Player Comments on De Milite Inprudenti

Not badly written, but a lot of the choices seem redundant.

For starters, if this guy Vernon knows the dragon's weakness, why hasn't HE taken down the dragon yet? And how does he know? The Maze was frustrating, since there's no real rhyme or reason to it. Some storygames have a goal (such as reaching the center) and the choices you make in terms of which direction to go actually make sense.

As mentioned elsewhere, how is the player supposed to know what direction to go in, or why is it I can hit dodge 20 times cause that's the option that doesn't end in death, and still not get anywhere.

As seen on my page, I do love riddles, but the thing about riddles is, they're supposed to make you think. Does a tree make a sound if nobody hears it is not a riddle, it is basic logic.

While these have so far been critiques, it was a fun game to play at times, and the artwork on the pages was a nice way to get the player's attention. Some more work on a comprehensive path, rather than a bunch of random decisions that may or may not kill you, would vastly improve this promising game

Overall, the game's length is fine for what it is and I think making it longer would've hurt the game. It's clear that Knarr'ator is narrating the game and doesn't want the player to succeed.

I found the maze to be a clever little addition. You'd be lucky to get through it by randomly clicking directions and without a way to see what choices take you where, that's what you'd have to do. I mapped the maze out and it seems like you intended there to be two routes? One route goes through all of the choice clusters and the other skips a cluster until the second to last cluster. I don't know if the pattern it had followed until that point is intentional or not, but it feels like it is.

Personally, the options that loop back to previous clusters could be better balanced. The second cluster gets looped back to by four options, not including the options that loop back to themselves, while two others get looped to once and another is looped to twice.

Not quite enlightening, but definitely better than a Reese's Cup.

The first thing I want to point out about the storygame is the use of the dragon as the narrator. That was such a unique concept, and it really helps he storygame seem much more interesting. It was a very fun read, and is most definitely the best dragon-based game on the site.

The writing itself was very good, but sometimes it did feel a little weak at some points. I think there is a mistake as well, where you go through the hall of skulls and it takes you to the page after passing the lava pit. The whole storygame is basically climax, so it's very action-packed, but it just lacks everything else that makes a good storygame. It doesn't feel complete.

It was a little short as well, and it didn't hold up to its true potential. There was only a few characters with hardly and development, and each choice is basically a guess, rather than a calculated decision. I have high hopes for that other dragon game that I see you're working on. You did a good job with the use of the advanced editor.

There was no spelling or grammar mistakes that I noticed, and the only other stake was the one I had mentioned earlier about the hall of skulls and the lava pit. An enjoyable read. 5/8

Not badly written, but a lot of the choices seem redundant.

For starters, if this guy Vernon knows the dragon's weakness, why hasn't HE taken down the dragon yet? And how does he know? The Maze was frustrating, since there's no real rhyme or reason to it. Some storygames have a goal (such as reaching the center) and the choices you make in terms of which direction to go actually make sense.

As mentioned elsewhere, how is the player supposed to know what direction to go in, or why is it I can hit dodge 20 times cause that's the option that doesn't end in death, and still not get anywhere.

As seen on my page, I do love riddles, but the thing about riddles is, they're supposed to make you think. Does a tree make a sound if nobody hears it is not a riddle, it is basic logic.

While these have so far been critiques, it was a fun game to play at times, and the artwork on the pages was a nice way to get the player's attention. Some more work on a comprehensive path, rather than a bunch of random decisions that may or may not kill you, would vastly improve this promising game.

Very funny concept that makes good use of 1st person perspective. Prose was consistent all the way through and I liked how the perspective was entirely from the antagonist!

Main gripe is that its so short...its good for what it is though...but my gosh I would have loved to see this idea fleshed out more! Sometimes a simple well executed idea is all you need! A lot of the choices were not only fairly funny but actually made sense...like in the hall of skulls I got out of that first try just by thinking through properly what the best options were.

