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This is how it works:

Having a comment featured (2 points)

Recommending a comment for featuring (1 point)
Recommending a user's excellent aid in the last six months for points (1 point)
Recommending a tag change for a storygame (1 point)
Recommending a storygame for movement to a different category (1 point)
Recommending a storygame for a change in maturity level or difficulty level (1 point for each)
Recommending a storygame for featuring (1 point)
Recommending a storygame for unpublishing (1 point)
Recommending a comment for deletion (1 point)

To get points for recommending something, I have to agree with you and newly created storygames are not eligible point earners.  

Four Most Important Things when recommending anything:

1. Reply to THIS thread to THIS post

2. A hyperlink to the storygame

3. A story has to be above a rating of 2 (unless it’s for deletion)

4. Number ALL your suggestions

Recommending a comment for featuring:

- The comment that you think deserves featuring (copy and paste it)
- The username of the person who wrote the comment (doesn't have to be the exact username, just enough so I understand who it is)
- If there are already 3 featured comments on the storygame, you also have to let me know whose comment you think should be replaced.
- If I agree, you will get 1 point and the person whose comment is featured will get 2 points. If you are reccomending your own comment, then you only get 2 points.

Recommending a comment for deletion:

- The comment that you think deserves deletion (copy and paste it)
- The username of the person who wrote the comment (doesn't have to be the exact username, just enough so I understand who it is)

It has to either have spammy punctuation, flame the author, be completely incomprehensible, be a duplicate comment, or not actually be a comment (such as "..." or "poop" or something).  

Note: Do not recommend comments on Endmaster stories for deletion unless they are spammy or deformed. He usually monitors his stories’ comments anyway.

Recommending a tag change for a storygame

- All of the tags you believe the story should have

Recommending a category change for a storygame

- The category you believe it should be in
- A short explanation of why

Recommending a change in maturity or difficulty level for a storygame

- The change you think should be made
- A short explanation of why

Recommending a storygame for featuring

 - A short rationale for why

Recommending a forum thread for deletion

- A short rationale for why

Recommending a storygame for unpublishing

- A short explanation of why [specifically, you must describe how it fails to meet minimum site standards]

• After receiving at least 7 ratings and being published for at least 1 week, the storygame is rated 1/8
• After receiving at least 7 ratings and being published for at least 1 week, the storygame is rated 2/8 and its length is 1/8
• The storygame has all of the following characteristics:
  • Grammar and style poor enough that it cannot be ignored
  • A plot which is poor or nonexistent
  • Poor pacing (usually characterized by frequent and unpredictable end game links)
  • A lack of important decisions
  • Unbelievable or overly cliched dialogue (if dialogue is present in the story)
• The storygame has "dead" pages- pages with no links or way to proceed.
• The storygame's central concept is pornographic in nature
• The storygame is not a storygame and is instead intended to fulfill a goal such as communicating with another member (including all inside jokes) or advertising a product.
• The storygame is explicitly described by the author as a "troll" game, or intentionally poor quality.
• Any unfinished story rated 4 or less which has been published for over six months.
  • What qualifies a story as "unfinished?"

1. Specifically stating in the description/text of the game that it is a "demo."

2. Ending abruptly with a notice that it will be continued later.

Games that say they are the first in a series are not automatically considered "unfinished." As long as the game itself is complete, even if the author never returned to write a sequel, it is not up for unpublishing.

If you don't follow protocol, there will be no negative repercussions, you will be ignored, or I'll take your advice and not reward you with points. Following protocol expedites the process.

To summarize: post here (for the most part) with recommendations for who I should reward / what I should change and I'll reward you with points. 

Take a second to check the posts above you and see if someone else has already made the recommendation. Remember, newly created Storygames are not eligible for tag/category/comment points.

Yay! New thread! Great work everyone.

Let's start this off with more Crescent Fund xD

Recommended Comments for Featuring:

1) Rylee Green

Your writing skills are actually pretty good! The pictures were a plus, but the storygame was too short and had only one type of ending. 

I don't find the story "boring" exactly, though I didn't find it very... enticing to read. I think that what you have so far is a very good mini-plot for an exposition of a storygame, so if you add more to this to make it a complete story, I think it can actually be really good because your writing skills are great. 

What I did like was the realism with the woman stuck in the tree, and how she would like a piggyback ride. Nice touch there. 

Despite how short it is, you incorporated a major part of the protagonist's background into the story. From that, I know that she doesn't like letting people down, is disciplined, and is hardworking. I also know that her father probably taught her that, so I can assume what the father is like. 

Very nice, though too short.

-- Crescentstar on 12/8/2016 9:59:48 PM

 

2) Jack at the Tracks

First: "while they are bleeding heavily, they are basically unharmed" ... Um ok. So despite their heavy bleeding, they're unharmed? The blood had to come from somewhere on them, and if something is bleeding a lot, chances are, there's a big injury! 

It's a very, very basic storygame with a very basic plot. 
Crash-->help-->end = too short 

Your grammar/writing is decent. There were some randomly capitalized letters, but otherwise, I didn't notice anything else. You need more detail and background information. Otherwise, if you don't choose to expand this incredibly short storygame, you could probably just fatten it up a bit.

-- Crescentstar on 12/8/2016 10:11:09 PM with a score of 0

 

3) Mootha Russia

Uh... Well that was random. No real plot. It was random stuff for the sake of random stuff. 

