Kiel Farren and I are writing a story called Knights of Cystia about a dungeon where practitioners of bad writing are subjected to cruel and unusual tests and punishments by an array of bizarre creatures to determine if they are good or bad writers. All this month we’ve been messaging people and have collected contributions from many great authors including EndMaster, SindriV, Steve, Briar Rose, Bucky, Mizal, Claw and At Your Throat while others including me, Kiel, Sethaniel, The Quiller, Breezy, Ogre11 etc are still working on their ideas.
Now we'd like to invite everyone in the community to contribute if you want. You need to think of 3 things:
What sort of order member or monster you would like to be including name, appearance and general manner as well as some description about your lair, dungeon room etc.
What particular feature of bad writing you would like to punish.
How you would test people and punish those who fail the test. The funnier the better.
To give you an example of the kind of thing we are looking for here is Steve's contribution:
“I suppose in keeping with the theme of my profile, I shall be Sir Steve the Shackled Scribe (gotta go for the alliteration). A poor, miserable Knight shackled in the dungeon and forced to write. Tied to a chair in a dark room, a bag over the head, the only joy left being tormenting shitty writers. The feature I'm going to have to target is that shitty thing where they just get bored, give up the story and promise to make a "sequel" or "another part" that should all be the same story. The punishment is they're chained in a dark room filled with fire ants (ideally, teenage fire ants whose parents are getting divorced and are dealing with a lot of emotions that makes them angry and prone to lashing out) that immediately head to their genitals. As the fire ants attack, I tell them that there is a way they can escape, and as I give them the instructions to free themselves, I stop right before the final bit and say I'll give Part II of the escape instructions later when I'm less bored.”
You can probably think of a feature of bad writing that particularly annoys you and you’d like to punish but for those who are stumped here are a dozen ideas:
1) Authors only bothering to write a sentence per page or stories that are 10 pages long.
2) Going into eye-numbingly boring detail or too little.
3) Overusing offensive language or including racist or homophobic language.
4) Failing to use basic Capitalization or punctuation.
5) Having dead end links or pages that say "This is a New Page".
6) Pointless repetition in the story or uninteresting plots.
7) Failing to go into enough detail to make the story interesting.
8) Failing to give characters distinctive personalities.
9) Publishing a Demo or splitting the story into parts/chapters/episodes etc
10) Author uses the story as a platform to vent frustrations about specific targets.
11) Authors who write unimaginative and tediously boring Fan Fictions which may or may not involve cats.
12) Authors who use offensive stereotypes as characters.
It does not matter if authors pick the same rule to punish because it just adds more variety to the story. There will be a slight vetting process, anything too stupid or just plain offensive won't be included but if you submit a reasonable idea it will probably be accepted and when the story is published you will be credited. This is a chance to just have a bit of fun: we want to collect as many different, crazy, funny and entertaining ideas as possible so we can put them all together, edit and correct them and produce a story-game which the whole of the site's community has had an opportunity to contribute towards, which I think is a new type of story for the site,
Anyway thanks for taking the time to read this long post and if you would like to contribute anything please just reply to the Thread or PM me if you'd rather keep your contribution silent or secret. Your monster or order member can be clearly based on you (like Sir Steve the Shackled Scribe) or a completely fictional creation. If you are feeling particularly enthusiastic you dont' need to limit yourself to one idea but can submit several as long as they are reasonably well thought out and entertainingly fun :D We'll stop collecting contributions at the end of May and assemble everything into a story to publish hopefully some time in June :)
1. I shall combat Darkscar
?2. Formula stories with a particular twist.
3. A good and proper exorcism, of course.
Could you expand a little on this? What is Darkscar? What is a particular twist? How will this exorcism take place and will there be Catholic Priests and Buddhists Monks wielding chainsaws? If not, why not? Is it because they are all at a Satanic Black Mass drinking the blood of orphans fresh from the source? I definitely would like to see this idea developed Penguinite style :D
Darkscar is/was a very special kind of child, who was going through a very special time in her life, and it presumably made her feel all kinds of spooky feelings that she wasn't sure about, and she had a very special way of dealing with it... She wrote a story that was your usual WC fair... But the ending was... Very... Special....
