Player Comments on Imagination

Disclaimer: to the author, take everything in this review with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional writer and only somewhat of a seasoned reviewer. To the readers, this review will contain many spoilers, so please read the storygame first. I promise you will not regret it.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

The mark of a great author lies in their ability to write stories that are vastly different in tone, content and style. As such, EndMaster is a spectacular writer. Unlike his other stories, which venture into the grimdark territory, this is a wholesome family-friendly story about the power of one’s imagination. Whilst it has a different intended audience from his other stories, I still remember this as one of my favorites on the site.

The first page begins with a tense, high-stake battle. Two sides at war, but only one can emerge victorious. However, the fate of this battle remains unknown, as the protagonist’s mom interrupts this grand finale.

I enjoyed the realistic depiction of the protagonist as a child. The dialogue sounds exactly like what I would imagine my younger cousins saying; the excitement and frustration at being interrupted is captured well. The many exclamation marks when the protagonist is thinking of the future battle are used well. But more than that, the protagonist has a very powerful imagination. This is referenced by the mum and it is this character trait which would soon drive the story forward.

In some other stories I’ve read, there was the issue of overly long descriptions that seemed irrelevant to the main plotline. This was avoided here—I really like how the description of the toys scattered across the floor is actually relevant to the plot, as it foreshadows the characters the protagonist would meet in his adventure later on.

The protagonist has a secret desire: he yearns to live in a world of magic and heroes. And this is realized, perhaps not in the way he wanted, when he gets captured and taken through a portal to a different world. It’s a strong start and leaves the reader wanting more.

WRITING STYLE & TONE

I like the constant references to the protagonist being a child. For instance, he considers how he’s not supposed to talk to strangers before asking for help to return home. I like the character-relevant simile of trying to scare the purple people “like you’ve ran after pigeons in the park”. His motivations reflected that of a child too: he had to often choose between securing his own safety or helping those around him. Besides, despite his slight distrust for most strangers when he met them, he almost always ended up listening to what they said.

There are a few slight grammatical errors throughout the storygame (lack of capitalization after a full stop, typos, comma splices, and occasionally a run-on sentence), but nothing that breaks immersion too much. I barely noticed most of these on my first readthrough as I was quite invested in the story. Just a quick note on dialogue:

The style of the story reminds me of fairytales and bedtime stories, but with slightly darker undertones and more complex themes. There is the classic good vs evil, with the antagonist—the Nightmare Tyrant—being a classic big bad, with an army of shadows to do his bidding. The recurring motifs of darkness and light were used effectively. Bravery is rewarded, whereas cowardice (often by fleeing and leaving your allies to die) tends to result in premature death scenes. Yet, there are times when fighting isn’t the wisest choice. There are a number of moral lessons to be gleaned in some paths too.

Dialogue was always engaging, whether that’s through characters fighting one another with creative insults or being humorously dumb in the face of a tense situation. One good instance of this was the demon who didn’t even know who the target was. It briefly lightened the mood before plunging the reader back into a high-stakes situation.

CHARACTERS

We meet an interesting cast of characters throughout this story. The first two are Melcar and Talia. Although they start off archetypal, given they’re minor side characters and just have to fulfill a short role in the story, this works well. Their conflict also reminds me of ordinary couples, hence showing that a fantastical world isn’t all that different from the normal one. Yet, I like how Melcar appears to be a fraud, with a wife that calls him a charlatan and potions that turn beards pink, but later, it is his spells that save the others from the shadows. As a wizard, he also fulfills the ‘disgruntled wise old mentor’ trope who trains the protagonist to use his powers.

Stinky’s arc was kind of inspiring. He started off as Chargrum’s servant, trying to dissuade his master from making a bad decision, but when the shadows took him away, he joined forces with the good side. Still, he could not overcome his fear. Later, when the protagonist speaks to him, telling him to help barricade his house, in a defining moment, he overcomes his belief that he is weak (implied to be a result of Chargrum’s abuse) and helps with the barricades. He also has a change of heart when he volunteers to fight off the shadows instead of hiding. And this arc was complete when he finally defeated the shadow version of his master, reclaiming back his confidence. Beautifully done.