Oh, and grammar, especially punctuation and capitalization, need working on!! 
(From storygame description:) 
"have you ever bought something at a garage sale that you just wernt sure of..." 
"wernt"? <--mispelled 
"have"? <--caps please 
"..."???? Why are there so many of these in this??? 

Anyway, this story lacked a coherent plot, purpose, and conflict. Though it was slightly amusing.

-- Crescentstar on 12/8/2016 10:17:02 PM

 

4) Hostage

The grammar is pretty good; nothing struck out to me. Also, the maturity level is 1/8. Perhaps this should be higher with the death idea and the fact that there are terrorists (unless I am completely reading this wrong). 

Nice plot, actually. There is a purpose for the protagonist. Um. Nice interactions between the characters. 

I wish there was more on setting, other characters, organizations, and action. This would enhance the quality of the storygame a lot because you have decent plot right here.

-- Crescentstar on 12/8/2016 10:31:01 PM

 

BONUS:

 

5) Hostage

It was a small, but good read. Grammar and spelling were just about perfect. Punctuation wasn't too bad. 

It was slightly short, had some length and on a few pages there was a lot of writing, which, was nice, but it would've been nicer if it had continuously long pages. 

The effort of this story has been seen, and there is a glimmer of a better writer, just waiting to be found :) 4/8 

(Also, sitted is not a word)

-- Shadowulf on 5/25/2016 4:56:59 AM

Excellent way to start this lovely new thread. 

Yep ^_^

Recommending comment for deletion: 

"I'm going out." 

1) While your story has some sort of purpose, there was no true plot. Where's the conflict? And what's up with that ending? I had thought that maybe you were just getting into the exposition, but ended right where I though everything would start!! 

The story lacks details and action and has little background (the part with the protagonist's mother and the chicken was good). You need more of it! 

I'm very interested in the Alex character. Half of the choices are the result of his demand for groceries. 

Anyway, I did like the events. Your writing piqued my interest despite the lack of meat.

-- Crescentstar on 12/8/2016 11:04:27 PM with a score of 0

Reasoning: Duplicate comment

**********************************

Now a comment for featuring :D

2) While your story has some sort of purpose, there was no true plot. Where's the conflict? And what's up with that ending? I had thought that maybe you were just getting into the exposition, but ended right where I though everything would start!! 

The story lacks details and action and has little background (the part with the protagonist's mother and the chicken was good). You need more of it! 

I'm very interested in the Alex character. Half of the choices are the result of his demand for groceries. 

Anyway, I did like the events. Your writing piqued my interest despite the lack of meat.

-- Crescentstar on 12/8/2016 11:04:15 PM with a score of 0

Sorry, hehe >///< I guess I had double-clicked... I won't be doing any more comments tonight.

Oh, I certainly didn't mind. It was actually another point for me actually, but congrats on becoming a contributor :)

You somehow climbed out of negative in a pretty cool way. You're certainly a success story, Crescent.

I agree with Thara xD

That was a pretty quick recovery, Crescent ^_^

Aww thanks guys. It was all of you support and willingness to gather all my comments together, and I thought that the best way to contribute is to write worthwhile comments. :) (I mean, I can't sleep, but if I have to read another storygame tonight... *eternal sleep*)

Recommending  comments for deletion:

Dungeon Stompage!

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/dungeon-stompage~21

 

1. t. Alberto Barbosa

-- Reynard Harringus on 7/23/2016 6:50:10 PM with a score of 96830

Reason: Not an actual comment about the game

 

2. Really good, I enjoyed it a lot!!! I gave it the highest rating possible.

-- Shadowgirl_101 on 4/9/2016 11:57:54 AM with a score of 113700

Reason: Duplicate comment (oddly enough the two comments were written 4 days apart but they are spelt exactly the same, it seems the user posted one as a guest then the same one logged in)

 

3.hi

-- hi on 4/28/2015 6:21:37 PM with a score of 68030

Reason: Not an actual comment about the game

 

4. bewbs

-- bews on 2/17/2015 1:26:40 AM with a score of 67580

Reason: Not an actual  comment about the game

Suggest Comment for Featuring:

Lost In Alaska

1. Go Here or Go Here???? 
Not discouraged by the negative reviews you received for making a story in one day you have promptly made another story the next day? Hm. The writing was actually much better than I expected and the "lost in the wilderness" concept reasonably well done but I think the idea could have been taken further. I'd recommend against random choices, one leading to success or failure without anything particularly recommending one or the other but on balance this isn't a bad little story but it would be even better if you spent more time on it to make it longer. It's a big improvement on Frontier though :) 3/8.

-- Will11 on 12/28/2015 7:14:37 PM

 

The Life Story #1: Preschool

2. I like it, reasonably interesting premise and well written. I've worked at a kindergarten in China and some of the children cried almost nonstop for 3 months when they first went but that might have been because they were 2-3 years old. The older children were 5 and 6 and after a few years teaching they knew the alphabet, the phonetic alphabet and can start to read short words, so out of boring teachery interest how old is the main character Maddie?

-- Will11 on 12/21/2014 12:24:37 AM

 

Being alive V2.0 tester

3. This storygame was terrible. 

I could have ended this comment right there, but then I'd only be putting in about as much effort as you did in elaborating and describing here. I dread to think what this used to be like if this is an updated version. Not really sure what kind of entertainment you thought anyone would get out of reading this. 