Idk if the maze has a solution but...I wouldn't be surprised if it didn't...

Good story game! May change my rating from a 5 to 6 if I feel like it later! :D

That's a funny one. I'm from the land of Sci-fi, and we don't see many dragons up there. So this was refreshing.
I'm just glad there was a back button or I wouldn't have made it.

Very intriguing story! I danced quite a bit with this story in middle school, but I thought that I would come back to it. Certainly fun and had me in laughs at times.

Holy shit, Brad actually wrote a storygame? And it's short enough that I just had to read it as soon as I saw it.

Well, it's short and sweet, filled with humor. The big baddie being the narrator is also quite interesting, and enjoyable. He's got a lot of personality, and I really enjoyed that part of the game.

The part that I DIDN'T enjoy was... the choices? Some of them seem totally random, like how the fuck am I supposed to know whether going left or right will let me survive the climb?

That's one example. Another was the stupid fucking maze that I got so lost in I eventually just went back to the beginning with the back button and went for the riddles instead.

I probably would have tanked the score hard for those things, but the actual writing was very enjoyable. You didn't fail to not disappoint, Brad!

Fun and amusing. Enjoyed the humor and thought that the story was very complete even with its short length.

It was preety fun. Really enjoyed it. The story could've used a bit more descriptive ending. Also, SPOILER ALERT, is there any way to beat the maze of twisty little passages. Another thing is that the rock climbing part felt pretty random.

This was a fun little story. The idea of the narrator being the dragon you're supposed to fight is a unique idea. As short as this story is, it is still very cleverly done - sometime I'd wish there was more detail, but then again information being spared makes sense under the context of the story being told to you by the antagonist. I like the appearance of this game as well with the background color and the different fonts.

I will say that for a storygame that feels very action-packed and climactic throughout the story, the ending feels anything but. If I choose to harass the Knarr'ator with his greatest weakness, double negatives, the dragon will simply up and leave, ending the story abruptly. Again, I understand this aspect given the context, but it still feels a little dissatisfying regardless.

I still enjoyed this game for its cleverness and humor despite its length. 5/8.

I was very close to giving this a score of 8/8. It's short, sweet, and really very amusing.

My only concern was that I wasn't sure if I had reached a real ending or not, as the end page seemed a little abrupt.

Overall, I had a real fun time with this!

WARNING: Spoilers Ahead

I really like the writing style. I agree with other commentators that having the antagonist as the narrator is rather unique. I enjoyed the play on words with the dragon’s name (Knarr’ator), and the quips he made at the player character often had me chuckling. (For example: his over-exaggeration of the difficulty of the riddle was funny, given that any answer was deemed ‘correct’). I also loved how there were several fourth wall elements throughout the story. The dragon’s extreme annoyance at the use of double negatives in literature was clever.

I liked how you changed the background colour, and the fonts you used for both the titles and the main text. I did find a few minor typos. For example, on the page where you encountered a second dragon, you wrote: “You look up to see that standing before you is none other than wyvern.” Since wyvern is a type of dragon (and not the character’s name), it should read as “a wyvern”. Also, after this character told you the Knarr’ator’s weakness, the antagonist says “…What. Okay, c’mon now; don’t listen to him.” There should have been a question mark after ‘what’.
Overall, I enjoyed the story. I do agree with other readers that it might have been better if it were longer, though I’m not sure that would really fit with the premise of the game. I also would have liked to see a few more endings. It would’ve been interesting to find an ending where we can make peace with the antagonist, for example. In a way, the good endings felt unsatisfactory because they resulted in the story suddenly ending. (For example, annoying the Knarr’ator with double negatives causes him to refuse to continue telling the story, and slaying the dragon causes him to remark how you’ve cut the tale short). Though I did think these were clever, since nothing good can come from destroying a story’s narrator, I wish there was some way to feel like I ‘succeeded’.

this was really good and honestly hilarious, but i was there was an actual ending

A fun story about trying to slay a dragon. This story is unique in that the dragon is also the narrator. I don't have anything more to add. Your enemy is the narrator, that's cool enough for me.

