Player Comments on The Order of the Midnight Sun
One of the first storygames I played when I discovered this site years ago, but never reviewed because I didn't make an account. Now here I am, thousands of days later, and I still have a soft spot for the story that gave me that first high. This is kind of like wiping the dust off an old photo and remembering what was going on the moment it was taken- I'm reminded of the person I was back then, flooded with nostalgia. For that reason alone, I love this storygame and its imperfections.
Playing the story again with a more experienced, mature viewpoint was also a unique experience, and although I love the engrossing, imaginative ideas and mini-lore created by this storygame, I wish there was a bit more polish, and a bit more character development/more complex archetypes.
But I'm not here to go on a nitpicky rant about writing or a self-indulgent trip down memory lane, I'm here to write a review.
The world crafted around this action-packed story is unique and enticing enough that I'm sad there isn't more substance or depth. The story is an epic journey with one hiccup- a tedious maze. Not a hard play, but some choices and their consequences make sure you're paying close attention. One of the storygames that represents CYS for me.
Overall, very worth the time.
on 9/3/2017 5:05:29 AM with a score of 5221
I certainly did enjoy this story, but this was only because of the idea created by the author. The writing irked me and I have several complaints about it, but I can see why it is a very highly regarded storygame. The one thing that I do not understand is why it is ranked so highly in comparison to other stories by esteemed authors like EndMaster, Berka, and Will.
The writing is very choppy and incomplete, but can easily be fixed by combining some of the sentences to make more complex and structured writing, because that is what is needed with an idea like this.
Each event was nicely placed and wasn't introduced too quickly or too slowly. The attention to detail was nice as well, but a few situations could be changed for a more smooth and fulfilling transition, along with some being slowed down for a better understanding of what's going on.
The writing was nicely detailed, with enough description to give the reader a nice idea of each scene. Some parts though, needed a bit more detail as to not leave the reader confused about what he/she just read.
Some of the conflicts the character faces are a bit extreme, and the solutions even more. I think a different idea could have been inserted for more practicality and have a more clear storyline.
In some situations, I could think of many different choices I could have made rather than being forced to do a certain action. I think a larger variety of choices would make for a better story and a much larger and less linear plot line, but the story wasn't very linear, so congrats to you.
I caught quite a few mistakes in grammar and spelling, which can be solved with some time and effort spent in proofreading, and someone else's help would speed up the process and leave less chance for missing some of the mistakes.
on 2/22/2017 11:23:45 AM with a score of 0
This game was awesome! I can't imagine how long you spent making it but I am extremely impressed. There were a few flaws like the maze being kind of buggy. There were some places where you could go forward but not back. Got to say, I don't think I've ever seen so many cliches piled into a story before. The young boy who's left orphaned because his parents were killed and his village destroyed. Then there's the generic female character who never really does anything useful and is just there to be the main character's love interest. And of course your character's the stereotypical "chosen one" who's destined to save the world from the day he's born. That said, I kind of liked the cliches in this story. They were well written so that you actually believed them and cared about what the character was going through. Also certain things about the way the story was written give me the impression that it was written by quite a young person, but not in a bad way. More in a way that you just know the writer's going to get better and better as he gets older. Great game, great story, lots and lots of praise. ^_^
on 12/28/2012 5:10:47 PM with a score of 5859
-- Man From Portugal on 2/15/2019 9:03:39 PM with a score of 5830
This is fun
-- Darkside on 2/6/2019 3:34:32 PM with a score of 4944
this was my first story on this site and im so happy to have found it. the story line was very compelling and it was awesome to see the character develop and i even liked having to make the hard choices. my only issue was the maze, it took me a very long time to figure it out even having written it all out. that doesnt change how much i enjoyed this or my rating. once again i was very pleased.
on 1/24/2019 1:54:43 AM with a score of 6085
This game is amazing!!! I love it so much. I'm not sure what you would go off of to make a sequel but would love to see one where ether has evolved and there are different forms of it like fire, necromancy, healing, and other stuff as well!
on 1/6/2019 5:55:52 PM with a score of 6079
I dislike how the only choices are the ones that either lead to your death, or they have no effect. I wish that there was more than 1 main path. The story is also OK I guess.
on 12/21/2018 10:02:02 AM with a score of 5119
Thanks for the engaging read! I'm sure you've heard somewhere in the neighborhood of 3400 times that there are a few issues with grammar. :P
on 12/21/2018 1:00:23 AM with a score of 6109
Well, first off, here is something to help you through the maze.
East, East, South, East, North, West, North, North, West, North, North, East, East, East, South, East, North, West, North, North, East, South, East, North, East, SOuth, West, South
Okay, now the actual review.
I enjoy this story a lot, but really, it is definitely more story than game. Honestly, most of the choices were inconsequential or got you killed, leading to a very linear story.
The maze was completely unnecessary, and you would've gotten much better ratings without it. It didn't develop the plot at all and was absolutely pointless.
I don't like how you (spoilers ahead) have to give up love for power (end spoilers), which really shouldn't be the ending. I also don't like that there's only one really good ending that doesn't result in death.
Flesh out the characters a little more; I don't really care too much about Ari, Artemis, or any other of the characters you had. I don't understand who they are as a person. Artemis seems to be pointless, and Ari...I know nothing about him.
I would've really liked to learn more about OotMS as well, like a backstory so I could enjoy and understand the story more.
It's one of my favorite games on the site, but I think it needs just a little bit of work. 6/8.
on 12/2/2018 6:45:23 PM with a score of 5821
Great game, only real issue was the maze. Thank you, SOOO MUCH whomever it was that posted the guide through it. I am SOOOOOO Sorry I forget your name! But please, if anyone else needs help, here it is (Maze, from beginning:)
East, East, South, East, North, West, North, North, West, North, North, East, East, East, South, East, North, West, North, North, East, South, East, North, East, SOuth, West, South.
on 11/2/2018 1:55:28 PM with a score of 5781
Probably one of the best story games I’ve read on this website. While there are a few spelling errors, they are easy to oversee and they don’t take away from the story whatsoever. I feel like there are some holes in the story, and some of the emotions that characters show seem fake or manufactured. I know that they might be important to allow the story as a whole to make sense, but I wish that there was a better alternative that could be used to tie everything together. The maze was kind of difficult ( I had to skip it) but I apreciate the skip, because I’m reading for entertainment, not score. Overall amazing story, and I’m looking forwards to reading more.
on 11/1/2018 9:54:20 AM with a score of 4980
-- Bob on 10/6/2018 4:47:39 PM with a score of 5958
on 10/2/2018 12:19:26 AM with a score of 5240
One of the best storygames I've ever played, to be honest. Well-written, a great plotline, interesting characters and some fun puzzles and morally grey decisions to make.
on 9/12/2018 11:50:42 PM with a score of 6119
I love this
on 8/29/2018 11:21:53 AM with a score of 5784
This is a really in depth story and I absolutely love it! My only real complaint with the story is a spoilier so stop reading if you don't want the story spoiled......you have been warned....
Ok, so the only problem is that if you choose love over power with the falcon god/guy/thing the only option is to die, while if you give up your love for power (arguably the least heroic action) then there is a way where you save everyone? Im sorry but that just doesn't seem quite right.
Anyways, it was a really great story and I really enjoyed playing it, 10/10.
-- Heather on 8/26/2018 5:47:45 PM with a score of 6100
Really good writing, very enjoyable and it is clear as to the amount of effort put into this.
on 8/3/2018 8:20:08 AM with a score of 5004
Good story, not many choices to make though.
-- Steph on 7/22/2018 3:04:58 PM with a score of 6078
I didn't fully explore the story or anything, but the one path I did take didn't seem too interesting. I felt like there was little choices, and the story was way too cut and dry.
---mild spoilers ahead----
Additionally, there were a couple of writing mistakes, such as having me return to my "old" dormitory, even though I chose to live outside the castle. Or having the game prompt me to skip the maze AFTER I'd already completed it.
on 7/14/2018 3:54:38 PM with a score of 5845
on 6/4/2018 7:32:33 PM with a score of 5225
What da heck great storyline but is how bout an ending where Artemis survives and they get together........
on 5/13/2018 7:25:31 AM with a score of 5025
Loved playing it the first time. Loved playing it this time. Although it doesn't seem to have very many paths. Seems to me like it's just one main path. Very linear that's the only part I don't like.
on 4/13/2018 7:07:06 PM with a score of 5765
WARNING: Contains Spoilers
What a journey! On my first attempt, I actually died fighting Crimson Knights (lol). But on the second attempt, I learned something called 'Running Away From Danger', and went on the beat the whole game.
Overall, I find this game more story than game, but still has a fantastic concept, and an awfully painful moment during a certain event. Good job, keep up the good work.
on 3/28/2018 10:03:15 AM with a score of 5816
Amazing amazing amazing.
Now is the time to see the other endings!
on 3/28/2018 8:58:02 AM with a score of 5820
Not an 8/8 for Artemis dead.
on 3/24/2018 3:52:30 PM with a score of 5250
Story was definitely fun, but the maze was a terrible idea and should definitely be fixed or removed immediately. I rated this a 5/8, with the maze gone it would have been a 7. The reason it would never be an 8 is because the ending was also a little dissatisfying for me and I didn't like a choice you had to make towards the end and it led me to a suboptimal conclusion.
Also, if you're looking for the answer to the maze, I got you:
36 (Western Entrance) N >
38 NE >
115 E >
117 S >
118 E >
119 N >
120 N >
122 E >
126 E >
146 E >
148 S >
150 (You feel a great deal of power coming from the center which is east and a little south. [don't get excited, they're lying]) E >
151 (You feel an extreme amount of power coming from the center which is east and a little north. You're so close! [this is also, of course, a lie]) N >
152 W >
153 N >
154 N >
155 E >
161 S >
163 E >
166 N >
167 E >
168 S >
170 W >
178 S >
181 You’ve finally made it.
on 2/23/2018 1:36:11 AM with a score of 650
Really nice game!
on 2/21/2018 6:11:20 AM with a score of 6104
Quite enjoyable, thanks!
-- Rhiannone on 2/19/2018 3:59:00 PM with a score of 6
Have to say. My score is lowers due to the maze but I really loved the true ending, truly remarkable, the story did have me surprised when they made me have infinite power.
-- NRGcore on 2/9/2018 11:05:59 AM with a score of 5230
This story is probably one of the best choose your adventure games I have ever had the honor to play. I hope you play it and enjoy it as much as I did.
-- Andres Bass on 2/2/2018 9:36:08 PM with a score of 5130
on 2/1/2018 5:53:28 AM with a score of 5124
It is very good how many ever times you play it
on 2/1/2018 3:01:33 AM with a score of 5790
10/10 Great game! All I ask is that either Ari becomes a deity and deems Artemis a separate deity (I don't care what of) or update so Artemis can/gets revived.
-- Harry Iszlaub on 1/31/2018 8:58:52 AM with a score of 4925
Very good, lovely experience. Lot of good ethics. Recommend it for people who love stories
on 1/31/2018 4:45:24 AM with a score of 5790
This Is What You Would Call A Good Story.Its Easy To Tell You Put A lot Of Effort Into This,The Gripping Storyline,How You Developed The Characters,And Choices That Changed Everything.
I Loved It
But No So Much I Would Change My Decision(If You Get The Pun)
At First I Didn’t Really Think It Was Gonna Be Good.But As It Progressed It Got A Whole Lot Better.It Was Ingenious How You Gave Somewhat Of A Backstory In Something As Simple As Research For A Test.And Actually Have The Test.Not To Mention The Never-Ending Puzzle.(Sadly I Gave In)
It Has To Be One Of My Favourites,Topping Even Eternal Which Has Somewhat Of The Same Premise.Fantasy Medevial Kinda Thing.As You Can Most Likely Tell,I Love Games Like This.It Was Also Unpredictabile With Every Piece Suprising Me,Starting From Little Too Something Of A Myth.It Was Amazing And I Hope To See More Stories Like This.:)
on 1/30/2018 3:48:02 PM with a score of 5288
It only has 2 endings that are basically available at the last screen only, the rest of the choices are either right(you move on), wrong(you die or go towards dying), or inconsecuencial(meaning that it has no effect on the story whatsoever) so its basically a linear story with some trapsand holes, if all that wasnt bad enough there is a huge maze that takes 2 times longer than the actual story to go though, im honestly wondering how is it posible that this story is one of the top 5 much less how is it above necromancer.
-- SeOsiris on 1/29/2018 4:50:50 PM with a score of 5823
This was absolutely amazing, I was so happy I actually cried at the end a beautiful masterpiece.
on 1/25/2018 3:41:02 AM with a score of 5819
Pretty good if you don't care about typos and grammar mistakes.
on 1/13/2018 6:16:57 PM with a score of 5891
Really great story.
-- Sd on 1/4/2018 5:46:05 PM with a score of 5014
Awesome, but could have made the storyline a little more better!@!
on 12/23/2017 7:17:07 AM with a score of 5244
No freedom of choice. the author (who I imagine is a disgrunteled virgin) has alredy chosen the "right" path. if u are looking for a real cyoa stay clear of this peace of shit....
on 12/16/2017 12:39:39 PM with a score of 309
alright, but the writing could be better sometimes ( a bit too direct and infantile)
on 12/14/2017 9:11:27 AM with a score of 6119
Great story, but too linear to my taste
on 12/12/2017 11:39:22 AM with a score of 5831
Great story, lots of fun!
on 12/11/2017 8:27:04 AM with a score of 6104
Amazing story! i loved the medieval style it had, with all of the fantasy elements as well. You are an amazing author, and you should write an actual book!
on 12/7/2017 12:22:01 AM with a score of 4945
This story was epic! It is very in-depth and vivid. I would recommend this to more mature audiences, though, because it has adult content. Still, I enjoyed it. It is probably one of the best storygames I have read so far.
on 11/28/2017 11:51:29 AM with a score of 6070
This. Was. AMAZING. I loved it. Even though it was confusing at parts, that story was really well thought out and executed. There were a bunch of “life lessons” and the characters were deep and rich. I spent literally 45 mins in that maze, and I wasn’t even mad! Love the story, love the plot, love the characters, this certainly is a well-rounded story. 10/10 would play again!
-- Fimredylu on 11/27/2017 9:54:07 PM with a score of 5035
This was the best story I have read on this site. The grammar could use fixing and the maze could be improved, but the storyline is fantastic.
Ok about the maze...
It is in theory a great idea but in reality it was very frustrating to play through. (I eventually took the option of skipping it.) If I was making the maze I would have a smaller maze with puzzles or trick questions that would determine which way to go. (This helps the reader feel like they are not just wandering aimlessly.) If not that I would put in a map that showed where the rooms where in the maze but not show any pathways or parts of the map would be filled in as the reader went into different rooms. Another offered path could be that the reader helps people in a nearby village to get clues to the routes that do and don’t leed to the middle. I would also add some discriptions the rooms to help the reader associate with each room as people associate with descriptions better than with numbers. The numbers could stay for logging purposes but I felt I was just clicking randomly and getting nowhere.
