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Hey everyone! I'm posting this because I have a question.
And here it is: Is it normal for parents to hit their children hard?

Define "normal" and "hard."

Normal meaning do a lot of parents do it and hard meaning that it hurts

Define "a lot." Some people might think 20% is a lot and others might consider 80% to not be a lot. Also, define your population (i.e., the world population, your own country's population, your town's population, etc.).

For me, anything above 40% is a lot. My country has around 1,393,409,038 people

Well, if your country is India, then the best place to find the answer to the question, "Do more than 40% of Indian parents hit their children so hard that it hurts?" would be Google. It's really a statistical question, and the best resources for that kind of information would be surveys and studies about parental corporeal punishment in India.

Okay, I'll go do that

If you want to ask me whether it's normal, depends which country you come from. If you ask me if it's acceptable to hit children, well no. Hitting your own child is pretty much a sign that you cannot discipline your children without threatening violence. It's a display of poor parenting and in many cases borderline child abuse. You shouldn't hit people in general anyways.

Normal in India, but not morally okay anywhere.

I hope you're not talking about your parents. But, from what I've been told something like 80% of all the best site members have pretty messed up families so at least you're in good company.

Oh

And I am talking about my parents actually, namely my dad and that's good to know...I guess.

If you feel you're genuinely in danger of course you should report it to the police. Or just look up on Google if there's a hotline to report abuse where you are or whatever the recommended method is. Unless this is a regular thing though I'm just not sure if getting hit would even register as real abuse over there, given the conditions a lot of kids are living in. But I know it varies a lot by region.

The whole social and bureaucratic situation is so different there, honestly I'm just not sure people in other countries can give much useful advice or have any idea of what the potential results might be. You could try talking to a teacher you trust?

Don't worry, it's not that bad. It happens sometimes when my parents are angry but more times than not, it's for my own good. I posted this thread because this whole month has been stressful and I actually thought of self harm for a while, I went on a long rant in my journal l and now, I'm more or less ok. I just felt like talking to some people I knew and that's way easier online

Ah good, if you ever want to talk and vent about this again, you can always drop this stuff over here, especially when you're not feeling that great. 

I know what you mean, these last few months haven't been that great for me either. My dad has been upset about work and takes it out on me and my little brother sometimes. It's not that bad, just really stressful. 

Wait your dad isn't beating you too is he?

He only hits us when he is really mad, normally he only yells in our faces and tells us that we are idiots or that he doesn't think we are good enough to do whatever we want to do. It's worse for my brother though, he has emotional problems and it takes very little for him to start crying. My dad doesn't like that, and will taunt him about it until my brother finally snaps and talks back to my dad, which gets my dad very angry very fast. I just try to avoid my dad, but because my brother is grounded that makes it harder for him to do the same. 

That sucks.

Same advice given to FemW applies to you. Things are either bad enough where you want to report it or tell a teacher and roll the dice with the system wherever you live, or they're not. Unfortunately there's really very little random internet people can do here besides let you vent. It sucks a whole lot if this is really happening but just keeping your head down and trying to avoid any altercations sounds like the most practical response, and you're already doing that.

But now I have to ask, what things were you guys not good enough to do, and is this why your brother is grounded? It feels like we might be missing some detail or context here. Isn't your brother like eight years old? To be fair there's a lot of things parents might freak out about kids that age trying to do, even if they aren't quite such assholes about it.

My brother is nine and it's not even big things he doesn't think we can do. Like if there is a math test coming up then dad will say that we could never pass and punish us if we say that we have been studying hard or something. He grounded my brother because 1 month ago he asked my dad to please stop getting so mad at us. My dad started yelling at him that he was an awful son for saying that, and started hitting him. When I told him to stop he hit him one more time and then threatened to send us both away. 

Ah yes I see. Makes perfect sense.

I hate it when that happens 

Honestly, it sounds like things for you at home are really out of hand and you definitely need to talk to somebody who can help you about it. If not for your own sake then for your brother's, since it sounds like he's getting things even worse than you and it's going to really screw him up in the long run.

Just feel I should point out here that usually, whenever social services gets involved with a case, it's actually a very small percentage of children who actually get separated from the parents and put in the care system, so it's not always a bad thing to get social services involved. More often than not, they just lay out very strict guidelines with the parents over what is and isn't acceptable and do some welfare checks to make sure the kids are okay. Can sometimes work as a good deterrent for the parents as they'd be worried about losing custody of the kids if they step out of line.

And if she feels intimidated talking to the police, a teacher she trusts is a good option because they'll take the steps to report it for her.

Your dad sounds insane.

And when he gets REALLY mad he answers the door with a Love Sick reference on his face.

Uhh... No hunny. Sorry, but it's really, really not for your own good. I'd say that gentle smacking is sometimes acceptable, but that's the kind of punishment that you give a really young child in the middle of an epic tantrum. Somehow I doubt that situation applies for you.

