Your Honour, my name is Mystic Warrior and I am appearing on behalf of the defendant, Mr Sentinel Penguin. By the end of my speech today, I would establish that Mr Sentinel is innocent of the crimes wrongfully attested to his name.
Points received from unnamed benefactors
Firstly, I shall establish the law on this matter. The Theft Act 1968 is the only statute which criminalizes handling stolen goods. However, in order to criminalize this, the following legal threshold in section 22 has to be met:
“A person handles stolen goods if (otherwise than in the course of the stealing) knowing or believing them to be stolen goods he dishonestly receives the goods, or dishonestly undertakes or assists in their retention, removal, disposal or realisation by or for the benefit of another person, or if he arranges to do so.”
As Mr Sentinel has previously stated, he neither knew nor believed the points transferred to his account were stolen and/or illegal. Thus, he could not have acted dishonestly. Simply put, the mens rea, the intention for this crime, is not met.
I shall now adduce further evidence for this. It wasn’t just my client, Mr Sentinel, who received points on December 19th, 2025. In fact, Sherbet received a hundred points with the note ‘The Champ Is Still Here! (In our hearts, that is)’. Yet, in a display of what I can only describe as blatant favouritism, he has been awarded additional points from this trial.
Furthermore, it is a longstanding practice in CYStia that Mods would graciously give points to individuals who participate in society, according to their own whims and the kindness of their hearts. What exactly is the crime that has been committed today? Being found favourable in the eyes of a benefactor? Acting in a kingly manner and thus being bestowed a crown? If the mere act of receiving points from an unnamed benefactor is a crime, the entire wealth cystem of CYStia would crumble!
In fact, if the Court were to change the laws and criminalize receiving point bonuses, it cannot be done retrospectively, as this would lend itself to absurdity. After all, this would not only mean erasing thousands of points from prominent figures like Thara, but also is inconsistent with the current remedy being granted: namely, redistributing the stolen points to cystizens seemingly at random. No merit-based procedure appears to be implemented, which appears to be the basis of the claim against Mr Sentinel and the reason for the comparisons to members Ogre and Will.
Rigging points per featured games
This claim against my client is entirely unfounded. The only instance where points were awarded for a featured game was on January 23rd, 2025. Yet, this was followed by a rectification where the 200 points awarded were taken away, with the message, ‘Wait it gave you the points on its own? Never mind then’.
Therefore, according to R v Galbraith, due to the lack of evidential basis to substantiate it, on the second limb of the accusation I must direct the honorable Judge to find that there is no case to answer.
Robbing graves
It is a common law doctrine under section 58 of the CYStia Moderators Law that graverobbing is a lawful and permitted activity. This has been practiced widely, too, from awarding the points off Naz’s dead husk to her murderer SpecialOlympic, to MHD’s (the prosecutor!) suspiciously titled points:
- December 28, 2025: ‘I did not take these from a dead body, Merry Christmas!’
- January 5, 2025: ‘Toaster Fucker corpse leftovers’
If anything, it appears the law against graverobbing was made up to incriminate my client! Prima facie, this appears to be a serious and unfounded allegation, but I assure you it is not. Despite our prosecutor’s seemingly pristine reputation, she hides a dark secret.
Your Honour, I would like to direct your attention to MHD’s actions on 21 September, 2023. Following the IRA tax deduction, she hacked into the system and reclaimed these points with this note:
‘Power abuse however, is perfectly within the realm of legality.’
So much for accusing my client of untaxed points! Now, were this indeed perfectly legal as the prosecutor claims, my client should be acquitted of all charges; were this illegal, however, they would both be forced to share a prison cell located east of the Pit of Shame. (And unfortunately, MHD, I don’t think the prison room has enough storage space for hats and art supplies).
I rest my case.
