Player Comments on 331 Oakmount Drive

I really loved the slightly creepy feel of this storygame right from the start. It definitely grabbed my attention, especially since it's the kind of horror I really like (people going into a mysterious house that turns out to be much more ominous than you would expect). I also liked the reason for the player character and Sophie to be there - taking on cleaning jobs is a lot more interesting than the normal cliched reasons I see for characters entering spooky buildings.

One thing I really liked was that, at least in the paths I read, you didn't over-describe the fate of the player character. I'm always of the opinion that less is more, especially when it comes to horror, and two out of the four endings I reached had me curious to know exactly what Mr. Alexander was doing to his victims. I think at some point, I'd like to explore more of this storygame and see if I can get any answers for what's going on this house, although part of me feels like maybe vampires are involved...?

I really loved the visual of the house's interior. I could picture it really well in my mind. I will say that, unfortunately, Sophie had irritated me by the time I stopped reading. I feel like there are certain rules you need to follow when you're hiding from a pursuer...and turning on a light switch when you know there's some kind of danger just...well, ends poorly, as I saw from the ending.

I will say that the storygame did switch pretty rapidly from 'creepy old house' to 'something really bad is going on here' really fast, and I would have liked a bit more detail about why the player character and Sophie assumed they were in danger when Mr. Alexander returned. While he did look angry, and there was that red liquid (presumably blood), it felt a little jarring that there was little attempt to explain away what had happened. Though, again, perhaps that was based on the path I followed and the choices I made.

Very enjoyable, easy read that left me wanting more. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this!

This was very good. I really enjoyed the horror and overall feeling of this story. The writing was quite descriptive and lively, and clearly plenty of effort was put into making this quite a thrilling experience.

I liked the unwitting horror premise, and there's so many ways to meet your demise in this game that winning was both a challenge and quite fulfilling in the end. I started this with already good expectations, but I'm happy to say that this story did a fantastic job in succeeding my previous expectations.

Needless to say, I rated this quite highly and I can see why this storygame is regarded well, as it's quite entertaining.

Bravo on crafting a very spooky but enjoyable horror storygame. ^_^

YES!!!!! I DID IT! this was very fun :3

about as scary as the turd i crapped in the toilet

well that was interecting

better

hello

It's good for a short story!

Very short, a lot of build up for not a lot of pay off. The options left much to be desired.

i hate this

this shit ass on gromp realistic skull emoji

jac

war gut

Very interesting, but not as horror-y as I was imagining. It was still a delightful read but there was some grammar mistakes, weird plot turns, and small odd description and dialogue. Other than that, you did a good job!

This was an interesting and creepy story slightly let down by poor pacing and a short length.

*SPOILERS*

This is an excellent example of how to do as short horror story. The mood setting is superb and the story is something that could actually happen, making it even scarier. I absolutely loved it.

I'll start with the things I like about it.

You crafted characters very well, establishing dynamics between them even with the shortness of the story. Their interactions are believable and make sense, and the way they act given a stressful situation makes sense as well and fits their character.

The plot is unique and something I haven't heard of before. Your setup of an innocent cleaning job (with some sinister undertones thrown in) gradually devolving into horrifying madness is beautiful. It's something done often, but you do it very well.

Now, the few things I didn't like.

There were a few spelling and grammar errors throughout, but they were hardly noticeable and didn't distract from the story or ruin the mood. You often used two exclamation marks or other excessive punctuation, but it wasn't to the point that it was obnoxious. I would cut down on that in the future, but it's not a huge deal.

There were a couple instances of inconsistency with knowledge of the characters. You have links to the same pages sometimes and sometimes they give conflicting information. There was one time where you'd already met Mrs. Alexander by going into the kitchen, then when you get back to the foyer to escape, she's there but Alex doesn't know who she is. It's not a big deal and doesn't take away from the story if you're not looking super closely, but I'd just like to note it.

When you meet Mr. Alexander in his office after searching it and finding the newspaper clippings in the book, he enters, and explains the situation calmly, it feels like there should be another choice than "Run!" The narration notes that he gives a sound explanation of the previous events, and I wanted to see what would happen if Alex stayed and listened to him. I'm sure you could easily integrate another death or a path to the bathroom with the body.

