you acquire a flashlight for some reason. If you use the flashlight, you are taken to the same page that you would be taken to if you threw the bear the rabbit leg. Of course, if you then choose to look at the kitchen, as opposed to looking at pirate cove, another chicken attacks and kills you, at which point you get a knife that will take you to the same page that the flashlight did. How can our choices be important if the consequences of those actions don't match up with the actions themselves?

5. Unbelievable or overly cliched dialogue (if dialogue is present in the story)

In this story, there is nothing that can be considered, by even the most liberal of standards, to be dialogue.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

To be fair, I don't think the actual game gives the main character any discernible motivation for taking/keeping the job.

all else, accepted. 

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a comment for deletion (1 point)

omg, this is bad. serously, ur spoused to make this like a vidio game. 

this also too long. ur a bad writer. u should read some Erin Hunter too learn how to write, LOL. EPIC FAIL.

-- Leafnose on 4/25/2015 2:43:37 PM with a score of 0

Suzy's Strange Saga by Endmaster

?

****ing WC fan.....

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago
Yeah, that's probably not a legitimate Warriors fan, just someone who knows the site and is trying to get under everyone's skins.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

I was thinking of that too after I post this. Can't edit it, dang it.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

"Note: Do not recommend comments on Endmaster, Madglee, or Tanstaafl's games for deletion.

basically, they like to read their flamers, so don't rob them of that."

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago
You sure we can't consider it "spammy" or "deformed"?

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Deformed is for comments that mess up the display by being really long or really spaced out.

Spammy is for comments that don't say anything related to the game.

This is an amusingly bad comment, which by my understanding, is exactly the kind of thing he wants to keep.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Sorry, didn't read the thread entirely.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a story-game for unpublishing:

Shopping at Wal-mart.

After receiving at least 7 ratings and being published for at least 1 week, this storygame is rated 2/8 and its length is 1/8

Recommending comments for deletion:

Death Song

"I LIKE EYES"

--Sookibear

Reason: Spammy as fuck.

"OMG"

--katkid98

Reason: Spammy.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Delete, and removed the first comment.

"Omg" could theoretically be a comment on the story, so left it.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Comment for deletion: The Donner Party

Way better than the other games i have playes -- Anime_Fan on 2/19/2015 1:56:07 PM

Reason: Double comment

Comment for deletion: Julius Caesar: Stayin' Alive!

Uhmmmm -- WarriorCatsRPStories on 12/7/2014 10:05:59 PM

Reason: Useless comment

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

done

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a category change: Wolf Sim

Category to change to: Change from Sci-fi Adventure to Everything Else. Wolves aren't science fiction, right?

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Not entirely sure it'll live long enough to see that movement happen. Look at its ratings.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

I'm partial with that, as well. Somebody might ask for it to be deleted....

Eh, if it's accepted, I get dem pointz.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a comment for deletion from my story The Donner Party:

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-donner-party

Put bad words in it

-- Dead10 on 4/29/2015 11:38:08 AM

Dead10 is a strange trollish person stalking Delta44 and I don't want the comment section of one of my only featured stories getting spammed with stupid advice :)

 

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Gotta love the Internet.
 

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

That's because perverts love it when articulate people talk dirty to them. I talk dirty to them all the time! Mostly in the "Get the fuck off my lawn, you exlax-guzzling cum rat!" kind of way, but it's still talking dirty. Come to think of it, some of my best friends are perverts, and I've been swearing at them for years...

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago
Can you delete this, please? I was showing a friend my story on my phone and she commented under my log in. I don't want to be construed as arrogant, especially with such a nonsensical story. (I don't want any points for this.) Thanks.

My Story

Awesome -- Bucky on 4/29/2015 7:52:29 PM with a score of 0

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a story-game for deletion:

Recommending a story-game for unpublishing:

Wolf Sim

This story has been published for over a week, it has been rated more than seven times, and it has a rating of 1. Also, I just read that story again, and I think I can feel a tumor.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommeding a story-game for unpublishing:

The Sorceror

Reason: The story-game has dead pages.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Feature comment:

I enjoy Kiel's review better than your storygame. :P
-- Raven47 on 5/8/2015 9:53:31 PM

 

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/spider~2dman~3arise-of-carnage-part-1

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Well, apparently, even my laptop doesn't like that game. XD

I went to play the game, and it wouldn't open. It opens all other storygames not on sneak preview just fine - I just checked it.

If a non-sentient thing does not like something, then you know that there's something very wrong with it. I have a feeling that the game will be unpublished soon.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

It was hilariously bad, but I'm not actually sure it will be unpublished because ... apparently my reviews are funny enough that some people actually don't want them taken down. xD Wasn't my intention.

