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So, as many of you already know, I’m working on a contest storygame. I’m about 600 words in right now, and I officially started building it yesterday. Here’s the prompt I’m working from: “A story involving tales from the Bible and do whatever you want with it. (Do not simply use the Book of Mormon for this fanfic)”.

On the surface, the objective is simple. The storygame should feel like a straightforward fan-fiction retelling. Something clean, almost innocent. But if you know me at all, you know I rarely stop at surface-level ideas. I tend to use the full extent of my creativity, sometimes more than I probably should. Because of that, I’ve chosen to layer the story with a creeping horror theme.

You play as Adam. Through each choice you make, you gain Faith with God via a variable system. At first, this Faith behaves exactly how you’d expect. Obedience is rewarded. Trust feels safe. The world reacts gently. But later in the story, depending on how much Faith you’ve accumulated, cracks start to form. You begin to suspect, and eventually realize, that God may not be divine in the way you were taught. Instead, He is something eldritch. Vast. Incomprehensable. A presence that *requires* belief and cooperation to fully enter the world.

As the story progresses, the narration itself begins to shift. It moves from “You walk to…” to “You read on.” The text starts addressing the READER directly, not just the character. The boundary between Adam and the player thins until it’s barely there at all. By the end, again depending on your Faith value, one of two outcomes occurs: either you resist and defeat this God-thing, or you, both as the reader *and* the character, willingly allow it to enter Adam’s world… and ours.

I’m planning for this to be a fairly large project. As my first storygame, you could say I’m coming in with a bang, maybe a bit recklessly. This thread is mainly for general thoughts. How I should structure narrative branches, how to tweak the ones I’ve already written, and how best to develop and pace the variable interactions without making them feel mechanical or obvious.
 

>>>But if you know me at all, you know I rarely stop at surface-level ideas. I tend to use the full extent of my creativity, sometimes more than I probably should.

Examples?

I don't think "clean" or "innocent" describes any story in the Bible really. Though shaking it up a bit more than a simple fanfic retelling was probably more what End had in mind anyhow so good call there. Making something essentially stat based seems like the most ambitious part though so good luck with that.

Well, if you know me, you'd know that I can get pretty deep into debates and any idea I have I tend to follow through with. But unfortunately, you and I have not had any conversations in PMs, on this site or not, therefore you wouldn't necessarily know that or not, so your questioning is valid.

I don't think anyone here knows you.

You'd be surprised.

So what was your original account name?

Neat idea. Reminds me a bit of the Book of Job, and Harischandra in hinduism. Just like Job and Harischandra both suffered enormous hardships for the sake of the thing they believed in(faith in God for Job and keeping his word for Harischandra), Adam could also have a similar narrative arc.

I think you got a really good idea going, and what's even more interesting is that you're adding in an element of how God may not be what Adam traditionally thought. I like the layers to this idea.

With regards to your specific question, I would say that you should learn the traditional patterns for storygame branching. Do you know the difference between a gauntlet and a tree? Are you familiar with false-choices and bottlenecks?

Check this article out: https://troypress.com/design-patterns-in-choose-your-own-adventures/

Hmm, story of Job, but plot twist: you are Job's brother. That would be an interesting horror story.

Sounds kind of gnostic.

Wasn't even aware of that "religion"! Thanks for the mention, I can take inspiration from it.

I googled one of the names for him, and found this cool wiki for some fanfic community or game I've never played. Cool lore though: The Demonic Paradise Fandom: Yaldaboath.

Sized this down a little. 650 width max for the forum please, or have it adjust itself by screen size.

(Also, .webp is disgusting. You disgust me.)

Almost certainly historically accurate. Also same with John of Patmos.

>>>This thread is mainly for general thoughts. How I should structure narrative branches, how to tweak the ones I’ve already written, and how best to develop and pace the variable interactions without making them feel mechanical or obvious.

I will say though that these questions would be difficult for someone else to answer without more specific detail as to the issues you're having. You seem to know what you want to do already from the way you describe it though, sounds like you're just lacking the actually writing it part. Might be best to come back to this once you have more than your first page.

I intended this thread to be a communicative, cooperative kind of suggestion-based conversation. Although I do have a good idea of where I'm headed, I would like a bit of feedback on the idea and overall some general reccomendations on how I should go about making this thing. Like I said, this is a big project, and I want it to involve not only Adam but the reader themselves. That requires some input from you guys! 

If I was cooperative I'd repeat Mizal's words in that it is entirely too unclear as to what kind of input you're looking forward to exactly. There's nothing already written to critique. And at this point what you're describing is so wishy washy I can't offer any advice beyond something so broad as to not be anything meaningful at all, such as 'I like choices, duh' or 'just write well', or 'read Gower's Natalie game on the site if you want to see the narration address the reader directly in a fashion that actually works'.

But I am not cooperative. We're rivals in this contest and it's a dog eat dog world out here.

And as such, I immediately declare we are sworn enemies in this contest. I GUARANTEE that my story will be better.

Hope you don't mind some competition.

I wager all my points, since I am kind of broke.

