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DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Commended by EndMaster on 4/24/2018 12:35:07 PM
So, Friday, while all of you feckless degenerates were lounging around, embracing hedonism and sloth; smoking the devil's lettuce to celebrate Hitler's birthday, looking at memes, whatever it is you people do. Certainly not writing or reviewing.

During all of that, little did you know what glorious clouds of destiny were gathering overhead.

On 4/20 I started my fantasy epic. It will be, as simply and humbly as I can say it, the best story that has ever existed on this site. I'm not bragging, and not trying to cast shade on Endmaster and Berka's accomplishments, but I'm just stating a fact. I've got seven years of lost time to make up for and I won't be half assing this one. It will be my gift and my thank you to the site and community for all the hours of my life I've been happy to let them suck away.

But it's not like that will be the only incredible event this year. In fact we've already seen the start of the amazing and wonderful change taking place, beginning with underdog Ebon Vasilis taking on Steve in the January contest and emerging victorious.

Dramatic Reenactment:

Magno as a Knight fighting the demon Saoirse or however you spell that dumb title that's not even a real word in a real language.

Two months later, Holy Knight Ebon followed up that unprecedented victory with another one, removing The Order of the Midnight Sun from its throne. It's no surprise that soon afterward official site detective Mistery found the story and that vile cultist JJJ himself were connected to Satanism. All of this so far has been as it should be, God's hand clearly at work here in helping Ebon vanquish the evildoers.

Knight Ebon drives a spear into the works of 13 year old JJJ, here represented by a mangled pile of corpses.

WIBN also didn't do too badly for himself, bumping off a story by Will, aka Sir Smiley, aka quite possibly the worst and most evil person on this site.

Wibbons stands upon a boulder, casting holy magics at the Will's Pokemon story as it infuses and animates the corpses of the restless dead.

Now as we look ahead to the future, we see Killa's Sadness comp, with Ebon (although he is sadly soldiering on alone this time without Mayana's guiding hand) again poised to win with not a hell of a lot left that can stand in his way. And if not Ebon, it will most likely be Leora. Wibbons...is writing anime fanfic. We don't need to talk about that. But either way this contest, like the others, will be won by a proud Christian writer.

Angel Mayana flies overhead guiding and protecting Knight Ebon.

You see my friends, the times are changing. The heathens, the hedonists, the androgynous anime pretty boys, the debauched and depraved of all kinds, because we grew too comfortable with them as allies after the war on the Cats and the Fools, we allowed them to hold this site in their lubed up hairy palms for far too long. But, they have grown fat and lazy as they rested on their laurels. And so now I call upon all Christians, all of you who are normal and have not bowed down to images of waifus or made solid arguments in support of fornicating with animals, all of you who have stood firm against the wickedness and degeneracy the forums have called you to witness; we must rise up, cast the heathen down and cut them off from all remembrance in the land of CYStia forever. Let us take the fight to the featured story list, the only field of battle that matters around here, and make a clean sweep of it for Jesus.

The site has fallen into a slump. But we are alight with holy fire and will dedicate ourselves to going above and beyond! Do not allow yourself to be drawn into vain, petty arguments about gun control...or proofreaders. (you know who you are, you stupid whiny fucks). Also, stop worrying about Steve. Yes it's true that he first appeared as a charming fellow bound to a chair, and then upon being loosed immediately turned evil and took on the form of a serpent, but let's not get sidetracked by that. He's not important in his own right, he's simply become a symbol of the site's degeneracy due to the actual degenerates being a poorly organized, slovenly and leaderless mob, much like the Irish.

Stay clear of such distractions and convene only in the Holy Workshop for typing and prayer. And remember if you can't see yourself leading a charge with a story, you can offer your support with reviews and other useful advice of the kind that has been direly, direly needed these days as stories languish, ignored, and authors starve for feedback. For one day, probably soon, there will be a nuclear war. And then after an indeterminate time of wandering a desert in black leather bondage gear and driving rusty cars covered in spikes, you will be blown up or stabbed or something in a cool cinematic fashion and enter the afterlife to stand before God. He will ask you one question: What did you personally do to make CYS great again?