>_>' Truth be told, I do this with Warrior Cats games, too, I've just never shared any of the goofy commentary I add to the stories in my head whenever I read them.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

A non-sentient thing can't like something, because it can not gather information about that thing in order to react to or form an opinion about it. The explanation for this phenomenon you are experiencing is quite simple. The poor game doesn't like to be called names. It can't help what it is, what it's creator made it to be. It knows that nobody who reads it will have anything nice to say, so it is afraid of people reading it. Thus, every time you try to open the game, it runs away from your laptop. Science!

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Thanks to whichever admin (or possibly mod) featured my comment in: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/spider~2dman~3arise-of-carnage-part-ii

(I'll assume it was the same person who really liked the first one, lol. Any chance I could get points for the second? So close to 2.5k. So close.)

Edit: Yay, 2 points closer. Thank you. :)

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a comment to gets featured:

 

Well, the storyline was kind of like how it was like Firestar. He was a kittypet, Bluefur died like Hazelstar did, drowning while being chased by dogs, yada yada yada. :) 

Other than that, the grammar was pretty good, though I think that you could have gone into more detail with the actions. For example, "You catch five pieces of prey." It could describe how you caught it, what it was. When it's Dawnpaw's first fighting session, you could have gone into more detail, in what type of move, and what she did wrong the first time. 

It does seem like you put effort into it, and the battle scene was fun, (messed up as that may sound), but I do think that there could have been more important choices. I understand why you did what you did, but this is a CYOA, and it puts stress on "CHOOSE YOUR own story." 

Keep working at it! With a bit of more effort, and a little polishing, I think that it could be a pretty good game! :) 

4/8

-- tularula789 on 3/10/2015 7:16:15 PM

 

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/warriors-cats-adventure-game

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a comment for featuring:

There were a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes, but honestly, this is the first warrior cat game I actually enjoyed playing. Here's why.

It has a plot. Sure, the plot is strictly linear, and there aren't different endings or choices you can make other then which cat you want to be mates with, but this story had a plot that carried through to the end.

To honor that, I'll be giving you an honest review, my friend. A long one, at that! Just remember that this is a critique- not hate. Your story is good but it can be a lot better if you accept your mistakes and learn from them to improve yourself as well as your writing. Good luck!


MY REVIEW

>> “You will grow up in Thunderclan, get a mate, have kits, and become leader.”

The first page is a little pointless. It spoils the entire story in one sentence! I understand you are trying to prep the reader for the world they will be diving into, but there are a thousand better ways to do just that without spoiling the story. It'd be best to just delete this page all together.


>> “Your a kit in Thunderclan you just opened your eyes a week ago.”

I'm going to hold off on correcting your grammar and spelling till later. Right now we're focusing on the story. First things first, in the warriors universe, cats do not know what a week is. “Week” is a human term. They call it a quarter-moon in the warriors universe.


>> "yes but be careful and stay with Oakkit or Birtchkit.".

You have never introduced Oakkit or Birchkit to us until this sentence. How are we suppose to know who they are? Or what they're like? You're setting the reader up on a blind date!


>> You see Firestar and he walks over to you.

Who is this cat. What does he look like? Why does he have the same name as the main character of the Warriors Series? Is this the same cat? There's no context at all! O-o


>> "What are your names kits?" Firestar asks

How does the leader, who is the first cat besides the mother and medicine cat to see the kittens after they are born, not know who they are?


>> "I'm Firestar." He says.

Umm... The reader already knows that?


>> Your dad is your mentor but there is one more Apprentice than Warrior you must choose who you train with.

There's a lot wrong with this. I'm not even talking about the grammar. First off, there are more apprentices then warriors? In an average clan, there are about 30 cats. This would mean there are 2 warriors (assuming there are only 3 apprentices) in ThunderClan...


>> You help Oakpaw and he gets the hang of it.

No conversations whatsoever. Apparently my character doesn't like to talk. Neither does anyone else. Maybe the 28 warriors left because it was too quiet. XD


>> You go back to clan with 5 pieces of prey each.

WHOA! You weren't kidding about me being a natural! Holy shit that's incredible. The 5 cats of ThunderClan are gonna have a feast!


>> "Shadowclan!"  Fuzzypelt yelled.

Oh a new character being introduced! Yay, I wonder how he's going to contribute to the story!


>> "Help!" You yell and Fuzzypelt attacks Shadowstar you watch in horror as Fuzzypelt dies and there is no longer a deputy.

Oh.