I may or may not go about combatting this creature in the form of a Captain Kronos parody... It's a little too filthy and action-oriented to be themed after a much more colorful Hammer Film caper, but there will definitely be a weirdly apathetic hero and a wagon-riding sidekick. I might slip some clearer references in, if this even comes close to resembling CK...
oh dear god my recessed memories of the lonely wolf are coming back.
Nooooo don't invite the unwashed plebs. :[
I would like to contribute, as I utterly hate the swarm of bad stories. How do you prefer I help?
Step 1: Read the OP.
I'm asking him how he'd prefer I help. I may have a different set of skills he may want in a certain thing.
Considering this made me actually laugh out loud... well... just following the OP is preferred.
Name: Jar the Desperate
Hatred: He hates stories which are given NO plot or structure at all, and are just put to continue the spam.
Stuff: Jar is eight feet tall, and carries shackles and barbed wire. Many injuries and scars line his body, but the most distinguished thing is his head- an upside-down jar sits on his head, and a thick mist covers any details of a face.
Penalty: Upon penalty, he will do the worse thing ever done: annoy the fuck out of them. He will also talk in a terrible screeching noise, if anybody can even hear him underneath the massive jar. Once paralyzed and weakened, he will continue shoving an entire jar up someone's ass.
I wasn't feeling very creative.
Thank you for combining your various sets of skills to produce this idea. I might cut out the ass-shoving of the jar but otherwise this all seems good and useful :)
Ignore this post.
Someone should be punished for making cliched games about CYS.
JK, don't hurt me plz.
I hope EndMaster is going to be punishing people for trying to use dark humour and being edgy but don't succeed in making it tasteful.
Hey, I'm the example! Yay me!
Name: Charlene Chameleon
Description: A light green skinned chameleon that is the size of the average person. She is very sociable, kind, and intelligent. However, misuse words in writing and she will turn a fiery red color as she become sarcastic, sadistic, and very angry.
Dungeon Room: The room is lined with electric blue podiums that have a red button each of them. Underneath the podiums is a vat of rushing water filled with electric eels. Across from the podiums is a row of seats for an audience that will never appear.
Bad grammar and misusing words in the incorrect context. An example would be "I literally died." when the character couldn't have actually died.
Three bad authors would be tested against one another at once. They would be tied to the podiums as Charlene asks them questions about homophones, the correct use of literally, and the proper design of metaphors. If they get 20 questions correct then they may leave the room and go to another. If they are incorrect the eels will leap up and shock them until they get the correct answer. Charlene will also provide sarcastic commentary. For example, if literally is misused and the eels shock them Charlene will say "Were you literally or metaphorically shocked just now?"
This is great, 20 questions might be a bit excessive but 5 or 10 sound good and you can have a lot of fun with people mistaking metaphors, literal things and irony (people seem to think everything is ironic... ironically :P) and having a poetically just punishment assigned to them for their failure to use English what like they're supposed to :D Thanks for this fun idea!
To be fair, 'literally' may be one of those words that's simply developing an alternate, more slangy definition. Which is a thing that happens in the English language pretty often. 'If you do such-and-such you are literally Hitler' is pretty obviously a deliberate, over the top exaggeration and it's not to be assumed the speaker literally assumes the other is literally Hitler.
Of all the people you could PM, you honestly thought it would be a good idea to snub the guy whose avatar is a red fox, a symbol of Loki, the guy who's famous for fucking up people's shit because they don't invite him to parties? Granted, the last time he explicitly did so, he got bound to a rock with the entrails of his slain child, under a snake that dripped caustic poison into his eyes (and before that, he got raped by a horse, just because the Aesir decided to make him the fall-boy for a ridiculously stupid bet they made).
The point is, I'm hurt, Will, really hurt, like the kinda hurt you get after having snake poison dripped in your eyes after lots of involuntary horse-lovin'.
That being said, one thing that irks me in writing is pre-serialization of a work (which honestly rarely results in anything more than one story with an annoying-ass,nonsensical cliffhanger). Also, I hate it when people format their dialogue like a screenplay.
Gat dammit! What the hell's wrong with adverbs!?
... Or do you mean that whole Name-Colon format that certain Sonic fans are wont to do?
*perks head out from the bushes*
The "name up your colon" thing.
:P Actually, I specifically suggested you as one of the people to PM.