When you write in half-assed, short, no-detail sentences, it numbs the mind of the reader and stops them from concentrating on the content. I breezed through this storygame in 2-3 minutes because it was that short, but I really can't remember much more about it than there was a boring and cliched choice of gender and that it featured a nun. 

I've spent more time commenting than playing. I don't see how this has managed to get a rating of 3/8. Despite this poor quality, it doesn't meet the minimum site standards of deletion, which is just wrong. Isn't there a better way to decide what deserves to be deleted and what doesn't?

-- 31TeV on 11/20/2016 12:46:43 PM with a score of 1000

 

School Problems

4. "Like - so unoriginal and junk, like my grandma can write better than this, like totally." 

... You know, if you're going to leave a "bad" "review" on my story as an attempt at revenge for me being honest about yours, next time, try not to sound like a valley girl with Down's syndrome when you do it. 

Your writing in that comment is a good example of the reason I take issue with your story. Uninteresting, lacking effort, poorly written, attempting to be offensive, and not even getting that last part right.

-- Kiel_Farren on 10/15/2014 8:56:38 AM

 

Party of the Year

5. Feels like the fact my cousin was tagging along was forgotten about in the conclusion of the story. 

"YOU JUMPED THE FENCE AND MADE IT HOME SAFELY! YAY!" 

"But what about my cuz, and his roaches? Did they jump the fence with me? Get arrested?" 

*narrator profusely sweating* 

"YOU WON!" 

Story was pretty meh. I'd advise describing the characters and locations in more detail. You can still use the images, just have some text to back them up with.

-- Aducan on 8/19/2015 10:08:30 AM with a score of 0

 

Life as a Dog

6. ...This was alright, I guess. The grammar was fine, for the most part, but that's the only positive thing I can say about it. Really, this game is just boring. 

The main problems I had with it were; 
-The game tends to force you into decisions, especially during the "Thorn Decides to Leave You" thing. If you choose to live alone, it'll tell you that you changed your mind- and to me, this is just lazy. 

-If you choose to play tag after your mother leaves, you'll be brought back to the "See the World" (I think that's what it's called? eh i dunno) page. This was, hopefully, a mistake. 

In the end, this game deserves it's 3/8, and that's what I'm giving it. It's not the worst thing ever, but it's not great, either. It's just sort of meh.

-- whoyougonnacall on 5/1/2016 5:12:55 PM with a score of 0

Recommending a storygame for unpublishing

1. The murder of Mary Jane Kelly PART ONE INTRODUCTION

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-murder-of-mary-jane-kelly-part-one-introduction

Reason: The story is unfinished, has been published for over six months  and is rated 3. It meets the criteria for being unfinished since it ends abruptly with a notice that it will be continued later, The author has not been logged on since January 9th 2015 which makes me doubt that it will ever be continued

 

 

"Games that say they are the first in a series are not automatically considered "unfinished." As long as the game itself is complete, even if the author never returned to write a sequel, it is not up for unpublishing"

Edit: oh wait. Read. Nm. It is rather short and mostly linear.

Storygame comment for featuring:

Lost in Alaska 

1) There wasn't much of a fruitful "lost" factor in the storygame. While your writing is good (you could really be more descriptive, however), the story is too short. 

After the "two years later", the husky was never mentioned, which is a bit of a disappointment because she seemed to be a major part of the story. 

Really, the only problem I have with the story is how you don't extend on this idea of "lost"-ness, and you don't really use any survival skills, which for a story like this, should play a major part in you finding your way home.

-- Crescentstar on 12/10/2016 4:57:45 PM

Recommended Comment for Deletion:

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/history-project-~2d-the-homestead-act

you lose i win u r all cri babies

-- bingzy on 9/16/2016 8:28:14 AM

-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -

Tag Change: 

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/history-project-~2d-the-homestead-act

I feel the 'Edutainment' tag would be appropriate.

EDIT: Oh wait, it's already in that category. Should the tag still be applied?

There's no Edutainment tag, Zag :P

cri

There, there.

*wipes tears*

Thanks Thara. I just, that one point meant so much to me.

You see, there's this little boy who approaches me every night. He always comes to me because he knows I'm a sucker for beggars. He always asks in his little voice, "Please sir, can you spare a coin?" I always give it to him.

But that's not even the start. I live in this run-down apartment, with crappy AC, heating, and practically no water pressure. It takes hours for water to start running, and even then it's just a paltry trickle. It's always either way too cold, or way too hot in there as well. So, my landlord says I gotta pay up by tonight. But that's the problem, I don't have enough coins to give that kid his coin and pay rent.

And guess what? It doesn't end there. I also somehow owe money to this dude I know! Mom always said not to gamble, or you'll end up like Dad. I should have listened. But, how in the world is Spanish not the second most spoke language in the world! That's got to be some form of blasphemy!

So no, I don't need that one point.

Recommending storygames for tagging:

Lilly and the Peddler 

1. Fantasy tag 

***********************************

Lilly of the Forest 

2. Part of Series tag

3. Remove RPG tag

4. Fantasy tag 

Since I know you don't really read storygames all that much, perhaps you will if I recommended it ^^

Storygame for reading:

My Endless Cringe 

Reasoning: It will make you feel. Oh, and it has a dead link but I think that was a stylistic choice.