>> You and Oakpaw run to the nursery to protect the kits but are pinned down by Shadowstar.

Is this the only cat who attacked ThunderClan? Just the ShadowClan leader? Why is he going for the nursery? Why is he attacking an apprentice? What even are his motives for attacking ThunderClan?


>> You slash Shadowstars throat and his face then he died

I've been an apprentice for a few days and I kill ShadowClan's leader. You realize killing a cat is against the warrior code, right? And that leaders have 9 lives? And that an apprentice, who hasn't even been in a fight before, killing a senior cat who is older, bigger, stronger, and more experienced is HIGHLY unlikely.


>> When you wake up you are weak and see Birtchpaw, Oakpaw, Flameclaw, Dawnpetal, and Firestar by you.

What are you guys doing here? Did you even defeat the ShadowClan attackers?


>> "We will be allies with windclan so anyone who attacks a windclan cat without a good reason will be punished." Firestar said. "We will help each other in attacks against shadow or riverclan attacks."

Why are we allying with WindClan? Better yet, why would WindClan want to be allies with us? Also...why are ShadowClan and RiverClan attacking us? There's absolutely no explanation for this.


>> You decide to go with Oakfang. She blushes and says "You know I've been thinking, and well if you've been thinking the same thing, would you like to be my mate?"

Wow, Oakfang suddenly turned into a girl. Awkward...


>> "Um Lightclaw your father died." Ivyedge said

I'm sorry, what? You're not even going to warn me first before laying out this horrible, heart wrenching news?


>> "He was attacked by riverclan when he went hunting."

Wow not even a “I'm sorry for your lose." What a dick.


>> "Silence. the new deputy will be Lightclaw Flameclaws son."

You're naming me the new deputy without even going to retrieve Flameclaw's body or even making sure he's actually dead?


>> You bite his neck and he dies you hear a yowl and rush over to your mate.

Again with the unnecessary killing and unauthentic leader representation. He would come back to life seconds later unless that was his last life.


>> You're new name is Lightstar.

No it's not. You don't get the -star name change until you go to the moonstone/moonpool and receive your nine lives.



That sums up my thoughts as I read the story. Now onto the next part of my review.

There's a lot of grammar and spelling errors. I took the time to write out the most common ones I found. Be sure to have spelling check on and reread and edit your story several times before publishing. You can also get one of your friends or a family member to read it and give you their opinion on it.

COMMON MISTAKES
>> Using Your instead of You're. [Example: Your a kit in ThunderClan.]

>> Missing commas. [Example: "But in 3 moons Birtchpaw, Lightpaw, and Oakpaw will be Warriors we're lucky they revived the attack, they were really brave."]

>> Run-on sentences. [Example: "It's dangerous out there your only three weeks old wait until you five weeks." Dawnpetal says.]

>> Birtch is not how you spell Birch.

>> Unnecessarily starting new paragraphs. [Example: The Walk around the clan(OK) & Walk around the clan(BK) pages]

>> Unnecessary capitalization. [Example: Your dad is your mentor but there is one more Apprentice than Warrior you must choose who you train with.]

>> Using there instead of they're. [Example: Except there's something wrong, there injured like you, except for Oakpaw.]


And that's all! Hope you took the time to read this all. Good story and I hope you focus on these things! If you do, the next story will surely be much much better. :)

- Crow

-- spycrow on 5/11/2015 12:05:53 AM

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/warriorcats~2dthunderclan

Reason: I think I started a bit of a trend here, but in seriousness, this was a very thoroughly thought out, amusing, and genuinely helpful review which had a lot of effort put into it and I think that's worth featuring.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Yes. Good review, and I'm pleased to see someone who knows something about warriors contributing to comments. 

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago
That was probably the best critical review of a Warrior Cats game I have seen thus far.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Agreed.
 

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommeding a change of category:

Romeo's Bad Day

This game is currently in "School Based", despite the fact that it does not take place in a school. I will admit, though, that it is a bit difficult to place. It seems to be a grammar quiz...set to the story of a pre-existing work...from half a millenium ago. We've already established that things like Sherlock Holmes aren't necessarily fan-fiction. So, I honestly don't have a clue as to where this should go. But, I think that it might be best to place it in "Everything Else" or "Edutainment".

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Its purpose is to educate, no?

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago
Yes, but that doesn't make it "School-based". Sethaniel explicitly said that "School-based" only applies to stories that take place in a school.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Oh, I'm not arguing that. I'm actually erring on the side of edutainment.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago
Oh...sorry.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a comment to gets featured:

I considered just throwing in the towel, but duty calls (or PMs, apparently) and I must answer. Death by cancer-inducing stories or not, here we go again. Round three! 

