Well it seems being in the discord has given me the particular knowledge of who's is who's.
Which is why my vote is for story B. :)
The quill's other forms include a dictionary, English textbook, and functional brain. Not wielded by the writer. Not tonight, and not ever. An impossible task.
Story A, obviously.
I vote for Allah
Story A, because it's more finished than B. Story A reminded me oddly so much of Cel, probably because of the exclamation marks and the CAPSLOCK SPAM and the constant cursing. I don't know whether this should be a compliment for Dark.
Ace once said that he struggled with writing 4 pages, so I would like to think that he wrote story B.
Why do you keep editing your post? That's like your 4th time
I felt bad spamming everyone with notifications, so I thought that my edits would solve this. I read it on my phone so it was glitching pretty bad. Plus I was going back and forth to read the story again.
IDK which is which, but Story A was fantastic - no notes. Whichever one of the two wrote Story B should be banned from the site
Story A gets my vote, easy. Story B - please do better.
This was a hard one. I liked Story A a lot, it had a fine sense of imagery and each major character was made keenly memorable upon introduction. The sheer wretchedness of the court and everyone involved gave the story such an amusingly picaresque character, and I thoroughly enjoyed watching this cast of belligerent muppets fail to hang a con man.
On the other hand, brevity is the soul of wit, and Mizal herself has noted, (correctly, in my view) that it's actually harder to write a short story in 50 words than it is in 1000. Technically, both contestants did go a little above what I presume was their goal limit, but the principle is the same. Which is what makes this contest truly come so close to the wire.
I think that Story B is punching well above its weight class by far, and yet, he is holding his own. Much like Dark is punching several hundred pounds above his own weight class in this duel, and yet the entries are neck and neck. But personally, I think I have to give my vote to Story B, because even though Story A paints a delightfully detailed tapestry of violence and institutional hysteria, Story B manages to cover a canvas of the same size using only a single turd, and within the brown is an indescribable depth, to which I cannot help but notice new things I dislike every time I look at it. It is so layered, and so rich in its way.
I vote for A (-salaam alaykum)
Story B felt like someone turning in a homework assignment 5 minutes before it was due. And while I can respect that, it wasn't that great.
Story A was good, a few minor errors, but I liked it. There was solid characterization, great tension, some descriptive prose, from which the writers of the previous bout could learn a thing or two: note how the author conveys a lot of style within the constraints of the word limit. There isn't paragraphs of description, but what we're given still paints a pretty full picture.
Story B, however, blew harder than Ace's mom after she got offered a quarter pounder and large fries for sucking dick. Sentence 1 is dumb because the author can't even think of a metaphorical place whence the inspiration could leak from. Sentence 2 is retarded because inspiration is described as "remaining through cracks" which is utter fucking nonsense. The second paragraph is attempting to be poetic, I guess, but it comes across with the gravitas of a wet napkin and the elegance of a vulture eating. I mean, starting not one, but TWO CONSECUTIVE sentences with conjunctions is just fucking gross. If they served a purpose, or had a good flow, it could be forgivable. But they add nothing to "in other forms, it is wielded", which probably flows better WITHOUT the conjunction--on top of that, this sentence doesn't really make sense with the metaphor anyway and it sucks. "Unused, better instruments now" reads worse than AI generated text. Like poetry, this story takes a lot to digest and fully comprehend, but it's not because of a significant, impactful message; rather, it's the inane attempt at complexity, which only results in unintelligible, uninteresting metaphors that still manage to be vague. You use four sentences to write some shit about how you can't write, and this is what you go with? It's also shameful to not submit anything after you agree to a duel with a limit of 2k (so you at most spend three hours on this). My last thunderdome entry was written in the last hour before the deadline because I fucking forgot about it for the whole weekend. You could write an actual story instead of a shitty half-poem. While Sent may be lost in this shit, it drives me to drink.
After sleeping on it, I vote for Story A
You know what, story B is more poetic and does a better job of setting a tone. And even in so few words, it tells such a story...
jk. I'm voting for A
I vote story A.
Story A had a strong premise and plot. Unfortunately, what started engaging mood-setting description in the first two paragraphs turned into over-wordiness as the narrator's musings dragged on. Many were clever, but could have been communicated much more quickly in a way that didn't drag out so much. I feel that this story could have been half the length, and much stronger for it.
I liked the trick the narrator uses at the end, but I thought it was poorly executed. The townspeople are shown to be pissed at them, so I can't imagine they'd turn on the judge just like that. Maybe if the townspeople's anger with the judge was foreshadowed earlier, this would work better.
Story A feels like a strong first draft. Some intensive editing could turn it into a strong final draft. But it's definitely not there yet, in terms of the language.
Story B actually isn't a terrible concept. I can easily imagine a short, punchy, poetic story covering the same premise to great effect. This one didn't. It's pretty clear that the author was rushed and just vaguely threw together whatever phrases they thought would cover the concept in the limited time remaining.
Easy B here.
@MrAce321 you're fat
I'm voting for story A, I just love that Table abuse