The Adventurer was another interesting character. A wanderer at heart, he knows a lot about different settings in the story, so his decision to bring the protagonist to an empty magic barrier named Null was well-characterized. And in this path, he’s the one who recognises the protagonist’s power. At the end of their journey, there’s a nice little message where he reminisces with the protagonist about the importance of home. Especially when contrasted with Johnny, who decides to stay because it is better than the real world, this allows the protagonist to appreciate his ‘boring’ world a bit more.

I enjoyed Johnny’s parallels to the protagonist. Both are young people captured by the Nightmare Tyrant for their powerful imaginations, but while the protagonist uses his imagination for fun, Johnny uses his as a way of escapism. Perhaps this is too nuanced of a theme for children readers to understand, yet I like how it briefly alludes to the dangers of escapism as a coping mechanism. Instead of fixing his home life, he lives for the power of being the Nightmare Tyrant’s host, even if it comes at the cost of his freedom. In a way, he’s the shadow version (excuse the pun) of the protagonist; the way imagination can be used as a negative force. When the protagonist helps him overcome his captivity, he proves to be a powerful ally and stays behind to be the hero the other world needs.

Black Fang’s reluctant tolerance of the protagonist amused me. This juxtaposes Lyssia, who offered to help the protagonist from the moment she met him, and continued to protect him through the story. In this branch, she told the protagonist about his power. One thing I found fascinating is how the protagonist never actually realizes what he can do with his imagination. Someone always has to point it out to him. And it makes sense, given he’s in a world where magical stuff is suddenly happening that it’s hard to think of his own abilities as something out of the ordinary.

Salzat and Lakri are character foils—where one is hostile, due to wanting to fight instead of looking after the protagonist, the other is kind and patient. This is reflected in their speeches and the state of their armor, too. Salzat believes he is superior, believing bravery equals bloodshed. Lakri, on the other hand, desires to live a more normal and peaceful life. In many stories, heroes never back down from a fight and emerge victorious. Yet this overlooks the nuance of the situation. There’s a clear message when choosing whether to join Salzat in battle or follow Lakri: impulsive actions may spell danger, and sometimes the wisest thing to do is to avoid fighting. This is a much better message to impart on impressionable children. It is repeated in the choice between punching a shadow or getting away on a horse.

PLOT

As soon as the protagonist enters the village, he has one goal: returning home safely. Yet, the stakes are raised given that the Nightmare Tyrant is after him. Pacing is masterfully done; as soon as it slows down, due to the protagonist being given a task to complete, there’s yet another reminder of the Nightmare Tyrant’s rule in the form of Chargrum trying to throw him to the shadows. This reinforces his reign and terror throughout this new world. And as his escaped prisoner, the protagonist is never truly safe.

The build-up in this story is nicely done. Rather than simply master his powers immediately or become all-powerful just because he’s the chosen one, the protagonist starts off with a power that is “unpredictable and weak”. Still, it holds promises of great power, but at the moment, attempting to do too much with it would cause more harm than good. He tries and conjures up a piece of gold. But when faced with the threat of another shadow, he creates a sword to fight it with and gains the ability to wield it. This allows him to live out his desire of being a typical hero, charging into battle against evil, and learning to use his power intentionally.

Speaking of build-up, the same happens with the Nightmare Tyrant. As the story proceeds, more information is revealed, like a monster emerging from the shadows. He is first heard of through rumors, then his influence is felt when his army of shadows attack. Only when the protagonist fights back does he begin to speak to him directly. If I had to offer a suggestion, it felt like this path could have been longer, maybe involving a scene where the protagonist fights the Nightmare Tyrant head-on. The protagonist barely had much time to master his powers before he found a way back home. Despite this, the path was great as it is, and I’m sure a final confrontation would occur on a different branch of the story,

On another path, the journey to Null, the protagonist manages to find another victim of the Nightmare Tyrant. This confrontation enriches the other one, as it shows the protagonist isn’t the only one to be captured in such a way. Each path of the story adds something to the overall narrative, providing a new perspective on the situation.

The path involving Zodan felt very heroic and triumphant, especially with the Commander and his army returning at the right time. I also liked that Black Fang gave the protagonist a compliment (which was uncharacteristic of him) and Lyssia bestowed upon him a medal for his bravery. The Caretaker, a begrudging ghost assigned to watch the place, had some entertaining lines too. It all felt like a hero’s tale, where bravery in battle saves the day.