>> harry is in the hospital bed only to recieve news that carnage is unleashed ! 

That's the only reason he's in the hospital bed? How selfish! There are people with actual medical problems! He could watch the news anywhere. 

>> we have a bad news oscorp building is infested by infected people ! spider-man has went inside and he is trying to stop the red symbiote !" 

1: "a bad news"? So, just the one, then? 

2: Is a single "news" called a "new"? Or maybe a "newslette"? 

3: How does the reporter know any of this? How would anybody outside the building know about the infection, or that it was an infection, or what spider-man is CURRENTLY DOING, if they're outside the building? 

>>harry:"peter... i need to save him before it's too late !" 

1: Save him from what? This is his job, kid. He kicked your ass, how are you going to save him? 

2: Too late for ... what, exactly? Dinner? A movie? You have literally no reason to think he's in actual peril. 

>>As New Goblin wanders throughout the city by his skystick he encounter three thugs threatening people. 

1: The hell? Why is he 'wandering'? It's HIS building, doesn't he know where it is? o.0 

2: ... He's using his "skystick" to navigate the city, huh? You'd think he'd end up bumping into a few hookers or strip joints on the way. 

3: >_> I thought he was in a HURRY "save" Peter "before it's too late" though. Harry isn't a super hero, why is he stopping to save random people from random thugs? 

>>New Goblin:"Stop you thug's!" 

Thug's what? 

>>looks like you have got some gut's to stop us eh !" 

Gut's WHAT? >_> What do these thugs and guts have? Blueberry pie? Angler fish? Herpes? What? Come on, man, don't leave me hanging like that... 

>>Come on boy's attack him 

... Screw you. I'm just going to say it was herpes. I'm being attacked by sentient herpes. It would make this story more interesting anyway, especially since I'm navigating AND fighting using my "skystick" and my "ionic sword." (I miss having a good, old "web shooter" to launch a 'white, sticky' substance at my enemies' faces.) 

>>"Look's like you'll will never learn a lesson but i will teach you a lesson !" 

1: At least they're struggling with learning proper morals, not basic English. 

2: Well, Harry, congratulations. You just managed to deliver what was, in the same moment, both the most cynical and most optimistic line I've ever read. 

>>thug #2 is attacking you with his baseball bat. 

Here's a fun game to try: Just imagine every single weapon name in this game is in quotes! With the proper imagination, any game can be x-rated. 

>>you was knocked out by thug #2 with his baseball bat Game Over ! 

He named it "Game Over"? He must have quite a batting average. 

>>but where ? 

Foul! Foul, I say. It is a damnable shame that you cannot throw your razor bats anywhere other than his arms or legs. What about the moobs? 

>>you used razor bats on his legs but they were not effective that thug manages to kill you easily ! 

You're telling me that a guy with razors LODGED IN HIS LEGS was able to take me out -easily- when I had a glider, super strength, and sword, and "armed blades"? ... >_>' Harry's a wuss. 

>>Hammerhead is charging towards you and crash you to a wall by using his shoulder what will you do ? 

You're telling me he's already used his shoulder to "crash me" (I wasn't even driving, officer, I swear!) into a wall and you want me to dodge? Dodge what, the crippling shame of getting my ass beat by a guy named after the 12th most retarded looking fish on the planet? 

>>now he's mad. 
>>Hammerhead:"Now you're making me mad !" 

... Such riveting and insightful dialogue. 

>>Hammerhead removes the street lamp and he is about to swing either left or right. 

1: ... What street lamp? Removed from what? 

2: I have a glider and bombs. Seriously, why am I having a melee fight on the ground with the Hulk's lesser cousin? 

3: You know what, if he wants to swing, that's great, but I don't really have a partner to trade out--unless Peter and I really ARE more than friends. He did ride my skystick, after all. 

>>you have chosen wrong direction he hit's you with his street lamp and you're dead. 

Still better than One Direction. :P *rimshot* 

(I'm just skipping over the many times you forced me to dodge, including the times you said it was the last time. The borde--betrayal is too much.) 

>>He's is now tired and can't hit you with that street lamp anymore 

... Considering he never hit me period, I suppose he can't hit me any less, either. 

>>you're an adventurer you're on a quest to find the cryptode... will you find it before it's too late ? 

You referenced an actual, good game in this? I'm starting to feel sorry for Solostrike. Heeh, I wonder what other poor bastard you're going to--oh, God, it's me, isn't it? 

>>The Devil's Chase. 