I know that was a lot and these would be hard to implement but a large majority of people seem to quit if things gets too hard. (I almost did) In summery improving the maze would allow more people to enjoy the rest of the story.
on 11/27/2017 8:00:51 PM with a score of 5409
It was good wish there was at least a few routes and alternate ending
on 11/23/2017 7:40:21 PM with a score of 4850
awesome game a tad wonky on the grammar but very fun to read!
on 11/17/2017 7:09:09 PM with a score of 5796
on 11/9/2017 8:58:54 AM with a score of 5805
Love is the Law. Love Under Will.
on 11/7/2017 2:14:32 AM with a score of 5310
Pretty good emotional roller coaster
on 10/29/2017 5:48:54 AM with a score of 290
on 10/22/2017 4:37:33 AM with a score of 5235
Im speechless. Absolutely speechless. I've never played this game on here, and I've seen it on the main page a few times but wow. This is just absolutely wow.
on 9/29/2017 7:55:46 PM with a score of 5820
best read EVER
on 9/12/2017 1:39:35 PM with a score of 4919
Very cool, hated the maze.
on 8/27/2017 12:28:04 PM with a score of 5275
I really screwed up but it was great
-- Rater on 8/19/2017 4:54:38 AM with a score of -50
took me about 2 hours and 30 minutes. My favorite. Its a great story with a lot of twists and turns, and eventually gets sad. Loved the story and appreciate the writer who wrote this. -Peace
on 8/7/2017 5:22:30 AM with a score of 4851
A well written adventure. You can feel liveliness of the world and the gravity of the situation.
on 7/28/2017 10:34:27 PM with a score of 6000
Linear, but a fun read.
on 7/5/2017 1:26:32 PM with a score of 5736
Good little story
-- Bob on 7/5/2017 9:28:42 AM with a score of 5763
Amazing story with some great thought out details and endings. There were a few grammatical errors but most can be overlooked with the quality of the story.
This is my opinion and I understand that not everyone thinks alike.
However, if you enjoy a great storyline(again my opinion)
or need something fun to pass time then I highly suggest you try this out.
on 6/27/2017 1:22:24 AM with a score of 6270
I thought this was well done. It had a great story, despite cliches. I thought the ending was beautiful as well, but I did feel slightly railroaded. Overall, I really enjoyed it!
on 6/26/2017 7:01:32 AM with a score of 5791
I want to be clear that this review is entirely from a reader's perspective. I am not a creative person and have nothing but admiration for those who are. That said, as a reader and on a personal level, this one just didn't grab me. Technically it was fine except for a couple of odd bugs, like asking me if I wanted help finishing the maze long after I was already out, and some rather disjointed writing in a few spots. The story just felt somehow railroaded. I'm well aware that all games do that to a greater or lesser extent, but here it felt obvious for some reason. That feeling, along with an unashamed reliance on some common tropes, left me feeling lukewarm.
on 6/13/2017 7:18:29 PM with a score of 6079
Everything is great the story the plot like wow.(But that maze that MAZE took me about an hour to complete) I also like that you can spare the enemy and all.The Characters are good and well developed.
on 6/11/2017 6:35:20 AM with a score of 6041
this game was amazing sad that it had a sad ending though
on 5/24/2017 1:08:07 PM with a score of 4831
The storytelling was a little choppy but it still had a great story; I would definitely recommend this to anyone who likes adventure stories.
on 5/13/2017 8:48:46 AM with a score of 6096
on 5/4/2017 8:41:31 AM with a score of 5690
SO SO SO GOOD
on 4/30/2017 1:15:51 PM with a score of 5280
Found the character shallow, but was sad she died
-- Artemis on 4/23/2017 9:06:33 PM with a score of 5121
i gave this a low rate not because of the story it was good i gave it a low rate because according to the website this is choose your own adventure you could not choose you had to pick the authors choice and follow a single story line with no chance of changing and getting any kind of good ending speaking of endings the "true ending" was not all that good just a restart of the story that happened seeming to suggest your choices and strife was for nothing
on 4/12/2017 4:27:44 AM with a score of 5309
I got the brokenhearted ending at i was actually sad. You have done a great job of making the characters seem human and that means you can get attached to them.
on 4/10/2017 5:18:44 AM with a score of 6
Great story. Really well developed characters and a thoroughly fleshed out mythology. MAZE HINT: draw similar sized lines each step you take, mark the number (top of page) and mark the directions OTHER than backwards you can go.
on 4/9/2017 3:43:55 PM with a score of 0
Pretty good story but hate the endings, spoilers ahead:
The fact that you have to choose between love which means death or seeking power which means your love's death really sucks there should be some chance at living with her.
-- Metaldane on 4/3/2017 8:29:04 AM with a score of 6094
It's an impressive piece of work. Lengthy, exciting, puzzling, and engaging. It's not as polished as the other top storygames: the writing is very rough in some patches, and the maze is a bit buggy in spots, but overall it is a great story game. A lot of work went into it, and I give the author my appreciation and thanks.
on 3/22/2017 1:30:32 PM with a score of 1060
This. Was. AMAZING!!! I loved every part of it and I can see why this is one of the top 5 rated. I will share it with all my friends! :)
-- Nick K. on 3/14/2017 1:06:51 PM with a score of 4945
It was very fun except for the maze. I think the maze took too long.
on 3/11/2017 11:37:34 PM with a score of 6106
Great story! I really enjoyed it.
on 3/6/2017 4:19:35 PM with a score of -191
Worth the read,
on 2/21/2017 12:40:53 PM with a score of 6045
This was a very good story game and I enjoyed every second of it. I hope to see another story game just as good as this one.
on 2/16/2017 9:43:42 AM with a score of 4949
Refreshingly unique, addictingly fun.
on 2/14/2017 11:45:00 PM with a score of 5390
Thank you, I really enjoyed the jorney.
on 2/10/2017 12:10:46 PM with a score of 6030
It will bring you enlightenment and it is so much better then Reese's peanut butter cups :)
on 2/8/2017 3:18:08 AM with a score of 5799
Why this is rated so high, I don't know. The main character is a complete Gary Stu, down to the letter of the definition. He's so overpowered that you'd have to be a moron to find the game hard, and the writing itself is amazingly mediocre. None of the characters are interesting or likeable enough for their potential deaths to add any kind of risk, and as mentioned before, Ari is powerful enough to bring them back to life anyway.
-- Adam on 2/7/2017 2:07:30 PM with a score of 5404
on 2/6/2017 1:41:47 AM with a score of 6235
Power or Love - why not both?
on 2/1/2017 3:38:12 PM with a score of 6019
Very nice.it is the best game that i've played since I joined
on 1/31/2017 8:57:50 PM with a score of 5308
This game is epic. It's also a great epic.
I loved playing, and think I hit on all the endings. The points system was well-executed. Though hard, I was able to map out the maze by writing it all down... and it has really impressed me just how well-thought out it is. (It inspires me to want to make a maze element.)
The choices! Some of them were difficult. One of them in particular, poignant. I loved learning about the world through the studying for tests. Fantastic
I'd rate this game a ten of eight (10/8) any day. I would also recommend everyone in the world to read it!
on 1/26/2017 12:04:28 PM with a score of 5858
Absolutely amazing. Was the first of these 'chooseyourstory's that I played right to the end! The endings were fantastic and the characters even better! I wholeheartedly recommend this game to all! 8/8
on 1/26/2017 11:25:12 AM with a score of 5300
-- Nathan on 1/25/2017 3:30:42 AM with a score of 5254
The multiple endings make it one of the best games on here. but i got to say the maze sucks.
on 1/23/2017 1:33:14 PM with a score of 5835
My favorite game.
on 1/20/2017 9:49:42 AM with a score of 5265
It was great and really interesting.
-- j on 1/19/2017 9:15:33 PM with a score of 5250
He should've gone and declared war on the gods for being so egoistic
-- Mind on 1/15/2017 11:14:53 PM with a score of 5346
"Love is the law. Love under will".
-- Elad771 on 1/14/2017 4:33:03 PM with a score of 5240
on 1/8/2017 11:46:19 PM with a score of 4954
Holy crap this is good
on 12/30/2016 4:01:47 AM with a score of 5259
A wonderful game
-- travis on 12/25/2016 8:01:32 PM with a score of 4980
Wow, that was... well one big surprise on top of another. And I loved it! Didn't expect a thing like that to exist! (But please... the maze.... could be done without ;-) )
on 12/25/2016 1:20:19 PM with a score of 6079
Great game. Loved the world and characters.
on 12/13/2016 9:46:17 PM with a score of 6249
Got bad ending, that was really upset me :(
on 12/12/2016 10:45:59 AM with a score of 46
Amazing long and amazing, loved the ending but im curious on why ari didnt revived artemises even though he could
on 12/7/2016 5:26:08 AM with a score of 5270
If you're wondering if the story is worth your time (and thoughts), I assure you it definitely does. I applaud the author for the tremendous efforts put in this experience. Personally, the story has just the right touch of difficulty, the maze puzzle is quite hard but nowhere near frustrating with a log. Entertaining? Definitely. I would even venture to call it enlightening: the elements of high fantasy are seamlessly integral. References to other fantasy works provide knowing readers a smile, philosophical elements and sophisticated names provide layers of depths which I Truly admire. Typos and a little error in the maze puzzle (153) are present but do not impede understanding. 8/8: a work with quality and devotion, executed with precision. Love under Will.
on 11/26/2016 9:45:42 AM with a score of 6184
Woah....That was an amazing story that I'm lost for words. I loved every bit of the story!
on 11/17/2016 6:23:57 PM with a score of 6030
I feel like f*cking crying!!!!!
-- Ian on 10/18/2016 2:15:19 AM with a score of 6095
on 10/16/2016 9:58:44 PM with a score of 6068
Great story. A little heartbreaking how a certain person's death is inevitable (at least, in the 2 best endings that I played through), but that's just how life works. The maze part was quite frustrating since I didn't have the time to map it down, but thank god for the skip option.
Wish there were a few more moral choices, though. I like it when both or neither choices are correct, but you are still forced to choose one over the other.
on 10/11/2016 11:30:07 PM with a score of 5259
It was very descriptive it had a capturing story. can't wait for a sequal
-- jacob on 10/8/2016 12:45:15 AM with a score of 4966
Haha, a simply wondrous game.
on 9/14/2016 10:00:39 PM with a score of 1101
Damn good story.
-- Sam on 9/7/2016 6:17:49 AM with a score of 5983
Loved it, the maze was a hassle, but beat it after about a half hour xD, need more like this!!
on 8/24/2016 12:49:58 AM with a score of 6221
Mother of God. This is the best game I've ever played on this website. The story is incredible, the writing is incredible, the effort put into is something phenomenal, something most people can't honestly tell about their game. I'm so glad I decided to play this masterpiece of writing. Also, the maze is a lot easier if you draw a map as you go. I drew one myself. And no, I will not share it. Do the maze yourself or give up.
on 8/7/2016 11:29:18 AM with a score of 6106
Really great story game but i'm kinda disappointed that their wasn't more love between Ari and Artemis
on 7/29/2016 7:26:56 PM with a score of 5800
This story, although long and difficult at times, is a great experience and is truly amazing
on 7/22/2016 3:53:55 AM with a score of 4996
Best text-based choose your own adventure game I have ever played.
on 7/12/2016 7:46:35 PM with a score of 6044
Not bad, i hated with every little particle of my body certain parts, but it's worth it
on 7/12/2016 5:15:36 PM with a score of 4994
I loved it all except one thing the maze i grew insane trying to do it and finnaly gave up the best ending i got was my love dieing but deafeating the bad dude leting the knights alive and haveing my daughter with me. i feel if the maze did not force me to lose points i might have gotten a better ending.but still loved it.
-- SAMUELSREGHIN on 7/9/2016 2:31:23 AM with a score of 5019
This is amazing. A must story for anyone.
on 6/23/2016 8:04:16 PM with a score of 5250
Spoilers : I think I explored the whole maze and these are some error I've spotted (hope there aren't more I've missed).
When you are in 153 you can go East. The description is right but the link indicates West.
In 153 when you go north you reach 154. But you can't go back south to 153. Only north to 155 or East to 156.
In 176 (dead end) you can go back south to 175 but the link is labelled 175 instead of go south.
When you are in 99 if you go north you kinda teleport to 96 instead of going back to 97
-- Zir Thu Vanhel on 6/20/2016 12:38:41 PM with a score of 5794
on 6/14/2016 10:48:42 AM with a score of 750
This led me on a thorough adventure and was extremely interactive
on 6/13/2016 2:51:05 AM with a score of 6095
on 6/3/2016 3:46:04 PM with a score of 5721
I thought this was great, it was nice and lengthy and the characters were fantastic, i really got attached to these characters.
Is there a ending where (cant spell her name) your girlfriend survives, i got to the one true ending, i think, i had max stats so i thought i could have easily brought gavin and art (girlfriend) back to life, i was heartbroken
-- Nathaniel Faulkner on 5/18/2016 2:51:30 PM with a score of 5279
maybe make a map to the maze?
on 5/5/2016 11:04:36 AM with a score of 5140
Freaking inspiring. The love story half seemed a little too sudden and underdeveloped, but still an amazing story nonetheless. Definitely one of the best fantasy stories I've participated in.
-- Anonymoose on 5/1/2016 10:00:59 PM with a score of 5270
on 4/24/2016 4:17:36 PM with a score of 6105
Great story! The ending was completely unexpected, as were most twists in the story.
on 4/24/2016 12:52:15 AM with a score of 4954
Amazing. I love how detailed it is (and how difficult.)
-- I.T. on 4/13/2016 7:35:47 PM with a score of 6104
Loved it decently my type of adventure
on 3/17/2016 8:39:07 PM with a score of 4935
Perfect that's the least of words that can describe this
on 3/14/2016 8:27:34 PM with a score of 5044
Nice game! The maze was really confusing, but I liked the story.??
-- Eidolon on 3/9/2016 8:16:57 PM with a score of 5820
I really enjoyed this!! Great writing & loved all the branches. I have reached three endings, so far.
on 3/3/2016 11:54:31 PM with a score of 5019
A fun game. Well thought out and easy to play. I didn't like the maze though. It took me like an hour to do it.
on 2/29/2016 10:57:02 AM with a score of 5291
Good stuff. Not sure if I got the best ending, but the story was very well written.
-- stirlock on 2/28/2016 10:04:21 AM with a score of 4925
on 2/28/2016 3:00:13 AM with a score of 5416
Great story with lots of ends I'm proud i never died but over all it was great i got to skip a class playing it
-- clay on 2/25/2016 4:27:18 PM with a score of 4960
It took some time but the whole story was excellently written
on 2/25/2016 8:27:52 AM with a score of 6060
This game was super awesome and I am glad that I was able to get through the maze to see it through to the end. I do think an interesting story would be one about Tom Wan's origin. Just a thought. Keep up the awesomeness thank you.
P.S. I actually did end up mapping out the entire maze pretty much.
on 2/21/2016 6:16:39 AM with a score of 6269
This was an amazing story! I'm super glad to have played it. I only found three of the endings sadly, I couldn't find the true ending. :( I'll try to go back in and find it though!
on 2/13/2016 2:45:03 AM with a score of 6125
It is freaking great.
on 2/10/2016 10:32:05 PM with a score of 4786
I loved this!
The ether control and combat abilities system intrigued me, and I was pleasantly surprised when I become 9999/9999, (ummm... so I win now?) the story was great and I will find more paths, and the maze was aMAZEingly hard, but I conquered it! (woohoo!) you should do more like this! :)
on 2/3/2016 9:45:50 PM with a score of 5656
on 1/19/2016 3:03:47 PM with a score of 6060
Just amazing, I was just frustrated with the maze!
on 1/15/2016 10:28:17 PM with a score of 5803
I chose love but... Thus was very well written, the maze could probably use a mildly different hint though.
on 1/14/2016 1:45:57 AM with a score of 781
I frankly loved this one. It had a great story, some great plot points and a very, very interesting lore. I wouldn't mind actually seeing this being made into some sort of book series to be honest. I think it escalated a tad quickly towards the end, but maybe that's just me wanting more.
