Player Comments on A Dragon's Legend

Oh, this has to be from the dreaded WC Season. I never thought I'd actually find a story still kicking from that era, but here we are I guess. Makes me question if reviewing stories like this are even worth it. I mean, Wolfmist is never going to see this. Nonetheless, I'll treat it the same as any other story (even if the author is begging for positive comments. Sadly, I only have one of those and I'll save it for last.

The negative is a great majority of my review this time around. Let's start with a lot of grammatical errors, which normally wouldn't be a huge issue if the story itself held up at all. Here, with nothing keeping me invested, it was a slog just to make it through the first few choices. This is mainly because the story is super unoriginal (just a cliche chosen one plot but with dragons as the main character). Now, again, normally this would be a non-issue except there wasn't any real twist to the mold or surprises. Overall it was a bare-minimum representation of the fantasy genre without any of the pizazz. The characters felt more like plot devices than beings with thoughts and feelings, the prophecy was too direct and that didn't allow you to play with the idea at all, and nothing really happens. Even during the end fight, its like a sentence or two of any kind of tension before voila you win. That's boring. Fantasy is supposed to be larger than life even when its *slice* of life. ALSO, this reads like a poorly conceived fan fiction of a story that doesn't even exist. Maybe that's because WC was your thing but still, it felt like you just replaced cats with large lizards that have different abilities. Yet, there are still two things that bothered me more. You literally gave away the answer to the single puzzle that was involved in your story- if you can even call it a puzzle. "Which stone do I use first" is hardly compelling but even just leaving out the author's note of which to use first would've improved this story almost tenfold. That's still not saying much but it is something. I touched on this a bit earlier, but that ending is so anti-climactic. Literally the whole story, although short, is building up to this fight only for it to be over in .5 seconds. That makes me feel like you wasted both my time but also yours.

Now for the good! I liked one thing. You clearly thought out the descriptions for the dragons and each was very clear and concise. That shows that maybe you were just young and inexperienced so I hope that if you do ever come back to see this know none of this is to put you down but to help you become a better writer. You shouldn't request people to stay positive, as many have said, because that stifles your own growth. Take the criticism and use it to be better. Hell, I know I have to. Thanks for at least trying.

I have no idea how this is rated a four.

This being CYS, obviously I've seen worse, but this whole thing struck me as very uneven and low effort. Lots of little punctuation errors sprinkled throughout, and there's the boring old 'you are the chosen ones!' plot, featuring such an oddly specific prophecy and lazily delivered prophecy.

The siblings and the ice dragon that the story forces you to take along after giving you a false choice (Arguably, this isn't a CYOA at all, it's entirely linear except for a couple of 'choices' at the end that amount to nothing and require you to do things in a specific order in order to progress, else the author tells you 'No, go back and pick the other one!')

The laziness of it all is most apparent right at the end when the 'boss fight' is skimmed over and the author starts making lolrandom comments all over the place instead.

Also, can anyone who likes dragons actually get into this story where the dragons are such unbelievable pussies they pack up and migrate en masse just because some humans moved into the neighborhood? What is even the point of being a dragon in that case?

Let me start by explaining why its completely idiotic for you to try to extort only possative comments. Imagine if you will that you have a friend who wants to learn to cook. He tries out several different recipes and combinations of ingredients in an attempt to improve his culinary skills. One day he invites you over to try out to taste test his new "culinary masterpiece. You arrive at his house and see he's attempted to make a rice dish from scratch. He tells you to dig in and tell him what you think, but he requests that you only say possative things about his food. You give it a try and find out he didn't use near enough seasoning and the rice is extremely bland,if you've never had bland rice imagine oatmeal without any butter or sugar. Now you think the rice tastes like shit but he asked you to only say nice things, and you wouldn't want to hurt his feelings. You tell your friend that its the best rice you've ever eaten and that its one of your favorite meals he's made. Now you're reluctance to say anything negative about your friends cooking has got it into his head that you really like his rice. Thinking you like the dish he decides to make it every time you come over, and you get stuck eating bland, shitty tasting rice. Well I hate to break it to ya bud, but this story is bland rice. I don't know about you but I dispise the taste of bland rice, and I don't want to be stuck eating it. Now that my extremely long winded, and more than likely rather boring analagy is finished, let's get to my "positive" feed back on your bland rice story. Bro... It reads like a second rate children's story. There is little to no details to create a mental image of the characters, the setting, or the characters way of thinking. All of the characters have the same bland way of acting and speaking to the point where it looks like someone decided to put on a one man play when they have no knowlage of the art of acting. When developing your characters you gotta have a multiple personality disorder. What to know what that looks like? Take a look at anything written by @EndMaster. The detail used in describing what everyone and everything looked like remindes me of a picture made by a kindergargener just learning draw. If you want to capture someone's attention and draw them in, you've gotta act as if you're describing the sunset to a blind man who's never seen it before. We are all blind in the world you've crafted in your head. You have to use your words as paint and our minds as your canvas and paint us a damn Picasso or Da Vinci class picture. Now as I bring my rant to a close I only have one more thing to say. I can be a grade "A" asshole, so its really not a good idea to order me to pull my punches. All that's going to do is piss me of and cause me to lay you out flat on your pansy ass cryind out to momma.