1: ... Well, fuck. -_- 

2: The Devil's Chess.* Kiel_Farren* 

3: His name is Layne, not "head strong teen," that's almost as bad as Thug #1. 

4: *sigh* I can't help but wonder why you didn't just copy and paste the summaries. If you're going to borrow someone else's stories to shamelessly advertise in a shoddy attempt to make your own game more interesting, why not rip-off the official descriptions? Simpler, easier, and far less embarrassing for literally everyone involved. 

>>SPIDER-MAN:Rise of carnage. Part III is back. 

I'll try to contain my euphoria. No promises. 

>>via skystick all of a sudden 

Oh, I don't think Harry using his skystick was sudden at all. I get the feeling he's had lots and lots of time alone practicing, getting some real hands-on experience. :P 

>>New Goblin:"If anyone come's in my way i will fight them !" 

Fair enough. If a strange dude just came right in front of me, I'd probably be offended, too. 

>>Hydro Man Is performing water splash attack on you

Ehh, if this is during the earlier generations, it won't do any damage. 

>>he's trying to do something and you cant understand 

Well, Harry, with vivid descriptions like these, I can't imagine why you'd be confused. 

>>you have a feeling that he's trying to recover himself. 

Ahh. In that case, I'd recommend some therapy, maybe a few years of traveling the world and soul searching, or quite possibly some pot brownies and cable TV. 

>>New Goblin throws pumpkin bomb's on Hydro Man as he dissolves in water and retreats. 

Ohh, so he has the same weakness as Alka-Seltzer. 

>>i'm not going to let you save him!" 
>>New Goblin:"well so be it !" 

'So be it'? Gee, that was easy. Vulture must be one hell of a persuasive conversationalist. 

>>Vulture is throwing some spiked blades like feathers what will you do ? 

He's throwing the blades like feathers. And how, exactly, does one throw a feather? 

>>your body falling from 3000 m you're dead 

1: 3,000 meters? >_> You mean to tell me that I am 1.8 miles in the air? What the bloody hell am I doing so high up? That's over 9,800 feet high! The tallest building in the entire world is less than 3,000 feet tall. I'm more than three times higher than anyone needs to be to go ... literally anywhere in New York, fictional or otherwise. 

2: How did I even SEE the thugs on the ground at this height? How did vulture (or anyone else) see me? >_>' More importantly, how is my skystick not freezing...? (Legit question, how do I not have ice on this thing?) 

>>vulture then kick's you off causing you to die. 

Harry's basically made of glass in this story. I'll bet even just throwing an actual feather at me would kill me. 

>>he is knocked out by a sudden force and falls from his skystick. 
>>New Goblin:"Ouch ! Who are you ?" 

I thought you said I got knocked out. 0_o What, do I talk in my sleep? 

>>Venom:"Hahahaha ! I'm Venom The Black Symbiote.!" 

That's ... racist? 

>>Venom is shooting black goo on you 

1: ... Kinky? 
2: Ew. You should probably get that checked out. 

>>Venom sucessfully lunges on you and now he's on your skystick 

... Damn, man, you could at least buy me a drink first! Or get tested. That black goo coming out of you is more than a little unsettling. (On the other hand, now I have a partner to swing with Hammerhead! Hopefully he has a really hot wife.) 

>>As You push venom off your skystick you get off 

I feel like I need a shower after reading these stories, you know. My eyes feel dirty. Sadly, even though this felt egregiously long, I think I had even less to work with here than your first two. I can't tell if that means you're getting better or getting worse. >_>'

-- Kiel_Farren on 5/11/2015 12:38:09 PM

 

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/spider~2dman~3arise-of-carnage-part-iii-new-goblin-strikes-back~2e

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago
That was hilarious.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

XD Just realized that the guy who made the storygame that has oh so many errors that kiel has pointed out is the same guy who pm-ed me with this;

"hey tacocaT can i become a co author at your upcoming storygame hell storm because i'm Good at english grammer and spellings."

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Yeah, I got a similar PM: "hey kiel if you're making a new storygame will you add me as a co-author because i am very good at grammar and spellings when i played your storygame called the game of life and death it was better than my first game my first game"

... >_> That was shortly after I reviewed his first. He's been PMing me about wanting to co-author something ever since. (Even though he told me to go fuck myself a couple days later, he's still asking, lol.)

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

The best thing that has ever happened on CYS.com is Kiel's hilarious reviews.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

@Raven47 Just realized you forgot to hyperlink. Need to put the URL to the story in the chain link thing to make things easier on Seth ... http://chooseyourstory.com/story/spider~2dman~3arise-of-carnage-part-iii-new-goblin-strikes-back~2e

(Though, actually, I'm not sure if that's a requirement or just a preference and common courtesy ... hm. @Sethaniel ?)