It's very good. I like how it is written, like the dragon is saying everything. Confusing him with double negatives was funny. I should make my brother play this- he drives me crazy by saying them!

The grammar was pretty good, and there were no big spelling errors, but it was confusing at times because... well... how did the dragon see me in the riddle room, exactly? How??? Other than that, it was good.

The characters were hardly developed at all. They had no real personalities, but I doubt you could have made them much better with such a short story.

This game was funny. I wish you would of made it into a longer game.

Dead Dragon

Loved the Schrodinger’s Room!

It's a cute funny story. I like how the story is told from the narrators point of view, rather than the characters' point of view.

Never Not Why Not Never Not Never? Seriously? Dragon-la-fume no like double negatives? =D

Interesting narrating, funny gameplay, maybe too short, but good game.

I found this funny and well written compared to a great many stories on here. I liked the Dragon narrating too as it definitely made it stand out from other ones I have read recently.

Sadly, it did still fall into the 'insta-death' trap that irritates me on these games (Climbing section onward) These honestly put me off games as they remove the actual choice and become 'Guess the right answer or you loose' since there is not enough information to make an informed choice.

Overall though a really good effort and I'd like to see more.

Very, very good. I knew it would be great as soon as I saw the dragon on the description. It was witty and humorous, and I would definitely play it again. I can't say anything constructive.
I killed the dragon!

Very unique and quite funny. I liked it a lot.

That was great. Enjoyed it a lot.

I gave up dragon told me to so i did :(

This game is so much fun! I really enjoyed the voice of the dragon narrator; he was humorous, and oddly kind towards the knight out to kill him. I played through various choices for different endings, because I wanted to read more of your writing. Great job!

not bad

OK the climbing choices are completely arbitrary. After the first choice there are no descriptions of what the paths look like. All it is is a guessing game at this point. If you go back and give a little more detail, so I feel like I'm actually making a choice rather than playing the lottery with the characters life, I'll go back and reread it and consider raising my rating. 1/8

I wouldn't never not leave a hate comment to this story that wasn't never not horrible.

This isn't not a great game, and I would never not rate it not badly.

I was successful! It was a great story. As you travel through the cave the dragon shares his thoughts with you. It may the story more enjoyable. All I need is another story. Where you slay another dragon, but longer. I hope everyone else enjoys it!

Awesome story! Keep up the good work!

Well, this game was much more fun that I thought it would be. Quite amazing if you ask me!

Haha! I loved this! Can't believe I didn't read it sooner...

Oh yes, supposed to leave feedback. Hmmm. A couple random typos, but the don't detract from the fun of the story. This story was more fun than any I have played so far! Fun is a component many of us forget to add to our own stories. And I loved the name, Knarr'ator. Nice pun! I only wish it was longer and can't wait for you to finish another game. *nudge, nudge* Lol. Anyways...

It was great. I actually made it the top first try! Found you fairly easily, too! I originally let you live to fight your foe. Then, changed my mind and killed ya anyways, lol. :P

I really enjoyed this! I don't think I've ever seen a story here that did something that inventive with the narrator, it was cute and a lot of fun. Or should I say I ain't never seen no story like this here before?

Looking forward to seeing you finish some of your other projects some day!

I didn't want to kill you Brad, but you left me no choice. Good story by the way, it was based of intelligence, and wise decision making.

8/8 LOL. This story was a tad short, but nice twist to it. Make more like this.

Well, that was a great game. The first person narrator being your enemy was fantastic, the action was fun and I got to kill a dragon. It was one of the most interesting games I've played with a cool concept.

A clever twist, but a little short...

Hilarious! Really original concept.

I did not defeat the horrible dragon without double negatives!

haha, nice story. way funny though, I killed the narrator!