P.S. @EndMaster pleas don't hurt me buddy cause I really do like your stories.

Wow. This reminds me of my own garbage stories. But this one? Oh no... It's worse...

1. There are fake choices. I'd be fine with fake choices if they had end-game links. This one, no. Not only are other paths absent, but YOU CAN'T END THE GAME IN THESE FAKE ONES!!! Yeah, the author desperately wants you to just go back and choose the "right" option. This site ain't for linear stories.

2. The story tries to pre-empt criticism by saying "Only positive comments please!" This is not right. "Negative comments" are how you spot mistakes in your work that you would otherwise not notice. You're the kind of person to whine when you get told your story isn't a masterpiece (Like 99% of Scratchers, but I don't care about them)

3. "Its" is not incorrect, it's possessive (Its claws are sharp, as a terrible example)

I am sure that you're at least 60% aware of all I say because this is such an old story. So you don't need to listen to me if you already know all this.

soooo good

Confusing.

I loved it

Ok… I guess… but WAY too short. Not many endings or choices, just kind of boring

Maybe, Put some images of the dragons, that will be so fun to look at.

gud

nice for a first game

Well, this story is extremely overrated. For me, when an author specifically says not to have any negativity in the comments, it is usually a clue that they know themselves that their story is bad.

There is not much to like here. The writing is not great, choppy with punctuation errors, no character development, and the plot is lame. It is extremely linear, not really a CYOA. When there was a choice, if you did not pick what the author wanted, it told you it was wrong and to pick a different choice. Also, putting a save game link as a choice is really bad. This story is barely 2000 words, and boring. Why would anyone need or wish to save it?

I realize the author has not been around in years. But if anyone does not want negative comments about their story perhaps they should just WRITE A BETTER STORY.

Ok, enough ranting.

Overall, not good. I have read worse, of course. But I do not recommend this game at all.

I’m just saying, this gives me big wings of fire vibes.
I dunno if that inspired it but it had not the ideal idea I was looking for, for a prophecy this sure had no conflicts in it.

Well I didn’t have much choices in this adventure to affect the outcome. The whole chosen one prophecy is a bit overdone but it’s fine if you have compelling characters. This story did not. You know those stories where the protagonists are all the same and they have little to no character development other than being reskins of each other? That’s what this was.

I would’ve appreciated you actually fulfilling the prophecy you laid out at the beginning of the story by having a path where I could fight the humans and we could explore how they were harming the environment but nah they just leaves out and found a little hidey hole. This particular dragon story had some grammar errors as well though not as bad as the previous two I read. The problem I found with this one is there was no alternate pathways. At least the other two stories I read tried to be unique a present different options even if those options never really affected the outcome. This story essentially railroads you to the end. There’s no feeling of danger and the fight at the end was totally a mistake given that there was no feeling of tension.

I never felt anything meaningful going on in the story which is not good because I want to be invested in the characters. You have the basic tropes of a fantasy story, and you could have done something with these concepts. Even unoriginal story ideas can be made good by an author’s skill, but I’m sorry to say not much was invested into the story. This felt more like a family friendly story because I felt like I was reading a kids story as I watched this play out.

The risk was at least somewhat present in the other stories I read among this batch. The plot is essentially boiled down to, oh no humans are wrecking the environment. Totally didn’t see this coming. Let’s bail and go underground ignoring the prophecy and fight some weird animal but not really it runs away. Oh I also mate with the snow dragon because hey look another prophecy!

I would recommend writing another branch to this story if the author ever comes back to it and to clean up some of the spelling errors. Also, I’d recommend developing more unique characters rather than dragons with different colors, and offering choices with real consequences or different paths than the same outcome.

EXTREMELY fun, interesting, and entertaining.

noice

The ending felt weird

I like fantasy, so this story was great. I felt it was too short though....

Yay!

The story itself was pretty good for its length, however asking for no negative feedback is like begging. Criticism is how you learn to become a better writer.

Well since I'm not allowed NeGiTiViTy, please stop reading if you are the author. Now I will speak the words that the author will never hear, so why am I speaking them? No clue.

Anyway this story is god awful. Branching isn't just a single ending, it is a single end game LINK. With the game not letting your choices matter.

So you have to click through this abomination of an idea, and the only okay thing about it is the writing. It isn't good, but it is by far the best thing about this story.

Even if the writing is okay, that isn't enough to make it a 2. If you made the fake choices end game links maybe, but for now it gets a 1.