As or me, I'm taking the battle right into the fantasy section where the fray is thickest and with God as the strength of my right hand will cut down Path of Death with my sword.

Lady knight ripping into undead horde with a flaming lightning sword in most metal fashion.

My new story by the way is going to be called Path of Life.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Bah, you forgot proper inspirational music again.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Terrible oversight on my part, but thank you.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Damn, this is great actually, I'm going to listen to it at the beginning of every writing session.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

The time has come to rise up against the hedonists and degenerates. Let those of us that stand as a righteous beacon of morality and normalcy vanquish all degeneracy that taints this glorious site. As Mizal has already said, this has been far too long coming. Our crusade will cleanse this site, and bring a new age of righteous reign to the great land of CYStia.

As for my part in particular, I've entered the fray in the fantasy section and emerged alive and well. My next stop is to win my third contest in a row, and take yet another featured slot. 

Deus Vult

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

:) I am always up for a good cause. Is there a way I can help with my limited skills?

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Yes, as Lady Mizal instructs, those who do not write stories, must review and comment on stories instead. This will be a huge help in the war efforrt.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Yeah, what Ebon said. If you want the site to become very fond of you, become a consistent (feature-worthy) reviewer and rater of the new storygames. We're really lacking right now in that department.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

So, you want us to either write a story, or help others with writing a story?

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Indeed we shall win literally every contest this year so that all may gear the Lord and know the righteousness of our cause, but in general, more reviews would be nice and people posting stories and excerpts on the forum getting straight up ignored except by some Shrek-ish type fishing for commendations is also kind of sad and bad. We've all been guilty of contributing to this slump the place has been in the last few months and need to try and fix that. (As a side thing from burning heretics at the stake.)

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

I see.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Hahaha, nice avatar.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Thank you, sister Mizal.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Mine is a good representation of the expression I have at all times when reading things here.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
GEAR THE LORD, HEATHEN.

THE LORD IS BUILDING A GIANT CLOCKTOWER, HE NEEDS MANY GEARS.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

:) Path of Life... I like the title. Those pictures hint at something epic. Is there any way I can help with my limited time here?

It would be nice if this site became more family oriented.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Nice use of illustrations I must say. ^v^

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Lol, I loved this post. Plus, I was mentioned. If Path of Death is knocked off by Path of Life, then I'd be chuckling for the better part of a weak. Also, blame Digit about my WIP. (Fick dich, Digit.)

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Crusade Mode: Active.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Welcome to the war, soldier.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Though it should've been obvious, I've joined the cause m'lady.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Excellent. Now we need to all figure out something to put in our profiles in order to thoroughly confuse any newbies.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
That sounds like a good brainstorming topic for us to do in the lair... hm... confusing newbs. What would work?

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
My cat's breath smells like cat food.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Mizal, I look forward to reading your epic adventure when it's completed. I'm still working on my first story game. It's a time-consuming process because I mostly write on library computer terminals and my friend's laptop when I'm offering my caregiver services at this house. Needless to say, I have no way of backing anything up. But I intend to see this story game to the bitter end. Good luck with your new adventure.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Thanks! I look forward to completing my epic adventure and having it read so we definitely have compatible goals here.

Oof, you really ought to be backing things up though. Get a $10 flash drive and slap that stuff down in Word as you go if nothing else, or use Google docs and accept that they're analyzing it all for ways to better build a robot clone that loves clicking ads to replace you in secret one night.

Caretaking is rough though, that takes an incredible amount of patience. Hope you're able to get a laptop soon too. A crappy one just for typing and interneting can be gotten for around $100 off Amazon just fyi, they're getting cheaper all the time. I kind of hate laptops and require a real computer for most things but they've been lifesavers in the past when there's no other option.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

I have a laptop but the cord on the power source frayed and now I can't get the damned thing to work. I do have a flash drive, but unfortunately my friend's laptop has no Word program to bring my text up on. I do have the option, though, of writing on my landline computer, saving to the drive, and then uploading on one of the library computers. And to think, Edgar Allen Poe and Nathaniel Hawthorne were more than happy to dip a feather quill into an inkwell and then scrawl their masterpieces onto vellum pages. Hope all goes well with your current endeavor. 