Anyhow, I very much hope there will be either continuation or maybe adaption to another type of media for this story. I know it's a choose your own adventure style type of thing, but it's a fun little thought. Keep up the good work.
- Sincerely, A Very Satisfied Reader
on 1/13/2016 9:21:44 AM with a score of 5294
Long, linear but good
on 1/12/2016 3:21:38 PM with a score of 5820
on 1/9/2016 9:31:42 PM with a score of 5310
To be honest, the writing is not very good, but it's a cool story and still worth playing through.
on 1/9/2016 7:23:10 PM with a score of 6046
Great, great game. However, the maze was a true pain in the ass until I got a tactic. It was kind of similar to what the hints said, but not entirely.
Here's a tip for everyone who can't get through.
Open a notepad file and each time write it down like this:
PAGE NUMBER [eg. 97]
DIRECTION PICKED [eg. North]
DIRECTION BACK, OTHER DIRECTIONS [eg. South, West]
Then every time you find a dead end, write it after the number. Eventually you'll have split paths that lead to two dead ends, for example, and you can start working your way back. Include all pages that are part of that dead end path like so:
96 (DEAD END) 97-104
Oddly I only got an offer to cheat my way out of the maze during the final battle with the big boss.
on 1/1/2016 10:56:15 AM with a score of 5969
rather good story ... maze was a bitch
on 12/29/2015 10:22:21 AM with a score of 4995
I have only two complaints (which is a rare thing, my friend).
One, the maze was very tough and I could not find a strategy to help me. I spent an hour trying to navigate my way through it, writing down my moves on a piece of paper in hopes of finding a pattern and using the back button many times. Finally I gave up and used the score-reducing, ego-bruising way out.
Two, Artemis bugged me. I know that she doesn't have a huge role in the plot of the story, but I feel like their relationship was based on sex and nothing else. Never did they have a conversation, never did they talk about being best friends, never did she try and help him with his journey, their time together was only about making out and doing the deed. As a person in general, she wasn't very appealing to me.
That being said, the story was still astounding. I appreciate all the time and effort you put into this.
on 12/20/2015 2:07:27 AM with a score of 5019
One of the very best Interactive Novels I've ever experienced. The storyline is absolutely fantastic and the idea is so thoroughly developed that I cannot bring myself to find anything wrong with it.
on 12/19/2015 4:12:55 PM with a score of 6088
Its awesome. Its very long, descriptive, and its just.... awesome. No other words to describe it.
on 12/14/2015 11:28:24 PM with a score of 4936
This story is BEAUTIFULL!!!!
-- Nicholas on 12/14/2015 9:02:25 PM with a score of 4895
The unfulfilled ending is messed up. This has a large focus on intimate relations.
-- Nope on 12/5/2015 3:11:15 PM with a score of 6
I wish there was a way for Artemis to live. Good story though
on 12/4/2015 11:34:19 AM with a score of 6094
Almost cried when Artemis died but still amazing
on 11/30/2015 8:47:58 PM with a score of 4931
I enjoyed the story but the maze and combat system (or lack thereof) was frustrating. Also, it seemed no matter what I did, I could not stop some things from happening. Overall, a good choose your own adventure story.
-- Zaraki Kenpachi on 11/26/2015 7:41:28 PM with a score of 6109
Well, this was nice to read with my friends. There was some grammatical errors, and the story was a little in the bland beginning but it was entertaining. Also, my friend says, and I quote, "Sex with fourteen year olds? Really niggah?" Also, whose entire life is driven by the premise that they'll never have sex again?
-- Bears on 11/24/2015 7:47:34 PM with a score of 20
I would have paid for it. Enough said.
on 11/20/2015 6:33:21 PM with a score of 4998
I love it...
on 10/26/2015 9:52:46 PM with a score of 5835
on 10/22/2015 1:55:21 PM with a score of 5285
I really enjoyed the variety of sources from which the author drew to build his world. He included Platonism, Germanic traditions, Native North American culture, and other sources I probably missed. Good job!
on 10/20/2015 4:21:52 PM with a score of 5786
on 10/16/2015 10:42:11 PM with a score of 4934
THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE BEST CYOA I HAVE EVER PLAYED. THE PLOT IS REASONABLE, INTERACTIVE, AND EXCITING. I WOULD HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS TO ANYONE 13+.
-- Jason Lee on 10/12/2015 10:10:22 PM with a score of 15
This was a great game, and the creativity put into it was amazing. It has inspired one of my story games. I was wondering if you could create a 2nd version of this story.
on 10/10/2015 5:34:32 AM with a score of 20
Amazing story, first one I completed.
on 9/27/2015 8:30:25 PM with a score of 65
Amazing game it's tell her of a hero with choices you make.
on 9/22/2015 10:41:45 PM with a score of 5814
this story is awesome
on 9/13/2015 8:40:36 PM with a score of 5300
This story was great! Very well written and an excellent plot. I'd gladly play it again!
on 9/5/2015 11:23:47 PM with a score of 6094
This was really an amazing game and the ending really made me happy. The only thing I fated about it was the maze so I skipped it. Btw thank you for that.
on 9/2/2015 1:07:13 PM with a score of 5285
I really enjoyed it!
-- Psyloh on 8/22/2015 11:41:10 PM with a score of 6120
A wonderfully crafted story, I was highly pleased with the level of detail put into it and found myself enjoying every second of it.
on 8/22/2015 4:02:57 PM with a score of 5311
Trick to the maze: pay attention to where you go in and map it out on a piece of paper, remember you have to get to the center
on 8/15/2015 9:44:09 PM with a score of 6120
I thoroughly enjoyed this. Is there an ending where Artemis lives?
on 8/15/2015 11:53:37 AM with a score of 5786
i like it
on 7/30/2015 3:36:36 AM with a score of 5800
I didn't cry at the ending... *sniffle*
on 7/28/2015 3:30:09 PM with a score of -220
That is the BEST story on the entire website! Would you mind making me one? (I don't have the time OR patience to make one like this myself...) :D
on 7/17/2015 7:13:22 PM with a score of -15
it was a great thing this story. it had me enthralled as no other story could. it was definitely on par with necromancer. I loved the endings, do not give up on the maze, its worth the points.
-- anthony french on 7/16/2015 12:34:34 PM with a score of 6035
Great stroygame. Would have been 8/8 if not for the maze, however I like how you implemented it and offered lots of help.
on 7/12/2015 2:56:47 PM with a score of 6149
The peace bringer ending is my favorite so far.
This was so fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-- Timothy on 6/30/2015 11:24:48 AM with a score of 5301
This was a perfect story and I will play it over and over again.
-- Timothy on 6/30/2015 10:50:39 AM with a score of 305
It wwas the best ever. the maze was hard but besides that it was great.
-- Zach on 6/20/2015 9:11:13 PM with a score of 4954
Alright story. Interesting ranks, however rank progression felt rushed. Maze was a good challenge but was a bit tedious. Characters and story could do with more depth. Still a good game overall.
on 6/17/2015 8:47:29 AM with a score of 6104
Absolutely loved it I can not wait for more. I could not put my phone down even my girlfriend got put on hold
-- Chris on 6/3/2015 8:18:09 PM with a score of 4979
-- Hwon Yong on 5/27/2015 12:43:56 AM with a score of 5305
God damn that was amazing!
on 5/24/2015 6:38:58 AM with a score of 5306
Pretty good, moderate some of the language and Gore. Why did she have to die?!?!?!?!?!? ;)
-- Medea Agate on 5/12/2015 10:11:01 PM with a score of 4955
I loved this book it was truly a work of art! No doubt a must read the only thing I would change, is and ending were The female protagonist is still alive.
on 5/11/2015 8:02:32 PM with a score of 4930
I have to say, i really enjoyed this game. It had a great plot to it and i kept on going to the end. I would definitely play this game again.
on 5/1/2015 3:26:38 PM with a score of 5010
I enjoyed the story very much though the epilog got a bit silly in many places but over all it was great
on 4/24/2015 1:08:48 AM with a score of 4998
My favorite by far.Action,adventure,romance,perfect.You should make more like this one,totally original.
on 4/21/2015 7:01:23 PM with a score of 4981
It was a good story, lots and lots of facts and history. The maze was hard but a lot of thought went into it. Everything in life cant be easy. What I didn't like is there really weren't many choices throughout the game. Overall I enjoyed it and that's what matters.
on 4/18/2015 9:36:34 AM with a score of 5785
This is in my top 4 books, it was very creative and very open give you multiple endings witched I very much enjoyed keep making great books like these you an amazing author.
on 4/16/2015 8:30:04 PM with a score of 5874
It's pretty good
on 4/14/2015 12:45:22 AM with a score of 5094
Great game overall. The maze section (while clever) was tedious, and overdone. Some of the dialogue could have been improved upon and Artemis (who is essentially a set piece) could have been a much more fleshed out character.
Overall, super fun and creative. Kudos!
-- Michael on 4/9/2015 5:05:23 PM with a score of 4976
I wish it was longer. I had to start it over so many times and the quizzes got to me. The maze was the hardest thing of all i do not advice for anyone to continue through the maze. Other than that it was amazing
-- Lee Anne on 4/4/2015 11:48:50 AM with a score of 4915
Wow. This game was... wow. This storygame is AMAZING! I gave it an 8/8, and for a good reason, too.
-- Bonbon11 on 3/29/2015 6:31:41 PM with a score of 1116
well done i hope it would have a spin off or something
on 3/28/2015 9:55:43 AM with a score of 5913
story line was awesome, wish there was a better ending than the one you get if you chose love as your will
on 3/24/2015 8:19:11 PM with a score of 1095
I really enjoyed this story. One of the best I've read so far.
on 3/23/2015 2:29:32 PM with a score of 5225
Enjoyable but lacking in mutiple aspect in regards of brach-story telling
on 3/18/2015 1:47:33 AM with a score of 6130
This is one of the best Choice Stories I have read. There are still a few holes and things that could have been expanded on like Horus and the whole mom mystery. Aside from that this was Amazing .OH one more thing, I love and hate you fro 2 thing. 1:The MAZE!!! 2:The Idea behind the storie
on 3/15/2015 10:48:54 PM with a score of 6075
Good length. The maze was hard...like really hard and there were some trick decisions but overall it was pretty fun.
on 3/10/2015 12:50:39 PM with a score of 6025
It's good, but I don't like how no matter what...nevermind, that would be a horrible spoiler.
on 3/4/2015 2:18:46 AM with a score of 5339
Really amazing, must say I liked the maze, nice going and keep it up
-- Zen on 2/19/2015 6:39:47 PM with a score of 5055
Damn, that was by far the best story game I have ever read (only second by Eternal and Homo Perfectus 8, but other that that this story is the best). But I did feel like a class-A type jerk when Ari broke Artemis's heart like that. But great game, I loved it! Please keep it up! :D
-- DualPistols on 2/12/2015 4:33:14 AM with a score of 5744
on 2/12/2015 1:53:54 AM with a score of 5754
-- ... on 2/9/2015 10:26:47 AM with a score of 2640
on 2/9/2015 3:11:24 AM with a score of 5760
This is an awesome game and it is one of the few games that will get you on the edge of your seat and get you so focused that nothing can distract you and if someone does you will most likely kill them and I hope from more games like this. If the is a leader board on this website then this will definitely be number 1.
on 2/2/2015 2:30:41 PM with a score of 4850
This story is almost perfect, there needs to be far more choices though. Great writing, just limited outcomes
on 1/14/2015 10:15:59 PM with a score of 4838
on 1/9/2015 12:35:26 AM with a score of 5927
on 1/6/2015 1:59:06 PM with a score of 6150
Great. Maze took a while, but in the end I finished it
on 1/2/2015 2:21:56 PM with a score of 5795
my first one, and it was awesome, hard and complex.
on 12/31/2014 12:26:11 AM with a score of 780
My favorite game. It was so compelling and emotional, I just wished I could do something at the end of the story but that is what made it great. I would recommend this story to everyone who loves stories with a little twist.
on 12/13/2014 4:18:04 PM with a score of 6100
Nice story, although I did cheat twice (sorry). The maze was impossibly difficult, although I managed to complete it by drawing a map.
on 11/26/2014 11:13:09 PM with a score of 1060
Aside from some problems with the maze (broken page loops) I found this to be a most delightful game. I was unable to find a way through thew maze myself and am grateful that there was an option to skip it, I just wish that there was more. I mean the story game was quite long, but something this good never feels long enough. Great job with the writing, strangely enough the story was so good I didn't mind when the author stopped using quotation marks.
on 11/23/2014 9:25:45 AM with a score of 5344
Epicness! Story telling is excellent! And the twist in plot at the end(true end) is totally unexpected! Surely would have appreciated after story!
-- kAt on 11/22/2014 10:32:41 AM with a score of 6129
Replaying a amazing old game someone make a zombie survival game with a amazing story items pictures and other cool stuff this story needed
on 11/15/2014 7:52:12 PM with a score of 4954
Amazing, I had forgotten bout this gem many years ago but my decision to finally finish it was the right one.
on 11/9/2014 8:37:07 PM with a score of 5780
It's great. It took a long time to finish it
on 11/2/2014 3:49:48 AM with a score of 4935
fantastic story telling with a satisfying level of character customization. Would play again.
on 10/23/2014 6:40:16 PM with a score of 6209
that maze was HARD...i winged it
on 10/19/2014 12:30:17 AM with a score of 6106
i thought it was one of the greatest storys ever in the website community and should give it a try, but i warn you it is pretty long but it is worth your time, the chracter development was great and i hope that storys like this get posted in the feature, good luck and i love this story, ten stars and a million if it went that far hehe
on 10/18/2014 7:19:56 PM with a score of 5798
The maze could have been made easier but I got through it.
on 10/17/2014 1:10:12 PM with a score of 5986
The end progressed extremely rapidly, and things that should have been major events (becoming a magus, the knights attack on the castle, artemis dying) were only barely touched upon. First half of the story 10/10. Last half, 3/10. It's like you had a deadline and had to get the story submitted before it was late.
-- DR on 10/15/2014 7:46:34 PM with a score of 6065
Took me about 5-6 hours and all of it was superd
on 10/14/2014 11:58:07 AM with a score of 6041
That shit was long as fuck, but holy shit was it amazing.
The dialogue was pretty modern ,though , but for something that's free-to-play and probably didn't have an editor, it's pretty good.
I also noticed some grammar and punctuation mistakes, but like I said, for no editor, it's really fucking amazing.
Bravo, man, bravo.
You should really post this game on "Choice of Games" and see if you can get some $$$ for it, dude.
on 10/14/2014 1:26:23 AM with a score of 5030
A masterpiece of content and length
on 10/13/2014 6:54:08 PM with a score of 5815
It was a fantastic Story! However, it progressed extremely to fast towards the end.
on 9/8/2014 1:46:47 PM with a score of 5311
on 7/29/2014 9:13:51 AM with a score of 5629
Love this game. Second time I played it, still love it. 8/8
on 7/28/2014 12:24:53 AM with a score of 5750
wheres the option to kill all of the members of the concil other then that good game
-- derpy on 7/27/2014 1:22:47 AM with a score of 5005
Absolutely amazing. As a Thelemite this really appealed to me and it is very deep and philosophical. This is a work of art.
on 7/20/2014 1:44:32 PM with a score of -1781
That was so fun and awesome :D Loved it! You did an great job making the game.