Actually there were a lot of people I wanted to PM including you, the Penguinite and lots of others but in the end I just didn't have time to send, answer and edit messages from everyone so I decided it would just be quicker to get ideas on the Forums. I'm not familiar with the kind of hurt you described with the entrails of a dead child, snake poison in eyes and the involuntary horse rape but using my very vivid imagination I will try to feel empathy and send you a new baby, a pair of sunglasses and a new saddle to solve all your problems :)
Description: It is unknown whether "Raven" is his true name or his nickname. Either way, it doesn't matter. He's here for fun and pleasure as a cyborg mercenary. He has black cyborg body frame which acts as both his own body and his armor with several add-ons such as additional ammo pouches and ceramic plates for protection. His head is fully covered with his helmet. He speaks with a synthetic male voice.
Dislike: Similar to Masonjar, he doesn't like stories with bad plots, structure, and storyline. He also hates overly detailed stories.
Preference: His article tells his preference. He prefers stories that are more plot and storyline focused rather than descriptive ones. And he prefers shorter descriptions rather than extensive ones. A story's genre, setting, and theme matter a lot to him. Despite his preference, he doesn't tolerate bad writings.
Penalty: Upon penalty, he thinks how will he punish them. But he likes weapons. So... he'll drop a random assortment of weapons that the practitioners are not fond of. Most of em' prefer high fantasy stuff? He'll give them replicas of Artorias' greatsword to them, which might be too heavy and uncomfortable for them to handle. Or, he could just give them some AR-15s if he feels more about modern stuff. Then, groups of elite mercenaries, armored and armed to the teeth with heavier weapons such as claymores and halberds will come to teach them a lesson. This also shows his interest of such weapons and characters.
He will give them two minutes to defend themselves by any mean of necessary. When the time runs out, the mercenaries will leave them alone and flee. The survivors may get out of the dungeon and continue their journey.
This is an interesting idea. Readers who don't supply enough description or too much description will get penalized in trying to defend themselves, too vague and they might be given a halibut rather than a halberd to defend themselves with, too specific they will be given a dismantled AK-47 and an instruction manual on how to assemble it. I think this could work :)
Yeah, that would be great :D
If I find out that those practitioners are even worse than expected, I'll send out groups of enforcers armed with Remington 870 pump-action shotguns and stun rods instead of groups of mercenaries with greatswords and halberds. Kevlar vests, arm and kneed pads along with a visored helmet make them harder to take down. They are still vulnerable to their own weapons though. Time limit is one minute due to usage of firearms and the riot control squad is fewer in numbers compared to the medieval mercenaries (which are based around the German Landsknecht, German mercenaries during the 14th and 15th century).
These two different units at my disposal as punishers reflect my preference. I like medieval setting and I prefer fighting for pleasure and riches rather than pride and honor. No magic? Yup, because I prefer seeing sparks of blades clashing rather than aura of magical or spiritual powers.
The armed enforcers reflect my like for military/law enforcement. Military, law enforcement, and modern conflicts stuff are really interesting.
I'm more fond of writing about warriors rather than civilians. So my conversations might have some semblance of medieval and modern military. For example? Talking about how to properly describe someone, and I describe a soldier. Talking about how to make interesting story concepts, and my theme is about a band of mercenaries, and things like that.
Raven wants people to have better ideas and story concepts. He prefers worse writers with more unique ideas rather than skilled writers with boring ideas.
The punishments aren't all bad. Despite trying to kill the practitioners, the penalties also show how to describe such things short, but imaginable and interesting enough.
If we are talking about a group of mercenaries, it'll be boring to say that they're just a band of mercenaries. It'll be better if we tell the readers their preference -- tactics, training, experiences, history, preferred equipment, etc... to a LIMITED amount, not overly detailed.
1) "It's a marine on guard."
2) "It's a marine on guard. His eyes sweep from left to right. He doesn't look sleepy or lazy at all. He remains alertful despite the hot climate causing him to sweat. His gears don't even slow him down a bit. He wears them like they are his second skin. His well-trained trigger finger is ready to take out any intruder he spots with his M4 carbine, which hangs freely by his hip."
3) "It's a marine on guard. He has an M4 carbine by his hip. The ACOG scope makes it easier for aiming longer-distance targets. He can maintain better accuracy with the grip under his rifle. He has bulletproof protection from head to foot. This well-trained marine looks alertful and ready to shoot any intruder on sight."