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Jesus just, idk...carry some clay tablets around and scratch the words in with a piece of sharpened bone, might be easier.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

I have a notebook. That's a little lighter than clay tablets.

 

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
You could just ask your friend if s/he allows you to install something like Open Office on the laptop. It's free and should open word documents just fine.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Yeah, I should probably do that.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Fool, you should be writing your story by carving it into the backs of the heathens corpses.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Hey, that sounds like a great idea!

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Fill in the blank:

I am intrigued. I will do nothing but watch because I'm a ________.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

lurker!

:3

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

*loser!

:(

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
I see @Leora has not arrived yet, but when she does I'm sure she can lay to rest all these rumors that she's been 1.) fornicating with autists and 2.) receiving daily 'motivational talks' from an instrument of Satan.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
one autist (singular), and AFAIK she has been getting pep talks from an unknown demonic resource. Right now she's sick with a sore throat and massive headaches. Which is technically her fault for swapping fluids with a sick person.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
I'm sorry to hear she's not feeling well but hopefully this will make her repent of the aforementioned sins and be ready to charge forth to valiant battle with a clear conscious once she recovers.

I can't seem to feel sorry that you're not feeling well (although I did make a token attempt to try) but it is a fact duly noted.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
I actually did read this thread when it was posted, and I appreciate your faith in me winning the contest if Ebon doesn't. Unfortunately I am indeed suffering from a terrible headache, so I'll rejoin the fight when I am finished dying. Carry on brethren, and know I am with you in spirit!

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
TL;DR?

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
It had pictures and everything, what more do you want???

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
More pictures, less words. What is this, some kind of reading site?!


Nerd.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
The great cys classics have stood for too long without challenge. It is time now for a revolution in storygames that includes new, far more worthy featured games. If you will not join the writers in an attempt to usurp the thrones of he old guard you join the reviewers and commentors in a battle to revamp the main purpose of the site (which surprisingly is not the forums).

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Yes, Ford gets it, he did a good job. (Words that have never before been uttered here and likely never will be again.)

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Lady Mizal has called upon all ye Christian and hero types to venture forth and burn these heathen vagabonds on the stake.  I shall also answer this call in service to Christendom and ramming swords up the arses of degenerates, Fools, and Cats, cat fuckers, and every fucker in between.  

With your calling, this will be a great year for CYS!

Deus Vult,

Corgi

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Yeah that and also, write some reviews if you can find time to work it in.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

I lack the motivation to do much :(

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Well yes that is the general problem around here lately. A handful of people are kicking ass in contests it's true but the rest of us have gotten lazy in all other areas of the site, and no one will have the drive to write for long without feedback.

To help with your motivation problem, I would suggest 1.) playing the music End posted above while 2.) doing an image search for '80s fantasy art'.

Changing your avatar to someone more excited about fighting for God and king would also help! It doesn't HAVE to be a traditional knight. Seto, behold, this could be the new you:



So cool??? <3!!!<3!!!<3!!!!!

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

That dude looks a little like he was based on a young Mark Hamill.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

I've been playing the Nier Automata OST over and over and over, etc. Something more inspiring? Impossible! XD

Well, they do have the mandatory hoodie/cloak/anything really that covers my head

It's even green! I have to say, I'm more of a sorcerer than any sort of physical fighter though xD

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
How am I doing?

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Better traditional ogre picture than the other one. Never liked that other D&D version of an ogre.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

NON NOBIS DOMINE!

Thou shall now get off thine ass and review some stories! (Since I lack the imagination to create stories, I might as well make myself useful by reviewing some :D )

Ergo, is there anything an initiate, such as myself, should be looking at when reviewing?