The last path I explored was the one with Qualan. This felt like the most self-empowering path for the protagonist, as he not only came to the realization that his imagination was powerful, but he also realized he needed to defeat the shadowy version of Salzat alone. In a way, this could have been a metaphor for defeating his own need for battle. The protagonist began a little like Salzat, wanting his own adventure while being bored by the life he had, yet he now vanquishes this need for this, after having resisted the urge to fight two times before this. It’s a nice twist on the ancient adage ‘pick your battles wisely’. The result? A troll tooth, the story’s equivalent of a trophy for triumph.

Overall, this was a highly enjoyable storygame. I recommend all young readers on the site to read it. In fact, I recommend everyone, regardless of their age, to experience this story.

General Recommendation: I recommend this game, particularly for those looking for a nostalgic reminder of the kind of fantasy books you read when you were younger.
Preview: After being transported to a fantasy world by the evil Nightmare Tyrant, can you use your budding powers of imagination to make it safely home?

=SPOILERS BELOW=

General notes:
Too many authors of children’s stories think they can get away with one dimensional characters and little humor or dialogue of interest. EndMaster does not fall into this pitfall, making each side character their own distinct person, and making the writing enjoyable for kids and adults alike.
In many ways this story seems like it’s aimed less at children, and more at teens and adults recalling a specific aspect of their childhood. Certainly it works as a children’s story, but the work’s tone and elements heavily recall a specific genre of children’s fantasy books that older readers will be more likely to recognize than younger ones.
Many books of this genre focus on an imaginative protagonist pulled into a fantasy world, who uses their unique skills and traits to succeed and return home. In this story, the narrator’s powers of imagination are explicitly supernatural, providing both a driving force for the plot, and tying into the main theme of the power of imagination. The story does a good job with this theme. It uses it as a driving force for the plot rather than hitting the reader over the head with it, and the narrator’s deus ex machina abilities are allowed to cause as many problems as they solve. What’s more, as with many of the elements in this genre, the imagination-powered abilities act as a metaphor for the protagonist’s life in the real world, with the protagonist and nightmare tyrnt each respectively representing the positive and negative side of imagination.

Specific notes:
-The opening paragraph firmly establishes the main character as a child, particularly, the kind of kid who likes to make up stories. The scenario used to show this is one that’s probably relatable to a lot of readers, and has a humorous and familiar tone.
-The bad guys in this game are comically evil, complete with evil laughs and one-liners. In a more serious work they might be out of place, but here they fit well with the whimsical tone of the stories this work is trying to capture.
-The imagery in this story is particularly good, it’s an important aspect of the genre.
-Many children’s stories seem to have difficulty writing adults interacting with children. This one handles it well, however, all the characters react logically. The “wizard” sees potential cheap labor, and Lyssia and the Captain are balancing protecting the narrator from the Nightmare Tyrant with other priorities.
-The worldbuilding that exists here (such as the description of Null) seems neither barebones nor overwhelming. It’s presented in a neat way that intrigues without distracting.
-Many of the characters here are traditional fantasy archetypes. We have the wizard/charlatan, the captain, the adventurer, the talking animal. It would be easy for this method of cast-building to act as a shortcut for real development, but all of these characters are well-rounded, even those with only brief roles. The use of archetypical characters also contributes to the traditional and nostalgic feel of the story, by including many figures that frequent fantasy readers will recognize from childhood novels.
-The Null is a cool concept for a setting.
-Johnny’s presence illustrates well the consequences of capture by the nightmare tyrant. He also represents metaphorically a more realistic threat, the threat of parental neglect and apathy.
-“...or was it a dream?” endings are usually groan-inducing, but as it’s a staple of the genre that inspired this work, it would be practically negligent not to include it.
-I like that the protagonist can defeat the shadows in a variety of different ways, depending on the path.
-I also like the inclusion of many common fantasy elements, such as talking animals, little people, and ghosts. Though for the most part these elements are not essential to the plot, they really make the setting feel like a traditional “fantasy” fantasy world, perfectly capturing the genre.
-The protagonists’s powers mirror the antagonist’s, which is always a nice narrative touch.
-Little scenes, like the conversations between Salzat and Lakri, are what really flesh this story’s world out.
-Once again, the worldbuilding that’s done in this story fits its scope very well. Qualan’s description of his homeland iis yet another frequent fantastic archetype.
-The idea of a halfling pretending to be a dwarf is amusing.
-It’s nice to see more of Melcar in the second path, and to see him being legitimately helpful rather than merely taking advantage of an opportunity to get his garden cleaned.