Also it's pretty telling that you say, "It happens sometimes when my parents are angry." Parents are supposed to punish a child because the child did something wrong, not because the parent is in a bad mood. Like, there's a difference between, "My dad hit me because I was beating the shit out of my younger sibling and he had to break up the fight," and "My dad hit me because he had a really bad day at work and I happened to get in his way." Hitting you hard because he's in a bad mood is not okay and you should definitely tell an adult that you trust about it.

And self harm is never the answer... Unless the question is "What should I definitely not do when my parents are hitting me for no fucking reason?" If you're thinking of self harming as a result of this because you feel like it's the only way to make yourself feel better than it's definitely a lot more serious than you're making it out to be. It's affecting you emotionally even more than it's effecting you physically, so something definitely needs to be done about it. Talk to someone you know IRL. Whether it's your mum or a friend or a teacher or just someone that you trust in general. Maybe even a police man if you can't think of any one else. But somebody definitely needs to let your father know that what he's doing is really effecting your mental health.

Out of curiosity, is it just you he's hitting, or does he hit your mom aswell?

I know this is serious, but the fact you said "Uh... no hunny. Sorry," is amusing since it sounds like the beginning of a CoGite droning on about why something minor is "problematic" and generally being a faggot. (The CoGite in this example, not you of course)

Uh... No, hunny. Sorry. But it's not okay for your little sister to dress up as Moana for Halloween. She's five years old. That's old enough to learn what cultural appropriation is. 

It's just me, mom is usually the one to stop him when he is about to go crazy, he never hurts my mother thankfully

Well it's good that your mother isn't getting hurt, but also bad that it's all directed at you. Since your mum is the one that's protecting you, maybe have a word with her about it and how it's making you feel. It sounds like she has your best interests at heart.

If you are looking to get out of this situation, then my advice would be to find allies whom you can trust to help you get out of this situation and ask them to help you.

If it ever gets that bad, I'll keep that in mind : )

Well, if you're considering self harm then I'd say that it's already that bad. I mean, if you're thinking of cutting yourself because your dad hit you then that's pretty much as bad as your dad physically cutting you.

My dad doesn't hit me all the time, the reason I thought of self harm was because I've always felt kind of invisible in real life and plus with my thoughts and emotions always at war with me, dad hitting me was the final straw and I kind of broke down. Don't worry though, I'm trying to work things out

Glad you're feeling better, and I hope the situation improves. Do you have school counselors or anyone you can talk to over there?

I know covid has made things especially stressful, it's really a lot of strain on everybody being cooped up with their family constantly, and I know I keep hearing it's especially bad over there.

Yep, it's pretty bad, i can't even go to the basketball court casually anymore smh

Edit: And I don't really know, besides I can't really talk to them since I have no idea who they are, I only ever got sent there once for collecting ants in kindergarten, what is so wrong with liking insects? I was a literal baby and I still facepalmed.

Begin exercising and eating a ton of protein so you get buff and the next time your dad raises his hand against you you catch it midair and say "not this time, old man" and break his arm in one fluid motion. Then a hard punch to the throat to collapse his trachea and then stomp on his face until it resembles grapefruit pulp.

Lol that came straight out of a comic book

pinch nuts and twist

Well since more than one of you little ragamuffins are coming out to talk about your abusive parents, I've changed the title of the thread to be more inclusive.

Where the hell is IAP, I know he's got a story that would top everyone's in this department.

There's others around the site who would still win if they actually wanted to talk about it. Although yes I'm sure IAP would sure have a story.

Those boomers and their quaint ideas about child abuse that always sound more like flexing...

In my day, we didn't have belts! Our dad used to beat the shit out of us with a plank of wood with a dozen nails sticking out of it, and we liked it!

Accurate

My dad really likes the one about how he had to go and cut his own switches from the tree.

Is this twig big enough?

Thinner ones sting more.

I've never been one to take shit from anyone, not even my parents. Whenever they hit me, I always fought back. I could usually beat my mother in a fight but not my father. Police got called a few times, other stuff came up, and now my parents are separated, hopefully soon to be divorced. Glad to be part of the 80% here.

Meanwhile, you look at a guy like Ford and you just know his dad didn't kick his ass hard enough as a kid.

Though he probably has a lot of built up trauma from watching his mum disappear into the basement with a random hooded figure every other night. ^_^

But then you have people like my Fat Cousin who thanks to Mexican parents got the shit belted out of him all the time, and still managed to grow up to be a weak disgusting manchild.

Maybe there's some kind of middle ground of child beating with maximum payoff. But we're going to need a lot of kids to volunteer to figure this out.

Damn, what did the cousin do to earn the wrath of Mizal? I'm sensing great neck-beardery. ^_^

Oh there was great neck beardery.

A lot of neck beardery.