Mr. Noswearing's gotten pretty edgy for a guy who rants on people about cursing and suicide. But obviously we haven't been through the same emo phases he has, so why compare ourselves? The feels.

Also, the language should at least bump it up to a 5 maturity rating. You know, if you can call that maturity.

It was overly melodramatic. 

It makes me want to write an actual interesting and dark monolog, or a ridiculously overblown parody.

There's a certain point where something's too low to parody, Zag.

Dark monolog it is, then!

This still needs to be saved and preserved like this gem. 

Lol. Mizal is a dude.

I actually did stumble on this before when I was scanning through a few unpublished stories a month ago. He hadn't written as much at the time other than the long ranting first pages though.

Didn't think he'd actually publish this abomination, in fact, I figured he had left the site.

Oh well at least some people got a laugh out of it.

For fuck's sake, I made a thread for this! USE IT!

I was the last to use it and now it's dead. It cannot be said that we didn't try to keep it alive :c

Speaking of dead, Weeaboo certainly is.

I can't take credit though, that honor belongs to Berka.

I now have the great urge to hug Berka now.

Well, at least you could say that he left behind something that could be enjoyed by many generations of Cys members after us. (If this site is still standing decades later that is.)

And by enjoy, I mean for comedic reasons specifically. 

Nope. Nuked.

Aw. Now the future generations of site members will never know of the tale that was Weaboo.

I saw him around... Now I want to know what happened. :<

Maybe I'll message you about it later. I don't want to make this lovely thread messy with this topic.

Recommending storygame comments for featuring:

The Life Story #1: Preschool 

1) Do; 
Make it longer (too short for "Part of Series"); 
Write dialogue correctly (it's passable, but not 100% correct); 
Include more interactions; 
Make a conflict other than being left alone in preschool (example: bullies). 

Good: 
Writing skills; 
Link choices (you had realistic choices); 
Choice of words (not too hard for kids). 

Note: It actually hooked my attention quite well. Keep up the good work!

-- Crescentstar on 12/11/2016 11:46:39 AM

******************************************

Live the Life of a Cat 

2) This is one of the better cat games I've played. I actually quite enjoyed your writing, but as you said yourself, it's quite boring. 

Literally, the story is a description of the cat's life, and while the cat can make choices that actually affect things (at some points), it's really nothing outside the box of... well, a cat's life. There's not really any antagonist, and therefore no conflict, either. 

Your writing skills are great, but like Will said, start a new line for dialogue. Otherwise, make this an actual story with conflicts.

-- Crescentstar on 12/11/2016 11:29:02 AM

*********************************************

3) This was actually quite adorable. The writing wasn't bad by any means as it was quite serviceable with the setting that was provided for the reader. This storygame is exactly what the title says, maybe just a bit too much. There's not much happening in the story, but I suppose cats don't exactly live exciting lives, or at least lives that many would find interesting. 

Still this was quite a cute story that I didn't mind reading through to the end. The imagery and descriptions certainly aided in making this a decent storygame. My only minor complaint is that I felt more could be done with this story to make this more interesting to read. Also, it's quite linear, despite it's nice writing. 

All in all, this was pretty enjoyable to read. Despite some of the flaws that are present.

-- TharaApples on 12/11/2016 12:00:07 PM

Recommended Comment for Featuring:

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/adventures-in-the-sahel

Do:
Include an explanation for why you are in Sahel (at some point, you need to at least figure out why. Oh, and why you have a knife and how you actually cook the gazelle);
Include an explanation for why if you ignore the nomad-lookin' guy you don't die because he is watching you still (and when you communicate you die :<);
Put more description in the pages;
Describe the village more!

Good:
Grammar;
Setting coherence.

Note: It's not very interesting. :( It actually has a nice amount of potential, though. :)

-- Crescentstar on 12/11/2016 11:52:15 AM

1. Recommending a storygame for unpublishing

Blood City

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/blood-city

Reason: Is rated less then four, has been published for over six months and meets the criteria for unfinished (ends abruptly with a notice that it will be continued later)

 

Comments for Featuring:

The Murder of Mary Jane Kelly PART ONE INTRODUCTION

1) In addition, the age reading can be considered to be about the same audience of the Hunger Games and other books : teens. I don't find any content that requires the consent of an adult to watch, so the age rating for older teens isn't needed. 

Your branches are somewhat linear, as multiple links can lead to one page, but your variety isn't overwhelming, and the paths a player can take make logical sense so far. 

Overall, I can say that this story is interesting, but it will need improvements on the aspects of choice, length, and audience target. 

A piece of advice : if you're going to have multiple endings on this game, do make sure that you take extreme care to make several beginnings in part 2 that will correspond with part 1 endings. 

-- Swiftstryker on 1/23/2014 4:12:18 AM

 

Day 6209

2) Do: 
Break down your paragraphs; 
Write dialogue correctly; 
Spell correctly; 
Make a legitimate reason for the confusion that I just read (explain how anything could've happened instead of it just happening. I was so confused :<). 

Good: 
Grammar; 
Writing ability.

-- Crescentstar on 12/11/2016 11:35:04 AM

 

Dear Santa

3) Do: 
Delete the introduction (that was random); 
Capitalize words correctly; 
Break down large paragraphs; 
Make some conflict; 
Make choices logical (unless you had wanted to emphasis the humor of it); 
Make it more humorous (because I didn't find it very funny)). 