Grammar:
-“Creativeness” should be “creativity”.
-There are some dialogue punctuation issues.
Mastery of Language
This story could’ve used another round of proofreading to tidy up the sentence structure issues. It doesn’t distract, though.

Branching:
Quite good, particularly on the branch where you try to scare away the purple people. There are multiple victory endings that can be achieved, and the player has control over the direction the story goes in. The Melcar branch is a bit more linear, but this makes sense in context.

Player Options/fair choice:
Overall quite good. The consequences of actions are fair and foreshadowed, which is particularly important for a story with a younger audience.

PERSONAL EXPERIENCE: I got the ending where you make it home with the Adventurer’s help.

CONCLUSION: EndMaster has proved with this work that he’s capable of producing high-quality writing for any number of different authorial styles. A fun read.

Usually, I wouldn't fathom the thought of EndMaster and story-game "geared for children," in the same breath, but alas, it is a thing. The surprise stopped being a thing almost immediately for me when like many of his other stories, enjoyment was something that wasn't hard to be sought after and attained. I think making the protagonist that of a young child and having the adventure that they brave be something that is personal in a sense, with the goal being to return to the safe confines of their home gives this story a different sort of charm to his other works.

And like many of End's works, he makes sure to supply a colorful cast of side characters that make themselves memorable for their own reasons. Some even sharing names with characters from other stories, which I admit is something that never fails to make me smile at least as I begin to recall where-else I may have seen them from.

Be it from lazy hedge wizards, a courageous captain of knights, less than courageous knights, and what seems to be an EndMaster staple of also providing an elf lady for you to interact with. Such an interesting line-up really drives home the fact that that is indeed a work of his, despite the whole being something that even a child can read without possibly running the risk of carrying nightmares to their bed for days.

Other things that can be found and enjoyed by a reader from this story-game is an adventure that is rich in it's choices as well as it descriptive writing that paints each scene with an almost life-like light. "Like-like," in the sense that as I read, the feeling that I was in the story myself wasn't something I can escape. I believe that that's case because the story really does branch meaningfully, not in a sense of being forced or artificial, but in a way that you really do receive many opportunities in the way of how your adventure could potentially play out.

It really is something amazing and even admirable at the end of the day. And although I do say that, this still does happen to be an Endmaster production so you can indeed find yourself meeting a dastardly fate if you don't happen to be careful with the choices that you make. That sense of danger and foreboding that lurks on each page keeps this story-game true to classic choose your own adventure stories of old, while carving out its own identity with EndMaster's signature branded crave and flair that accompanies his writing.

In short, I have had the privilege and pleasure of reading many story-games in my time on this site, and some stories have truly struck a chord with me for being honestly and genuinely good and engaging. But there's a different feeling that I receive from reading something that has EndMaster listed as its author. Many writers can craft amazing adventures, but reading something from End always makes me feel that I have read something much more that I struggle to adequately apply into words.

Perhaps I could simply state that EndMaster has been my favorite writer for like a literal decade and more, and that's simply because he writes like nobody else. He has his own style that gives him the ability to apparently to excel in stories meant for both the mature and young, and it almost seems effortless on his part.

Truly an amazing and well-written work. Although I seriously had not a single thought that I could possibly even not have enjoyed it after I read the first page that kept me engaged from beginning to end, to the next path after the next, to one conclusion after the next, until I had read all there was with contentment and satisfaction.

Just like all of your stories, I have read and experienced this one for years, but still I must thank you for creating it. I just so happen to cherish your writing :)

"This story is very exciting; it makes me feel like I'm entering another world. It's so enjoyable!"

So I definitely did enjoy the branching in this one. It was family friendly without being overtly bland.

In my first playthrough, I thought it was hilarious that the halfling being cheated in such a way, only to be put in his place and ask for MORE help. EndMaster does a great job, as always, of changing the flavor of a scene in a seamless way by immediately having the shadows attack.

Seeing Stinky overcome his boss was great plot development. I actually wonder if he was some long lost ancestor of Warts from Rogues.

