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Jokes!

one year ago
I am a big fan of jokes. Tell me your favorite jokes and puns!

One of my favorites:
What did the hot dog say when his friend passed him in a race?
Wow I RELISH in the fact that you MUSTARD the strength to KETCHUP to me.

Jokes!

one year ago

You.

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one year ago
*Uno Reverse Card*

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one year ago
Maybe you should go rate some storygames before making anymore threads...

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one year ago

The second one was great entertainment.

Jokes!

one year ago

What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and a submarine?

One's at the bottom of the ocean filled with seamen and the other's a submarine.

Jokes!

one year ago

Fun fact! Has anyone else realized that "Maddie" is an anogram for "I'm dead?" ^_^

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one year ago

Why are dark jokes like kids with cancer?

They never get old.

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one year ago

Why is Usain Bolt so fast?

All the slow black men are in jail.

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one year ago

What's the difference between Santa and a Jew?

Santa goes down the chimney.

Jokes!

one year ago

What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese person?

You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message.

Jokes!

one year ago

The thread was probably intended as a fun little family friendly pun thread...and then you came...

Love the jokes btw.

Jokes!

one year ago

Thank you, I do my best. ^_^

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one year ago
samdwich

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one year ago
Samdwich? What is that?

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one year ago

So a CYStian and a CoGite walk into the woods at night.

The CoGite says "Oh it's so dark and I'm so scared."

The CYStian says "You think you're scared, I gotta walk back out of this woods by myself."

Jokes!

one year ago

What's the difference between a joke and 3 cocks?

A CoGite can't take a joke. ^_^

Jokes!

one year ago

Do you have a date for valentine's day?

Yes, it's February 14th.

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one year ago

What's the difference between Michael Jackon and acne?

Acne waits until a boy's a teenager before it comes on his face.

Jokes!

one year ago

What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?

A pedo-file. ^_^

Jokes!

one year ago
I'm actually retarded. I thought of drilling into steel and was wondering why only pedophiles are able to go from 15 to 40mm.

Jokes!

one year ago
Of all people...

Jokes!

one year ago

Why do you never see black people on cruise ships?

Because they're not falling for that again!

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one year ago

What's the difference between a Saudi Arabian rape victim and a guy smoking marijuana?

One's getting stoned and the other is smoking marijuana. ^_^

Jokes!

one year ago

These are hilarious, thank you.

Jokes!

one year ago

What's 18 inches long, stiff, and makes girls cry all night?

Cot death.

Jokes!

one year ago

That's SIDS, for the American viewers.

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one year ago

What do you call a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you've already told her twice.

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one year ago

They say there is safety in numbers. Tell that to 6 million Jews.

Jokes!

one year ago

You know, I was raised Catholic. I used to hate all the standing up and sitting down and getting on my knees all the time. I wished the priest would just pick a position and fuck me.

Jokes!

one year ago
Commended by EndMaster on 2/5/2021 4:24:19 PM

boooo

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one year ago

Come on MHD, I was only joking! Obviously I was never raped by a priest... I'm a girl ^_^

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one year ago

Lol

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one year ago
How did you know?

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one year ago

Protestants: We don't frick over kids like Catholics, plus works-based salvation is dumb, faith alone is da way. So join us, or burn.

Jokes!

one year ago
I thought hispanics were catholic

Jokes!

one year ago

Nah I'm Protestant. While most are Catholics, certain Hispanics are more likely to be Protestant, like Puerto Ricans.

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one year ago
you sound catholic. I'm gonna presume you're catholic.

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one year ago

No I'm a hardstruck protestant.

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one year ago

Meaning your parents struck you so hard that you never questioned your beliefs again. ^_^

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one year ago
why do you act so catholic?

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one year ago

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEECH

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one year ago

The sound a Catholic makes when he accidentally strangles himself with his own rosary! O.O

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one year ago
Was that HM screeching? He's been in that confession booth with the priest a long time, maybe somebody should check on him. *not here, didn't post*

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one year ago

hispanic protestant lol

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one year ago
So is Dark, look at you furthering stereotypes, smh.

It's way weirder to me that all these people adopted the Spaniard murder-rape religion, but then I guess everyone who wasn't a cuck got murder-raped or set on fire or something. But it means Dairy Queen makes those fish tacos with the spicy coleslaw every April, so worth it.