Now... which one is better? Number two, obviously. One is too short and it doesn't show the character's traits, behavior, or alertness at all, and three is somewhat too descriptive on his equipment.
Number two is balanced and imaginable. His equipment is imaginable enough, and instead, the description focuses on his alertness and behavior, which are essential information for gameplay.
If the practitioners are writing about wars and conflicts, it would be much better if they tell the startegies, battle commanders, condition of fights, thrill of the battlefield, and other conditions/necessary things that are essential for the battle. It's boring if they only say that "the Empire troops outnumbered the enemy troops and captured the fort."
How do they breach the gate? Casualties? Army morale? How skilled and good they are (quality of units)? Battlefield condition? Commanders? Strategies and tactics? They all are essential for making a good war story. Typically, attackers usually have more numbers than the defenders in a fort siege.
How is it, Will? Thanks for taking the time to read these walls of texts. I hope I'll be a good addition for the more gung-ho stuff.
I think it's more than a little ironic that your room iss about punishing people for using too much detail (and too little) and you've given such a clear idea of exactly how your room should be laid out and about the mercenaries employed, the tests to give etc down to the detail that you want your riot squads to be fewer in number than the medieval mercenaries who are to be based on the German Landsknecht of the 14th and 15 centuries (which I'm sure the reader would have to be a total idiot not to recognize).
It's true too much technical detail just drowns out a story and while it's quite ok for us to write in great detail about the obscure things which fascinate us we should probably resign ourselves to the fact that very few people are likely to ever read these things (I remember my statistical analysis of the American Civil War which I used to try to guilt trip my less favorite friends into reading by insisting that they should read and review it as a birthday present for me...). It's important to include things in our story that would appeal to a wide range of people rather than just a handful of experts :)
I've got a very good idea of what to put in your particular room of the dungeon now and thanks for this info :)
I have my own preference, but I respect others. So if they prefer romance or magic, then so be it. My questions will probably based on the article I've written.
The most important thing is to ensure their fictions are interesting to many people. They'll do that with their own way, not mine.
1. I shall be Captain Wilson the Psychedelic Goat. Unlike all other goats, Wilson is the captain of the sloop named the John B; therefore, he wears a goat-sized captain's uniform. Unfortunately for humans, Wilson loves to scream and eat paper: specifically tax returns meaning that all citizens try to avoid him if possible. As a result, Wilson is either at the bar getting drunk or managing the castle's pet store where there are many pet sounds occurring all of the time. Do not look Wilson in his eyes. Those buggy things will stare at you until you feel as if you ate forty-two kilograms of hallucinogenic mushrooms.
2. Wilson hates any form of rushed art believing that all things should be meticulously created, so anything that abruptly ends or has many grammatical errors throughout irks him beyond compare. Therefore, along with being the captain of the sloop John B, he is the castle's torturer of the rushing writers.
3. Since Wilson is a generally nice fellow goat, he tests all of those who have been accused of this most heinous act of laziness. First, he checks every sentence meticulously for grammatical errors. When he does find one, he will scream, and once that number reaches 11 (no more, no less) the first part of the test will be failed. Then, the goat will look at the endings. If they are overall rushed, end abruptly, accidentally leave loose ends or plot-holes, or just don't make any sense, then the goat will kick the writer in the gut.
Now, here comes the real punishment. First, all of the animal in the pet shop will begin making their pet sounds so loudly that they will create a wall of sound that never stops for the remainder of the guilty person's life (because they will be shackled in the pet store). Then, the guilty individual will be forced to read all of the greatest books of all time. How is that bad? Well, the goat will eat the last eleven pages of the book making the person never know what happens in the end. If the guilty person asks what happens in the end, the goat will respond, "God only knows." Once that is finished, the goat will kick the person in the head so hard that their final word of every sentence will be forever forgotten. Finally, that person will have to file the taxes for every person in the city (regardless if those taxes have already been completed). However, Captain Wilson the Psychedelic Goat will eat each tax return moments before that person completes it. This means that the person will have to file taxes for eternity which is a punishment that no person should ever endure.
Captain Wilson the Psychedelic Goat sounds like a useful addition to the team :) Thanks for this contribution :)
~average of four foot seven when on all fours
~tongue is long and forked
~Sees through the eyes of whoever's around via telepathy
Lair: An open field, miles from another living person.
Manner: Surprisingly polite and reserved.