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Seth is usually on on his phone, if you don'thyperlink the URL, he can't get on it.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

(::)

(It's a cookie for sentinel.) 

 

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

OH. That's what he meant when he said "on the phone" ... xD I was thinking he meant he was in the middle of a phone call ... ok.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a storygame for unpublishing: Choices of Death 2.

After receiving at least 7 ratings and being published for at least 1 week, the storygame is rated 1/8. This story game has 41 ratings and has been published for 10 days

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a storygame for unpublishing: Choices of Death

After receiving at least 7 ratings and being published for at least 1 week, the storygame is rated 2/8 and its length is 1/8. This story has received 39 ratings, has been published for 10 days, is rated 2/8, and has a length of 1/8.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago
* bump *

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

@ogre11 I started a new thread. If I missed something, please repost it in the new thread thanks.

Hi

4 years ago

Cool

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending comment for deletion:

Eh interesting concept.

-- Fableheath on 5/12/2015 2:52:26 PM with a score of 500

On http://chooseyourstory.com/story/romeo%27s-bad-day
Reason: Duplicate comment.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/after-the-ministry-interview

Points for the featured comment, please? (Double-checked to make sure I'm missing them.)

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Didn't give them to you originally because there was a good chance the story was gonna be unpublished. Decided you might as well get the points anyway.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommended comments for featuring:

Whenever I read these things I always wind up thinking "wow, cats have pretty boring lives", I would much rather read about the life of a duck-billed platypus in it's struggle to stop illegal underwater oil drilling by uniting an alliance of sharks and killer whales to attack the oil rigs using a combination of kamikaze attacks and self-created tsunamis... you have to take what's there I suppose :)
Your writing style is very good and you spend the right amount of time on descriptions but you need to put character dialogue on a new line and assign names to the supporting cast. A plot helps too (something as simple as a cat having a mouse as an antagonist can be used as a plot) but it's much better than most other first efforts on here, hopefully you will write more :)

-- Will11 on 5/3/2015 8:34:34 PM

Story: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/live-the-life-of-a-cat

Reason: Within the first few words, Will addressed one of the biggest problems I have with animal sims. Overall, I think the review is pretty well written.


The title struck me with terror: some annoying people divide their stories into chapters and some even more evil people divide their stories into parts but you have done both. This means that there could me as many as 10 parts just in chapter 1 and as many as 10 chapters in 1 story when really there should just be one complete published story game.
The prospect of reading this 100 times or something very like it is a depressing one. On the bright side it wasn't so bad I wanted to tear my eyes out in an effort to unsee it but it wasn't particularly great either, there have been dozens of warrior cat fan-fics written with the same plots, though at least your characters have a little personality to go with their names. It contains the usual fan-fic drawbacks of choices that aren't really choices (starting on the first page), poor grammar and uninspiring writing for anyone who doesn't already day-dream of warrior cats at school :)

-- Will11 on 5/3/2015 8:41:24 PM

Story: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/warriors~3a-the-life-of-a-thunderclan-cat~2e-chapter-1~2e-part-1~2e

Reason: Another well written review which covers the faults and good points of the story well.


Not the worst thing I have ever read, but there are a few problems with it. While I have met some people who have an absolutely horrendous grasp of the English language, all of the questions you asked are simple enough that anyone capable of reading and understanding your story will have no problems choosing the correct answers. The length of the story is also disappointing. The story ends abruptly and in an odd place, after you have asked only five questions. I was expecting the questions to become more difficult as I went on, but I was disappointed to find that they were all on about the same skill level. Still, this story shows that you have a good command of the English language and I hope that you will continue to take advantage of the tools that this site has to offer.

-- jamescoker1226 on 5/11/2015 2:43:51 PM with a score of 500

Story: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/romeo%27s-bad-day

Reason: Well written and helpful.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

I was looking for the posts about my nationality in this thread to post "Enough with the nationality talks." I figured that Sethaniel already deleted them before I managed to post that we got to stop about it. Thanks Seth!

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a Story for Category change;

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/eating-disorders-midterm

Category Change - Currently listed as School-based, Suggested changed to Edutainment

*Done for education purposes

*Not set in a school

 

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Agreed, and done~

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/math-game-time

Recommending comment for deletion:

You forgot to put an endgame link on the "You won a unicorn!" page. I had to go back and choose a wrong answer in order to leave a comment and rating.

-- TheNewIAP on 5/14/2015 7:33:41 PM

It's a double post.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

I forgot to mention 'comment' in the first comment, so I rewrote it.  Sorry...
 