By the way, it was clever making the boy have powers, but making them unstable enough they destroy him if he tries to get home. This lets the reader interact with his surroundings in a meaningful way without giving him invincible plot armor.

In my second playthrough, I went with the soldiers of the Empire (a nice Easter egg, even if it wasn't THE empire). The merc definitely seemed shady to me, and I have to say, his mom gave good advice with the "don't go off with strangers!"

Eventually, we came to the Gray Building. Another great Easter egg, and it was interesting to find out more about it. Although I do have to wonder how such a magical building ended up on eBay.

All in all, an excellent story that, while much less 'adult' than some of EndMaster's other works, is no less of a story and does a great job tying into them. I actually wonder if the boy will end up being a soldier in this cosmic war that's supposed to be coming up.

Noice bok

boring

Surprisingly wholesome for EndMaster, but still a masterfully woven story

Toooo long

I lost because I tried to fight :( Sad. Good game though :D

It was great, but some parts I found confusing. It could use some improvement.

loveit

goofy ah gaem

Decent

Keep going forward and take risks

Thank you

good game

I really enjoyed reading this adventure. Uts the first I've read, I'm excited to read others, thank you.

Great game

BORING

It was very engaging, I enjoyed it.

I explored this game and relished the descriptive narratives. Thanks for the creative multiple endings.

Interesting trip!

This was such a breath of fresh air! It transported me back to my own childhood when I thought everything was possible and my imagination ran wild. xD This storygame could actually be turned into a movie/TV series for kids, it's that good! I'd definitely watch it. ;)

Good.

This story was alright. It is a bit limited seeing as it is a children's story, but it is still better than a lot of the stories on this site. It's hard to gather my thoughts on it, since it's very strange, There are a lot of aspects that I could count as faults, but they aren't because this is a children's game. Looking at it with that in mind makes for a very diffrent expirence overall. Before I go and spoil everything about this story go read it. Even if you are turned off by this being a children's story, it is worth it. This is written by endmaster after all.

So starting off I'm going to talk about those "faults" I mentioned. The first is the simplicity of the story. Though this is forgivable because this is a children's story. Even if it wasn't simple stories are often great, because they have a simple premise and narrow focus, Another one is the characters. They seemed very bland. There was the one guy who got talked out of being bad into good, but everyone seems to believe everything the kid says, and it doesn't seem like there is much defining each character, besides a few things on each. Though again, this is a children;s story. Meaning that having a few things to know about each is intended. And this isn't always the case! The palidins each were very defined, and I liked them. To sum up my last two points, they don't matter. These faults that would normally be major factors, but they have no role here, because the type of story excuses them.

Now the major part I am confused about this story. Who is this for? This can be enjoyed by people who like deeper fiction, but the target auidence is children. This story is structured in a way like a children's story, and it reads like that. Though most children can't read this. I can say with very confidently that very few kids below forth grade can get through this. In fact most forth graders can't. I would say by fifth grade around 50 percent could get through this if they really liked it. Hell right now, in eighth grade, I know of some kids who wouldn't get through this. Though the kids on this site are into writing, so we can assume a large amount of fifth graders can get through this, and beyond fifth most kids into writing can. In 5th they are like 10-11, and 6th they are like 11-12. This is assuming that fifth graders can read this, and that might be a little bit of a stretch. I would say by the time they go into 7th grade, or even 6th grade they have left the target auidence of this story. All of this to say that it reads very much like a children's story, and it's not like the vocab is too bad, but the pages are dense. They aren't dense compared to teen or adult fiction, but it is very discriptive for a children's story, and I feel by the time they grow old enough that their attention span is long enough to read books that contain actual descriptions they will have been on the verge of leaving the target auidence. I think instead of a children's story this is more of a nice, sweet, wholesome story. Though not something I would try and read to my 2ed grade sister

The branching was more liner here, though that isn't too much of a bad thing. There is a decent bit. I feel like there are 4 main branches you can go down, and the rest of the choices lead in death. Though it still branches quite a bit, and does it well.

Though while it is simple, as a result it becomes very wholesome. This is a story I would recommend if someone just got done being amazed and horrified at the work of AVSCYS. The protag himself is very lovable, and acts like a believable kid, I still wish I knew how his battle with his toys turned out.