2) Monotonous characters. Ex: Big hero does nothing wrong on purpose at all, ever, and always saves the day. Or, Villain that is a villain just to be a villain, because that's what villains do. Damsel in distress / Civilians That Need Protecting, always so helpless, and contributes nothing to fights and is always a burden. Etc.
3) Calls in some shape shifter friends, apologizes profusely to the victim for the kidnapping while whining about her life story - Bad guys aren't always bad guys, good guys aren't always good guys and all that. Act as it were a surprise that the shape shifters come, one as the victims favorite real life action hero, and the other as victims worst real life action villain... but the hero tries to kill the victim, and the villain tries to set him free - the damsel in distress. Villain shows obvious bad traits - flashing off stolen goods, playing dirty tricks in the fight.Villain defeats hero and tells how he was honoring a promise. Hero says he just wanted to thwart his plans or some other selfish reason. Victim is conflicted and turns into a raving lunatic, shunned for the rest of his life, from the inability to accept this event. Loneliness and lunacy seem worse then death to me.
Hi TacocaT, that's quite a fun character :) I'm not sure how we'll put you on an open field miles from another living person in a dungeon but I expect we'll find a suitable habitat for Anastine. I like the picture and the character is fun enough to put in the dungeon just as you've described them :D?
I've got an explanation, Will, no worries.
We could take it out of a dungeon into something like the Land of Bad Writing (though I seem to remember there was some remarkably talented, amazingly handsome and totally not modest writer who wrote something called that already :D )? Haha I'm sure we'll think of something.
I would help, but I'm busy doing unproductive things, not to mention the fact that I'm moving to a new house... Again (I've seriously lived in five different houses during my two years on the site).
I'll be Baron Archibald of Neverend, an old, slightly senile man of questionable nobility. His lair is a cavernous library, wherein he sits in a dusty, cobwebbed corner, scratching away at a parchment tome with a half-blunt quill. Minutes, hours might go by between words.
Archibald's main target is those young writers nowadays, who rush their stories and won't listen to criticism. He reveals that most of his books are half-written, but that that still is preferable than the one-sentence-per-page, rushed, overly-cliched-plot stories that these newfangled writers churn out daily.
Archibald's test is a multiple (short) pages long monologue on the proper way to write a (lengthy) story, wherein he tends to forget what he was going on about and starts a new lecture. If the reader tries to interrupt him before a set amount of pages, they get a "Long story short, you died. lol!" ending page.
This is great Rommel, a very fun character :) I've been impressed by all the good ideas people have been submitting lately and this character is very realistically described and fun :D
MIGHT AS WEEEEEEEEELL
I shall be Knight-Captain Reddington of the Sun, A man clad in high-tech titanium armor that resembles traditional knightly armor, wielding a burning (plasma, I suppose?) longsword and an electricity-imbued titanium shield. He acts a proper knight, following the code of chivalry and all that. His "lair" is a large, enclosed arena-type area with a single open hole in the ceiling, where he spends his time kneeling in the center as the sun shines upon him, sword sheathed into the ground and shield at his side.
He's the one to punish those super-duper-secret endings that you can only get if you did x all the way back in chapter y or some such.
His test and punishment are one and the same - find out a way to beat him in a one-on-one deathmatch; if you cannot, you die by his hands. The twist is that the only way to beat him is by obtaining an item or doing something somewhere earlier in the story. And THEN proceed with the actual fight.
(Is this okay?)
Praise the sun...
Sunbros typically help people, not being a baddie though. But I'm just thinking if you base your character on Solaire of Astora or Dark Souls sunbros.
I do hate it when people wear 'Titanium' and 'Tungsten' shit because they think that it's better just because, in the instances in which they're used today, that it's "stronger" than steel. Yes, titanium and tungsten are stronger than steel in some of these ways, but not in the ways that made steel work really well. Tungsten would be much heavier than it needs to be. It also does not absorb force or vibrations very well, and while it can resist breakage, and being covered in Conquistador cones would reduce the force to sub-lethal levels, being hit in tungsten armor would make you feel like the inside of a speaker during a dubsteb concert. A good blow to the helmet would leave your ears bleeding. And titanium... FUCKING titanium... Sure, it's lighter than Steel, but, with enough force, it shatters, it doesn't bend. It would be very uncomfortable to get hit in, to say the least. You'd have a better time wearing aluminum with a roll cage.