This is the one that needs to be removed:

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/math-game-time

You forgot to put an endgame link on the "You won a unicorn!" page. I had to go back and choose a wrong answer in order to leave a rating.

-- TheNewIAP on 5/14/2015 7:29:42 PM

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a storygame for movement to a different category

Entreperneur

Category currently in: School-Based. Suggested category: Everything Else

Why? The story has nothing to do with a school. It was simply written for a school assignment, but the subject and the story are about running a business.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Got it~

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending comment for deletion:

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/a-magical-math-game-

poop 

-- dogo288 on 5/15/2015 9:44:59 AM

Reason: Has nothing to do with the storygame and not an actual comment at all.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Recommending a comment for featuring

I considered just throwing in the towel, but duty calls (or PMs, apparently) and I must answer. Death by cancer-inducing stories or not, here we go again. Round three!

>> harry is in the hospital bed only to recieve news that carnage is unleashed !

That's the only reason he's in the hospital bed? How selfish! There are people with actual medical problems! He could watch the news anywhere.

>> we have a bad news oscorp building is infested by infected people ! spider-man has went inside and he is trying to stop the red symbiote !"

1: "a bad news"? So, just the one, then?

2: Is a single "news" called a "new"? Or maybe a "newslette"?

3: How does the reporter know any of this? How would anybody outside the building know about the infection, or that it was an infection, or what spider-man is CURRENTLY DOING, if they're outside the building?

>>harry:"peter... i need to save him before it's too late !"

1: Save him from what? This is his job, kid. He kicked your ass, how are you going to save him?

2: Too late for ... what, exactly? Dinner? A movie? You have literally no reason to think he's in actual peril.

>>As New Goblin wanders throughout the city by his skystick he encounter three thugs threatening people.

1: The hell? Why is he 'wandering'? It's HIS building, doesn't he know where it is? o.0

2: ... He's using his "skystick" to navigate the city, huh? You'd think he'd end up bumping into a few hookers or strip joints on the way.

3: >_> I thought he was in a HURRY "save" Peter "before it's too late" though. Harry isn't a super hero, why is he stopping to save random people from random thugs?

>>New Goblin:"Stop you thug's!"

Thug's what?

>>looks like you have got some gut's to stop us eh !"

Gut's WHAT? >_> What do these thugs and guts have? Blueberry pie? Angler fish? Herpes? What? Come on, man, don't leave me hanging like that...

>>Come on boy's attack him

... Screw you. I'm just going to say it was herpes. I'm being attacked by sentient herpes. It would make this story more interesting anyway, especially since I'm navigating AND fighting using my "skystick" and my "ionic sword." (I miss having a good, old "web shooter" to launch a 'white, sticky' substance at my enemies' faces.)

>>"Look's like you'll will never learn a lesson but i will teach you a lesson !"

1: At least they're struggling with learning proper morals, not basic English.

2: Well, Harry, congratulations. You just managed to deliver what was, in the same moment, both the most cynical and most optimistic line I've ever read.

>>thug #2 is attacking you with his baseball bat.

Here's a fun game to try: Just imagine every single weapon name in this game is in quotes! With the proper imagination, any game can be x-rated.

>>you was knocked out by thug #2 with his baseball bat Game Over !

He named it "Game Over"? He must have quite a batting average.

>>but where ?

Foul! Foul, I say. It is a damnable shame that you cannot throw your razor bats anywhere other than his arms or legs. What about the moobs?

>>you used razor bats on his legs but they were not effective that thug manages to kill you easily !

You're telling me that a guy with razors LODGED IN HIS LEGS was able to take me out -easily- when I had a glider, super strength, and sword, and "armed blades"? ... >_>' Harry's a wuss.

>>Hammerhead is charging towards you and crash you to a wall by using his shoulder what will you do ?

You're telling me he's already used his shoulder to "crash me" (I wasn't even driving, officer, I swear!) into a wall and you want me to dodge? Dodge what, the crippling shame of getting my ass beat by a guy named after the 12th most retarded looking fish on the planet?

>>now he's mad.
>>Hammerhead:"Now you're making me mad !"

... Such riveting and insightful dialogue.

>>Hammerhead removes the street lamp and he is about to swing either left or right.

1: ... What street lamp? Removed from what?

2: I have a glider and bombs. Seriously, why am I having a melee fight on the ground with the Hulk's lesser cousin?

3: You know what, if he wants to swing, that's great, but I don't really have a partner to trade out--unless Peter and I really ARE more than friends. He did ride my skystick, after all.