-- Emily on 7/19/2014 12:08:45 AM with a score of 6165
Really nice story but some weird pacing issues towards the end
on 7/14/2014 10:23:49 PM with a score of 5815
This is perhaps the best storygame in the website. Absolutely brilliant.
on 7/5/2014 5:41:36 AM with a score of 6150
This was really Good. What happened to being able to revive your lover though. :(
on 7/1/2014 3:36:42 PM with a score of 5660
didn't use the back button once and I got the infinite power and all crimson knights dead author email me when you make more
-- hunter on 6/23/2014 8:00:08 PM with a score of 4944
Nice lengthy story - didn't like the maze though.
-- Guest on 6/23/2014 1:25:49 PM with a score of 5304
Absolutely astounding. It has an amazing plot-line, characters, and resolution.
on 6/20/2014 1:35:17 AM with a score of 4960
VERY nice, would suggest people new to the site coose this.
on 6/19/2014 5:44:24 PM with a score of 5066
Some of the scripts seem to be broken. The one with the Gavin in the room while he is "hallucinating", that script allowed me to live by letting me access the other choice when i should've been dead (or at least the text told me so).
on 6/17/2014 4:45:40 PM with a score of 5840
Though the story is certainly immersive and creates an entertaining world, the relative shortness of the work combined with the cliffhanger ending left me wishing for more story or at least more elaborate endings
on 6/17/2014 6:22:15 AM with a score of 5779
Easily the best I've played, I felt like I was in the story!
on 6/16/2014 10:21:39 PM with a score of 5309
on 6/13/2014 5:43:55 PM with a score of -56
I couldn't get through the maze, And It was really hard for me to choose power over love
on 6/10/2014 10:37:29 AM with a score of 5315
This is the best story I have seen so far, It made me feel like I was Ari
on 6/5/2014 12:54:59 PM with a score of 319
Managed to get through the maze without help! I like the style of writing used in this.
on 5/25/2014 8:21:14 PM with a score of 5040
It wasn't the best to be honest. Some gramma mistakes and it seemed short.
on 5/23/2014 7:17:50 AM with a score of 16
Very fun story but the maze is EVIL
on 5/17/2014 10:06:33 AM with a score of 5705
The story was catchy, but could use some revision and further description. As some responders mentioned the ending was rather abrupt. Some spelling and grammar errors are rather glaring, but all in all is was a fun romp.
on 5/13/2014 6:32:55 PM with a score of 6109
on 5/13/2014 7:12:23 AM with a score of 5794
Holy crap. 2nd favourite storygame on the site (only second to Homo Perfectus 8 because of items), but WOW. This is one hell of a storygame. I applaud you J3.
on 5/10/2014 2:23:09 AM with a score of 4990
That... Is the best game I've ever played! Who ever wrote this game deserves some major credit.
on 5/8/2014 12:48:57 AM with a score of 5105
The Pantheon of Greatness is where this belongs. Ye Truly have a wonderful work here. The Good of it: the story, the characters, the depth of the storyline & the length of it. The Bad of it: there should be more in depth description of the characters along with an overall "feel" for the main characters (the exception being the general characters like: the assorted extras of the ranks that do not have a big impact on the story), yes like everyone else I too thought the maze was pointless in the current form & should have been made either as a straight story part or a LOT more simplified. Also as said in your Disclaimer that it isn't recommended to do it all at the same time, I DID DO IT ENTIRELY AT THE SAME TIME & loved every single minute of it (this is how ye know that ye have a truly amazing piece of work because I couldn't take my eyes & attention off of it).
on 5/3/2014 2:58:36 AM with a score of 5024
In addition to the "You have been eaten by a grue" moments throughout the game, there was a distinct lack of appropriate power scaling throughout the story. It is hard for a person to feel attached to a character with whom they can not relate. Since Ari began as a being with near infinite power (assuming that you avoid the grues), there is no real feeling of connection. Instead, the reader is left to watch this powerful creature go through an exponential power growth that ends with him being a god in what feels like an awfully short amount of time. Furthermore, there is very little depth to the characters in the story. As they begin the story, so they end. The only character development comes from the choice at the end that pick between slaughtering the enemy or pardoning them. But even this choice is left somewhat hollow by the fact that there is no real weight to it. After the choice, the story ends and the reader is shown a summary that gives an overview of story-line. The only change in that story is one sentence that explains whether or not the opposing order lived. It has no further ramifications on the overall character of Ari, thus rendering it largely inconsequential.
The story is entertaining, but it lacks a certain depth that comes from interesting characters who face real choices and whose choices matter beyond simply killing them or not.
-- John Bonham on 5/2/2014 1:56:35 PM with a score of 6114
Fun and enjoyable. Would liked to of had far more character development and customization. What ever training a person decides on doesn't matter, you just click on the preordained story path and win. Good story, but I think you can do better.
on 5/2/2014 4:09:35 AM with a score of 869
I used this adventure to introduce my girlfriend to the world of ChooseYourStory. She couldn't get enough of it! We appreciated every second.
on 4/26/2014 2:44:23 PM with a score of 5799
Engaging story! I thoroughly enjoyed all of the training segments. The plentiful choices combined with the epic battles gives this storygame a solid 7. There seemed to be a lack of description of the various ranks. Secondly, some fight scenes felt a bit rushed, also lacking some detail. Otherwise, fantastic game, thanks for making it!
on 4/26/2014 1:29:15 AM with a score of 5256
on 4/25/2014 6:43:06 PM with a score of 4935
Absolutely loved the game. At the end it seemed like we could have have a few more choices than we were given, which is something I've rarely felt while playing your games.
on 4/24/2014 1:09:40 AM with a score of 5305
That was an absolutely amazing journey. I applaud the author and all the hard work that went into this story-game. The maze was tricky but didn't take as long as I thought :3 One of my favorite story-games and I'm not sure how many could actually top this! (Very few errors in spelling and other errors) I'm actually about to play this game again ^.^
on 4/23/2014 3:18:07 PM with a score of 5834
Amazing. Do this game if you have not . Thank you creator
on 4/22/2014 2:15:00 PM with a score of 6175
All I can say is amazing
on 4/13/2014 7:34:45 PM with a score of 3436
This is my first adventure here, and i hav to say it was a pleasant one! Got the best ending (i think)! Good job!
on 4/13/2014 2:41:19 AM with a score of 5800
MY FIRST STORY, I CHOOSE WELL, LITERALY!
on 4/12/2014 3:56:55 AM with a score of 5830
THIS IS AMAZING!
Kinda wish we could be on the evil side though XP
on 4/9/2014 7:48:04 PM with a score of 4636
Extremely good,i gave the game a 7;it might have been an 8 if not for a few things(spoiler alert!): *SPOILER ALERT!* 1. Why did ALL of the people he loved have to die? Why couldn't,as Ari mentioned, revived those killed by the crimson knights, like Dragon Ball Z when he practically became a god(ipsissimus)? 2.While there a few occasional paths, for the best ending it was mostly linear. The few choices that weren't life or death,like fight scenes, felt less like seperate routes to the ending and more like different roads on the same street. But other than those minor annoyances this otherwise was an excellent storygame!
on 4/8/2014 8:32:13 PM with a score of 6004
-- dc on 4/7/2014 3:05:08 PM with a score of 5756
Fun, creative story to play through.
on 4/6/2014 3:42:33 PM with a score of 235
Great story, i did die once and cheated... but I wanted to get to the end. Wonderfully written and fair. If you want an example on how to make a story on this site, read this one.
That maze though... is impossible, when you get the offer to escape, take it.
on 3/31/2014 3:02:16 PM with a score of 5275
Awesome! Frustrated with maze though. Really challenging, not having a diagram showing where you are not particularly showing you the way out.
-- The Ipsissimus on 3/29/2014 5:19:00 AM with a score of 5069
Absolutely astonishing! The maze was a great challenge! Thank you for this great story :)
on 3/26/2014 9:29:12 PM with a score of 5808
Great story. Maze was a bit of a hassle, and there was some bittersweet moments, but it had an emotional poignancy that's hard to find. Many props to the author, he did an amazing job!
on 3/24/2014 6:38:41 AM with a score of 6100
This was damn good, apart from the infamous maze that is. I'm glad you were able to "teleport" to the centre. Great story, great choices!
on 3/21/2014 11:02:16 PM with a score of 5285
Holy Crap, you're good, keep doing what your doing.
-- Tyler Wiren on 3/19/2014 10:03:20 AM with a score of 5354
I thunk that u should decrease the "long story" and focus on giving life threatening situations more for gods sake!!
-- dailyviwer on 3/18/2014 7:40:33 AM with a score of 4941
This is a story that will but you in the position of Ari, the protagonist as you venture through the world as a part of The Order. This is a story to love and experience for everyone of the appropriate age.
on 3/16/2014 2:18:47 AM with a score of 6059
Holy crap this was AMAZINGLY AMAZING!!!!That maze was a little torture though. Other than that, loved everything about this story.I got the second best ending (it literally said it was) then I went back for the plot twists and stuff. Keep up the good work!
-- Anonymous person who loved the on 3/15/2014 10:51:56 AM with a score of 5141
Great game. Haha. But it took me about an hour though to finish the maze. -____-
on 3/14/2014 11:56:47 AM with a score of 5800
pro tip less love more killing
on 3/14/2014 4:56:34 AM with a score of 5539
This was pure awesomeness!
on 3/8/2014 5:00:02 PM with a score of 6124
A REALLY GOOD STORY!!! Just like a classic fantasy story where at the end everything seems hopeless and your all going to die but something happens and the main character gets superpowers and destroys all the enemies. VERY GOOD
on 3/8/2014 12:18:05 AM with a score of 3931
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This story game is great. I think I got "best" ending.
on 3/6/2014 10:01:34 PM with a score of 6120
It was amazing, by far one of the best games on the site. It was just so epic. There was so many different endings and options and yes. The maze was super hard but still it was worth it. I think I got the best ending. I'm not sure.
-- Khandi Kid on 3/3/2014 5:49:16 PM with a score of 4990
The story was amazing i played at least 6 times each time trying to choose a different path each ending ranging from sad to epic
on 3/3/2014 3:51:53 PM with a score of 5264
I can't think of any words to describe this.
It's simply the best game I've played on this site. Ever. Hope you make more stories.
-- C.D. on 2/26/2014 1:01:11 AM with a score of 6059
well hot diggity damn
on 2/24/2014 8:35:13 PM with a score of 6086
I absolutely loved this story it was as fantastic and fun as playing a computer game is
on 2/13/2014 3:08:36 AM with a score of 6140
Awesome! the only thing that i would change is maybe choosing my own name and all that, maybe a little more opportunity to train at a younger age, overall, awesome game!
on 2/11/2014 10:28:14 PM with a score of 5110
Sorry to comment twice, but I finished the other way and it was even more amazing. Really though, that was amazing, I probably should have done it in more than one sitting but whatever.
on 2/3/2014 9:23:53 PM with a score of 6115
Holy shit. That was an amazing story, an amazing final decision too. You sir impress me greatly.
on 2/3/2014 9:00:35 PM with a score of 1115
nice game though the end was a bit too farfetched
-- kostisloco on 1/24/2014 3:22:57 PM with a score of 5264
Lovely game. Beat the maze. Was fun.
on 1/23/2014 2:05:18 AM with a score of 1139
I greatly enjoyed this story. Most certainly a wonderful adventure. Just a couple of problems though. I found at times to be fully engrossed and immersed in the story with the few spots of typos. Also just a plot nitpick, but I felt the advancement of Ari in the Order was just a little to fast. I didn't feel the trials of my character's growth as my own. This story would have benefited from being made into a series to really flesh out your progression to make it seem like you were clawing your way to the top!
on 1/21/2014 12:24:04 PM with a score of 1045
I absolutely hated your fricking maze, also it was one of the best things. I thought that bringing back Artemis would have been good for a perfect ending but it was good none the less. Ending felt a tad rushed and sort of left me wanting more.
on 1/13/2014 2:32:34 AM with a score of 6121
I loved every second of this story! Great storyline, great choices, and great author! I didn't mind the maze to much. But when the cheat option came, I decided "No! I will do this on my own!" And so I did. And I chose, in the end, (spoilers ahead! You've been warned...) Power...I felt sad at first, but when it came to the final epic battle, I knew I made the right choice. But when Artemis died still thinking Air didn't love her, I cried. And I was listening to Pandora while reading this and the song from Mass Effect Two 'End Run' came on for the battle against Jared...I cried a little harder. And in the end, I bailed. So, a great story by a fantastic author! Good work JJ!
on 1/12/2014 4:41:50 PM with a score of 5760
It was a really interesting story!
So worth it!
on 12/31/2013 4:30:39 AM with a score of 6129
Really great stuff,REALLY great stuff,the only thing I minorly dislike is the way events went by at accelarating speeds at the parts from around the first abyss to practicaly the end of the game,but other than this stuff is GRE-bloody-AT.
on 12/29/2013 5:05:58 AM with a score of 6139
As I played through this adventure, I became a part of Ari. I felt what he felt I saw what he saw. The things I had to give up for what was right or what seemed right hurt me, but I healed and became stronger. The Order of the Midnight Sun is one of the best
-- Shah-Jahan The King on 12/28/2013 2:19:33 PM with a score of 4975
Incredible story and challenging. Completed the maze after 1,5 hours of mapping and the whole story in around 4 hours. Great story :)
on 12/28/2013 7:01:36 AM with a score of 6101
This story has an awesome unique story line and gets really detailed. I thought that the maze was really hard to get past (after a full hour of clicking I managed to get out), but other than that it's a really interesting and challenging story.
-- Anonymous on 12/21/2013 6:57:08 PM with a score of 6120
best story I accomplished so far. not going to spoil anything for anybody though.
on 12/21/2013 3:28:20 PM with a score of 6110
Amazing stuff. I see a very profitable future for this author.
-- Stripez on 12/18/2013 11:15:11 PM with a score of 5781
Love is the Law. Love Under Will... Don't want to be over the top, but this story really did gave me an enlightenment.. And about the maze.. I don't think it's too hard.. all the praises to the author
on 12/18/2013 8:37:29 AM with a score of 6090
Awsome! The maze part was really, really hard, but I love it!
on 12/14/2013 3:31:34 PM with a score of 5809
Nice game. I'd prefer it without the maze though. But I'm sure you've heard it all before
on 12/14/2013 12:21:50 PM with a score of 5773
WOW really liked your story so much detail and everything.
yet I did not like the maze! lol it might have been ok if
and of course the main thing I didn't like at all about your story was the dirty talk.. that could have been left out and still been a great story..
on 12/12/2013 4:04:06 PM with a score of -1
So, as a whole, this was a really pleasing experience. I was sad to see my final outcome, as it didn't lead in either direction I wanted. But it wasn't a disappointment. It was fun, and who knows, maybe next time I'll am for a different ending.