Though, if you need a macguffin to be defeated, you could just as well go full pimp and wear gold armor.
Fucking titanium alloy with a shock-absorbant metal like gold or something like that, then, I don't know. I just wanted a Knight Iron Man.
Thanks Tim, this is great :D
1. Appearence: Jester-like, Maniacally laughs all the time, he is nameless. However, he keeps saying "Jim Jam the Flim Flam!"
has a "Whapping" Steel mace.
2. Hates: Script kiddies. People like Ryder, who threaten the site, but don't actually hack it.
3.Punishment: Shouts, "IT'S BAPPIN' TIME!" and beats the victim to death. After shoving a mason jar up his ass.
Read the OP again, this is about storygames, not forum shenanigans.
Fool! Canst thou not even reference the Grumps of Gaming rightly!?
Ah... I know shoving Mason Jar's up asses seems to be the highest level of wit certain members on the site are capable of achieving but such members seem to have the automatic effect of lowering the interlectual value of whatever conversations they join. If you can take the time to formulate a character, punishment and descriptions a bit more sophisticated than something a child of 7 will dismiss for being too stupid I'd be happy to accept it, if you feel unable to reach this level of maturity that most of the other people who contributed ideas managed it might be best to save your conversation for those who truly appreciate it, whichever kindergarten they might reside in. :)
I'm sorry if I seem a little harsh but I've been teaching children all morning and came on here to get away from that sort of thing.
Haha thanks Bucky, I've got to remember there are people at the other end of the laptop with thoughts, feelings, emotions etc so even when people are... less than ideal I don't want to talk to them in their language but in my language otherwise how am I any better than them? That's why I don't see any point whatsoever to arguing with people on the Internet if it can be avoided :P I'm sure my mum would have appreciate the compliment :D Things are going along really well with all the contributions though and the end product should be really good :)
That's one of the reasons I love working with ya, Will. You're incredibly polite (which just kind of amazes me, since this is the internet) and you're also amazingly chipper. xD It just sort of puts out good vibes.
Thanks Kiel, tbh I like the vast majority of the users on this site a lot, I just don't often tell them :D I try to remain oblivious to the trolls and the stupid because the site's been around for 15 years or so and isn't going to be put in any real trouble at all by a bunch of idiots, despite what certain people might think :) Life is much easier if you're polite and make jokes rather than to be rude or offensive and confrontational or immature in your sense of humor, it's just common sense.
That said I do have strong opinions about some things and enjoy trashing bad stories as much as the next member but at the end of the day they're just MY opinions and I've got no reason to suspect I'm any smarter than the next member so perhaps I take some things more seriously than I should. Mostly I enjoy my time on the site, most of the site members are fun, interesting and decent people to talk to and pm, there's enough good stories here to fill a small library and some ver good stories written all the time, it's just important not to fall into the unfortunate habit of ignoring them because it's easier to trash the short, crappy stories (Hint: read comment on Magellan 4 people :D).
Ramble over, I'm going back to my hibernation now :P
there's enough good stories here to fill a small library and some ver good stories written all the time, it's just important not to fall into the unfortunate habit of ignoring them because it's easier to trash the short, crappy stories
Ha, that's exactly the trend though, and I'm as bad about it as anyone. Clicking through the worst stories to give them their 1 can be done in between browsing in other tabs or doing things around the house,but to read a good story I'm intending to review has a psychological barrier for me because I want to be alert and really taking in what I'm reading and know I have a block of time that will be undisturbed to take it all on in one sitting and think it over after. I have trouble focusing when I'm on the computer at even the best of times so it's hard to get into the right mindset.
I keep telling myself that just like my writing, I just need to sit down and do it already.
Hello, and behold, Marco the Mad Scientist Time-Traveling Macaroni Penguin! He's a stingy, strict and critical macaroni penguin who has a broken eyeglasses (which may or may not contribute to his general demeanor, being annoyed that he can hardly read the labels of various food products). His 'dungeon' would be a near ripoff of the TARDIS, with flashing lights and shiny metal things everywhere (and take or give a pretty female companion).
Marco absolutely loathes dead-end links, and would much rather prefer an abrupt end and commenting over having to hit the Back or Restart button. (Afterall, then he can properly express his hatred of the abrupt ending, but at least not his hatred of a dead-end link.)