6/8 :)

I didn’t like it

Great story! I can picture the house in my mind!

The storyline is good and interesting but too short !

A bit short.

The story is... okay. The characters seem to have had quite a bit of care put into them and depth. But, suffice to say that their dialogue is very cringe-worthy at points. It doesn't seem very real and the horror aspects of the story seem rushed and predictable. Speaking of rushed, the pacing is not the best. The story goes from 0-100 real quickly instead of transitioning slowly towards, for example, a chase scene. I had no idea what was going on because all of the sudden Mr. Alexander was evil. In stories like this you need to give time to develop a character, especially the antagonist. You never gave a reason to fear him.

Anyways this review is more of a rant so it isn't exactly organized, but I hope the author of this story had improved from the feedback given when this story first came to be.

Clap clap clap. Very good game but it only took me around 10 minutes to find the good ending. It succeeded in making me feel frightened even with the overdone brutal murderer plot.

Oh, I died! Very fun story.

Great story! it's good at keeping you wanting to read on and go back to find other endings! you put in a lot of effort into this and it shows. Good job!

This is really good. Wish I knew how to actually make one.

It was alright

Very enjoyable, and I wish you made more than just this one story!!

My first time playing I got away pretty quickly, I was curious about what else there was to find so I kept replaying it and I died many times. There are so many paths to take, it's wonderful.

I certainly loved it. While it wasn't horrifying as far as I had gotten, I did enjoy the descriptive details that were put in. I might play it again sometime in the future just to see how far into it I can get.

However, I could only rate it 4/8 because of one thing: Lack of intense horror. To me, it was just mildly scary. But definitely worth the time.

it's ok.

I liked how there were several different endings and the fact that the choices you make actually produce different opportunities, endings, and choices.

pretty good, I like the death scenes the most

I feel that you could have made it longer, but it was still very enjoyable!

Great story!! I was on the edge of my seat the entire time! Still not breathing!

It's a fun little story. Several different paths to take, most ending in death. Unfortunately, there's heavy emphasis on "little" story. Even getting to a good ending was still relatively quick. I feel like this story could have benefited from taking a little more time to expand it. More thorough descriptions, deeper characters, a bigger house to explore and a slower build to the danger and horror would have easily changed this fairly simple concept into something much deeper and more memorable. But, as I said, it's still fun despite being short. 5/8

why so this story so short?
and I didn't understand the story

Well that's easy... just take another look at the scary kid and I'm out. Wow! :)

this story is amazing my heart was beating so fast this whole time wondering if i could control them and let them live

It's way too hard

Great story

The story developed too quickly and there wasn't enough detail in the writing for me to feel actually scared. I still enjoyed it, but it could have been greatly improved.

I feel that it was bit harder than said and and also a bit shorter too still it was nice

Did not live up to its potential.Very disappointing.Still, it was well-written.

I'll play it again before rating it. This first time it was disappointingly short,but showed potential.

A bunch of random choices with random consequences

WHAT HAPPENS TO SOPHIE AND ALEX???? DO THEY LIVE?? WHO IS MR. ALEXANDER??

wow gruesome af but AWESOME

Nice game, wish it was longer but overall a good job.

in some choice you have no other option. e.g. saying hello to the deformed child after meeting up with Sophie. It became obligatory in the story.

It was a good story. It scared me a little bit.

It's a really nice game, very scary, but I still don't really understand why the read-headed women is eating the organs of young women. Still, a fantastic game!

This was a really good story and seemed hard with some decisions just wished I could of lasted longer. 8/10 would recommened

it was a great story I like the ending

This story was very entertaining, I liked it.

This has been quite a very interesting story and it's very well put together!

Good

Not bad. I enjoyed it!

Not bad! I got to be a millionaire in the end, but there are tons of different endings.

I kinda wish it was longer, but other than that I liked it. I guess I got the good ending? Seemed to wrap up pretty well without a lot of bad stuff happening.

It's pretty okay and creative, but for me, really short.