All in all this story is wholesome. I'm not sure if I can agree with this being a children's story though. In terms of rating I would rate it a VERY high 5. It might even be a 6, but I can't quite give it that. This story I think is defined by "Fun for everyone"

5/8

#amazed

A very interesting take upon Imagination and how will power could theoretically be wielded as a physical weapon against entities that are seemingly impervious to damage. Also, is there going to be a continuation of this where one can meet/defeat/make peace with the big bad boss? cause I would be interested in playing that.

ps: Master of Ends, I plead for you to take mercy upon my soul.

This game stands out amongst End's other stories. It's lighter and see free for one. It's also pretty compact. I found it to be well-paced . Nothing went "wrong" with it either.

This story reminded me very much of the classic CYOA books I used to read when I was younger.
I felt engaged throughout the story and there was a clear aim of what I should be trying to do, which I rather enjoyed as it gave a sort of ‘direction’ to my choices instead of me just randomly going ‘Well, that seems cool, I might as well choose that’. Having a goal of trying to get back home and away from the Nightmare Tyrant meant that my choices were all centred around that core goal and I think this was one of the parts of the story that made it so enjoyable. It was also a good aspect to have for a children’s story
I thought the idea around this story was very clever and unique. The Shadows were an obvious villain without being too cliché, which is exactly what is needed in a children’s story game.
One thing I did find a little annoying was that I kept dying, but this isn’t really an issue, just a personal preference of mine as I wasn’t expecting the deaths to be that frequent in a children’s game.
I also found that there was a lot of exclamation points. Although not taking any value away from the story, this was a little bit annoying to read as the voice in my head would go upwards every time as I read them (hope that makes sense!).
It goes without saying that the writing was great. The pacing of it was good, and I never felt disengaged from the story.
Humour was also integrated into the story very well, ‘You try to scare the little purple people much like you’ve ran after pigeons in the park’ got a little chuckle from me as well as other clever language techniques that were used.

I played through most of the branches and enjoyed the variety of endings. The good ones were very sweet while the bad ones were daunting and left a lot to the readers own imagination- which I think was the ideal way to do it. Having clear cut win/lose endings also added to the satisfaction of the story.

I finally got around to reading this one today, and I am not disappointed. I did not enjoy it as much as I did many of EndMaster's other stories, but I am not the target audience anyway. As a story, it is good, but when viewed as the children's story it is, it becomes great.
The plot was simple but entertaining and sometimes humorous (the pink beard part especially made me laugh). I enjoyed seeing the Gray Building and Johnny from Repression make appearances too.
It genuinely is kid-friendly, but not in a lame way. Think of it as that one show that you can safely watch with your protective sister's children while still being entertained yourself.
Imagination accomplishes its purpose perfectly.

10/10

It's a little long for a story, but otherwise, very good. Thank you!

noice
but shadows gots to sqare up

i love roblox then reading :} :) :> :]

wow this is cool i loved it so much i like wen you fight them

Great story, EndMaster! Pretty good for a kid-friendly read!

Good game!

I loved it. This is the first story I've read here, so I don't have much to compare it to, but I did like reading the story. There was one part of the story where it looked like you were choosing a path in the crossroad, and I feel like you should've had a choice there. Maybe the other path would end in death or something, but I really felt like there should've been a choice there.

I'm actually quite surprised that you even write books for children. x'D

This was very well written, and I loved the plot development. Not that many grammatical mistakes which I noticed, and it was amazing.

The plot and concepts behind the story were very well done. The choices that were presented were realistic, and they were abundant. I wish more had been elaborated upon the ability to create things out of thin air from imagination.

Gave me nightmares

It's so adorable! I like how he made it happen, not some abstract evil force.

Well written story as usual EndMaster! Good amount of choices for a children's story.

god that was long. i wasted half my afternoon just getting to the zodan military transportation machine!

Was a great game! Wonderfully written!

just like the 2 answer

This game is a bit different but still good nonetheless.

Fairly enjoyable and well written, quitw different from your other writings but food none the less.

Great story

This was...rather different for an Endmaster story. Nevertheless, I liked it. 6/8

Yes. A children's story. Well done.

Why end masta! Didn't think you had it in ya!;) nicely done once again

This was amazing. I loved it, and the concept was really cool!

Awwww... That was sweet! Apparently writing for children is a real challenge. Way to knock it out of the ball park, yet again, End :)

Wow, I don't know why but I like this better than many of the longer epics of chooseyourownstory. Maybe because of the powerful real-world message it emphasizes. Thx for another great story, Endmaster!