I'm pretty sure I just said this to another noob recently but I guess I will repeat myself. Trying to open with a large project on your first storygame, especially when there is a contest deadline attached to it, is a bad idea.

The reason I keep parroting this idea is that there are some things you can only learn by publishing a story and receiving feedback. Multiple loops of this feedback are usually recommended to refine an author's writing style. Once the style is refined, a lot of the questions you asked about narrative choices will kind of answer themselves. On the contrary, trying to write a larger story with an unrefined style might end up a confusing and exhausting experience for both the author and the reader.

My recommendation would be to write about a specific event instead of a character. That way your own scope will prevent you from writing something very large and you can really drill down on potential branches and explore how else that particular event could've gone down.

I don’t agree with that line of thinking. Starting small might sound practical, but it often feels like an excuse to avoid taking real risks. A big project forces you to commit, to actually learn what it takes to build something that lasts more than a few pages. The pressure of scale exposes weaknesses faster than a short story ever could. You figure out your pacing, structure, and voice by doing, not by tiptoeing through practice rounds.

Sure, it might be rough at first, but every writer’s first attempt is messy anyway. The difference is that with a large story, you’ve already thrown yourself into the deep end, so you come out stronger. A contest deadline isn’t a trap, it’s more of a motivation. Writing about a single event might be simpler, but it’s also limiting. Growth doesn’t typically come from playing it safe, but instead, it comes from picking something ambitious and seeing it through, no matter how chaotic it gets.  

Thanks for the input, though! That's what this thread is for.

Have you written interactive fiction before?

Actually, in the not-so-distant past, I've created a campaign for D&D. I've also created google slide interactive games, which are surprisingly fun. If either of those count as interactive fiction -- which I think they do -- then yes, I have. 

I just read Mystic's guide that Gryphon linked and that pretty much said everything I wanted to say and way more lol.

If you have prior experience, then you know how quickly branching storylines can spiral out of control in stories with larger scopes. If you're confident that you can handle that, then go for it!

Alright. Thanks for the input! I will definitely take everything you and Gryphon said into consideration. :)

So who left Adam chilling naked in the garden,? And who made the garden?

Thread title is a little misleading, I thought this was going to be a more general writing discussion.

Hm. I'm seeing a lot of problems here, but they have less to do with your story idea and more to do with how you're going about the brainstorming process. Mainly I'm echoing Clayfinger that starting with a large project is a risky idea, and you learn a lot by starting with smaller ones.

First off if you're considering embarking on a long project I strongly recommend Mystic's Guide to Writing Epic Storygames. Tons of fantastic advice in here.

Here's the main things that concerns me about your idea:

1) You have a big idea that requires a long game, but you don't seem enthusiastic about all the material you'd need to come up with to fill it. You like the idea of an epic scale 4th-wall breaking confrontation that involves both character and reader. But I'm not getting the sense that you're at all excited about the biblical sub-stories you'll have to write to support this, when those are A) the chief focus of your prompt, and B) the actual meat of the story. No matter how epic the building hidden background plot is, this game will not work if passion and craft isn't invested into making the foreground plot genuinely compelling in its own right.

2) There are inherent limits to a 4th wall breaking story. They can be very good, but you can only 'involve' the reader so much before they remember they're reading a fictional story and no eldritch monster from it can ever enter our reality. The best 4th wall breaking stories are the ones that work with that limitation (or at least reasonably cover it up) rather than asking the reader to conveniently forget about it.

3) It's concerning that you're asking for input from others about broad topics like branch structure, variable decisions, and the overall direction of the story. Either A) You're seeking very basic advice on how branch structure/variables/storytelling plots work, in which case you haven't put in the requisite work to build a complex game like this anyways, or B) You know your options, but don't actually care enough about your idea to have strong feelings about how you implement it or where you take your story.

If it's option A, the good news is we have articles on this stuff: This article has a link to an article that explains the major types of branching narratives, and the help & info section has a lot of articles that can give you an idea of what you can do with variables. You can explore these resources and figure out how you want to use mechanics to enhance your storytelling. But it's not likely that you'll be able to implement this at the scale you want to, on your first try, within the span of the contest.

If it's option B that's less fixable--it sounds like you just don't care much about your idea, and you'd be better off picking something you DO have strong opinions about than asking other people to fill in the gaps. Ultimately you are the one who will have to write your story, and it will only happen if you yourself are passionate about every writing decision you make.

EDIT: Just say your response to Clayfinger. It's true that playing it safe doesn't promote growth. But over-reaching doesn't either, it just leads to collapse and burnout. There's a sweet spot in the middle where you're pushing yourself just past your previous limitations where the most growth happens. In your case, if you've never written a storygame before, just getting one finished is the limit you're pushing. You'll learn and grow plenty by picking a small idea and putting in the work to do it justice.

Wow! This advice is some of the best I've read so far. I will DEFINITELY take your second point into consideration; it's something I never even thought of.

On the other hand, I AM very enthusiastic and excited about this prompt and the story. Again, I made this thread for the sole purpose of exactly what I'm getting out of it: advice. Thanks for your input!