Hey! :-). I loved this story. Was on the edge of my seat the whole time, since entering the mansion. :-). Anyway, my character and her friends managed to get out alive. Yay. :-). Anyway, as I said, great work, and I look forward to delving into your upcoming stories! :-). That mister Alexander was dead scary. But also verry well articulated. In fact, I feel the whole story flowed effortlessly from start to finish. Honestly. Glad I played wisely. :-).

Wish it had been WAY longer!

The ending where their throats are slashed was totally unexpected. Well written.

Got A good ending this time but I still think we could survive longer sure I became A millionaire but don't you want to know what happened in the mansion? (Rated 8/8)

I got the off to the left ending and rated 8/8 it really wasn't to scary at all but then again horror is very hard to do and I got a very early ending I knew that would be an ending but I still did it because I didn't want to act like everyone in a horror movie like WHY WOULD YOU GO TO THE CHAINSAWS FOR A "WEAPON" JUST CAUSE THE CAR LOOKS CREEPY? EASY ESCAPE DENIED who agrees with me that horror movie characters do the stupidest things?

Hey, that's pretty good!

This was a great game, I had a lot of fun playing it. You should really try it!

This time a saved someone!

Woo Hoo safe and a millionaire! Fun short story with plenty of choices.

it is a vey good book i liked it better than reeses cups

Its fun

really good! i liked it!

This wasn't as scary as I had expected, but well-written nonetheless.

great amaizing

Ok this is just like the original Choose Your Own Adventure
Book series. And that is excactly what i wanted

that was not what i acpected

So many endings owo

Great fun! :)

Not the longest or most original of stories, but it's very well written and a great distraction. It's interesting, quirky, with characters fleshed out enough to invest in them :)

Pretty Good, very short.

Its a good story.

Short but good!

Very interesting. kept me playing for a better ending each time

I'm very sure this was supposed to be longer, but from my point of view, it was very short. Well, the door miraculously opened, and NOTHING happened that I'd like to call 'scary'. Nice try.

First CYOA I've read in years and it was a fun read.

Chilling & eerie..nice plot

WOOW

so bad...

Sweet i'ma millionare!

Great job. I really enjoyed it. The plot was very good and the story cleverly written. This book is very good.

Short but fun.

"Wielding a butter knife." Oh I love it! this is one of my favorite story games on this site! Well done. :)

I like the story.

well this is just wonderful 4 choices and I get my face ripped off...

Exceptional. This is the best storygame I have played. The story is not especially long, but the brevity does not diminish the quality. Yunakitty's diction and vernacular are wielded masterfully to give the reader just the right amount of context and character development. Even in this short format the senses of anticipation, suspense, and fear are well developed.
If I were to give any advice it would be to expand on the personalities of the characters more (to enhance the reader's relationship with them,) and to build anticipation just a little longer before throwing the reader into the horror. Also a trivial note: there is a typo on the very first page, which was a bit of a downer.
8/8. Play it and play it again.
Cheers, Yunakitty

Wow... This game was incredible. The writing was perfect, not too 'over' and not tok cliché. This game somehow reminded me of the witch's house. I loved it! It made me look like I am the original character. (Well, obviously that's the point of these games) But it was brilliant. Enjoyed playing this! <3

i didn't want to die so it left me angry

I can understand how some can see this as horror, though I personally wasn't affected, and, other than a problem with the first sentence, it is well written.

I liked it but it would be better if it was a bit more developed and had some extra characters though. Overall alright

Yayy, I'm a millionaire! But I won't spoil it.

Good God, this was seriously creepy and pretty messed up. I love it! Keep up the good work!

That was a quick and painfull death.. Don't expect that soon. Overall it's really well written. I just wish it'll give more suspense rather just jump into the climax so soon. I'll get back to this.

Well written and truly feature-worthy. I felt so curious about the story that whenever I would reach an End, I would just go back and try different paths. Due to this, I discovered that this game was actually quite hard or might be too short for my liking. However, all in all, I believe you did a really good job!

Wow... it was different, but it was only mildly enjoyable. I guess I'm feeling some type of way, since both my characters died...