>>you have chosen wrong direction he hit's you with his street lamp and you're dead.

Still better than One Direction. :P *rimshot*

(I'm just skipping over the many times you forced me to dodge, including the times you said it was the last time. The borde--betrayal is too much.)

>>He's is now tired and can't hit you with that street lamp anymore

... Considering he never hit me period, I suppose he can't hit me any less, either.

>>you're an adventurer you're on a quest to find the cryptode... will you find it before it's too late ?

You referenced an actual, good game in this? I'm starting to feel sorry for Solostrike. Heeh, I wonder what other poor bastard you're going to--oh, God, it's me, isn't it?

>>The Devil's Chase.

1: ... Well, fuck. -_-

2: The Devil's Chess.* Kiel_Farren*

3: His name is Layne, not "head strong teen," that's almost as bad as Thug #1.

4: *sigh* I can't help but wonder why you didn't just copy and paste the summaries. If you're going to borrow someone else's stories to shamelessly advertise in a shoddy attempt to make your own game more interesting, why not rip-off the official descriptions? Simpler, easier, and far less embarrassing for literally everyone involved.

>>SPIDER-MAN:Rise of carnage. Part III is back.

I'll try to contain my euphoria. No promises.

>>via skystick all of a sudden

Oh, I don't think Harry using his skystick was sudden at all. I get the feeling he's had lots and lots of time alone practicing, getting some real hands-on experience. :P

>>New Goblin:"If anyone come's in my way i will fight them !"

Fair enough. If a strange dude just came right in front of me, I'd probably be offended, too.

>>Hydro Man Is performing water splash attack on you

Ehh, if this is during the earlier generations, it won't do any damage.

>>he's trying to do something and you cant understand

Well, Harry, with vivid descriptions like these, I can't imagine why you'd be confused.

>>you have a feeling that he's trying to recover himself.

Ahh. In that case, I'd recommend some therapy, maybe a few years of traveling the world and soul searching, or quite possibly some pot brownies and cable TV.

>>New Goblin throws pumpkin bomb's on Hydro Man as he dissolves in water and retreats.

Ohh, so he has the same weakness as Alka-Seltzer.

>>i'm not going to let you save him!"
>>New Goblin:"well so be it !"

'So be it'? Gee, that was easy. Vulture must be one hell of a persuasive conversationalist.

>>Vulture is throwing some spiked blades like feathers what will you do ?

He's throwing the blades like feathers. And how, exactly, does one throw a feather?

>>your body falling from 3000 m you're dead

1: 3,000 meters? >_> You mean to tell me that I am 1.8 miles in the air? What the bloody hell am I doing so high up? That's over 9,800 feet high! The tallest building in the entire world is less than 3,000 feet tall. I'm more than three times higher than anyone needs to be to go ... literally anywhere in New York, fictional or otherwise.

2: How did I even SEE the thugs on the ground at this height? How did vulture (or anyone else) see me? >_>' More importantly, how is my skystick not freezing...? (Legit question, how do I not have ice on this thing?)

>>vulture then kick's you off causing you to die.

Harry's basically made of glass in this story. I'll bet even just throwing an actual feather at me would kill me.

>>he is knocked out by a sudden force and falls from his skystick.
>>New Goblin:"Ouch ! Who are you ?"

I thought you said I got knocked out. 0_o What, do I talk in my sleep?

>>Venom:"Hahahaha ! I'm Venom The Black Symbiote.!"

That's ... racist?

>>Venom is shooting black goo on you

1: ... Kinky?
2: Ew. You should probably get that checked out.

>>Venom sucessfully lunges on you and now he's on your skystick

... Damn, man, you could at least buy me a drink first! Or get tested. That black goo coming out of you is more than a little unsettling. (On the other hand, now I have a partner to swing with Hammerhead! Hopefully he has a really hot wife.)

>>As You push venom off your skystick you get off

I feel like I need a shower after reading these stories, you know. My eyes feel dirty. Sadly, even though this felt egregiously long, I think I had even less to work with here than your first two. I can't tell if that means you're getting better or getting worse. >_>'

-- Kiel_Farren on 5/11/2015 12:38:09 PM

Story: SPIDER-MAN:Rise of carnage Part III New Goblin strikes back.

I thought someone else would have recommended this by now, but I guess not.

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Um, yeah, no, Raven47 recommended this 4 days ago.

Not going to feature it this time I think, since they're all coming down for not meeting minimum standards. Unless you all want them to stand forever as a testament to Kiel's critical abilities. XD 

Draw My Attention (A New Beginning)

4 years ago

Damn. Sorry.