A fun, simple, quick read.

It really WAS for kids! Huh. Great story.

I thought you were lying when you said it was for kids because I've read some of your stories and some are on the strange side... and some are on the f*%$3@ing weird...I even didn't swear there just to be appropriate because endmaster is for once.

Awesome story End. Just Awesome. NUFF SAID!

The story's cute. Heh :)

Great job End, I still love all of your stories. Congrats on being the most creative human being on the planet. (Or maybe your'e not human?)

EndMaster, you fucking genius.

Arguably the most unique out of EndMaster's stories, but not in a bad way. You really weren't joking when you said it's appropriate for kids. There's not much I can say other than it's worth a read.

i liked it, was quite a nice pick me up in some ways. :)

I wish you would tame down the language of Eternal a bit, since this has shown me that you can. Constantly hearing brains busted out etc gets boring. Don't want it so tame that it's at Imagination's level, but I think you can find a happy medium..

This was good. The conflict felt compelling, and the choices were realistic.

It was amazing...powerful...the story was great and it was aptly made for all ages. It was a short and fun adventure with few grammar mistakes.

Good story. Glad to see you can write a story that has not a single mention of rape, or a psycho mutilating people.

This made me smile. I'm surprised it's only rated a six.
7/8

Nice story!

Nice story.

Ah, childhood in a story. The writing style really highlighted the story, but to be honest, this story looks a bit too complex for children in terms of wording.

I thought this was a really neat little story.

surprised to see endmaster can write something suitable for children... just joking, nice little game, thank you!

Good one.

1 isn't exactly the right maturity rating for this.

I keep thinking Empire and Shadows and the Providence of Quala when i read this, 7/8 proof that endmaster can make anything good even though the topic is weird

A very entertaining story. I really need to come back to it, and see every possibility. That's why I like fairly short stories; it let's you easily see all it has to offer.

Awsome!

I love these kinda games which involve just the right amount of strategy and story length! Great for a quick fun after my work!

Cool. Needs to be longer.

Too much story, not enough game. Too few pages.

Wow! I'm glad that you can do something without constant swearing. I'm currently looking through all your stories. Hey wait a sec, I think maturity should be increased to 3.

Wow Imagination power even better than flower power

Cool. And the first thing I do after my grand adventure is eat, of course!

Weird choices!

Quite short to me but fun

It's very good but it could by a little longer.

it's great to be a kid

7

Great story did all the endings. Also if you ever continue this world maybe you can do it from Johnny's perspective.

kinda hard to follow.

it was okay

A treasure to read to children, if only CoD wasn't so appealing to kids these days.

It was really good, and I understand that this is a children's story, but I was hoping for more plot paths. Still very good!

it's kinda cute for little kids, but i would like maybe more options at more parts like the safe way and the bad way maybe you could have options like that

Amazing game. I loved every bit of it

It was good.

End's not really the type of person who would write for children... Still, not bad. 5/8

Bo approves

It took my a while to find that right ending. Overall, the story was well-written and highly enjoyable. Any mistakes (though I can't specifically remember if there were any...)were easily overlooked and didn't distract from the storyline.

one great story. one of originality

Awsome :D

I have to say, this storygame does what it promises and more. In a strange way, it reminds me of my own imaginative creations whilst a child. Keep up the good work!

This was awesome. Living proof that beginner storygames can still be amazing.

Very creative! One of my favorites on the site.

Not my favorite of yours, but it was entertaining. I seem to remember this being a children's story and as such, it does the job well.

more option choices would be better

Ah, now this story really appealed to my younger side. (Yes, I have a younger side!) It's like one of Spielberg's movies for kids. Excellent job, End.

An interesting story that should please our younger audience well. For myself, I found the story to be engaging but fairly predictable. Beautifully written, and another great addition to the site.

This was fun
but not on the level of Ground Zero or anything
but still, lotsa fun
great story telling.

Good writing, nice storyline. I could see this being a published CYOA back in the day.

this is definately a tale for the younger group. but it might be a bit long for them. lol but still great writing as always.

An excellent story! Make a sequel and make it longer, and I'll give it an eight!

Great job, really good strory.
You, endmaster, have quite an imagination. : )