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Welcome!! Though you are young and green, your dedication and zeal for crushing the old and corrupt order and putting the heathen to flight is all that matters! So have no fear, we shall place you on the front line and you'll either be a battle scarred veteran or a beautiful saint in Heaven in no time!!!!

1.) If punctuation, spelling and grammar are terrible and there's like one paragraph per page, or it's otherwise unreadable gibberish, tell them to fuck off with that. You can usually tell by the first page if a story has had the minimum amount of effort put in to be worth your time. If not, just click rapidly until you find an ending and fudge a review based on the first and last page. This streamlines the process immensely.

2.) Are there actual choices that change events or outcomes or are you just railroaded to the ending the author wants? Do you get killed instantly in stupid ways at every turn or get a hurried two sentence ending because the author knew they needed to put in 'choices' but didn't feel like writing them out?

3.) Is the story just, fucking boring? Do the first half dozen choices all revolve around getting out of bed in the morning, brushing your teeth, and then eating either pancakes or cereal in the blandest way possible?

3.) Is there good imagery, realistic dialogue, are the characters interesting? Is the setting info clearly laid out and are any vital details made available no matter what path you choose? Are you given enough information to use logic in making at least semi-informed decisions? Is there a clear goal and a satisfying ending for the major path(s)? Even if they don't knock it out of the park on all of these (very few stories on the site do) the fact that you've made it to this higher level stuff in the last pack of questions at all means the story is probably decent enough to get a four....minus issues like lazy proof reading that might knock it down a bit.

Just talk about what you liked and what could use improvement. The standard you should be using is a real, physical book you can open up and read a story from. You may want to temper the tone of your review if the author is obviously either very young or very retarded, but the rating itself shouldn't reflect anything but the actual quality of the story.

If you get an angry or whiny PM from a ten year old, congratulations, you have achieved knighthood!

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

I thank thee, Sister Mizal! This information will no doubt prove useful in the crucifixion of thou undesirables! Starting very soon, I shall begin my journey! I bid thee farewell until the stories have been reviewed and God's work is done. DEUS VULT!!!

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Is this the way to the Renaissance Fair?

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
I have to say, while I am appalled by mizal (undeserving of capitalisation) and the rest of you ignorant bigots appropriating my rich culture’s history, this is the best pp yet

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
That's right! She earned her little "m" like the lazy sod she is!

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
All of you keep talking, it will make my victory all the sweeter. That lower case m is going to be all over the featured page soon.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

@corgi213 

While your effort to fight on the front lines is appreciated, it does not matter a dime if you can't keep your story up. In short it was unpublished, a failure above all else, and I, on behalf of the Villains, must rescind our invitation to the Lair until you have sufficiently atoned for your failure. 

Regards, The Villains

On behalf of normalcy and all things righteous, I commend your effort and encourage you to do better. Perhaps begin with writing a feature worthy game in a weak category?

With hope for the future, DEUS VULT

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Buzz off. He’s hilarious and provides plentiful amusement. You will not deprive us of this.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Hardly matters anyway, Axiom took away everyone’s ability to ban/kick other people so its not like anything can be enforced unless people go complaining to her about it.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
I like Corgi better than Steve (and Malk's decaying corpse) anyway, but he will definitely be regarded as another Tim until he publishes something passable now.

(Tim, I mean that in a nice way and also look over there! A shiny ball of aluminum foil!! :D)

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Wait, did mizal actually say that she LIKES something or someone?

No, wait, that was just a comparison with a "better than" clause. Nothing to see here, move along.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Yeah what happened to malk?

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
He is M.I.A.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
No idea, he's Scrodinger's Capy at the moment.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
was it malk or some other guy who was put in jail for baltimore riots? I keep thinking it was malk but idk what the actual guys' username was.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Wasn't that Honor or something like that?

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Honor4Ever AKA a bunch of other names that don't matter since I banned him a long time ago.

EDIT: Here. Old lulz.

http://chooseyourstory.com/forums/the-lounge/message/22573

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Wasn't there another one too?

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Threads with him acting like an idiot? A bunch of them, but those were older ones.