I don't not like how you didn't use non-double-negatives to not be defeated by the monster that isn't lacking fire breath!

Beautiful! Love how there is a first person narration and the player himself isn't said narrator! I'll need to steal that idea, hehe!

But seriously, great, refreshing game! It's a bit short but it's still a VERY high quality and I feel the short length helps ensure it doesn't overstay its welcome.

P.S. Love how you have the illustration of the dragon on your intro page! You'll need to tell me how you did that sometime, haha!

That was really interesting and fun.

I didn't not end the game without not using double negatives.

8 out of 8
Wicked hilarious !

This was amazing! It's kind of short, but it was fun tortuaring the dragon with double negatives.

Although it was a bit linear, this was a fun story game to play. Although the annoying the dragon with double negatives ending was sort of anticlimactic.
6/8. Keep up the good work!

Not bad, liked how the narrator was the dragon; it was a pretty unique concept. It seemed to me though that almost every other page sentenced you to death; I wish this was not so linear. Fair writing though, and it was unqiue from the average cliche "hero slays a dragon" type story.

Uh... Okay? Really funny. I actually liked the way the narrator (dragon) actually made the story. So many stories I feel are third person.

Well.

I love it!

I made him walk away.

VERY FUNNY

Pretty entertaining.

I won first time xp Just annoy the dragon to heck with double negatives

Awesome story! That was really enjoyable. Good job and keep up the amazing work! I can hardly wait for another story.

Definitely a big thumbs up!

Brilliant wit, narrator is smart and funny at the same time. Also, the double negatives weren't not un-unhilarious. 7/8. Sheer anti-non-brilliance

I like it a lot! :)

The narrator is so modest and funny at the same time.
It could be longer though, but who cares?
6/8

Impressive, especially compared to the other recent games. Once/If you manage to release a longer game, I'd wager it'll be quite the masterpiece.

This was REALLY good. I love the style. Great work! :D

nice

Well I'll be darned if that wasn't not the greatest fantasy story that's come out recently!

Hilarious & Lightly Entertaining.. only took about 5mins. I saw that people comment about your "broken link" but I see it as bad description- whether the reader chooses the Hall of Bones OR the Lava route, after the reader clears one it then says that the reader just cleared the other route (shouldn't it say that the reader just cleared the route that was picked??). I especially liked a dragon having a weakness for double negatives, very clever to put that in.

Good original writing style, a creative dungeon and a cool adversary. There's a few broken links in places and some of the choices that end in death are of the left or right random variety but overall this was a pretty fun game :D

Well done.

The dragon head in the description will persuade people to read the story.
For the story about a knight and his quest in the mountains, it was short. But I loved how the narrator, whose name even rhymes with narrator, was the villain of the story.
5/8.

Overall, the story was fairly interesting.

I don't know how you did it, but you were able to put that cool dragon head in the description, and that certainly makes a good impression. That, and the use of the dragon as the narrator brought a refreshing spice to your story and narration (oh, the irony).

The story was relatively short along with the descriptions, but everything seemed to be well written, and I found myself laughing-especially toward the end. My only concern was that you may have a page-link error. Right after I left the hall of skulls, the page brought me to a page that said I cleared the lava-pit. I don't know if it was intentional, but you may want to fix that, even if I was still able to finish the story.

Either way, it appears as though this is one of the well-thought out stories of recent memory.

Don't you be thinkin' that I ain't never gonna not give you any sort o' score! 5/8.

This story was great! You clearly put a lot of time into writing it and I hope to read more of your stories. I would love a part 2 of this!
PS: I love the dragon photo!

Not bad, it was decent.

This made me laugh a little. Knarr'ator is a brilliant name. Still, when you exit the Hall of Bones, Knarr'ator states that you made it out of the lava chamber, even though you didn't go through the lava chamber.

I found this to be quite humorous, perfect for reading while enjoying my first cup of coffee.

Make of this what you will...