Howdy, @Mizal. A few of us got together and wrote a Mizal CYS fanfic for you! Sent, Sab, Cricket, Derp, Darkspawn, and myself have all compiled this.
If you can guess who wrote which parts...uhh, bonus points for you I guess!
Here:
At the highest point in the spiralling tower of Ysildor, the arched windows of the royal chamber glowed out into the night. On a velvet chair, in a purple-painted room, the famously deadly Elf Queen sat illuminated by her runes. Even her familiar- A dragon, no less- cowered in fear as she toyed with the most powerful magic of all: The Stock Market.
"I will become the Lord of the Stonks." She says, feverishly manipulating the magics of The Stock Market.
Just then, a loud slam signals someone entering the royal chambers. She loses her focus, and the sweet, sweet stonks come crashing down in a pile. The magic disperses. She glares angrily at who dares walk her halls at this time. But seeing the shadow entering, dark robes billowing, and the moans of tormented souls. She knows this to be the dark lord.
"Oh, hi End!" She says, trying to clean up the stonk pile. People never interrupt when things are clean!
"I have terrible news lol." End Master says.
The Elf Queen narrows her eyes slightly, detecting the usual note of sarcasm in the Dark Lord’s voice.
“What’s happened?” The billowing shadow drifts closer, the agonizing hisses of the damned whisper out from beneath his robes. A bony hand lifts, summoning the dark magic he commands to reveal a portal into another realm. The hellish landscape within reveals wailing beings as they cry out for social justice and pyres are built to burn creative works that break their overbearing laws.
“My scrying has uncovered a plot to spy upon the Kingdom. They think they can convert us if they can infiltrate our ranks.”
The Queen leans back in her throne and lets out a chuckle, “That sounds amusing.”
"Does anyone know the way to their headquarters?" the Elf Queen asked.
"Some of us have already been there," chirped something that was definitely not Dark Lord.
"Why the fuck is there a cricket in my bedroom?"
"I found the key," chirped the cricket, from a different direction this time.
The Dark Lord, who had made himself comfortable on the Elf Queen's chair at this point, brought attention back where it belonged.
"The Dog-man, Malk, and some other people are already in there now."
"I went to the village too, but then I saw that one of the most important shrines to both the Goddesses of Fortune and Governmental Regulation was nearby, so I had to make a pilgrimage."
Since she was still unable to pinpoint the cricket's location, the Elf Queen glared at a space in the wall, "And then you had time to hang out in my private chambers?"
"I didn't bring any friends this time."
"Considering the Dark Lord is the reason you aren't in the hell-pit for trespassing right now, maybe you should devote more of your religious fervor to him."
"I'm working on it."
"I still have her sister, out fighting for my cause," the Dark Lord said. "Anyway, last I heard anything, the Dog-man was in their pantry destroying their cabbages, lol."
The Elf Queen and her familiar simultaneously facepalmed. "Masters of espionage."
Then, some loud noises from outside her tower window were heard, and a potato was seen flying through the air.
The potato lands on the ground with a damp thud followed by the groaning of the stone windowsill as large avian feet clamp onto it.
A thunderous cluck fills the air as a woman descends down to the floor and marches quickly toward the throne. The potato on the floor catches her attention briefly and she kicks it backward with a grimace and takes a knee before the esteemed ones.
“My Queen and Dark Lord, I have just finished training the last group of imbeciles you so kindly bestowed on me. That brings our shock troops up to an acceptable number.” She stands up once more and gestures back to the window. “My latest clutch of death chickens have also matured and are currently being broken for handlers. A few days and they should be suitable for your chosen riders.”
The Queen nods and gestures for the woman to continue.
“The troops are most likely going to be a one shot deal. This group has been especially retarded and I threw a few nosey neighbors in the mix. But they should charge effectively in the right direction and eat anyone in their way. I’ve got them all muzzled currently to avoid any wasteful cannibalism.” She stops speaking and smiles slyly as she glances back to the Queen and Dark Lord.
“Or… we could smuggle small groups through the sewer systems and unleash them inside enemy territory in strategic areas. It would allow for more chaos and carnage. It would also be less easy to trace. We would just need to make sure our spies aren’t in the wrong place at the wrong time.” She grins at the esteemed ones gleefully.
“Oh, and my Queen I nearly forgot.” She moves closer to the Queen to whisper, “That dragon you were asking me about? The one with the genes you wanted? I have located it after some time. I have already dispatched agents with the necessary sums to procure it for you-“
The sound of the door creaking open catches everyones attention as they stop to see who else has arrived.
As if this room wasn't already crowded enough, the door was then flung open by a familiar birdman, numerous scorched and petrified bones, hanging from strings on his clothes and armor. His feathers were painted with oak leaf patterns and his body was covered by a ragged cloak. In one hand he held a bronze bowl full of steaming black liquid, and in the other, his poleaxe, oily with gore.
"My liege! It was a glorious campaign! Exactly as foretold in the scapulas!"
"STOP! DON'T come in this room!" The Elf Queen blurted out just in the nick of time, saving her plush byssus carpet from the warlock's filthy boots, "What do you have to say? I told you guys it wasn't a campaign, you were supposed to SPY on them!"
"And spy we did! The Canid One has found the source of all their cabbages and destroyed them!" He said, "Every man, woman, and child! And I have cursed their seed, so that all future cabbages shall be born putrid and malformed- They shall live in torment from these undead greens, and be forced to eat their corned beef with nothing. Their discharge will become as watery gravel, and there will be suffering in their kingdom forevermore!"