Good: 
Background information; 
Writing skills (very nice writing ability).

-- Crescentstar on 12/11/2016 11:40:34 AM

 

Ravens Story Book One

4) I REALLY LOVE THE IDEA OF THIS STORY. 
*Ahem* 

Do: 
Use commas properly (you overused them); 
Make it longer (too short for "Part of Series"); 
Relating to length, make a use for the items (I don't care if it's "Part of Series", there is no point for the items which you can't transfer into Book 2 anyway); 

Good; 
Writing skills; 
Story idea; 
Change of complexity from young age to 16 (for Raven). 

Note: Please, please make this longer! ;-; This is so interesting.

-- Crescentstar on 12/11/2016 12:57:59 PM with a score of 0

 

Destroy Super Team Strike Force

5) Well. The amount of dead links was quite annoying. Also, try to make it more obvious when you're supposed to use the items you get, because that really ticked me off when I had to go back and see what I was supposed to do to get to the end. 

While the spelling is pretty bad and the grammar and capitalization was lacking, the story was... kinda (?) interesting. If it was more developed, it would be better. The actual story wasn't actually completed, and that was a bit disappointing. 

While the tag says, "Humor." I say, "Nada, mi amigo/a." 

The storygame has potential, I can tell you that. Just keep improving, and you'll get better ratings. :)

-- Crescentstar on 12/9/2016 7:33:30 PM with a score of 0

 

SpaceShip Wishes

6) Well, at least there were plenty of endings. 
You really do need to work on your grammar though. 
And your sentence structure. 
And punctuation. 

Meh. Originally wasn't going to do a long review since I'm all sick today...but I can't sleep anyways. 

First off, I'd like to say that this doesn't belong in sci-fi. While it takes place in space, it takes more than just the setting to make a story sci-fi. 
In my opinion, this would be fantasy, since the story is mostly oriented around a wish-giving fairy and your final wish. 
However, I could be wrong since I'm pretty much high on painkillers ATM. 

First Page: 
"Mothergoldies Wish" 
Should be "Mother Goldie's Wish". 
That's something I've noticed quite a bit. You sometimes don't put spacing between words. 
That's rather important for readers to understand and comprehend your sentences. Its really hard to read and understand a story with no spaces. 

"You, your BFF Jackie and your Alien (BF/GF) we're in the broken SpaceShip, watching the crackling monitor, it showed earth hurdling into a Black hole" 
^ the above sentence has a lot of mistakes. 
First off. The random capitalization is kind of odd. "Black" doesn't need to be capitalized. Its not the name of anything, and its not the first word of the sentence. 
Its the same for "Alien" and "Spaceship". On the other hand, "earth" needs to be capitalized. 
Secondly, "we're" might look the same as "were", but they don't have similar meanings. 
"We're" is the shortened version of we are, while "were" is the past tense of the word "are". The word you needed to use was "were", not "we're". 
Third, this is more personal preference...but it would probably have been better if you established the main character's gender and sexual orientation, and then given their alien boyfriend/girlfriend a name. 
Hell, you could just give the alien boyfriend/girlfriend a name, without doing any of the other two things. There's a lot of gender-neutral names out there. 
The last point about this sentence is...well, the run-on sentence. 
I've explained this to someone else already, but...while using commas and "and"s and "but"s are a good way to connect sentences, there's also a point where you should stop connecting the sentences, and just start a new one. I would recommend reading your writing outloud to yourself to see where to start a new one. 
For example, the sentence above should be like this: 

"You, your BFF Jackie, and your alien (BF/GF) were in the broken spaceship, watching the crackling monitor. It showed Earth hurdling into a black hole." 

I'm not going to go through and correct every single one of your mistakes, as there are..certainly a lot. I just thought that sentence was a perfect example of all the things you did wrong. 

Your story is also marred with plenty of spelling mistakes as well as all the...oddly used words, which were...really distracting. 
For example,"day" instead of "say". "Your" instead of "you're", "trom" instead of "from", and "poud" instead of "pound". 

Also, what exactly do you have against the word "you're" or at the very least, "you are"? I don't think I have seen either one in your entire story. 

Well, anyways...with all these mistakes, my overall score has to be a 1/8. 
Next time, get a proofreader and perhaps spend more than 2 days on your story. 

No one starts out as a good writer. It takes practice, so don't give up. :)

-- Seto on 12/9/2016 10:59:46 AM

 

Zeroes and Ones

7) This did not feel very funny at all. :c It felt like some guy is yelling at me about how the world should be. 

There was... some sort of conflict with the virus and revenge thing, but it wasn't amusing. Otherwise, a storyline is almost completely rejected. I didn't understand what was happening and WHY. 

There was 0 description, 0 background (unless you count the protagonist having the skill to - what was it - infect computers or something?), and broken grammar. I mean, some places were... okay, but it kind of hurt my eyes... >~> 

Oh, and remember: We don't like pages with all but one link leading to death (or all leading to death) because it makes the story way linear. 

While, yes, I understand the point of the story, the quality of it needs some enhancement. Work on punctuation, details, and background.

-- Crescentstar on 12/8/2016 10:54:32 PM

 

The last day in the museum

8) So was the point of the story simply a tour through the museum? In that case, you'll NEED more description. Because there is no plot or purpose (except guard), and after three or so clicks you can die, the storygame is pointless unless it's to entertain with a tour. Even in this case, readers still prefer a stimulating plotline and action over facts (which in THAT case would cause this storygame to be put into "Edutainment"). 