-- Pod on 12/10/2013 3:38:48 AM with a score of 5930
best story ever!!!!
on 12/8/2013 1:15:04 PM with a score of 5754
I'm happy I didn't age in the maze, or I would have died in there.
on 12/3/2013 9:52:22 PM with a score of 6105
Just testing to see if sparing the crimson knights gives me any extra points.
on 11/28/2013 11:49:21 PM with a score of 5820
Great game!!! It was really awesome! I managed to beat the maze on my own without any help whatsoever! :D
on 11/28/2013 11:46:16 PM with a score of 5820
Wow... I've played a few of the stories on this site... But this one was the best. I have a feeling it will probably stay the best in my opinion too. I loved this story so much. Good job~
on 11/27/2013 3:20:00 PM with a score of 6139
on 11/24/2013 9:00:21 PM with a score of 4746
It's a really good story (although I didn't really like the message it gave off and had to do redos many times to get to see all endings) I did the maze without the skip and finished this whole story in approximately an hour and definitely enjoyed it (although there were some typos, and I can give you my route map if you want to go back and fix them) but I gave it a 5/8 in comparison to games like... Heavy Rain for the PS3 and the Dragon Age Series. Considering that you did this one for fun and they were paid to make those award winning games, I'd say that's a 10/8 for this site. Well done.
on 11/17/2013 1:44:07 AM with a score of 6106
This was brilliant, loved every second of it, also had some good humour in, I completed the maze without skipping it because I didn't want to lose score haha
on 11/16/2013 9:46:01 AM with a score of 6135
36e 37E 71S 106E 107N 108W 109N 110N 111W 119N 120N 122e 126E 146E 148S 150E 151N 152W 153N 154N 155E 161S 163E 166N 167E 168S 170W 178S
on 11/6/2013 3:57:40 PM with a score of 6259
I don't know how I can continue my mortal life after this... this majestic piece of literature and gaming.
on 10/25/2013 5:56:25 AM with a score of 1090
nice game, the epilogue was a good touch
the maze knocked off a point from the rating, though, but at least you put in a way to skip it.
on 10/20/2013 12:33:23 PM with a score of 5049
A great story, i got the epilogue on my first go!
on 10/11/2013 10:35:37 AM with a score of 5005
It was fun.The only frustrating thing was the maze.i suggest that you just skip it if you can .
on 10/10/2013 5:53:21 PM with a score of 5066
I was very impressed. It has given me a lot of good ideas regarding the kind of writing I would like to try to get published.
on 10/5/2013 9:21:51 PM with a score of 5310
greatly made, was simply entertaining to play
on 9/24/2013 8:22:57 AM with a score of 6249
the best game
on 9/22/2013 9:00:50 AM with a score of 5230
The story was awesome although it took me about an hour to perfectly do it. Sadly, I was disappointed by the ending, when Artemis died and Ari watched it. I was really moved to sadness. But, I realized that sacrifice is the key. But, I really want Artemis to be alive. Anyhow, nice story and make some more.
P.S Let the leading lady be alive next time. Okay? :D
on 9/20/2013 2:25:40 PM with a score of 4936
Very good story, I absolutely loved it.
PS. I got 17/15 on the probationer test, is that normal or did I break something?
on 9/7/2013 11:15:21 PM with a score of 26
Check out number 153 west ;-)
on 9/6/2013 8:50:50 PM with a score of 5829
Holy hard nipples batman that was fantastic. Is there an ending where artimus lives? I only got 2 bonings my entire life. Read this. Rigt now. And save a lot. Not too often though, also I finished this in one go. New record?
on 9/6/2013 12:11:26 PM with a score of 5930
One of the best.
on 9/5/2013 11:12:28 AM with a score of 3541
Got heartbreak ending. *Cries* Why Artemis, why?!?!?
-- KMHJ on 8/30/2013 4:06:12 PM with a score of 10
This is amazing...
on 8/29/2013 12:41:54 PM with a score of 6119
I even finished the maze! This was probably one of the best damn stories i've ever read, beginning to end (although a tear or two may have escaped somewhere in the epilogue) you're a fuckin' genius. 'nuff said.
-- Whitey on 8/27/2013 9:07:03 PM with a score of 6025
OH you are ever SO close! <--quite the particular "sense of humor" (it wasn
still extraordinarily written.
on 8/14/2013 4:25:42 AM with a score of 5990
good game, Although admittedly not as complex as Eternal, still enjoyable.
Would have rated it higher if, you guessed it, wasn't for the demonic labyrinth. If you could just add something to help you, descriptions of what you see, more hints. anything!
Enjoyable game, Endings a little weak. other than that, allright.
-- Who really cares? on 8/12/2013 6:34:07 PM with a score of 1106
A masterpiece. Well crafted, well written, and extremely engrossing.
And I personally quite enjoyed the maze :)
on 8/10/2013 9:41:52 PM with a score of 5796
Very good read! Thank you for the great story. I finished it all in one sitting and was always eager to see what would happen next. The scale of the world and the thought that clearly went into it is staggering. By the end, I was very attached to Ari, Gavin, and Artemis, but some of the other characters didn't quite get the development I was hoping for.
Unfortunately, semi-frequent grammar errors and breaks into modern vernacular kept this from reaching its full potential (Not to mention the maze, but salvation from the author helps this area). Nonetheless, it was a fantastic journey to take and look back on, and it is one that I will surely recommend to friends.
on 8/6/2013 6:46:26 PM with a score of 5294
Ari should be able to revive Artemis
on 8/3/2013 1:16:12 AM with a score of 4975
Terriffic, I experienced a weird glitch after the maze that constantly made it reset (I did the maze like 8 times!) before eventually I just used the option (which affected my score) To get out. other than that, simply brilliant!
on 7/25/2013 7:48:09 AM with a score of 4925
Wonderful story, good work. I finished it all in one go and ended with the Ari the vanquisher of the crimson knights epilogue. As mentioned in other comments the maze was the most difficult, but I was able to pass it eventually by mapping it out on paper so I wouldn't get lost. Overall not a terrible experience, in my opinion the maze as an interesting change of pace. Though I agree it could have benefitted, had it been more detailed. The story did take time to complete in one sitting, but compared to Endmaster's Eternal which I played through last night it wasn't that difficult. Once more good job, I enjoyed it.
-- Donald on 7/22/2013 3:19:38 AM with a score of 6100
really great story. I love it.
on 7/10/2013 4:51:03 AM with a score of 5726
on 7/9/2013 6:10:30 PM with a score of 5780
Great Fun Maze was a little Hard
on 7/9/2013 5:53:53 PM with a score of 780
It was definitely a Good and unforgettable Experience...
That Damn Maze is definitely an unforgettable Experience
I loved the story although There should have been more Interactions with the Crimson knights but thats just my personal taste 8/8
on 7/8/2013 2:35:07 PM with a score of 5786
Really interesting and well-written. I LOVED it!
on 7/8/2013 7:49:21 AM with a score of 5269
A little too much swearing here and there, but otherwise a fantastic story:) Of course, more choice would be great, but there is a vast amount of text already, so it's not a flaw:)
on 7/7/2013 4:50:59 PM with a score of 5779
Absolutely loved it! Though sadly couldn't see the hints for the maze because I'm on my phone or else I believe I'd gotten through without help.
on 7/3/2013 11:01:25 PM with a score of 244
Very original story, enjoyable and somewhat unpredictable. I had fun with it and recommend this story/game to anyone who has a thing for fantasy/adventure...and reading! :D
on 7/1/2013 1:52:42 AM with a score of 5315
awesome!!!!!! it is one of the best games i ever played the story is magical and mystical.
kind of brings a peaceful warmth to the heart
a must play!!!!!!
on 6/28/2013 3:09:34 AM with a score of 5135
This game was great!!!!
on 6/17/2013 5:45:06 PM with a score of 5805
That was wicked fun! Did it in one sitting and had a blast. Fun story!
on 6/16/2013 6:16:04 PM with a score of 6169
A lot of people complained about the maze but I actually was entertained by making a map of it on paper... but im kinda geeky that way. Anyway, definitely one of the better choose your own story adventures I've read.
on 6/16/2013 3:24:24 PM with a score of 6045
Inspires me to write my own story.
on 6/12/2013 12:04:39 PM with a score of 6090
Best choose your story I have played ever.
on 6/10/2013 11:04:37 PM with a score of 5591
Absolutely amazing. the first story I have completed here and I do not regret it
on 6/8/2013 3:19:45 AM with a score of 6055
Overall, a good story. Mainly due to the richly detailed beginning I, probably unfairly, expected something more from the development of such a promising start. It just advances to quickly for my personal liking.
I still haven't made one of these stories yet, but still it's obvious it requires tremendous effort and a great deal of dedication. This was evidently and ambitious proyect, and I sincerely congratulate the author.
on 6/6/2013 11:58:51 PM with a score of 6099
Great!Pretty good story.
on 6/4/2013 4:51:32 AM with a score of 5789
I appreciate your never ending stamina as you complete this feat of authoring an interactive fiction with such an intricate plot. While the idea and imagery incorporated in this is great, I wish to point out several slight blunders that was manefested. Firstly, you should consider getting a new editor, and its not only directed at the missing punctuations. Secondly, you should elaborate more on the emotions of the characters. An example would be the mysterious forgiveness that Artemis has towards someone who killed her family, and theres more where that came from, if you catch my drift. Lastly, you should spend more time working the idime and dialogues into the time period that you aralluding to. Overall, great plot. Ishall patiently wait for more.
-- ean on 5/29/2013 8:53:21 PM with a score of 6034
It was pretty decent! A few bugs at times (not sure whose fault that is), with it getting confused about me still being in the maze, and later on, letting me take weird options after already being dead...
But the story was reasonably-written, albeit with a few spelling errors, and the characters were fun.
on 5/29/2013 4:06:36 AM with a score of 6105
That was ridiculously detailed and skillfully crafted. Probably the best that I've ever read.
on 5/26/2013 10:00:59 AM with a score of -21
It was alright, certainly entertaining enough. The writing was a little shakey though, and plenty of spelling mistakes. Still worth a read though
on 5/24/2013 3:15:33 PM with a score of 5801
8/8. Loved it. I played again to get the other ending.
on 5/22/2013 1:28:44 PM with a score of 345
This is the BEST. GAME. EVER. End of story.
on 5/21/2013 4:14:01 PM with a score of 4984
It was really great I completed the game in one session because I just didn't want to quot playing it....while I did take the easy way out of the maze I still loved the game
on 5/20/2013 11:44:13 AM with a score of 4975
Despite your warnings to not play in one sitting, I did it anyway and must say it was the best interactive fiction I've ever read. The characters were developed, the plot was amazing and at the end I was so sad it was over. The first play through took me approximately 4 hours, however about half of that was on that forsaken maze...which is the only thing I disliked about the game. There were a few rage moments. But other than that, congratulations. On an amazing piece of work!
on 5/20/2013 2:19:10 AM with a score of 5810
One of the best interactive fictions I've ever read.
-- Brandi on 5/19/2013 10:54:09 PM with a score of 5810
That was a fun and engaging story! 8/8, for sure!
-- Lulzlullylulz on 5/16/2013 7:05:42 PM with a score of 5863
An amazing story...truly amazing.
-- noah on 5/16/2013 7:07:42 AM with a score of 4965
Just Just amazing PLAY
on 5/15/2013 4:18:25 PM with a score of 6101
Great piece. Enjoyed nearly every second of it. That maze... was bloody annoying and the longest half hour I've wasted on anything ever just to complete it on my own. Again I really enjoyed this, very few flaws in writing. Also satisfied with the Lovely Warrior ending.
on 5/13/2013 3:03:54 AM with a score of 1119
Great piece. Enjoyed nearly every second of it. That maze... was bloody annoying and the longest half hour I've wasted on anything ever just to complete it on my own. Again I really enjoyed this, very few flaws in writing.
on 5/13/2013 3:01:51 AM with a score of 1119
very good story telling.I am a fan .
on 5/2/2013 12:45:50 AM with a score of 6039
The game was great. Surprisingly short, too. Finished in a good 2 hours.
on 4/25/2013 7:49:08 AM with a score of 6209
great, epic story. Very engaging and fun.
on 4/23/2013 9:06:06 PM with a score of 300
It was good, I think, for a story really, not much for a game, there wasn't a whole lot of use for the skills IMO, but I enjoyed playing nevertheless.
on 4/20/2013 2:24:18 AM with a score of 5811
The maze... I drew a map.
on 4/18/2013 9:29:53 PM with a score of 5836
It was a great read, thank you for taking your time to make this. :D
on 4/18/2013 7:19:28 PM with a score of 6163
Fantastic story, probably on par with eternal in terms of quality, truly a fantastic read.
on 4/14/2013 2:17:04 AM with a score of 0
Awesome... That is all I can say...
on 4/12/2013 7:07:38 PM with a score of 4910
Very good, thank you
on 4/12/2013 4:32:32 PM with a score of 5103
This was a great game! It has a great story and lore and is very fun in general. You can just randomly click your way through the maze, there's an option to skip it after a while. Great game!! Two thumbs up, definitely.
on 4/10/2013 6:11:18 PM with a score of 5299
on 4/9/2013 8:42:56 AM with a score of 5294
This was a fun and interesting game. The choices were valid and well thought out. Several significant flaws soured my experience, however, of which I am inclined to complain about since the story otherwise would have been greatly enjoyable.
1. The grammatical errors. Honestly, who puts an apostrophe for a plural subject? You're not supposed to *ever* say anything like 'guard's,' 'sword's,' et cetera. Furthermore, you've forgotten to add the mandatory punctuation at the ends of quotations on multiple occasions. "There he is" or "Oh look a dragon" are *not* valid ways to create dialogue. It makes your writing look insipid and juvenile.
2. The immature dialogue. Whenever the protagonist gets extremely upset, he invariably inserts "fuck" into some part of his monosyllabic sentences. How original. The final battle has him taunting the powerful opponent much like a 5-year-old might. Pink underwear? Honestly, is that the wittiest insult you can devise? This isn't Dragonball Z. Or is it?
3. The combination of some decent names with terrible names. Pick a good cultural background and stick with it, for crying out loud! Tom Wan is a godawful name. So are Peter and Scott, which are Anglicized. Daleir and Gavin are all right. 'Emerald Street' is certainly not. What are you looking for, a legendary crypt or an obscure lane off Fourth Avenue?
I could prattle on and on about several more issues, but these are the worst offenders. Perhaps my insults sting, but they should. You'll remember them better that way and become a better writer. I look forward to seeing your progress.
on 4/4/2013 11:26:27 AM with a score of 5855
It was amazing it made me have to think really hard at some points (like the maze) but i beat it without any help. It was awesome I'm looking forward to more works like this.
on 4/1/2013 3:52:01 PM with a score of 5955
on 3/27/2013 2:27:42 AM with a score of 4873
Ill keep it short... Amazing
on 3/25/2013 6:40:49 PM with a score of 5789
Did it in one sitting.. Loved it.. Absolutely loved it.
on 3/18/2013 1:02:28 AM with a score of 5944
Took me a while but got A amazing ending!!!
on 3/17/2013 3:35:35 PM with a score of 5035
Well, I played it a third time, hoping to find a way to keep the girl alive at the very end... I wish you would have made one, no ending seems really satisfying without a chance for a true happy end. (maybe it is just me, and there is one but I missed it?)
I noticed that even if I do not go to study the second time and I do not hear from the vision what sword to choose I still am forced/railroaded to pick it, this made me seriously consider to lower the scoring of the game for the third playthrough. I believed picking a different weapon would be the way to not allow at the end the villain leech power from me and avoid the death of the 30 order members. I do find this lack disturbing. :(
on 3/16/2013 9:19:20 AM with a score of 6294
Okay I just comment again so soon after the other get posted, as I went back to try the other route giving up love.