Eh this is OK.

Worth every cent!

Good story line, just bad detail.

Very fun story! Nice use of setting.

It was quite short but the quality of the writing was fantastic! I really enjoyed this story. Maybe the author could make it a little longer?

Very good!

it was cool you should make more plz

That was a great book, I`m usually not one for choose your own adventures but I got bored. Anyways, this was good, not THE best out there, but CERTAINLY not THE worst. Thanks, and take care.
-Lucy

Are all endings death? It is pretty scary, and gross. Nice game.

Wow, very good.

I certainly enjoyed it, it provides comedy, as well as a good story, and, frankly, a wide variety of choices.

Coll story bro

GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Amazing story, great choices and some very funny comedy throughout. A must-play.

I'm surprised but I wom with just about no problem with a few choices I like the game and it was fun.

I dont like it.

I died

It kinda creeped me out.It was good

Nice game.

i survived happily!

I really liked this, but I do wish it was a little longer. Plot was great too!

Omg you should definitely play this story more than once! The first ending I got was a bit disappointing, but it's getting better and better! :D

It was absolutely amazing the writing was incredible and I felt as if I was in the story nothing but intrigue and adrenalin

What was up with the girl that was all deformed?

Awesome

Short but cool

I think I won

pretty good:) I got out almost TOO easily

not a bad story plenty of endings and unexpected traps, you're writing is fairly good, i think you could have had a bit more description but it wasn't bad at all.

Cool story, decent writing and intresting characters played through every ending, i have 2 minor complaints
*Because of a short story i wasn't very connected and it wasn't a amazing experiance
*Endings do need a bit of work but the deformed kids and elixa? sorry if i get her name but these ideas...GREAT including the ritual thing goin on but great story

what a horror..!

It was an alright game, beat it the first try:)

not good, but not bad, i sayeach part is kinda fun,at first i just chse things to choose them but, i realized and chose the correct ones. it was weird,

This was a really great story! I loved how detailed and realistic it was! The only thing I didn't like was the ending...
Keep up the great work!

Trying to find out the mystery of this house was fun.
It feels like many of the outcomes of your actions are impossible to predict and your choices are based on guesswork rather than figuring out the best option.

This was just great it was not the best horror story I have to give that on to Anti-life.
24freddy

cool, but very easy.

The story was too short with not much explanation for course of events.. Its pretty much win or die on every decision..

DAM CRAZY

It's really creepy...

Pretty fun. I died from Mr Alexander.

a very nice story and storytelling! it's a very compelling story, even though i had a hard time visualizing the room layout. kudos!

AWESOME GAME!!!!!!

well this sucked

A Very Good Horror Story, its also creepy with the fact the Mrs. Waited on the car, on my second ending however I think like "How The F*ck this Maid can stay here" I Also still wonder what Jonathan have in his paperbag..

I liked this but i wished it was a bit scarier and full of a little more depth.

this story kind of cheesy

I have only had 1 ending so far. Let's restart :D

The writing is good, clean of mechanical errors and generally interesting. That said, the choices felt very arbitrary; as far as I could tell, there was no real indication of what choice would lead to a good outcome. Rather like most of the old Choose Your Own Adventure books, you're pretty much just guessing. The story was not particularly frightening, though the premise was interesting.

That was a awesome story, I loved it.

Loved it.

It was really good, thank you for writing it and I hope to see more in the future. :)

died a few times, a bit short though...

i got the good ending hey make a game of the slenderman

It was fun. But you should have made the difficulty 5/8

Well...
It certainly is mechanically sound, and it is somewhat enjoyable. I've played it three times now in the past few minutes. Here are my complaints-

First of all, what struck me was how impossible it was to discern one choice from another in terms of smart or stupid. There are no hints in the writing, and no real way of knowing what is and isn't a good idea. I just know what I would do in this situation, and apparently, that would kill me.

That's forgivable, though. I can roll with that, so long as it's scary.

It's scary, right?