Otherwise, please make some sort of plot. There should be an inciting moment and climax and a reasonable resolution at the right times. Spend more time with descriptions. 

Work on your punctuation and grammar. Those mistakes caught me off guard. 

Overall, you have a nice idea, but you didn't execute it very well.

-- Crescentstar on 12/8/2016 10:40:38 PM

 

Coffee Break

9) I suppose this "coffee break" ideas simply emanates the idea of random things happening (That is how I justified the randomness of this storygame.) With that plus the humor? I found it quite the storygame. 

However, the story lacks description and background information about the protagonist and setting. With more description, despite the shortness, this game could give someone a nice laugh. :)

-- Crescentstar on 12/8/2016 10:23:01 PM

 

10) Short and charming, with just the right mixture of wackiness and believability. (And my believability, I mean that's it's well-written enough to make me suspend my disbelief.) 
This is one of the few stories here that's made me laugh out loud. A perfectly good way to kill a few minutes.

-- Pyro on 12/5/2016 4:15:21 PM

I see you've went maverick! Going into business for yourself now, eh?

;) You guys missed a few.

Ah, I missed this.

Anyways, flattered as I am that you suggested my comment, the storygame it is on is unpublished :P

Yeah nobody got points for that one.

Reccommending comments for Mala

My horn needs some self-tootelage. I would prefer it personally if everyone was broke in slowly by Mizal's more uplifting and "less abusive" viewpoint, so I'll suggest that first because fuck it, I want even more points. If there's some way you can make sure Mizal's rare positivity appears before my own comment, that'd be great. Comments that are featured first get put up first, right? Is this how it works?

For a story from someone with 'wolfgirl' in their name who just joined today, this was far better than I expected. You've put a lot of detail into world building and such, I enjoyed this. 

I kind of got the sense it may have been a pre-written story turned into a CYOA....if I'm wrong and you wrote it all today I'm impressed, but I do feel like this could have used more choices. It's fairly linear right up until the ending choice. 

Towards that last page things got a sloppy, I started noticing more typos, so you might want to give this a more thorough proofread. It felt a little rushed toward the end in general, actually. The whole Oracle thing came out of nowhere and suddenly you're making a decision involving life and death based on some ancient tradition/divine magic your character knows absolutely nothing about. 

Also, this: 

As you swim towards it, you turn to Mala, and ask, “What is the Goddess?” She turns to look at you, confusion in her eyes. “I - sorry, just - you keep swearing by her, and thanking her. Who is she?” 

There hadn't been a single other mention of the 'Goddess' from Mala, or anyone else in the entire story at that point. Seeing how a major part of the ending hinges on this being, feels like you could have used a couple of sections introducing this part of the mermaid society. 

Anyway, like I said, the writing was definitely above average, and I look forward to more stories from you.

-- mizal on 12/11/2016 10:31:49 PM

And now I'll suggest mine, of course, because this is quite blatantly the whole reason I wrote this!

I don’t know why I only get inspired to write lengthy or inspiring comments about stories that I don’t like these days. Maybe it’s something in the water. But I have faith that this one isn’t shitty enough to be deleted, so my criticism has some small chance of standing the test of time rather than going down with the ship. (That’s funny, because this is a mermaid story. Good to know I haven’t lost my touch or anything.) 


The narrative, for the most part, is okay. I think the description of the experience of diving is pleasant. And, though it might just be because I’m in a teal room, and the way that chilly air passes between my fingers as I type reminds me of the time I tried to grab a catfish out of a bucket back in-... 


Okay, nevermind, the problem I have with the first page, and something that pervades a lot of the story, is the amount of buffy-speak going on. There’s a lot of “Kinda” going on. You have a lot of “Slightly”s and “A Little”s. That’s fine if you’re trying to establish a character trait, where someone doesn’t have the words to describe something, but you seem to be an omniscient narrator right now, and you also seem to be being serious, so this kind of talk doesn’t fit the tone. I’m not saying go full purple and make similes all the time, but you should describe it differently. 

Don’t say to what extent something is in terms of “A little” or “A lot”. Say something it’s similar to. It’s not “Somewhat warm” it’s “You can feel the coolness of the water slipping past you when you jump in, even through your suit”. It’s not “Until your chest hurts a little” it’s “Until your lungs can no longer expand.” You can feel one of those things without having been there. The other one you can only guess. We can relate to those feelings from memory, but we’d have to have been in your mind to know what nonspecific metrics “A little” and “Somewhat” mean. 


Also, don’t put death links on the first page, especially if it’s blatantly suicide, and especially if one seems reasonable. It’s just stupid, don’t. 


On the second page, assuming we choose the one ‘right’ choice and don’t die, we learn that our mermaids are different from most mermaids. Now, I’m all good for some graphic descriptions of things, but the human eye doesn’t slowly go up the body of a creature that’s poking them in the face and then suddenly get shocked by every detail of their face. When you get shocked, it’s a lightning bolt. Think of the scariest monster movies you’ve seen. They keep the creature out of the frame, showing you one of the grosser parts and letting your mind fill in the rest. You only get time to notice one scary thing before you jump back. A good jumpscare usually has something shocking that can catch your eye in a split-second. Remember how the bird from FNAF being /yellow/ of all things, was considered a spook factor? Exactly, it’s shocking, it stands out. 