Good story. Should've made it more interactive tho

Very good

It's a bit of a bore to read and the wording is a bit hard to understand.

Alright I first of all want you to tell you that asking for only positive feedback is quite a cheap way of begging for it. If everyone just tells you what you want to hear you never get any chance to improve on your mistakes. You should never ask for a positive feedback but for an honest one. If you do not anger anyone no one will insult you, but they will tell you what they did like and what they did not like.

Now for my comment to the actual game. As always spoilers ahead.

The story was very linear and you had no real choices that mattered. For a normal storytelling that would be okay, but that is not what this site is about. Just letting people choose and then telling them to choose the other thing because you were to lazy to write two different paths is just unnecessary. Just don't give choices at all before doing that.

The Storytelling itself was not to good either. It was kept very simple and not very descriptive. You basically gave us a color for all dragons and some names that were so obvious to what their powers were. Also we never saw them use any of those powers except the glowing in the dark which is quite anticlimactic.

You did manage to get the items to work so I guess that means you understood the use of them at least. I did not try that myself till now so I don't know how hard that is, but I will give you the credit for that at least.

Conclusion:
This was your first story with the advanced editor. It was also in all honesty quite a bad one.
Considering you got the items working correctly I would say it was at least a success in that regard.
From me it's just 2/8.

too short and it could bore more descriptive.

This story was jokes. I'm really glad it was short.

After reading the other negative reviews I decided "screw it, every story I've read so far on this site has been good, let's read and bad one", and bad it was.

But it was kind of so bad it was good, I did enjoy reading it, but more like how you enjoy listening to people on XFactor that are awful.

I don't want to be mean, I'm fairly certain, given the literary prowess of this story, the author is very young, probably a small child, so won't be too mean.

I just want to say to the kid who wrote this, chin up buddy. Everyone is crap the first time they try something, even the funniest comedians probably had a bunch of really bad shows early in their career. Don't ask for just positive comments it looks childish(but given you probably are a very small child it's cool I guess).

I enjoyed your story anyway. Just remember, if you want to be good at anything you have to prepare to be bad for a bit before you get good. So your first few stories might suck, it's cool. Don't let it discourage you. Even Endmaster stories would have probably sucked when he was 8 and writing for the first time too.

A good effort champ. Respect.

okayish-

Why did you end it off with the awesome whaleunisquidapegahorsecupcakegiraffeicorn, but scared it off and that was it? I was loving the build-up but I didn't expect that to be the end. And was the beast the plague? I didn't see it as a plaque, more like a god that would turn me from atheist to a whaleunisquidapegahorsecupcakegiraffeicornist believer.

Lol! I loved the part were you said the monster was a whaleunisquidapegahorsecupcakegiraffeicorn!
Plz make more! The ending was a little sudden tho... but it was still awesome. ????

You should add a light and darkness dragon. Also, I really loved your game, but I do wish that there would be more choices instead of you making all the choices for us. It is a really great game though! Thx!
Also do you think we could choose our element and name?

My number is no
You need to let it go
Need to let it go
Need to let it go

i loved this, then again i love all things dragon related

Trash

i enjoyed it,its just a bit short. i would've liked to choose at least the COLOR of my dragon. Oh well.

good

I liked the story it was cute. If I could change anything I would add some more options and some action and more description. It seems like there is no way to lose but it was a nice story.

Way to short...

The stroy was a bit short, and had only a few options, I loved the story though! Keep up the great work!

Very good I read this when I first got on the site but didn't know how to pick up items lol

SO COOL, I LOVED IT.

Kinda got bored playing this. Not exactly my style.

I feel like the bits of randomness were a bit distracting to the story, I also feel like this should be a bit bigger of a story with more choices.

I feel like it didn't have enough choices. It was to easy.

too short

This was really fun to play. You did a good job on this!

"It's a whaleunisquidapegahorsecupcakegiraffeicorn."

WoW! I'll give you a five just for your creative use of names! ;D

A very simplistic story. After reading this, I am lead to believe that this is the author's first attempt. My advice would be to decide if you are really wanting to write CYOA or short stories. CYOA should have meaningful choices that change the story and not force the reader to go back and make the choices you want to write about. Either way, keep practicing and you will get better.

this is AWESOME!!!

cool

I Hope That This Continues!!

Not a fan o how you named the dragons and you had some bad grammar but besides that i liked it

It was a very linear story. I would have liked to see them use their powers.

It's all worth it in the final battle

OK. Enjoyable, but the build-up sounded huge in comparison to the actual story. :(

It was pretty boring, though I don't think that the one that I'm wrking on is much better.

Links work fine :)

Long, kinda confusing, and made me feel werid but good at the same time

I mean...

