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What's the weirdest thing you've ever done as a kid?

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I remember once, in preschool, I really needed to go, and I really, really, extremely needed to, but the teachers didn't let me, so I just went in my pants. They had emergency underwear, but there was no more of those, so I had to wear a diaper.....yeah. I had problems as a kid.

Honestly, I did some morally suspect things during  early puberty that I won't be getting into. 

What's something else you remember doing, as a toddler or infant? 

WOOOSH!

No. 

Did you collapse a balcony and back porch?

You were some strange kid, Ford.

*holds up spork*

Well one time I was running in kindergarten and I decided that "I couldn't stop" and I just kept running trying to avoid crashing into stuff and I found myself running straight into the girl's bathroom despite the fact some girl yelled that I couldn't go into it.

"Can't stop!" I shouted and kept going.

A blonde girl was on the toilet at the time, she screamed and giggled, I yelled and started laughing (and turning right around without breaking my run) and the teacher gave me a disapproving shake of her head saying I should know better than that.

Hm, my childhood was a litany of disasters but most of it is funny in hindsight. I managed to crack my head open on five seperate occasions (I've still got a scar running from my forehead most of the way down the back of my head but I don't think I've bamaged my drain... :) ), knocked one of my Dad's teeth out in an over-enthusiastic hug that turned into a head-butt and managed to set my hand on fire while trying to impress a girl by refilling a zippo with lighter fluid.

Probably the  dummest was managing to literally run off a cliff while walking my dog along a cliff top on a moonless night. She saw a rabbit and bolted towards the cliff edge and I ran after her, the dog possessing more intelligence than 12 year old me made a right turn and I didn't. My trousers and legs were badly shredded and after dragging myself back up a rocky slope I found my dog waiting at the top looking at me like "I can't take you for a walk anywhere". When I staggered home my parents were more concerned about the dog than me but I think they saw her as the brains of the outfit :)

Ha, ha, still hope the girl was still into you after that.

Weirdly enough she was briefly. After we both put out the fire on my hand I managed to persuade her that the smoke alarms in our college didn't actually work and we were ok to smoke indoors. After we triggered an emergency fire drill and the evacuation of 300 students she went off me for some reason :)

Well, I pissed in the school garden in the first grade because I didn't know where the toilet was, and I also murdered a goose with its own eggs. I pretty much broke everything but my consoles for fun, and my cousin got my dick caught in the cocking mechanism of a toy nerf gun. 

... So yeah, pretty normal childhood, really. 

Fucking ouch.

One of the windows on our second floor didn't have one of those screens on it, so my brother, sister, and I became incredibly fond of defenestration. We'd be tossing garbage, food, toys, porcelain lamps, dollhouses—anything we could get our hands on, really—out the window for fun.

When I was ten, I found a post that said that if you wear your underwear inside out, then everyone in the universe is wearing it but you. So, I did that for a full fucking year. Also, when I was in first grade, I took a piss on my school's football field when I was sure no one was looking during recess. Somehow, someone saw me and I had to apologize to all the classes that were outside for recess at the time for, y'know, pissing on a football field in broad fuckin' daylight.

Another funny story from my first grade year (Yes, I constantly got in trouble for stupid shit when I was six): one time, I got in trouble for being out of my desk during a test, so I fucking sprinted out of the room and ran around the school. Eventually, I went down a small hall and hid in the corner. A teacher, who was looking for me, walked by and saw me. I tried running past her, only for the fucking principal to grab my arm with a grip that was strong as fuck. Even after that incident, I did that a bunch of other times during the year, only to stop halfway through after deciding that I had enough of getting my ass whooped by my parents.

I played with paper. 

One night when I was like 9. My friend dared me to take a shit by this school. And I did.

I did it like right infront of one of the entrances too.

I can only imagine XD

That same exact thing happened to me except I had a change of close I could change into.

Once I was playing tag in a store and while I was running backwards to avoid getting tagged and I fell in a box and couldn't get out.

Me and my sister lived on the 10th level of some apartment when we were younger (probably 4 or 5) and every time this guy came out of his house to garden on the 1st floor or something, we'd try to spit on his head. It was bloody hard I tell you, trying to spit 9 levels down.

Drugs.

And alcohol.

And as a two year old, play the piano nude and head-butting the keys like crazy.

Well... that escalated quickly. 

After reading some of these experiences, I think I'm beginning to understand why most of us are so fucked up XD 

*realistic about things.

When I was like, 9 I had an annoying baby-sitter so I hit her with a bopper-sword. I actually ran away to the basement to play video-games like, right after but I learned later that she fainted after noticing blood come out of her nose :P

She must've been really squeamish if just a little bit of blood made her faint. Hell, she'd probably have a heart attack if she watched Hostel, am I right?

Right? At least he wasn't burning things over the stove and threatening her with a kitchen knife.

I remember I was in one of those plastic ball pits at Chuck E. Cheese back in the 80s and for some reason the establishment thought it would be a great idea for them to suddenly have a fucking CLOWN jump in the damn thing.

Now granted this wasn’t actually some old pedo killer clown dude, it was actually just some young girl, probably in her twenties.

Still, no Harely Quinn wannabe (Though this was years before her of course) was going to deter me from recognizing evil when I saw it. So naturally I started pelting her with balls. This of course spurred the other kids to do likewise.

The poor clown girl begged everyone to stop and eventually they did since it was time for everyone to leave, but I took the opportunity to hide underneath the sea of plastic spheres.

Clown girl knew someone was still around in the pit and she started wading through the balls looking for me as I hid, and I waited and waited until she was right next to me and then I jumped up and popped her in her clown nose with a ball. Then I threw a bunch of them up in the air and ran out of the pit.

You should make a storygame about this.

• Throw red ball
• Throw green ball

Eh, less fun than actually playing piano.

I don't know what the fuck that was, but I loved every moment of it.

I'd tell you, but to be honest, I'm still creeped out by it.

I know.