As punishment, Marco subjects his test subjects to a series of historic and scientific trivia, most that is not true as at any time he can change history, or has not yet become true. He will change obvious and correct answers by quickly bolting back in time (which, makes them still true, as he does not lie), so that the trivia-ee is never right. If the trivia-ee is not right, then he harshly jabs the trivia-ee with one of his tools on his deluxe, penguin Swiss army knife, that absolutely has dials that he can turn, because it's a Swiss army knife for penguins. The tools could range from a corkscrew to a taser, because it is a deluxe, penguin Swiss army knife.
This is delightful, for the record. Can't wait to see the story.
Haha this is great :D Thanks for contributing this and hopefully the story will be great :D
Aw, apparently Claw's more important than me. You might also want to ask InsaneButVain to do a piece.
I'm not more important, I just PM-ed him after the first thread about this topic...?
1) Penguins. With top hats. Dozens of them. Perfect grammar, an eery hive mind. Each penguin refers to itself as "we". Their layer is an office building, the character meets them in a meeting room.
2) Games that break the fourth wall. Jesus Christ neckbeards, you're not fucking Deadpool. (Throwing shade at @chris11302 )
3) The test involves being trapped in an arena where you have to fight famous breakers of the fourth wall. If you lose your forever stuck in a movie line with fedora wearing fanboys who offer you Cheetos.
Edit: Can I have permission to write said fight scenes?
Sounds interesting... sure if you want to write the fight scenes please feel free :)
His name is Remnant.
He dwells in a dimensional rift, which happens to be accessible via an old door marked with a strange symbol in the dungeon. He is the dark shadow and remnant of evil who used to be one with Zag the Hero. His figure is similar to that of a dark apparition, shifting, but pitch black like a fine shadow. His eyes shine out with a fiery orange. His smile is similar to a flaming cavern, with a ominous light emanating from this orifice.
He hates characters and stories with no back story or deep character detail.
He would lightly float around the player, and engage in a simple conversation, hinting at his past and origin. "Have you heard of Zag the Hero?" Remnant would say, "We used to be very close, me and him."
He would have the player choose one out of three scenarios an author would choose on implementing, each having to do with a character and it's surroundings.
The first scenario would be of moderate quality when it comes to description, the next would be the poorest, and the last would be of the best quality.
If the player chooses the one of moderate quality, he would tell the player of his backstory. "Zag and I were once one." He rasped, his voice like a soft warm wind. "He wasn't always a hero. There was once a time when Zag lived a less valiant and righteous life." He chuckled, embers floating from his eyes. "Zag was once a thief. He would steal, for himself. Fueled by our greed, our selfishness he would take from those he believed were less deserving. He knew what he did was wrong, and accepted it. I grew stronger inside of him. His hatred, his deceit, his greed, his pride, his selfishness were delicacies I feasted on." Remnant seemed to enjoy reminiscing about the past, about his lost host. "But one fateful day, he was through. He was finished repeating his evil deeds. Zag bathed himself in the light, and swore to protect and serve his people. He cast me out, and I fled to this place. I've been waiting for someone like you to come along..."
If the player chooses the best excerpt, they will be allowed to pass onward. "You have proven yourself to me..." His glow dims. "Not many have."
And, lastly, if the player chooses the worst selection Remnant will lift them up, and look into their eyes. His internal embers will burn fiery hot, and the player will be cast into the depths of their minds, forcing them to relive their past lives. He banishes them to a hell inside of their mind. "You, will understand your story. You will wander through your fears and previous pain. You will live a shattered fraction of your memory, one which reeks of the nightmarish void!"
My deepest apologies, Will. I didn't really follow your format. Here you go. I think it goes without saying that #4 appears last and that his relationship to the others is just humorously implied.
1. The abolished: a vaguely vulpine creature whose presence indicates a great disturbance in reality. Its skin is darkness, from which peer thousands of grotesque, bloodshot eyes. Its voice summons the most primordial of fears in all that hear it. A child of James.
2. Pre-serialization of stories: The abolished is writing a story and asks the player if they think it's alright to label the story "part 1", since it plans on writing more stories.
3. If the player gives an affirmative answer, the abolished will thank them, before stabbing them through the heart with its tongue and revealing that the story can only be written in blood and that since it will most definitely finish all the promised stories, it will need a lot of blood. If the player says "no", the abolished with give them a slash across the palm and collect only enough blood to write one, complete story.