...that's the other problem. The writing is good, if this were a mystery or a thriller. But it isn't. A good scary story needs atmosphere, and this story just doesn't have any. There's no lead in, no subtle touches that clue you in that something is wrong. It took me several tries to even get a clue of what was going on, because different paths have little bits of information, that don't make sense unless they are all together. For that reason, this book is fine. Not great, not awful.

It was ok

Wow...heart pounding! I was really rooting
For the good ending. Thank goodness I got it. That was
Crazy.

Well writen and creative. A bit short, but that's not a problem at all, because it gets across what is needed for the story.

It would be nice to have had it be longer though.

I never cared much for the horror genre, so maybe that's why I don't get the end at all. There didn't seem to be many choices except for "go into room A" and "go into room B;" I wish there were a few more choices for the player. Still, an interesting story.

I felt like I had hardly any choices, and I didn't. If I cannot make a logical choice in this game, then it does not deserve a good rating. In a Choose Your Story game you are supposed to be able to CHOOSE YOUR STORY. There were hardly any different endings, and multiple times you asked me what to do, but gave only one option. Another complaint; I didn't have the choice of whether to be male or female (or in some cases other), and I didn't get to pick a name or make my own.
This wasn't a good C.Y.S., but it could have been a good story.

Found the choices a little short, but all in all I will go back through for multiple replays.

While there were some minor spelling or grammatical errors, I can say I had a pleasant time despite the short length of the story. Whether or not I would have been able to see the children I'll go back and look because, apparently, they're there somewhere. I noticed that, in most instances, the bolder options gave more favorable outcomes and that not being a hero will most-likely get you killed. Still, it was a very enjoyable read, and I will definitely go back to look for any more favorable endings that I may have missed.

This was cool!

Way to short...not enough options....has a lot of potential tho, good premise.

I REALLY LIKED THAT GAME! Could use some usable equipment and deeper character storylines, but aside from that. A pleasure to read!

Okay, but very short and more random than strategy.

I wish the story was a bit longer but overall very enjoyable.

This isn't really a choose your own adventure, at least as far as I've gotten. Every decision I made immediately ended the game before I could get into it. One choice is illogical, but right, and the other will kill you. I can't possibly get immersed. Very displeased!

meh theres to many ways to die and length isnt a 6 its more of a 2 or 3

Really enjoyed my time in this story. I just wish that some of the branching lead to longer trails.

It's a good game, rather intense even though short. Kinda wish there was an explanation though for the murders and things, especially the charred books.

This was really fun and interesting! Nicely written, and a perfect puzzle game. It kept me hooked!

Really liked this

I liked it!.

Thank goodness it isn't that long. Was shit scared. Well-described. And I became a millionaire. cool.

It was very short :/ well written though , not too many options . Not to be rude , just being honest .

I have to admit the game certainly was not the best but it is a way to burn off some boredom

The story was great. It was well written, so much so that I wished it was longer. Despite it being game based there was a lot of magic to the words that enabled be to picture evert scene. As with most stories, the detail is important to the reader. I want to read more!

good, but wish it were longer.

Seth says MEH!!! Interesting and creative, I liked it. 5/8

Great next time make me poop

This is very awesome

niiiice. kinda reminds me of something.....

Ridicuously dangerous!

awesome! scary!

This one was pretty good. Using your gut instinct helps a lot, buuuut sometimes i had to go back a few times to get all of the endings.

good i beat the game

Nice story, it needs a little more depth to itr

Pretty good. I like stories that don't go on and on, so I liked this one. :)

Pretty good. I like ones that there aren't too many options and the pages aren't extremely long. This one was absolutely amazing. I think I found all of the endings. If you ever decide to make another one, you should have items. Can't wait!

...Good.

ok

cool storyline

i got a good ending.Pretty good,could use some improvement.

Too many crappy endings, too many ending in general, and all similar endings make this game reveal no more additional information about the characters.

This story was really great! There were several different endings and I felt inclined to go through and find them all - it's an excellent way to spend extra time in a computer class! :)

Wow that was so fun. It was really long too, took me a while to get out of the house safely. But really cool, i liked it a lot

Short yet good.

Short and simple, but still entertaining.

Bo approves

It was good, but a bit longer than my attention span can last.