Your eyes fluttering open to see a tail of some description, and then quickly looking up to see “OH GOD THOSE ARE TEETH” and then you being shocked, see, that works, because it sounds like shock. Sitting there and looking at every detail of her face doesn’t work. You’re not being shocked by something, you’re being slowly creeped by something at best, but that only works if it’s done progressively over the course of a narrative and various encounters. As is, it’s just a block of exposition establishing that our mermaids are different. 


You don’t get the chance to look close when you’re shocked. You’d have made a move first. If you chose to stick around and talk, then you’d see her face. If you saw teeth and jumped, you’d have jumped. And died. That’s another thing I don’t like. Why the hell are you pretending that there’s more than one path if there is only one? That’s just a lie, then. We either die, or get taken to the next page, one offering blatant exposition about a fantasy society you haven’t really given us any reason to be interested in, and the other offering some fancy new mermaid lingo that make her character sound more forced than anything. Dryland I can understand, but ‘Tail-length’ and ‘Floating-rock’ are just fucking unwieldly to say. Languages develop because they’re an easy way to portray ideas. They may measure things with the average length of their tails, but people used to measure things with the length of their middle fingers to the ends of their elbows. That unit was not called a ‘Middle-finger-to-the-end-of-the-elbow-length”, it was called a “Cubit”. Note the SUBTLE DIFFERENCES. When a Native American measures how many hand-lengths high the sun is to tell what time it is, they say “the sun is 2 HANDS high.” Not “Hand-Lengths”. 


And FLOATING-ROCK. Don’t even get be fucking started on that. That’s quite the worst word for a boat I’ve ever seen. Mermaids are presumably a thing that have been around for a very long time. They’ve presumably seen and touched sunken boats before, they should know what they’re made of isn’t rocks. Boats, for one thing, look nothing like rocks. Hell, they’ve probably found driftwood and wooden ships before and found out they rot away, much unlike rocks. They look more like shells than anything, and that’s something that a mermaid should be well fucking acquainted with. Hell, Humans can’t live sustainably in water without their ‘shells’, much like conches and crabs, so it’d make a helluva lot more sense for a Mermaid to think that a boat is a ‘human shell’ and skip the “floating” part altogether. Take into account the things they’ve probably seen and experienced when you’re trying to worldbuild like this, else your mermaids will look forced and naive to a degree that doesn’t suit their actual intelligence. 


Also, there’s some shit about a Goddess I glanced through on the other page, but it was so blatantly expository that I figured it wouldn’t be important, since it only led to the same path anyway. 


The next page says we’re brought back to the ship, and our boss, who, from her immediate response, seems to be on the boat with us, doesn’t notice us getting dragged back to the boat by a giant fishgirl. Now, there’d be nothing wrong with this if it were established that she swam under us, or we were underwater or something, but this was never established. She just grabs our arm, we get on the boat, and it’s done, and the boss somehow doesn’t notice. 


We go to sleep wet and get another three choices. Based on previous patterns, I’ll assume that there’s only really one real choice, and click on the first and last one, because researching this mermaid who hands out enough ham-fisted exposition on her own will only be a waste of time. Wasn’t really interested in it anyway. 


I think the other comments have already explained how stupid the lack of end-game links are, so I’ll spare us both the trouble, but do note that being trapped in this incessant hellhole is part of the reason I’m writing this 20-paragraph grievance letter. You’d have gotten a slightly nicer, easier-to-read review if I could have the free point and be done with it. If we’ve made a “Wrong” decision, just give us a link back to the page where we first made the decision, don’t make us go back to the first page every time. Then people are only going to use the “Go back” button. PROTIP: If the path you’re writing is a path you don’t want to write, then don’t add that path. Who cares if all that means is this is just going to be a really long short story? You’d get better reviews on Wattpad anyway. EDIT: Nevermind, turns out there is branching, we just had to wait for it. 


Alright, the rest of the story is fairly decent, but again, we get a lot of exposition and mermaid society dumped on top of us, again, ham-fistedly. We’re told everything, never shown. I lost interest and started skimming after Oracles were sort of established and suddenly there’s rules for them. 


It would be better if you didn’t pretend to have choices for the first few pages, rather, your Merrow encounter was either a distant memory or part of a longer intro, it would be better if you didn’t just tell us everything about mermaids, but instead established this by showing us what they do and what their society is built on. Telling us about a supernatural culture rather than showing people living it and reacting to it is what made Vampires boring over the years. It’s why people instinctively groan with hatred when the concept of “Vampire Clans” is introduced, when it should essentially be awesome just from the sound of it. A textbook explanation is never fun, even when it’s about something interesting, that’s why people hate History Class but love Game of Thrones. It would also be better if you had actual endgame links. 


3/8. Hopefully stays published, I want the historians to think I was a constructive critic.

-- ISentinelPenguinI on 12/13/2016 2:43:55 PM

Your current profile looks like a 90s website.

I'm experimenting with the powers of chroma, and searching my many inner souls so that I may become more in touch with who I am, and know myself better for it. My reptilian self is pleased by the color scheme. My Anima is markedly less pleased.

I may or may not have randomised the colors on Brad's CSS Customiser and been completely unable to figure out how to change it back to a familiar scheme. The color charts were too small.