What was that ending?? XD

AWESOME

I really liked the quiz it was a lot of fun, and it was very interesting

I like the background story for Pearl, Sapphire, and Ruby, but I wished the story was more developed. The description is okay, but can be better. It isn't a short story, but it isn't long either. Just some more description and possibly more background information and it'll be fantastic!

Use Wolfmist's profile pic at the end.

What was the "plague"? Was it the humans? But Flame and his siblings didn't kill all the humans. The "plague" part is confusing.

It needs to be longer with more choices. Other than that, it was good!

Damn it I really need to proof read my rants before I post them.

I love animals. Wolves and dragons are my favorite. It was one of the best.
Please make them longer!

Good plot but you need to proofread and make it a little more detailed and longer. Also, I was quite disappointed that I was a male. Please either make it unisex or choose a gender. Thanks, ^^

Not a bad read, didn't really feel much like a Choose Your Own Adventure though.

Nothing to say good game to kill a few minutes I played it twice so that's something

It's ok. I'm wondering, have you ever heard of the writing technique "show, don't tell". Ithink it could improve your writing.

Not the worst I ever read hoped for more choice more adventure was pretty bland and basically this will happen ,like a big hand pushing you in one defection this game is everything that's wrong with games of choice it gives a illusion of choice but the out come turns out basically the same no matter how you choose your path disappoint sorry that is my thoughts

awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It wasn't bad, if it were longer I would have probably given it a higher rating, but its not the worst I've played.

It was quick, but I had some fun :)

Good but not good...i hope you get what I meant...it just needs I guess.. More effort...dont be in a hurry...no ones
Been wanting u to stop...but...good story ;)

Intriguing concept.
Writing is way too quick, like skimming quickly through a book instead of reading everything and diving into the essence of the story.

Interesting enough concept to finish.

Keep it up and keep working, this was a pretty fun if short game.

Good game! More details would be nice, but it's definitely a good start.

Too short, and not very good spelling.
ERRR! Try again.

I'd give you a 10!

Out of 100...

lol

Way to short but interesting

it was really good please write more!

Could be longer, but its great :3

I like it! :)

This was. . . Not bad.
It not the best but certainly not the worst. The grammar was good too by the way.

Not bad

That whaleunisquidapegahorsecupcakegiraffeicorn do,
Also could use more plot line

I don't have a real choice in the story.

good job wolfmist.

A little too short for my liking.

It could be more descriptive. The guard creature is hilarious. Overall, it is okay.

What just happened? It just....ended. I seriously have no idea what this whole story was about.

I wish there were more to do!! It was a great short read :)

I liked it, but I don't know what it had to do with any kind of plague, but great job.

This was a great story

it was great i like snow, and the inventory, how did you make it? *so cool!!!!!* thanks you gave me tons! of ideas

Bravo!Bravo!This is I hope you make more!:D

Not exactly much choice and I would like more choice.

I think it's great! I have always liked dragons

The Story was certainly not the worst story on this site but also not the best but good over all. i will wait for the second!!! :3

Pretty good

Not exactly, I looked it up and the proper term for a female dragon is "she-dragon". Probably just a coincidence.

This was great! :3

It had a good story to it. I also saw that you sort of based it off warriors (Since the way you said the stuff. You know, "she-dragon" "mate" etc. xD)

It was okay, but confusing for me. But keep trying at it and level up that magic spark in you. Practice makes perfect.

Cool.

I liked it.

Sorta, Flame in my rp is the girl version of Flame in this story.

Your Flame in the RP, is this like a Backstory on Flame?

It was basically WC but with dragons. I give you a 4/8 for using items and because the writing was more improved than your previous stories.

Thanks for not totally hating it. And the prophecy, and the Flame's siblings, will come into play a lot more than in this game, so I will develop more on the personalities. Thanks for the feedback.

I liked the fact you asked for no negativity in reader feedback, it’s a bit like a director saying “Here’s the new film I made, y’all just say nice things about it now you hear?” :D
I did like the story game and thought it was all put together quite well with a decent storyline, spelling and grammar etc. My siblings were just names though and it would have been nice if they had all had individual personalities. I preferred this to Warrior Cats but I think a Dragons versus Warrior Cats story might be enjoyable as long as the dragons won.

I really do not hate it.
4/8

It was ... better than your other story.

Very good.

I liked it.Even though you really should have put more detail,pages and more about the prophecy,i liked it!
I didn't really understand the prophecy,and the story didn't really follow it either.Please put more about the prophecy and then I will love your story!

That was a good story, i think. And that was too short

It did that as well.

Well, at least you didn't say it hurt your soul...

Kudos for decent spelling and grammar, and a rudimentary attempt at character development.

However, this story is about as original as the shit I took this morning and flushed away. The fourth-wall-breaking narration was irksome at best, and this was basically Warrior Cats: Dragon Edition. That's not a good thing for an "original" story.

3/8 - This sucks slightly less than your average WC furry erotica.