This story didnt last as long as I would have hoped unfortunately :(

Very fun adventure! I'm using this as an example for my class as we do a similar PowerPoint project.

Just be ever so careful.

bich ass game!

How could anybody eat women's organs to have a healthy child. How ridiculous!

its good but boring

That was chilling...

Good story but Mr. and Ms. Alexzander are very stupid to refare to medeval riturals but good story i syrvived but with a scar and shpohie

It's definitely creepy...

i like the detail and the fact that every path is different.

Well written, sweet story. I especially liked how each path was unique, and the whole background story is not explained until you read every path.

Wow... somehow, I ended up getting the exact same ending that I got the first time I played this game, a million years ago! I guess I was so caught up in the story I didn't even notice! The writing is PERFECT--not too long and redundant, but with enough detail to keep you hooked--the choices are good, and, overall, I'd say this is definitely the best horror game on the site!

Darkest story I've ever read. This is real.

One of the best stories EVER!

That was a true under-the-covers story. I play so many game centric games that I forget what a story-centric games like this feel like. Of course, being a story-centric game, it is a bit disheartening to see a few typos and seemingly random occurrences, but it's easy to forgive those.

Very,very,very good. I'd give it a 7/8 because I thought there was more cussing then there needed to be.

I had a good time with this one. Very well written.

could have been longer but that wuz pretty good!!

What a good game! Good description, good.. well everything! This game ocks!

This game is fantastic. It's in the classic "choose your own adventure" format, is exciting, well written, and has an original (scary!) story. Very impressive. Congrats.

An AMAZING game! It was nice and long, but a little linear, but very good grammar and a lot of effort. Nice job.

the game is sucky long and boring and i hate your name change it

This is an awesome game! No way to make it any better, it's brilliant. On my good list for sure.

I'm not really a fan of horror/suspense, but it was done really well: excellent writing, very descriptive, good plot.

Excellent story- it's great to play a well-written game

fantastic game, it was well written, very suspenseful, creative, and had a very intersting plot, great job!

Without question one of the best stories on the site. Extremely well written, creative plot, great descriptions, and enough choices. Miccy - waddya mean, quality over quantity? The quality is impeccable, and it IS a story. You're supposed to read, not just click through a bunch of two sentence pages. Excellent work, please write more!

it was great i did not get killed

Pretty good! ^_^

I passed it by clicking back whenever I died. I am sure the story wasn't that bad, but nobody likes it when every page in the game takes forever to read. Quality over quantity next time.

This game is THE best I've ever played

That was excellent, and it should definitely be featured. It was written very well, and should be appealing to any sort of adventure gamer. You should wrote more, it was great fun!

Nice ending! I finally understand the wole thing about Mr. Alexander. I played this once before, but I died early on. Really nice story, and very suspenseful.

bit more finished, with some definate endings, but still a couple of loose ends to clean up! great story though like I said. Take some time to finish it pleease. post on the message board if you need some advice at any time. Great story yuna.

Totally awesomne game! Just great! Wonderful! Completely awesome!

I don't like leaving unfinished games category featured. Please finish this game, or it'll have to be removed. Hope you're still around. This game has crazy potential and is beautifully written. but there are dead links, and there's nothing more annoying... well almost nothing. Great game, just finish it!!

this is the second time ive read this story and i have to say im still impressed. this has got to be the most intense and suspenseful story on this site. please finish it though, those bad links are killing this game.

This could be one of the best games on the site if it was finished

it's a great story! I loved it! I just love it when people on this site make complete sentances, and don't use alot of slang. the only problem with it was that there are some links that just lead to a &#34;new page&#34; page. anyways, it's a great story, so keep it up!

I'm sorry i just clicked buttons did i win!

Very nicely written. The descriptions evoke appropriate feelings of dread. It's a short game, but challenging and quite fun! I enjoyed playing through it.

Not too bad, but you'll want to finish off the dead pages.

Cool very long it must have token you a while it was good from a scale of 1 to 10 i give it a 7 but come pages wernt done.

This is a very intriguing story, but there are a few links that are missing. Finish this and this game will be one of the more scary stories on here.