I noticed a real big bug there, a question to leave the maze and give up score points for it came up when i was in the middle of the castle attack, that has to be fixed as soon as possible.
Still, I gave the ranking a +1 just because this scene in the battle with the villain:
"You should be dead by now.. I don't understand what happened!" He says.
"Your father told me to spank you." You reply and punch him in the face.
on 3/16/2013 8:28:09 AM with a score of 6159
I found the game/story very entertaining, but would really have to suggest to you to make the next games / remake this one in a way like the "choice of" games, meaning some actual stats from the beginning (abilities like intelligence or charisma, skills like Swordplay or Persuasion). Options to actually be allowed to choose your own name hair and eye color would be good too. I am also sure others pointed out that not being able to chose gender turns people away no matter how great the story is, but I do understand that due to the setting and love story this is hard to do. Still, I assume it could be done to slightly twist the story so that the main character is either straight male or lesbian female, to keep the Artemis story intact with minimal effort. Anyway, once again: over all a well made entertaining story, although the maze makes me drop my rating from 9 of 10 to 6 of 10
(seriously though, if you make a maze please have some descriptions of the different areas of it, or at least allow some choices like marking the locations somehow, maybe with paint or if nothing else the char's own blood. The only areas with a "bit" of info were the forks if we don't consider the locations where power could be felt. My own choice in the maze would be that a character with a magic stat of 16 or above should be enough to sense the layout of the maze either with reflecting waves like the bats navigate with, or recognizing the area though the "black zones" where the power gets absorbed and thus the territory of these "black holes" would help figuring out the borders/tunnel layout. And yes, I did have a stat of 16 at the time so it isn't impossible.)
Patience, love for the work, and quality of story can be seen in any case, so a third time: Well done.
on 3/16/2013 8:04:02 AM with a score of 1149
First of all, great game, really worth playing.
You where wrong about what parts makes quitting tempting though...
Choosing to give up love in order to save millions will always be wrong for me while the maze was a breeze.
Still a good plot twist even if it makes the story a bit too sad for me.
Considering doing the other end for the story despite having to do something that regardless of the consequences I now know is there still feels wrong.
Well, in the maze I found one point (room 153) where there is no exit in the opposite direction of the direction I left the previous room (room 152).
Not sure if that's intentional or not.
on 3/14/2013 4:22:13 PM with a score of 1126
A well written, engaging story. Maybe could be fleshed out a little bit more in certain parts (i would have liked more involvement in trial of getting out of Dungeon) & a few other scenarios had the potential for greater depth. The Maze was a complete nightmare, i gave up after 20 minutes. Overall though, very enjoyable.
on 3/14/2013 7:33:28 AM with a score of 5279
It was fun a lot Better than the other games here.
-- Antonio on 3/12/2013 8:57:22 PM with a score of 6069
this game was awesome!!!!! I cant wait to play another one of your games. Your a really good writer.you had all the right elements of writing.I AM SO GLAD i played that game.i regret nothing, even if the maze was hard, all it nedds is a few changes besides that, i dont see how you could have made it better.Thanks for making it. I recomend this amazing game to everybody!
on 3/12/2013 6:28:25 PM with a score of 6230
The maze can be handled as long as you keep notes. I found that drawing it was most straightforward.
However, there are errors in the maze text. Eg the text says there are north and west exits while the two links are north and east.
on 3/12/2013 6:22:20 PM with a score of 6101
The maze was really frustrating. I recorded which rooms I were in and which directions I took and still couldn't find the way to the center. Tried it again later and managed it the second time. There are some typos/mistakes in the description for the maze so that the directions of the exits are incorrect. For example, in room 153, the choice for east is spelled as west.
on 3/10/2013 9:06:33 PM with a score of 6105
I beat the maze! LoL! The game was definitely enjoyable and I enjoyed the setting, but it did feel rather cliche. Dialogue throughout the story seemed too similar throughout all of the characters. Thanks for your hard work!
on 3/10/2013 1:11:03 PM with a score of 794
Best game ever, really it should be a movie
on 3/10/2013 1:34:36 AM with a score of 5244
one word 2 syllables awesome
on 3/9/2013 11:38:44 PM with a score of 5656
Awesome. I just did this twice today. It was great, although I wish there were more than two endings 'of fulfillment'. Very entertaining, though
on 2/28/2013 1:03:51 AM with a score of 6094
I love it, though the maze was horrible. Just stick with it it will be worth it.
on 2/26/2013 7:37:26 AM with a score of 6125
It was really interesting. I got the best ending. This actually makes you work. I went through the maze by stumbling around.
on 2/21/2013 8:24:28 AM with a score of 5655
A lot happened, but in the end the endings were the same. What the heck was up with that? It's like nothing I did had any impact on how the world ended. Both Peacebringer and Vanquisher endings were technically the same. If the choices I made actually had more of an impact on the ending I would give it a higher rating. Overall it was somewhat enjoyable, save for the ending and the migraine-inducing maze.
on 2/21/2013 1:11:22 AM with a score of 5264
Got the "powerful guy" 9999 everything. The maze was pretty hard, though.
on 2/15/2013 12:50:39 AM with a score of 4995
Wonderful story but I'm a little hearbroken by my ending.....
on 2/13/2013 9:39:00 AM with a score of 1049
I don't want to end the game..
Honestly, I was tempted to use the "help" for the maze, but then as long as my "map" [consisting of the numbers and arrows] is accurate, I'm pretty sure I'll get. [True enough].
I got an epilogue, of him being a "peace bringer". Is this the one with a "stirring legend?"
on 2/11/2013 6:49:50 AM with a score of 6085
An interesting read, surely, the one place I shall not name here had me tearing my hair out for about an hour, but other than that, it´s solid writing, if a bit lacking. Adolescent fantasy basically, not bad, but I believe with a bit of work on it, the author can do better ;)
on 2/7/2013 10:15:38 AM with a score of 6090
Awesome! That was excellent. Took me about three days. But, it is very good!
on 2/5/2013 3:26:06 AM with a score of 5289
Awesome! That was excellent. Took me about three days. But, it is very good!
on 2/5/2013 3:26:06 AM with a score of 5289
i LOVED it. you get kind of a sad ending though,, when...
well, im not going to tell you!
favorite line:"my father told me to spank you!" LOL
on 2/3/2013 3:44:36 PM with a score of 5370
Awesome. Keep it up
on 1/31/2013 6:55:49 PM with a score of 6094
That was easily the most awesome choose your own adventure story that I've read so far. Between a wide variety of choices that affect your life, the first ever (that I've seen anyway) character builder/customizer in a choose your own adventure, and a plethora of imaginative and intensely descriptive scenes, this book really is extremely well done from beginning to end.
The plot is easily addictive and makes you think about what to do next, and really gives you the feel of being in the actual timeline and world that this took place in. I can't even complain about the maze (which I have to say, from how hard people said it was in the comments, really didn't disappoint) because much like older style video games like Ocarina of Time, it made you think like crazy about how to finish it, and gave the player feel intensely amazing when it was conquered.
All in all, I'd say that a story like this is definitely sets the bar for other stories of its kind.
To the author: I really hope you continue working on stories like this. You've definitely made a fan out of me.
on 1/27/2013 10:15:29 PM with a score of 6106
even though it said not to i beat it in one go and got two ending great game
on 1/26/2013 2:43:25 AM with a score of 5304
Alot of fun!
on 1/24/2013 8:23:13 AM with a score of 1104
I enjoyed this. It was well done and more complex then many books I have read. Ari was made out to be powerful at the beginning but still had to work to become the best. I truly loved this game. 8/8
on 1/23/2013 11:20:57 PM with a score of 6219
this was one of the best storygames I played. very nice, I finished it. this really gets an 8 from me.
on 1/20/2013 10:58:23 AM with a score of 5795
This is a spectacular game, with an engaging plot! This obviously took a lot of work! That being said, there were some issues. Namely the maze (which you apologized for and made it so you can skip it, so I won't get in to that) and Artemis. Artemis was a pretty flat character. Really, whenever anything bad happened to her, I just felt nothing. Ari, on the other hand, was a nice character. This was an overall great game.
on 1/11/2013 4:25:46 PM with a score of 4985
Wow! Finished this in one sitting, and yes, while riddled with cliche after cliche, I must admit... This is quite the awesome story. Loved every bit of it!
on 1/10/2013 5:15:51 AM with a score of 5805
on 1/6/2013 1:41:39 PM with a score of 5744
Heck. It was amazing.
on 1/6/2013 12:32:05 AM with a score of 6134
This was a great story with fun options and fun quizzes. I made it through the maze without much issue. Worth the time. You sould save and try different options too!
on 1/4/2013 12:56:40 PM with a score of 6070
Incredible, simply marvellous!! I have honestly never enjoyed a storygame as much as this... I know it's probably a long shot, but it would he insanely awesome of you of you made sequel, perhaps something focused on Anna... just an idea, no pressure ;)
on 1/1/2013 3:27:34 AM with a score of 4930
Wow...just amazing. 'Nuff said.
-- George on 12/31/2012 4:45:40 AM with a score of 5750
This storygame is definitely one of the best out there; the only downside (I don't really mind it) is the beginning - I was a bit more than confused - *SPOILER ALERT* - when I kept on asking Gavin questions but he never answered any of them in full. Also, the maze was a bit repetitive, but I actually managed to pass that by drawing a map...it was a good challenge though :) - *SPOILER END* - Overall, this storygame was one heck of an awesome adventure and I really enjoyed it. Thank you for the time and effort you took writing this :)
on 12/28/2012 3:34:44 AM with a score of 5953
Absolutely amazing. 'Nuff said.
-- Anonymous on 12/26/2012 11:34:16 PM with a score of 5938
Good job making this story. I enjoyed it.
on 12/26/2012 4:03:02 AM with a score of 5040
One of the best choose your story's i read in awhile.
on 12/24/2012 7:16:36 PM with a score of 5300
on 12/23/2012 5:29:07 PM with a score of 1124
I am so glad I played this storygame. It is definitely one of my favorite ones I have read on the site. In fact, if this became published I would pay for it. The whole story was exciting and well-written and there were many choices. I can defiantly recommend this story to anyone interested in adventure. In fact my only complaint was the maze; I ended up skipping and I lost points, but overall, brilliant!
on 12/20/2012 11:48:25 PM with a score of 5040
Fun for the entire famil--well, it's best to play this alone. Though, the maze part was the only thing I didn't like.
on 12/19/2012 5:47:37 PM with a score of 6133
This game is truly wonderfull. Played it in one sitting, without skipping the maze. >.<; Ah well. I liked it a lot, and while I was saddened at some points, I liked the climax very much... In any event, great game. Too bad about Gavin and Artemis, however. :(
on 12/15/2012 3:33:08 AM with a score of 5839
It was a couple hour long read and I enjoyed myself. The character were not really anything ground breaking or memorable, but the idea of how the magic in this world works was something fresh. The several endings were a nice addition and gives a reason to mess around and see what leads where. In conclusion its not the best, but by no means a bad story. Anyone interested in a adventure through an fantasy world with lots of magic should give this a try.
on 12/4/2012 8:17:52 AM with a score of 5259
great start but bugs detracted from the ending. also found that most of my choices had little meaning short of not dieing
on 12/3/2012 3:49:16 AM with a score of 6115
lol i figured out the maze before i needed the help but the page still came up lol.
i rather liked the horus being an asshole thing the gods always have been.
overall an amazing came my only rebuttal to it is it's cliche ending but other than that amazing
on 12/1/2012 7:28:27 AM with a score of 6239
I really enjoyed this story a lot! But... THE MAZE..... jeez.
on 11/28/2012 10:47:04 PM with a score of 6319
...and maybe even Oreos...
on 11/18/2012 4:42:40 PM with a score of 6125
It was really nice. For some reason the endings lead to the page to get out of the maze, but it only happens once, but was really confusing. The game was long and sort of linear, but a good play for anyone with time to complete it. Keeping notes is a good way to beat the tests on the first time and the maze wasn't that hard(I had a map). I had a great time playing this game and I hope tha other people enjoy it as well. Oh, the fact that Artemis is named Artemis and that you're named Ari was confusing in the first couple of pages. I thought someone was adressing her when they were speaking to me. Otherwise it was fine.
on 11/16/2012 11:30:43 AM with a score of 6034
I great game!
on 11/9/2012 9:29:02 PM with a score of 6116
on 11/5/2012 3:09:26 PM with a score of 6065
Can you please make a game about his daughter
on 11/3/2012 2:29:24 AM with a score of 6145
Beautifully done, the maze was long, but I'd expect no less. They're supposed to be hard. Great read, and great ending. I wish there were more of them, but I'm sure in time there will be. Thanks for the game.
on 10/29/2012 6:49:41 PM with a score of 6125
As many have mentioned, the maze was terrible. Aside from that the game had one of the best stories on this site. My main criticism is that there is a fairly obvious "best" path to follow in this game, unlike others where the ending is ambiguious. 9/10
on 10/27/2012 6:40:02 PM with a score of 5281
i thought it was great. ive personally searched for years, trying to find the perfect choose your own story. i think although necromancer by endmaster was better, this takes the cake over the other people on the home page.
fair travels and life my friend.
-- jake tooze on 10/25/2012 12:28:04 PM with a score of 26
I really enjoyed playing through the story but the maze segment really brought the pacing to a grinding halt of two hours of trial an error
on 10/18/2012 8:59:31 PM with a score of 5839
simply put amazing
on 10/13/2012 10:52:12 AM with a score of 5796
Fuck. That. Maze.
on 10/11/2012 7:36:22 PM with a score of 1133
I of course got the heartbroken ending. How the fuck did they know that I told her before I even told her? Were they literally standing right outside my door waiting for me?
on 10/11/2012 6:27:10 PM with a score of 40
amazing. bought a tear to my eyes. 10/10 good man. 10/10
on 10/10/2012 12:16:02 AM with a score of 5819
This was an adventure of a life time, you really did well,
Hope to see more of your work
-- lmw on 10/3/2012 7:56:55 PM with a score of 5290
Great game , u simply forgets all your pending chores
on 9/29/2012 6:16:51 PM with a score of 270
Awesome. Just amazing. You should write books, you would be an amazing author.
on 9/28/2012 6:08:24 PM with a score of 4844
The story was rather linar, a bit short on choices versus lenght perhaps. But it was certainly entertaining and I did very much enjoy it.
on 9/25/2012 4:35:28 AM with a score of 1129
A very epic story. I had to get help with the maze but other than that it was really good.
I also especially enjoyed the epilogue because in parts the story good very confusing and with the epilogue I understood it perfectly.
An amazing job which has inspired me to work on my own story for this site!
on 9/22/2012 11:52:03 PM with a score of 5809
Keep it up
-- a fan on 9/21/2012 9:58:35 AM with a score of 5959
Very good read. Kept me entertained throughout.
-- Vultax on 9/20/2012 10:08:22 AM with a score of 6149
on 9/17/2012 4:19:44 AM with a score of 6034
Great game. Love the descriptions of the fights.