Jokes!

one year ago

It's strange to me as well, but I doubt anyone was interested in worshipping the Aztec pantheon after Spain fucked everything up. I mean, if they were real, they would have smote the shit out of the Spaniards instead of letting their worshippers get murder raped 

Jokes!

one year ago

His son says, “Dad, I have everything I could ever want. But there is one thing that would make me the happiest person alive.”

The dad, wanting to make his son happy, asks his son what that is.

His son replies, “I want a single ping pong ball.”

Confused, his dad agrees, and on his fifteenth birthday, the son opens his present to find a single pig pong ball inside.

“Dad! Thank you so much! I am the happiest kid on this planet!”

The next day, the father goes into his son’s room but doesn’t find the ping pong ball anywhere.

Next year rolls around, and the father asks his son what he wants for his birthday, probably a car, or a new video game.

His son says, “Dad, I have everything I could ever want. But there is one thing that would make me the happiest person alive.”

The father, only wanting to please his son, asks what that one thing is.

His son says to him, “I want a ten pack of ping pong balls.”

The father was a little weirded out, but he did as his son wished, and on his sixteenth birthday, the son opened his present to find a pack of ping pong balls.

“Dad thank you so much! I love them!”

The next day, he goes up to his son’s room, and doesn’t find one ping pong ball anywhere.

Twelve months pass, and it’s time for the son to turn seventeen.

The father, ready for whatever outrageous gift his son might want, asks him what he would like for his birthday.

His son says, “Dad, I have everything I could ever want. But there is one thing that would make me the happiest person alive.”

The dad, thinking he’s about to spend a shitload of money on a new car, asks his son what that thing is.

“I want a jug of ping pong balls.”

The dad, who was just taken aback by the whole situation, bought his son a jug of ping pong balls to open on his seventeenth birthday.

“Oh my god! Dad thank you so much!”

On the next day, the dad goes into his son’s room, but doesn’t find a single ping pong ball anywhere.

Four seasons pass, and his son is becoming an adult. The father, who is about to send his only son to college, prepares himself for the amount of money he is about to spend on his favorite kid to send him to his alma mater, and asks him what he wants for his birthday.

His son says, “Dad, I have everything I could ever want. But there is one thing that would make me the happiest person alive.”

The father asks him what that one thing just might be.

“Well dad, I want a warehouse full of ping pong balls.”

The dad is like, holy shit? “What is up with my son and his ping pong balls?” But he does as his son wishes, and the next day, he drives his son to the an old abandoned warehouse. They open the door, and ping pong balls just roll out. Everywhere.

“Dad. Thank you so much. I love you!”

Around 24 hours later, the dad drives down to the warehouse, opens the door, but there’s not a single ping pong ball inside.

8,772 hours later, the son is turning nineteen. But a few days before his birthday, he is in an awful wreck. He’s hospitalized. Hooked up to thirty different machines.

The father is devastated. He goes into his son’s hospital room, and asks him what he wants for his birthday. “Son, I’m going to make this your best birthday yet. I will buy you anything. Anything you want.”

His son says, “Dad, I have everything I could ever want. But there is one thing that would make me the happiest person alive.”

The dad, who is already up to protocol, is like, “alright. How many ping pong balls do you want this time?”

“I want a boatload. As many as you can buy.”

The father, just trying to make his son’s days in the hospital enjoyable, buys a boatload of ping pong balls. He buys out every warehouse of ping pong balls. Uses his life savings to buy every single ping pong ball in America.

He walks into his son’s hospital room to tell him the news.

“Dad I can’t believe you bought me all of these ping pong balls. How can I ever repay you?”

The dad, who wants to know what the fuck is up with his son and these ping pong balls, asks, “well there is one way son.”

“What is it Dad?”

“What do you do with all of these fucking ping pong balls?”

The son was happy to tell his dad what he did with the ping pong balls. “Well dad,” he started, but never finished. The son died.

Jokes!

one year ago

And promptly shat out 1000 ping pong balls. ^_^

Jokes!

one year ago

Hickery Dickery Dock

Coin's Mom was sucking my cock

The clock struck two, I dropped my dew

And dumped her ass on the next block

Jokes!

one year ago

Still a better love story than Twilight. ^_^

Jokes!

one year ago
Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.

Jokes!

one year ago

Where's the joke? 

Jokes!

one year ago

Life is a joke! #Iam14andthisisdeep

Jokes!

one year ago
Is it time for another intervention for Avery?