I'd elaborate but I'm
L I T E R A L L Y
S H A K I N G.

Cold shaking or angry shaking?

The worst kind. O.O

You have to beat them right after they do things wrong (and only when they do things wrong); if you beat them all the time they grow up confused and scared of everything.

Rather than look at volunteers, though, I think a longitudinal study with periodic surveys would be more beneficial, since some of them get beat too hard and may get scared about talking about their experiences.  They would be underrepresented otherwise.

They grow up confused and scared of everything anyway (unless we're talking about a mild swat on the butt or two, and rarely).

Eventually I beat my parents back. The first time I bitch-slapped my mother was cathartic as fuck. The only thing I learned from it is that they were worthless, irresponsible people who had no business having children. Discipline? None. I learned literally none from it. My eventual foster parents were far better at raising me (surprise, surprise).

The way to make your child behave is to make your child want to be like you. Be your child's hero, and they'll want to emulate you and please you. Show them that you're a violent piece of crap who rules by fear, and they'll never respect you, and part of them will resent, fear, and maybe even hate you.

Well I'm glad to see the tradition of CYStians having bad parents is still alive and well. 

Is it normalized. Yes* and with tremendous historical precedence.

Its ethical nature and effectiveness can be debated.

If it is not being administered with a disciplined, measured, calm hand, then it is certainly wrong, at least in part - if not altogether.

So a lot like ethnic cleansing then, when you put it that way.

Ha, People have been whipped and then managed to grow up. Sometimes they even say it was for their good.

I'm not sure the same can be said of people who have been ethnically cleansed.

Yeah ethnic cleansing usually results in death.

So it's more like slavery.

There were proponents that claimed slavery was good for the enslaved. That did happen. So yeah, that's a better apple to the orange.

Well a side effect of this thread is I'm now going to be a little worried if either kid goes awhile without logging in.

It's bad enough with Peng and he's older, plus I figure probably pretty resigned by now to being locked in a bamboo cage and taking shits on a thirty second timer until he becomes doctor.

Asian parents don't even need to beat their kids. A simple glance of disappointment is soul withering. Or so I've heard.

I do feel a little racist now.

Yep, it withers your soul, I can vouch for that. A side effect is that you can't move for about half an hour (I'm not even joking)

Something can be normal and still wrong. I'll echo the statement of others here: violence used by parents — except in split second decisions that would save the child from immanent harm (such as smacking away a child's hand who is about to touch a hot pan, or grabbing a kid by the hair who is about to run into a busy street) — is a clear sign that the parent lacks the necessary skills, patience and dedication to control their child. Even if you have a terror child who doesn't care if you take privileges away (lol) and is a force of destruction, you're still bigger. You could simple hold the child immobile until the tantrum is over, or you can carry the child into a locked room (both of which are lesser evils than outright beating them).

Emotional abuse is way worse than physical abuse. At least when you get hit you can hit right back and that's just called self defense.

These kinds of threads really attract the dumbest possible takes 

Also I think it's pretty rare to get people who are physically abusive who aren't also emotionally abusive.

Beats kid mercilessly for being gay.

"You go out and be yourself and be proud of who you are!"

"I love you. No homo."

Guys, I think child abuse....is bad.

Careful Miz. That's some pretty controversial shit right there.

Ah, I wished that I possessed such muscles to smack them back into space. Alas, as a "soy munching beta cuck", I sadly do not possess that privilege. 

I know you asked this 17 days ago, but I am still going to chime in.  My mother finally found a guy she thought was good for us by age five after we have been taken out of human trafficking.  He was a psychopath.  He did not remove his mask in front of her but did in front of me.  He beat me the first time when I was five.  He beat me so badly that I lost control of my bodily functions. I had open lacerations, and severe blood blisters  under the skin.  I showed my mother and she did nothing. 

Now explaining that, I will say that kids today call something a beating that isn't, and I become very offended by it because it is bullshit. 9 times out of ten when I follow up on the complaint and look into it further, they were not beat.  they recieved a swat, this is not a beating. 

I beating breaks bones.   A beating leaves open wounds and blood blisters.  A spanking is not a beating. If one recieves a swat for doing something dangerous. They are not being beat. 

no beating children is not normal. I just wanted to clarify what a beating was. 

Remember kids, if you're not dead, then what the hell are you complaining about, you little pussies?

"Sorry kid but an angel just told me you were GROSSLY misrepresenting the facts. You can file a complaint at the main office if you want, but Jesus has been out to lunch for 2000 years."

See, this is the type of input about these topics we've been missing around here.

It’s not a dichotomy.

>>>9 times out of ten when I follow up on the complaint and look into it further

Are you a social worker?

A social worker who tells kids, "You call that a beating? Call me back when your skull is fractured."

I sometimes forget that most site members are probably twice my age and married. Reading this makes me feel like an zygote at times. 

There's no guarantee to get to the old thing either.