If you mean his alts, he had a bunch of them too, but he had a habit of going to jail for months at a time and forgetting his passwords/names so he'd just create a new name.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

We all know who the real gangster is.

"Wasn't gangster enough to avoid getting murked by a forty year old librarian."-Malk

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Maybe it was an alt I was looking at then. Someone got a mention in a thread not long ago and I looked the name up and saw they had something about the riots in their profile.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Bah, you can keep that act up, but I know you think I'm great.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Well, you are the center of all known reality, after all.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Sweet, definite quote there.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Oh

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Don't feel bad Tim, I like you more than Steve too. You bring a sense of whimsy and wonderment to the Lair that is otherwise lacking.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
>Regards, The Villains

*Specifically those of us who love Jesus and the right to bear arms with which to smite the heathen, for you see you have disappointed not only us but God Himself.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Nah, I'm still cool with him. Plus, him being around might annoy Ebon which's always a plus. :)

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

I’m not annoyed by Corgi, I like him pretty well actually. 

However, part of being in the Lair (at least I think this) is the ability to write well. Or at the very least, be able to write well enough so that their story doesn’t get unpublished. Tim is an exception because he is Tim. He will tell you as much. 

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
He has posted stories on the forum so we know he can write, and he does decent reviews and more of them than most people so we know he knows what a good story looks like, he just... got overexcited about scripting a combat system, apparently, and acted rashly. Chris hadn't published anything when he started hanging out with us either and look at him now. We are a good influence and this site would be nowhere without us.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Thanks for not banishing me all :)

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

>Chris hadn't published anything when he started hanging out with us

Actually I wasn't even wanted in the Lair until I published Hard Night so...

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Actually I was cool with it, but Tim kept saying you didn't want to go there for various reasons.

Just as well you waited awhile, since Axiom was going into ban hammer mode soon after the red carpet invite to random people.

(Ford you're still banned)

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
(I've forgotten why, so it doesn't matter anymore)

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
I thought you had gotten an invite around the time of the initial wave once End realized you weren't dead, but either way I know we told Tim it was fine to bring you in, you guys being a package deal and all.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Shit, noone told me that rule when I joined. I ... I guess I'll just leave now. :) We'll have to throw the toaster and the sponge away, too.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Bah, you could write a publishable story if you wanted to. Also dedicated proofreaders are valuable commodities.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
Main Entry: commodity
Parts of Speech: noun
Definition: merchandise, possession
Synonyms: product, goods, material, produce, asset, property, stock, belonging, object, chattel, specialty, thing, article, line, ware, vendible

It's a loophole based on the fact that the blind aren't human.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

Yes, I would like to purchase one blind please.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago
So it's clear the site is self destructing as divine punishment for lack of dedication to the cause.

Everyone please fetch your flagellating whips and meet in the town square.

DEUS VULT

5 months ago

M'Lady, I could have sworn you said "flagellum" whip; and, well...err... mine seems to have swum away. :-/

DEUS VULT

4 months ago
Ebon surrendered without ever drawing his sword. WIBN suffered a worse fate, corrupted and fallen to the Weebkin.

Still I soldier on, alone, winning battles left and right, completely by accident.

DEUS VULT

4 months ago

Carry on fearless warrior!

DEUS VULT

4 months ago
I'm not fallen! I just... researched the enemy... yeah...

DEUS VULT

4 months ago

Humping a waifu doesn't count young squire.

DEUS VULT

4 months ago

I have that pic saved on my computer. It's a favorite because she doesn't have obnoxious boob plate.

DEUS VULT

4 months ago

This is what I imagine some of the members are thinking right about now:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0qVciN4lTs

DEUS VULT

4 months ago

@EbonVasilis in real life

DEUS VULT

4 months ago
From one Cage enthusiast to another, that's a great profile. Like I don't even care if you're just somebody's gimmick alt at this point.

Just a pity you wound up as a Marauder.

DEUS VULT

4 months ago

Thanks! Also btw, is the chosen order just randomly given out? Because sage would've totally completed the joke.

DEUS VULT

4 months ago

Unfortunately.