Jokes!

one year ago

MHD needs to draw Briar on a stage telling jokes.

Jokes!

one year ago

The last time MHD drew someone on a stage telling jokes, things got out of hand.

Jokes!

one year ago
Commended by mizal on 2/6/2021 6:31:46 PM

Jokes!

one year ago
Sent, look what you did, you monster.

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one year ago

She stopped at hip-level for a reason!

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one year ago

OMG, I fucking love it!!! <3 <3 <3

Jokes!

one year ago

... Wait, where is your hat?

Jokes!

one year ago

What happened in the last intervention? :p

Jokes!

one year ago

Oh wait, I remember. Three months of Disney Anonymous.

Jokes!

one year ago

Why do Jewish women like circumcised penises?

They like anything that's 20% off.  

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one year ago

Jokes!

one year ago
the long silence after the drums makes that funnier xD

Jokes!

one year ago
What do you call a fast zombie?
A zoombie

Jokes!

one year ago
Ooof!

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one year ago

What do you call a black and orange zombie with a stinger?

A zombee ^_^

Jokes!

one year ago
Oh yeah?

What goes zub zub zub?

A bee flying backwards.

Jokes!

one year ago
Oh yeah?

Well what did the bee do to the bird?

To be honest with you bees can't fuck birds so the joke doesn't make any fucking sense... :/

Jokes!

one year ago

What do you call a bee's ghost?

A boo-bee

Jokes!

one year ago
Commended by BerkaZerka on 2/11/2021 5:24:24 PM

Jokes!

one year ago

D'awhh! ^_^

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one year ago
hehe bee go brrrrrrrrrrrrr

Jokes!

one year ago

Jokes!

one year ago

I have been played

 

CARP

but you know what, Catholics did some messed up stuff *cough cough* indulgences *cough cough* and plus, Salvation is based on Faith Alone, not through good works, so NO man may boast.

Jokes!

one year ago

Why did the tomato turn red?

It saw the salad dressing.

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one year ago

Why did Glenn's face turn red?

Because Negan smashed it in with a baseball bat. ^_^

Jokes!

one year ago

Why did I fuck coins' mom?

Because she's a dirty whore. 

Ooooooh!

Jokes!

one year ago

What's the difference between Rick Grimes and Carl Grimes?

Rick Grimes has two I's.

Jokes!

one year ago
Two tomatoes are sitting in a basket.

One turns to the other and says, "Nice day we're having."

The other replies, "Holy shit! A talking tomato!"

Jokes!

one year ago

A tomato and a cucumber bounce into a bar.

"Larry and I have been wanting to become human for a while now," the tomato says to the bartender. "But none of the other bars in town have drinks that will turn us into humans. Do you have such a drink?"

"I think I do," says the bartender. "Let me see if I have it."

"This is gonna be great, Bob!" gushes Larry the cucumber.

The bartender serves drinks to the two of them, and sure enough, they both turn human!

"Look at me, Bob!" exclaims Larry the ex-cucumber. "I'm human!"

"That's very nice, Larry," says Bob the ex-tomato, "but do be careful!"

Larry happily prances out the door. He is so excited about being human, he forgets to look both ways before crossing the street, and he is hit by a car and turned back into a cucumber.

Bob rushes outside to save his friend, but he too forgets to look both ways, is hit by a car, and turns back into a tomato.

The bartender rushes outside and calls an ambulance.

"Are they still alive?" asks the dispatcher.

"They are," says the bartender, "but I'm worried that they will be vegetables for the rest of there lives."

Jokes!

one year ago

veggietales

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one year ago

What you have done has made god very unhappy.

By being catholic instead of orthodox.

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one year ago

Only Catholics watch Vegetales! O.O

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one year ago

Good thing I don't watch it!

Jokes!

one year ago

I didn't even know Vegetales was a thing until recent years...

Jokes!

one year ago

My friend: What do you call a snowman's dog?

My other friend: Dog.

Jokes!

one year ago

... I don't get it.

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one year ago

She was being sarcastic...  the real answer was slush puppy

Jokes!

one year ago

here's a good joke, me finishing my storygame that's due today (mizal pls don't shoot me)

Jokes!

one year ago

Your punishment for not finishing the game on time is 50 Hail Marys and 10 Our Fathers.

Jokes!

one year ago

We're watching you.