Could someone pm me what the 'true' ending actually is. I couldn't seem to find it.
on 9/14/2012 4:59:30 PM with a score of 0
Loved it til the bittersweet end. (I chose Love btw)
on 9/13/2012 10:42:28 PM with a score of 315
This was one of the best stories I've ever read in my whole life!!! The maze could have bean better and had land marks to indicate your location.But other than that it's one of the best.
on 9/13/2012 10:12:14 PM with a score of 4931
very good game, writing is excellent.
on 9/10/2012 12:27:20 AM with a score of 5824
First one i've read and I really enjoyed it. Well worth a read. The 'tricky' bit in the middle took a while but I managed to do it in the end.
on 9/6/2012 4:34:01 AM with a score of 5806
I'm lame, lol... left the Order, bought a house, punched my wife and killed my best friend. I'll have to play this again sometime, the proper way. It's a great storygame, and I can tell that the author put a lot (read: a sh*tton) of effort into making it.
on 9/6/2012 12:50:35 AM with a score of 16
That was beyond awesome. I loved your use of subtle symbolism and simply the way you set everything up and explained it. If you make more like this, you may just reach Ipissimus.
on 9/2/2012 11:10:57 PM with a score of 6100
great game, I especially liked how near the end your power goes OVER 9000 :D
on 8/25/2012 10:10:17 AM with a score of 6104
The second best story I have read on this site. Necromancer completely blows this out of the water though. Yes I read the warnings and other descriptions, but I didn't think the maze was that bad. Just too vague to make any sense. I personially love a good maze or puzzle.
on 8/16/2012 3:40:28 PM with a score of -51
Excellent! It literally took me days to escape the maze, but I did it! One of the greatest stories ever woven. If you're planning on reading, know this: you are in for a treat! (And don't let frustration, or duty, get in your way.)
on 8/13/2012 6:32:50 PM with a score of 6040
Lovely story, not too many twists, challenging but kind of pointless sometimes. Time and Ether/Strength factor is quite lost after a while.
on 8/13/2012 12:20:48 PM with a score of 6239
Such a great game before artemis got stabbed then me
on 7/26/2012 9:49:34 PM with a score of 1079
i hope to see this story to continue and become a series
on 7/24/2012 1:01:59 AM with a score of 4993
Amazing. Simply amazing.
on 7/23/2012 11:47:06 PM with a score of 6064
Fantastic STORY!!!!!! A must play! Seriously.
on 7/19/2012 11:00:48 AM with a score of 5121
Great story! I just got the lovers' ending. I like how the Order is a fleshed-out organization with an interesting history. The story was interesting but I felt it was a bit rushed at parts; personally Ari's rapid progression through the ranks challenged my suspension of disbelief.
But overall, amazing story! Good luck with any other stories you are working on!
on 7/19/2012 5:51:29 AM with a score of 1119
awesome game, just that. the maze was annoying though.
on 7/18/2012 1:26:43 AM with a score of 5800
Excellent and well-written.
on 7/17/2012 2:57:35 AM with a score of 5656
The best choose your story game ever.
on 7/16/2012 6:04:52 AM with a score of 6054
awesome though i hate how i just died all of the sudden
-- zeke on 7/8/2012 6:57:49 PM with a score of -50
Yes,I beat the maze for the second time without the help from JJJ! Cool and lenghty story game with nice decisions that not always nessisarily mean death if you pick the not-as-good-of-a-choice-as-as-the-other-choice choice.
on 7/7/2012 11:23:22 PM with a score of 5824
An absolutely wonderful story. So good, that with its characters and settings and everything, this could honestly be like a real book or something. It really makes me wonder just how many choices and endings there actually are for this game...
on 6/30/2012 5:47:03 AM with a score of 6054
that was awesome took for ever but was really awesome.
on 6/30/2012 5:23:00 AM with a score of 5281
WOO! Awesome game! I was stuck on the maze for a while, but I took it as a personal challenge! If anyone is stuck, I have put up a 'map' in the forums for everyone to see! (Sorry to the author if that ruins things, I still think people should do it on their own)
on 6/28/2012 7:40:24 PM with a score of 5769
really fun,if you take your time-and lets face it,you have to press go back sometimes,after all that's why its there.
on 6/27/2012 10:41:55 PM with a score of 4905
Wow... Just wow. The story is amazing and I love how you did the character development. Also, nice reference to dragon ball
with the 9999 combat and 9999 ether. :¬)
on 6/25/2012 12:02:56 PM with a score of 5635
Amazing I saveed at some point
on 6/20/2012 10:03:41 PM with a score of 5250
AWSOME Had to go thru again though
on 6/20/2012 9:50:42 PM with a score of 250
Your Maze.... gnaaaah! :-)
Nice Story, i had a lot of fun though
on 6/20/2012 10:21:36 AM with a score of -42
You said not to finish it in one go. I took that as a challenge.
on 6/19/2012 2:46:06 AM with a score of 4975
WOW all I'm gonna say
-- D on 6/16/2012 9:56:11 PM with a score of 5965
Really really really really awesome! At the end I got 9999 combat skills and ether control! Make more like this!
on 6/15/2012 4:26:25 AM with a score of 4325
Great story, though the maze was tedious.
And seeing as I'm a sucker for happy endings, I was disappointed to see Artemis die.
on 6/14/2012 3:57:44 AM with a score of 6110
Good plot. good story. Just didn't like the maze stuff...
-- Karl on 6/5/2012 7:49:52 PM with a score of 229
absolutely wonderful. I think spent 10 hours on this thing!
on 5/27/2012 12:56:50 AM with a score of 4969
The maze was a nightmare at first, but i got the hang of what to do pretty fast. I kinda wish it was longer, too. At times, it kinda seemed like Ari was saying some really childish stuff for a guy who's had sex and is the master of the 'ether'. Other than that, it was fun.
on 5/23/2012 1:01:53 PM with a score of 5704
I love this story.
thanks for your hard work
on 5/15/2012 10:52:31 AM with a score of 5379
Great story, great interaction, perfect ending.
on 5/10/2012 7:53:06 PM with a score of 5740
the maze was not as hard as i thought :D
on 5/9/2012 7:07:38 AM with a score of 6113
Really good game.
-- XXXXXX on 5/8/2012 6:26:13 PM with a score of 5275
This is one of the most interesting things I've read. I started playing while at work and ended up leaving late because I was so deeply involved in the story. I hope to see more like this one in the near future.
-- Earnest on 4/26/2012 1:23:09 PM with a score of 30
A rich worl with an epic ending.
-- InRetro on 4/23/2012 11:46:06 AM with a score of 5599
A well done pice, I truly enjoyed it. (except for the maze, it can burn in hell) I especially like how you really DID need to take notes for the tests. I only wish that this was in a visual format instead of as a CYOA, because I think it would make an AWESOME game or movie.
-- MrMaradok on 4/9/2012 8:54:14 PM with a score of 5349
i loved it allthough the maze was slightly annoying :)
on 4/8/2012 6:52:11 PM with a score of 6240
-- harasauke on 4/7/2012 12:14:47 AM with a score of 5645
Great game, mazing sucked cos it was too hard but great on the whole
on 4/3/2012 9:08:52 AM with a score of 369
I liked this game alot. I wish though that there could be some way to bring Artemis and Gavin back because Gavin never had a fighting chance and you never got to tell Artemis you really do love her.
-- BioReck on 3/30/2012 11:36:58 PM with a score of 5040
EPIC... That is all...
on 3/30/2012 4:03:48 PM with a score of 5295
Fun fun...the maze too forever though :P
on 3/29/2012 9:01:14 PM with a score of 6284
this story was AMAZE-BALLS!!! LOVED IT AND RECOMMEND IT!
on 3/28/2012 1:00:11 PM with a score of 4974
This is a fun storygame, all things considered. While the entire thing felt rather linear (And ultimately was fairly linear) the story was good enough to keep me playing, despite your vile, underhanded cheap trick of using a maze (Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li!).
The story was interesting - joining the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn - I mean the 'Order of the Midnight Sun', amassing power, passing exams (Tekeli-li!), and taking on the ethereal equivalent of nazis.
I enjoyed it. And, it's certainly worth the time it takes to play.
on 3/28/2012 11:43:22 AM with a score of 4953
Epic. Epic. Epic. seriously man, epic. I wished all the books i read had choices and shit. The only part i didn't like was that fucking maze! I was warned beforehand in the disclaimer but damn that maze was a dick. Awesome experience thanks for writing it.
on 3/24/2012 9:58:42 PM with a score of 5279
i liked it great story
on 3/20/2012 6:21:29 PM with a score of 4934
I let all the CK live, cool story
on 3/13/2012 10:57:33 AM with a score of 5969
Just did the lovely warrior ending.. now im going to go back and do the second option and i better still get Artemis!
on 3/13/2012 10:36:01 AM with a score of 959
Hi, i enjoyed the game a great deal. love has to be e sacrificed at times for the greater good.
on 3/11/2012 9:24:11 PM with a score of 5345
Its okay but make sure you have an account I had to start over SOOO many time and I also think it'd be cool of Ari could join the crimson knights
on 3/3/2012 6:03:28 PM with a score of 4974
One word. EPIC!!!!!
-- Wafflesareawesome on 3/1/2012 8:06:54 PM with a score of 5775
just awsome absoultly awsome
on 2/16/2012 9:39:47 PM with a score of 235
Very nice! Had a good time :)
Even during the damned maze I had fun, lol. It was frustrating, but I conquered by making a map :o old dungeons and dragons style XD
on 2/14/2012 4:52:06 AM with a score of 6139
Hey Jordan, hopefully you get this (your e-mail link isn't working for some reason), you should just make an account here at CYS and we can message, it's more convenient for me than e-mail.
on 2/14/2012 1:10:51 AM with a score of 6285
Excellent story, I've always enjoyed your story games, starting with The Tower. You once emailed me a walkthrough of it, I seem to remember that your name is Jordan, too. :D. I look forward to more stories from you in the future. By the way, is peacemaker the true ending?
-- Jordan on 2/13/2012 1:18:32 AM with a score of 5963
on 2/6/2012 3:11:04 PM with a score of 5231
The story line was good one of the best I have read
on 2/6/2012 3:00:09 PM with a score of 210
The story was very enjoyable, but the amazing number of spelling errors really detract from it. I wish the author could have at least run it by a spell checker, at least, or that this site had some way for readers to suggest corrections to the text as we read the story.
-- Isabel on 1/29/2012 10:41:51 PM with a score of 6025
Great game. Save before maze and after maze.
on 1/26/2012 4:03:56 PM with a score of 5819
Amazing story and ending. Just one question though: It is remarked that he could have found back his love for Artimus and not to mention revive her as well, so powerful was his ether (at a level of 9999 ;)). Why didn't he?
on 1/24/2012 12:04:32 AM with a score of 5329
Simply amazing. i have no words to describe my time reading this fine piece. but i do have a suggestion, maybe edit it so us readers can have more time with Artimus, like maybe marry her and have a child? You captured the Power hungry side and the righteous side, why not add a love side? OH! or an evil side? This story was simply amazing, i would love to see it grow.
on 1/20/2012 4:18:48 AM with a score of 454
on 1/17/2012 8:03:08 PM with a score of 4988
I've played though a few times, but I don't think there's a way to save Artemis (I think) which was a bit saddening.
Awesome game :D
-- Kho on 1/15/2012 5:34:52 PM with a score of 5333
I started playing at 12 and i just kept playing. its not 3:30! haha, this game is excellent!
on 1/12/2012 3:23:14 PM with a score of 4884
My power level was over 9000!!!
on 1/12/2012 1:32:16 AM with a score of 6085
I really enjoyed it!
Though would have liked to have romantic choices. Stories length more them makes up for it
on 1/10/2012 9:51:26 AM with a score of 5253
Drop the maze. It's stupid and not fun.
-- fuku on 12/19/2011 2:52:23 PM with a score of 5935
Good enjoyable story, though I didn't end up with the official ending, so I guess I need to try again. The maze wasn't that horrible as I thought it would be, though I agree it wasn't necessary. Ow, and I ended up passing the first history test with a couple of lucky guesses, so I still have no idea what a cap-out is. It might have been nice to somehow still enter the library after the test or something. Overall, good job though!
on 12/17/2011 8:41:35 AM with a score of 1071
This was amazing! But is Artemis brought back to life? I'm guessing not but it was kind of vague.
on 12/15/2011 6:26:22 PM with a score of 5810
Excellent story. Great plot and everything. Characters were superbly done with masterful personalities. The only thing that I saw wrong was Grammar and Spelling. Also, the maze was too difficult, but I got through it eventually, hehe.
Anyways, this story got me hooked and I completed it within a day. Great effin' job man!
on 11/21/2011 10:56:36 PM with a score of 6020
It was really good. I Am IPSISSIMUS
on 10/23/2011 10:07:44 PM with a score of 4978
Awesome game. The maze was the hardest part. It took me about one hour to get through.
on 10/17/2011 10:39:57 AM with a score of 5831
Although losing the person you love is bad, doing it all for the greater good is better.
-- VIN on 10/15/2011 6:02:04 PM with a score of 4955
Although the game was somewhat linear, it told a great story. My favorite part was the maze.. I actually had to get a pen and notepad out to create a map as I went along to actually get to the end of the maze.
-- Slyder on 9/26/2011 6:22:05 PM with a score of 6120
I created an account to read this and I am so happy I did! Fantastic story...keep up the good work =)
on 9/26/2011 1:53:36 PM with a score of 6084
Awesome game. Brought me enlightenment :)
on 9/18/2011 9:23:38 PM with a score of 5819
Did Artemis live in any ending? Loved the story, I made an account just to save at points. It broke my heart when she died, Id attached to her.
on 9/16/2011 11:58:09 PM with a score of 4985
When I got to the maze, had nothing to say but "disgaemsak" but eventually it got intensely better. Infinite power? Me Gusta.
on 9/1/2011 12:49:56 AM with a score of 5254
So, I wasted so much time on this. Not that it was a waste of time, but I finished it at once, chose love over will, and accidentally clicked forward...good thing I saved at the maze. I had to start over from there, but better there than the beginning. But, anyway, it was a fun read...sure I wanted to get my grammar Nazi gun ready at the excessive (and inappropriate)apostrophes, but no big deal. Also, despite the fact that the sex scenes were a bit silly (as if a 14 year old boy could last 20 minutes...the average is about 5) it made me sad to see the romance not work. As for the maze?...I cheated. :) But hey, I don't think it was a bad idea...
on 8/28/2011 2:44:29 AM with a score of 5283
This was so worth doing. This is definitely one of my favorite storygames on the site thus far. My only complaint was the maze; I lost points there because I ended up skipping. To me it would have helped a lot if there were maybe landmarks to help. I did try mapping the cave, obviously I messed up on that. If you do another maze it would be awesome if you include descriptions of little things that might help. "North. You pass a pool of stagnant water" or just something like that. Just a suggestion. I know you said you regretted it on the disclaimer but I don't think a maze is a bad idea (I played Golden Oldies: Adventure & I appreciate a good maze), it can just be upgraded from a simple series of turns. Other than that I loved it. I played from a near end point to get different endings & they were all good.
on 8/18/2011 9:38:37 AM with a score of 5015
I don't usually like mostly story based games.. Buuut this game is a major exception! Loved it! (:
on 8/17/2011 12:31:03 PM with a score of 4884
Oh wow, what a great game. Beat the maze the hard way, after multiple sit downs with the game I found the best ending. No spoilers but it's great. The game was lots of fun!!! Could there be a sequel?
on 8/5/2011 10:38:36 PM with a score of 5746
The maze was a bit too hard for my liking! :L
on 8/3/2011 7:51:07 AM with a score of 5744
This game was amazing, I personally enjoyed this story and recommend it to everyone that is interested in these types of games.
on 7/31/2011 12:38:58 AM with a score of 5746
MOST AMAZING STORY OF ALL TIME!! If this story was made into an RPG video game, it would earn more money than Halo and COD COMBINED!!!!!!!!!!
on 7/18/2011 1:36:17 AM with a score of 4921
Loved it but hate the big decision played about 3-4 times now and so far have not found a better game even though some come close.
on 7/15/2011 2:30:41 AM with a score of 5279
Had a ton of fun. Was quite a useful distraction at work! Glad I took the easy way out of the maze! :)
on 7/12/2011 8:10:29 AM with a score of 4985
I got owned in the maze but I had 9999 strength and ether or whatever they were called... I can't remember. haha. 10/8
on 7/7/2011 12:28:23 PM with a score of 4959
Very good great length story is very intriguing and engaging
-- Uberbaked691 on 6/22/2011 12:24:51 AM with a score of 6054
Best game ever.
on 6/12/2011 11:34:42 PM with a score of -40
Amazing game. I just have one question why did Ari not revive Artemis like he asked if he could?
on 6/1/2011 10:05:46 PM with a score of 5265
The maze was not necessarily a bad idea, but if you're going to have one in a text adventure I would suggest taking pains to make sure its grid-able such that it can be mapped properly. I would also have enjoyed more opportunities to make use of Ari's abilities prior to apotheosis, perhaps even improve them with use. Either way this was a lot of fun.