1. Griffin: A pony-sized fox-penguin griffin. Normal bird beak (for some reason), horse-like body (also don't get this one), and a fox tail. A child of James.
2. Script-like dialogue: Griffin is deathly afraid of screenplays, after a trip to Victorian England with his grandfather, SenPen. Griffin asks the player how to go about asking for something politely. The player has two options: one involving properly formatted dialogue and the other involving the weird name-colon thing.
3. Screaming griffin tantrum. Wish I could give you more.
Entry # 3
1. Foctopus. Imagine an ordinary octopus, but put fox ears on it, make it's entire body orange, and have each tentacle end in a white tip. A child of James.
2. Quizzes in which a wrong answer automatically ends the game.
3. ??? (Will get back to this, but it will undoubtedly involve one of the order members showing up, watching the foctopus kill the player, and screaming something along the lines of "Goddamnit, James, this isn't a daycare!")
1. James: A talking fox with anxiety / social issues. Also, an omnisexual manwhore and outspoken anarchist.
2. ??? (I'll get back to this)
3. ??? (I'll also get back to this)
These are all really good :D I get the sense that you really like foxes... I think we can use all of these and if you can fill in any of the missing details in the future that'd be great too. Entry 4 sounds oddly autobiographical but these are all quite fun and I like the punishments :)
Yes, the guy who talks about foxes, publicly advocates for the welfare of foxes, has a fox plushy named "Electric Ass Death", and roleplays as a fox...likes foxes. Who'd've thought?
So that avatar's not a huge pile of autumn leaves being thrown off of a bedsheet, but a fox instead?
I did try my best to draw him with a normal fox body, just didn't add any "gloves" because he never had them in that first thing I pulled off the internet. And hey, Penguinite genetics, as they are with most furries, are very lego-based. One of my cousins married a High-Elf, and their kid looks like a parrot-man.
For Griffin's punishment, how about he begins to cry, you kick down the door, proclaim that you thought the place was safe from shitty screenplays, then get so angry that your body releases a large amount of testosterone, causing all of the player's cells to commit sepukku out of shame?
I dunno, man, no seppuku is complete without a serious pimp-slap...
Unrelated, but WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO GIVE LIFE TO THAT EYEBALL THING!?
Will you agree if you can pimp-slap the player?
Well, it turns out I may have actually copulated with an entire dimension, due to a universal rift that was conveniently small and vagina-shaped. Well, I mean, I most certainly copulated with that dimension, but I'm not sure that's who the mother is. It's just a guess.
Only if you agree to be the cat-slaying sidekick in my segment?
A lot of those have been showing up lately... I may need to go a little lighter on those Timespace Machine trips...
Sure, so long as you're not too condescending.
1. Spelchek is a goblin dressed in a bee costume. Everything he says will be spelled incorrectly as to help promote the importance of proper spelling. Half of his room is a wooden stage, the other half being rows of chairs for a non-existent audience. (Similar to the layout of an elementary school spelling bee)
2. He punishes improper spelling.
3. The adventurer will be challenged to a spelling bee, Spelchek will not let them leave until they complete it. As to how the spelling bee itself is administered, use your best judgment, but I will make a suggestion anyway. He holds out three or four cards, each with a different spelling of a word on it, if you pick the right word you pass, maybe have like three different sets of words. If you fail, this happens, and it kills you.
Hi Pelheim, I'm not even sure who you are but this is great and very useful, thanks a lot :D (Oh, I can't get Youtube where I am, it's a long story but basically it turns out Communists don't like Youtube :P) I agree with how to lay out the spelling bee but how does Spelchek kill the reader?
As someone who can see the video, He basically puts a cage with cloth over it on the victim's head. Then they fill the cage with bees. So, yeah. :)
It's the bee scene from Wickerman starring Nicolas Cage if that helps...
Gotcha, sounds fun :D
A massive thank you for everyone, altogether we've got 25 different members contributed and altogether about 40-50 ideas so now Kiel and I are going to start assembling this all. This is just a quick reminder for anyone who hasn't submitted any ideas yet but would like to, we're still accepting contributions until 31 May so there is still time for people who are still working on ideas to put them forward. A big thank you again and hopefully the end product of all these different ideas should be something very fun to play and interesting indeed :D
Go go go!