Reccomending a category change for a storygame:
http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-wolf-quiz
Everything Else
Like most quizzes are, I believe this should be in Everything Else.
I believe some of my last major recommendation were missed so I hope you don't mind me reposting some of it.
Recommending a comment for featuring:
http://chooseyourstory.com/story/goomba-village - Both suggestions are from the same link.
Well, that was... random. I hate to say it, but this game is kinda terrible. The plot is almost completely nonexistent and the consequences of the choices are totally random. If you want to improve your game, I'd suggest that you elaborate some more on the plot and give the reader some more information about whatever is going on in your story.
I'm also still trying to figure out in what way your game is a) a fanfiction b) about a village and c) about goomba's. I'd advise you to either change the title and description of your game to 'jobless (wo)man is looking for a job' or in some way connect this to the Mario franchise (which I guess this game is supposed to be a fanfic of).
I have given your game a 2/8, because your game has choices that (even though they are completely random) do matter for the outcome of the game. However, in my opinion this game only barely deserves higher than a 1/8. I hope that you take the advice given to you in the comments and that you'll look to other, higher rated games, for examples of decent writing. I am sure that you'll be able to write a better story.
Good luck writing!
-- Romulus on 8/11/2014 8:13:46 AM
Recommending a comment for featuring:
That was probably the most random, but crappy, piece of literature I've read all day. No offence to the author(s) at all. I am directing that statement at the story itself, for reasons below.
I am significantly dissapointed at what this turned out to be. The fact is, (like a lot of people) I don't even consider this to be a storygame. A storygame is supposed to have a plot/setting, choices which then stem out more choices, which lead to conseqences and a couple of successes. This, had almost nothing. Its a dry husk of what criteria a game should follow, and it had less than the bare-minimum of an acceptable storygame. Does it give you the plot/setting? Not at all. I get that you are trying to find a job, but what the heck, I don't even know if I am a goomba or not, since it never tells you in the story itself save for the description/title. The choices don't even matter, and although they do shape the plot some, they don't stem much of anything like they should.
For example, my first path was the business wo/man. It asks you how long you want to go to business school, and after I give my answer, it says (not actual quote) "WOOHOO You are a business wo/man!" And then it ends. Seriously? Just how is this an adequate, or even justifiable ending? The fact is, that's the general premise of almost every path avaliable in this storygame.
Don't even get me started on the writing, which I felt to be terrible. When you can't even tell if you are a Goomba or not (since it never told you anyways), you can see the flat, almost non-existent context and detail which it should have! There is literally no detail here. You want to be a business person? Great... you are one... yay... the end...
The author could have fleshed out the plot, which includes character development, far better. In a game where you find a job for yourself, at least write it so the readers feel something, anything for the protaganist. But because of the almost no detail, you don't feel anything for the protaganist character. Adding more detail would help flesh out the characters (or in this case, character) better, so that the reader would actually feel themselves happy if he/she got a job. An example I can think off my head of this would be Dead Man Walking by BerkaZerka. I generally felt concern for the protaganist, and I was eccentric once I got a great ending. Why? Because the character development was rocketed. Which is something we should see here, but I just feel no emotion if I get a job. At all. Which isn't a good thing when you are creating a game like this.
Going along with the writing, the grammar was pretty atrocious. The spelling was okay-ish, but just simple, basic punctuation reeked. And this bad puncuation went along the entire thing. In fact, I am even questioning whether or not the author of this piece is fluent in English, or lives in a place where they teach you to put your periods (these things: ".") directly one space away from the ending word, so you get something like this (example): "Become a business woman/man .".
So now I'm not even sure what the title/description is supposed to mean about this story. Yes, the description does tell you are a Goomba in a village, but other than that, you have no pointers in the story leading you to the explanation of the title's namesake. It doesn't mention you being a Goomba in anyway shape or form, and it certainly doesn't tell you that you live in a village.
Dear Author, you can't put these important details in the description, but not put them in the story at all. An equivalent of this behavior would be, as an example, Suzanne Collins telling the reader Katniss's (or however you spell her name) name at the back of the book... but omitting it from the rest of the story. Save for the description on the back, the reader wouldn't even know Katniss's gender. Hey, "he" could love Peeta for all anyone knows.
I suppose this was supposed to be some sort of Mario bros. fanfiction. However, the story itself has no lead to anything Nintendo/Mario bros. related at all. If it weren't for the title/description, I would have thought that I was an actual Human. But of course I could also be a Turtle/Unicorn/Octupus hybrid with a green mustache living in Mars, because of the detail quality.
Because of the overall texture of this story, I am guessing its by an author who is young or inexperienced. I suggest that this particular person improve their writing, grammar, and language skills, which includes punctuation, detail, context, plot, basic understanding of words, etcetera. If the author improves themselves, and improves this story with far better-nes, it would rank higher, at least.
1/8. I'm sorry, I just can't give any reason for myself to show any sympathy or mercy for something like this. Hopefully the author would improve it.
-- Fazz on 8/11/2014 11:54:55 PM
Another great comment from a guy called Fazz, he goes into great detail and probably took him a while to write. I noticed some grammar mistakes but they didn't take away from the comment.
Recommending storygame for deletion:
http://chooseyourstory.com/story/cross~2dbreeding
- Grammar and style poor enough that it cannot be ignored
- A plot which is poor or nonexistent
- Poor pacing (usually characterized by frequent and unpredictable end game links)
- A lack of important decisions
- Unbelievable or overly cliched dialogue (if dialogue is present in the story)
This story is really, really bad.
Recommending storygame for deletion:
http://chooseyourstory.com/story/choices-of-death
- The storygame has all of the following characteristics:
- Grammar and style poor enough that it cannot be ignored
- A plot which is poor or nonexistent
- Poor pacing (usually characterized by frequent and unpredictable end game links)
- A lack of important decisions
- Unbelievable or overly cliched dialogue (if dialogue is present in the story)
Recommending a storygame for category change:
http://chooseyourstory.com/story/erika-bakes-a-cake
Everything Else
To quite Seth from this thread, "A fanfic of a non-existent anime! ". If it is non-existent, is it really a Fan Fic?
Recommending storygame for deletion:
http://chooseyourstory.com/story/cheating~3f
- After receiving at least 7 ratings and being published for at least 1 week, the storygame is rated 2/8 and its length is 1/8
Recommending a comment for deletion:
http://chooseyourstory.com/story/day-of-the-dog
Ur dog is stupid
-- Wut da fuck on 9/1/2014 3:18:02 PM
Insulting the dog, there was no need.
Reccomending a category change for a storygame:
http://chooseyourstory.com/story/make-it-to-the-bathroom~21
School Based
'Tis based in a school.
Recommending a category change for a storygame:
http://chooseyourstory.com/story/warrior-cat's-adventures-((part-1~2e))
Fan Fiction
This is based on 'Warrior Cats'