-- Nigel Franklin on 5/30/2011 4:48:03 PM with a score of 4965
Excellent game, although it is the first I've played here. One comment would be that it is too short, like everyone says about good pieces of work.
I might be talking out of my ass here, but I do feel this way: some parts--like the abyss, the intro, the nw-clue fight scenes--they played flavourfully with articulate parlance, while some parts, maybe near the end and in the time where you keep advancing, seemed a bit dry and dull and sounded like, "X happened. Then X happened. Then X was green. Then they all died."
I mean, I can guess at just how much work and scripting goes into a game like this, and so some of the writing must inevitably be written at different artistic tides of the author... wait, it was completed in four days. :P I wish some more time was spent polishing it. And now all the impatients can kill me for suggesting release delays. XD
on 5/28/2011 10:10:00 AM with a score of 5986
Oh. My. God.
Your writing flowed so well in this, I never felt as though the story was being rushed. The mistakes in mechanics were minimal, and it's understandable if you don't want to go fix them, this story has so many damned pages. I love how the reader has to learn about the order and take the test to be an initiate. The other areas of promotion were also frickin sweet, I really enjoyed the abyss scenes. This story was captivating because I felt myself feeling bad for Ari, and laughing at a lot of the jokes (No, I communicated with jelly beans and sign language). I gave this an 8, it's an obvious 8 quality game. OMS is just another reason why 3J is my favorite author haha!
on 5/27/2011 4:54:29 PM with a score of 5269
Is there a way to save Artemis?
-- S.C on 5/23/2011 10:27:23 PM with a score of 5030
on 5/23/2011 11:04:14 AM with a score of 4586
So after playing through the game I'm going to have to say it was a lot of fun. I knew about the maze ahead of time so I don't consider it and issue. Growing with the character was probably the best part of this game for me. I think an opportunity was missed in the caves to introduce a few more reoccurring characters and deal with the whole assuming leadership angle and having the option to actually play through some of those instances of helping people while on your quest would have been cool, but I'd have to say that I can't actually think of anything I really didn't enjoy in the game. Overall an excellent game that I highly recommend
on 5/18/2011 6:14:43 PM with a score of 6119
If it weren't for the mage I'd play this until I got all the endings.
on 5/17/2011 3:38:32 PM with a score of 5275
Finally finished the game! It's one of the greatest story I've read and played. The facts also also well constituted. Hope Artemis did not die.
on 5/13/2011 5:05:10 PM with a score of 6159
It's an amazing story. Took several tries but I finished, even though the girl died :(
-- Amazed on 5/8/2011 3:09:42 PM with a score of 5305
This is GREAT!!
on 5/6/2011 1:17:14 AM with a score of 5305
Holy crap. Nuff said. The only thing I didn't like was that damn maze, but I read your reasoning behind it so I wasn't too mad. Thanks for a great story.
-- Headcrabed on 5/6/2011 12:15:30 AM with a score of 4999
Great game JJJ! I have a question though.
Around the end Ari notices something odd about Artemis. And in the epilogue...
Artemis bore a secret child it says, this means she had a kid without Ari knowing? Is this what he noticed? Also is this Ari's kid?
on 4/28/2011 3:17:07 PM with a score of 6029
Absolutely amazing, you clearly spent a lot of time on this and you are one of the reasons that this site is so great.
on 4/23/2011 11:19:36 PM with a score of 5005
That was amzing.
One thing i found annoying tho, if i had lvl 9 ether and i attempt to "search" the cave, it will say that i dont have the ability to tell who i killed but it does kill them all. Then i tried again, hoping to "master" my ether. At lvl 16 it says that i DONT have the ability to control my ether BUT it doesn't kill any of them nor does it tell me how many there are. Is this on purpose because it makes no sense to me.
Also i would love for YOU to write a story where i can control the actions of an entire empire. Something where i can be king and fight other nations. Just an idea of course
-- Michael on 4/23/2011 9:25:32 PM with a score of 5849
awesome dude just awesome
on 4/23/2011 7:17:07 PM with a score of 5019
I WON ALL BEST ENDINGS! wORLD'S BEST GAME!!!
-- Alavander on 4/22/2011 11:33:37 PM with a score of 1158
I enjoyed going through all of this. I took your advice on the maze, and it wasn't as mind-boggling as if I would have tried it without the tip. Thanks a lot. I just wish you would have built a stronger connection with the characters.
on 4/21/2011 10:05:55 PM with a score of 6136
The maze is terribly complicated so I'll keep this simple: go back to the link from an earlier clue and find my most played artist. Go to their website and post a description of what you see in IN A MESSAGE TO ME, NOT ON THE THREAD.
on 4/20/2011 1:17:02 AM with a score of 6285
on 4/18/2011 7:37:19 PM with a score of 5801
An absolutely amazing piece of storytelling. The only problem (and it isn't one at all really, in my eyes) is that it is very linear, and cliché, but clichés become such because they are such good ideas. There is easily, however, enough unique ideas in the story that make any negatives infinitely small compared to the elegance of the story. I could see this actually being publishable, and would pay for this, knowing how good it is.
-- Devex3 on 4/16/2011 5:50:52 PM with a score of 6075
This was utterly amazing. I could not stop and had to continue until I finished it.
on 4/11/2011 5:54:46 PM with a score of 5833
Epic and a lot of fun.
on 4/10/2011 2:56:33 AM with a score of 16
This story is wickedly cool... EVERYONE SHOULD TRY IT!
on 4/2/2011 11:48:41 PM with a score of 4994
This was a great story/game. It was well written and the story was one of the best I have read so far. I enjoyed it the whole time, except for the maze :P at the very least this is worth a 10/8!
on 3/24/2011 2:54:48 PM with a score of 5809
Awsome :d cept 4 the maze ...
-- Jon on 3/16/2011 3:25:53 PM with a score of 5294
Wow, simply awsome. I have read many of the tales on this sight, at least one a day, and this is by far my favourite. I had antisipated it to be far longer, but the length was still very good. one day i might even read it all again. Thank you for writing this.
on 3/7/2011 10:44:35 PM with a score of 6109
Man, you sure know how to make an awesome story.
on 3/6/2011 5:37:36 PM with a score of 5284
The maze was boring and time consuming, didn't it say that he could revive Artemis but didnt ?
-- Rose on 2/27/2011 7:40:06 PM with a score of 6086
I loved this storygame. It was very immersive, and in depth. The only part I wasn't terribly fond of was the maze, but you at least gave hints and helpful ways out of it. So all was good. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
on 2/6/2011 5:13:37 AM with a score of 1029
I sincerely loved the game. Two things pretty much ruined the game for me though. One, the maze. I spent 2 hours searching that damnable thing and still couldn't find the entrance. It was like walking through it while high because of the lack of dimension. Two, the fact that there is only one 'true' ending. Isn't love supposed to conquer all?
on 1/29/2011 7:59:50 AM with a score of 5014
Can't say I enjoyed the maze very much but otherwise good game.
on 1/22/2011 1:17:48 AM with a score of 6108
all i can say is....AMAZING! great work 3J! :)
on 1/12/2011 11:44:30 AM with a score of 5301
This was an awesome game, I really think it's my favourite so far. I played it all in one go, too. Great work, JJJ.
By random chance, I even got through the maze, though I was about five minutes away from quitting before I did. Perhaps a logic puzzle would have been better? Or giving the reader the ability to make a map by giving distances?
on 11/19/2010 1:55:15 PM with a score of 5725
This game deserves an 8/8! It is officially one of my most favourite stories/games ever!
on 11/16/2010 11:15:55 PM with a score of 5776
the maze was the hardest part
on 11/8/2010 8:28:27 PM with a score of 5893
Unfulfilled ending. Both of those were extremely depressing! I got to the maze and thought, you know what? Screw it. Still awesome. 8/8
on 9/10/2010 6:50:51 PM with a score of -40
THAT. WAS. AMAZING. BEST. STORY. ON. THIS. SITE.
Not my favorite, but the best. Go 3J. Keep it up. I'm still speechless.
on 8/13/2010 7:41:59 PM with a score of 4975
Incredible story, by far one of the best I've read on the site so far. Having gotten the epilogue I assume I've found the "true ending". Some of the names were a bit hard on the tongue, but thats a small complaint.
on 7/9/2010 12:42:09 AM with a score of 6247
I found the story extremely well written, from the start to the end. Loved the character of Tom Wan found him unique and interesting. Great twist nearing the end, my only major complaint is the maze, I really didn't like it at all.
on 6/17/2010 1:40:53 PM with a score of 5131
I like it
on 6/15/2010 1:22:49 PM with a score of 0
Even more fun the second time!
on 5/16/2010 1:01:50 PM with a score of 795
Excellent, as always.
on 5/15/2010 7:34:01 PM with a score of 5791
how to get the true ending, can someone pm me thanks? Ive played several hours still cant get it..
on 4/17/2010 6:27:19 AM with a score of 6104
how many endings are there altogether? So far ive got 3.
on 4/17/2010 4:54:39 AM with a score of 5794
This was amazing! I had to take the easy way out of the maze after a while stumbling about in it, but other than that I enjoyed every minute.
-- Sarah on 3/30/2010 8:25:31 PM with a score of 4989
that. was. AMAZING!
i had an excellent time and finished it in one sitting. can't wait to go back and try again!
btw, that maze was good. i was in there for a good 15 minutes or so.
GREAT JOB! :D
on 3/20/2010 12:38:39 AM with a score of 6080
I had a bug in the maze; I only got the option to skip it AFTER I had completed it. When I clicked on "A visitor" option, that screen came up offering to skip the maze. I said no, and then clicked on "A visitor" again, and it was fine after that.
Absolutely fantastic game! Peace-bringer. I like the ring to it.
on 3/18/2010 11:42:18 PM with a score of 5838
on 2/26/2010 12:27:13 AM with a score of 5796
It was well written, however the maze took alot of the fun out of it.
on 2/25/2010 8:41:54 AM with a score of 4986
Amazing. I was sad tos ee her die, though. :(
on 1/4/2010 9:01:10 AM with a score of 6069
It was good, but not my cup of tea. The endings weren't worth spending as much time as it took me to get through that fucking maze. I just expected something more. Oh well, you still get a 6 just because it kept my interest (which is no small feat).
on 12/25/2009 1:13:33 AM with a score of 1084
Gotta say, I'm not hugely fond of the maze--I played it through to completion without the cheat once before I got an account, but this time I was feeling lazy and so took the out you provided--and I'm glad you provided it.
But even with that--great work. There need to be more stories like this on the site.
on 12/23/2009 12:29:18 PM with a score of -154
Absolutely incredible. This story was unbelievably intense and exciting - I wholeheartedly recommend this story to anyone interested in fantasy and adventure.
The story is written in such a way that the reader actually has to work for the advancement of the protagonist. The characters are interesting and dynamic. There are elements of romance and action. Flawlessly executed.
-- Zend Denmer on 12/6/2009 5:54:23 PM with a score of 4935
Well that was a bastion of longness. Very good work 3J nonetheless. Everyone should play this at least once for some good times.
on 11/13/2009 12:55:45 PM with a score of 1090
fuking awesome great story hope u make another story like this
on 9/13/2009 2:35:33 AM with a score of 6069
Wonderful work. I really enjoyed it and would say it's your best yet. The maze was pretty frustrating, and I don't like the testing - I know you use them in your stories, probably to weed out people who breeze through without reading - but these two things didn't affect my enjoyment. The passing of time was smooth and felt epic and the battle scenes were exciting and well-written. Spectacular work, triple J. 8/8.
on 8/31/2009 2:53:28 PM with a score of 5770
I absolutely, without a doubt, loved every minute of this story/game. Even though there were a few typos, nothing comes close to this on the site as of yet, so I give it an 8/8.
on 8/18/2009 11:24:43 PM with a score of 5006
Great Story! Took me forever in that maze! 8/8
on 8/11/2009 12:32:38 PM with a score of 5786
Yeah, I can't really put it into words. Very well done JJJ.
on 8/11/2009 4:47:47 AM with a score of 5281
Great, that's all I can say. Got the Lovely Warrior ending, I'm going to go back and choose the other one to see what I can do before commenting fully. Great, though, JJJ, seriously, best work you've done yet.
on 8/11/2009 4:18:52 AM with a score of 281
Can't claim to be an impartial judge, but this story kicked ass!!!!!!!!!!
on 8/4/2009 9:36:16 PM with a score of 6029
Yay I finally finished it! About midway through the story I was going to rate it a 7 because of the numerous bugs and typos and thought it wouldn't be fair to the stories that I have rated an 8 to that were thoroughly proofread, but then I got to the ending and how well it was composed and scripted and I decided to nudge it up to an 8. Excellent work.
Has replay value too.
on 8/4/2009 2:32:03 AM with a score of 6070
Oh and the epilogues were well done too!
on 8/4/2009 12:02:50 AM with a score of 5000
Excellent story. Deserves an 8. I'm definitely playing it again to get some of the other endings.
The passage of time was done well too.
on 8/3/2009 11:53:00 PM with a score of 0
I"m... Speechless. I don't think there is any possible way to make this story better in any way. The fact that this was written in as short as four days is astounding. If every story on CYS had this much skill when writing and could be written in this short amount of time.
8/8, without question.
on 8/3/2009 5:09:38 PM with a score of 6109
Hehe, hippy drugs.
Good work, man, and welcome back.
I especially like the crossroads: love or power.
on 8/3/2009 5:14:35 AM with a score of -14
I don't know how long it's been since your last epic, but goddamn, you did NOT dissapoint with this one. If not the best game on the site, it is by far the most epic. The pacing of his aging through the years was perfect, the balancing of all the different side-stories was perfect, the plot twists along the way were clever, overall just an amazing story. VERY well done. i honestly can't think of a single problem i had with it. 8/8 Great job.
on 8/3/2009 2:28:36 AM with a score of 6130
OMGASM Final Deity Ending is even better!
on 8/3/2009 1:12:21 AM with a score of 4959
I doubt this is the highest score possible, but it's up there. I hope you guys LOVE this story, I loved making it.
on 8/2/2009 5:51:45 AM with a score of 6288