"I wish you didn't practice magic like this... It's so unsanitary."
"14 years in the Library of Forbidden Knowledge is finally paying off, and this is my congratulation," The birdman shook his head dejectedly, "But that's not what I came to tell you! Come, look into this bowl of lifeblood- What does the reflection show you?"
A common soldier bustles into the room not speaking a word. Taking the mail from the out box and leaving letters in the in box. He empties the waste basket on his way out and wipes the gore from the bird man's bloody pole axe, before continuing down the hall muttering about "basic weapon maintenance" and "Carbon buildup on firing pins."
The Elf Queen wrinkles her nose, and gazes upon yet another intruder as he leaves.
The Elf Queen brings a hand to rub at her forehead. Too much is happening in such short notice. Pushing aside the bowl that had been presented for the moment, she comes to the realization that someone must deal with minor annoyances so she can focus on the bigger issues. After a quick glance into her dark lexicon, she brings her hands up and begins tracing the complicated patterns of the summoning spell.
“Awaken from the eternal siesta creature, and help me put my affairs in order!”
As if on queue, the portal opens way for a malformed, disgusting creature of darkness that writhes and moans as soon as exposed to the light of this world. A flash of worry crosses the Queen’s face. This isn’t exactly what the spell promised to summon. Still, there are no creatures, dead or alive, from this plane or the next that don’t bow to her eventually. This one will be no different.
“Listen to me, creature! Obey me and I will allow you to return to your disgusting plane of existence. Defy me, and I will scatter the very fabric of your being so far apart it will take centuries to account for even half of you!”
Everyone looks on expectantly. The shambling horror turns to face her and looks as if in thought. The darkness enveloping it seems to part to reveal a gaping maw which opens to utter a single word.
“Nah.”
At these apparent words of challenge, everyone tenses up in preparation for a possible confrontation. Everyone except for the Elven woman who had summoned this monstrosity to begin with.
“Nah?” the Queen repeated with rage in her visage. “What do you mean, ‘nah’?”
Instead of using words, the writhing abomination answers by floating down to the floor in a cascade of darkness and disgusting appendages, promptly curling up and apparently falling asleep. The disturbing noises that approximate snoring soon follow. Those present look on in confusion.
“A lazy extra-planar monster?” the Queen seems to ask herself in disbelief. “Begone, you worthless maggot!”
Her hands come up to cast a ray of negative energy at the slumbering being. The creature barely seems to notice, acting more annoyed at the interruption of its nap than at any pain or discomfort the attack brings. Still, it seems to allow it to do its job, letting go of this plane to permit the Queen to cast it back to its home.
A few moments later, the creature, now apparently asleep again, is swallowed up by an emerging portal which gives a quick glimpse at the place it came from. Much of it is indescribable, but a strange symbol, a letter “N” with a mysterious squiggly line above it is visible on various places. A second later, the creature is gone and the Queen brings both hands to her face. That was both taxing and completely useless.
The birdman waddles over to the Elf Queen, gently putting the bowl up to her face again. With an exasperated sigh, she peers into the bowl. The blood ripples, and eventually the sees the image of a man with a helmet and gas mask. Familiar goggles looking back at her.
"Hi Mizal."
"Hi Tim." And the reflection fades.
There is an awkward pause as the birdman shakes the bowl.
"Come on, I said Forbidden Knowledge." The bowl finally cooperates, and shows the image of a short, pale, hairy creature. It seems to be scratching its ass and running about the periphery of a large field.
The birdman shakes in anger. "CONFOUND HIM!"
He shakes the bowl again, this time dropping it, as the gore and blood spill all over the new carpet.
The Elf Queen is about to erupt in anger, when the door slams open yet again. This time, a retarded dog man thing, a capybara in fine silks and a fancy sword at his hip, and a potato slowly rolls into the room.
She just wanted some peace and quiet while she cleans her throne room! Her familiar hides yet again, the Elf Queen shaking in anger.
"Thickly hips." Someone chirps devilishly, and the entire room goes on at length about this.
The Elf Queens eye twitches as she throws her hands to her ears and sprints down the hall, but they all follow her. Going on at length about hips, noobs, the gays, and other retarded things.
She bursts through a large set of doors, slamming them shut behind her, only to see a woman in an insanely cool and colorful hat. A man with round glasses firmly shaking his finger at everyone on the other side of the door correcting their grammar, and what could only be Ford seeping through the walls.
"It's ya boi, Ford." He says, finally slipping through the cracks and beginning to take a human shape. "Totes magotes bitch lasagna 420 pussy pussy ass."
On the table near them is a birthday cake, which The Elf finally sees as everyone else finally manage to get the door open. It seems trying the handle should have been the first thing they did.
"Surprise!" The Mad Hatter says, "Happy Birthday!"
"Aw, you guys remembered my birthday?"
"Of course!" The Professor says.
There is an awkward pause from the crowd behind her.
"Uhh, yep." Comes a bork.
"Totally."
"Sure, yeah...certainly." A chirp.
"It uhh...would have been haram to forget."
The Elf Queen temporarily forgets her anger as she is flooded by birthday wishes.
"Now who wants some cake?" The Mad Hatter says.
The Elf Queen is instantly lost in a flood of sweaty, dirty, people as they all flood over to the cake.