Another gift for Crescent (comments for featuring & storygame tag):

The Ballad of the Orchard 

1) This certainly brings my ballad to shame. 

It's very poetic, very beautiful, very heart-wrenching, has very good imagery at the right places, and contains a lovely message (I felt like there was one, but I don't know if that was your intention). The rhymes are very good, and the lines ran smoothly in my mind and from my mouth. 

My only suggestion is to include parahymes to show conflict or whatever dissonance there is through form, though honestly I like it better with normal rhymes. 

This is so much better than many of the storygames here, as well as most of the poems I've ever read. This is a wonderful CYOA ballad!

-- Crescentstar on 12/13/2016 4:53:16 PM

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2) This was very heart-wrenching. I must admit that I had some skepticism about a cyoa inspired ballad, but this has certainly exceeded my expectations. There was quite a bit of strong imagery involved, and you did well in painting a picture with your words. 

I think that the length was fine in getting it's point across, as I couldn't help but feel a bit emotional towards the end, but getting the true end did help in making this a bit more bittersweet :) 

This poem is definitely one of my favorites that I have had the pleasure of reading on this site. I wouldn't mind reading more content from you, be it another ballad, or a storygame.

-- TharaApples on 12/13/2016 8:24:40 PM

3) Drama tag

Sorry for the, ah, lack of comments (again...). I'm revising my ballad entry (*cough* procrastinating).

I actually recommend (ha!) that you do prioritize your ballad for the contest. You can always rate and comment on storygames anytime afterwards. 

I still don't feel comfortable with you guys checking my points and not getting anything for the time. >.<

Lots of humble/not humble self promoting! I just got to jump in and say great work to you all, readers and writers alike.

Recommending comment for featuring:

The Bard's Tale 

1) Great use of pictures to compliment the already good writing. 

Definitely need to go through all the paths on this one. Nice job all the way around.

-- EndMaster on 12/16/2016 12:19:11 AM with a score of 0

Lol, yeah I guess so, but I'm sure a better one will come along.

I suppose you're right. Ah, but this ballad was so good. I was a bit surprised when i saw that you commented on it, so I just couldn't resist :p

Hopefully Puppet doesn’t keep publishing her craptastic stories. She’s already posted three of them today, each worse than the last.

I think I recall that the father in one of the stories eats you. It was really quite bizarre to be honest. 

It seems like she's using CYS to vent her fetishes.

Being eaten is a fetish? 

Yes Ma'am, it is. It's called vore, or voraephillia.

Oh.

I didn't know something like that even existed. 

Thanks, Internet! 

There's many more where that came from. Many more...

And uh, you're welcome.

Puppet is an irredeemable eleven year old retard, yet still knows more about Greek mythology than Zag and Thara. Amazing.

How mature :)

I don't recall ever mentioning Greek mythology in any of my posts.

But I do believe that I have some comments featured on storygames that have Greek mythology elements. 

Jesus Christ it’s not even noon yet and you two are already at it. Lol.

Well, at least this more fuel for the next ANGZT installment. Going to try to have a big one planned for the New Year, might have to make it a two parter since I need to include the seperate fight between Steve, Playa and Sent as well.

Something for me to look forward to xD

Awesome, I've been hoping you'd get around to making that ANGZT installment.

But come on...

Thara: In this story about Greek gods, Hades, one of the Greek gods devoured by his father, was devoured by his father! It was really quite bizarre.

Zag: Must be a vore thing! Because I'm intimately familiar with a niche fetish too disgusting even for most furries, far more so than with the literary traditions of any massively influential major cultures, commonly taught to grade school children.

Thara: Why is Mizal talking about Greeks? I don't recall ever posting about Greek mythology? What does this have to do with that post I just made about this story about Greek gods, anyway? How mature.

...I can't laugh at that, not even a little? :D

Anyway, besides Puppet's continued inability to take a hint, the most bizarre thing in that story was Hades being able to call Zeus up on the phone to come and bust him out of Cronus.

I'm sad Puppet will probably wind up banned for the good of all, I like the way she thinks.

The vore stories kind of just blend in when they're being deleted consistently. I only remember important facets of stories that don't have a End Game link on every page.

In Greek mythology, most of the gods-other than Zeus were eaten by Chronos to make sure none of them would kill him.

Do you have any idea what this person's other deleted stories were about?

I don't find the information very important or valuable, since these aren't stories that can even be accessed anymore, but I suppose it's valuable to know in some way. Or something. 

One of them was about the life of a cat. Can't even remember what the other was. When you kill so many people delete so many stories they all start blurring together.

But this is fucking freaking important, End!

It's a grievous offense that we have no clue at all. This will be valuable to know in the near future. Deleted stories deserve to be remembered too.

Was it the one where a girl runs off, finds some guy in the woods then lives with him because "he's a nice guy"? I believe another path was taking him back to the mother so she can marry him

It may have been, Banner..

I'm trying to remember the details myself, but it all just becomes so muddled together. If only I could turn back time and read these storygames more closely before their deletion.

Oh well, no use crying about it now.

I missed the stories :(

Most terrible storygames worthy of deletion are also short, so you could copy and paste every individual page into a word document with any future ones.

I am currently anticipating the next release from this lovely writer. I will be sure to copy down the next swarm of potential storygames.

I can't wait xD

Please send them to me in the future, they'll provide plenty of lolz.

Yes, I wish for this too :3

Sadly, we may have a problem as I don't even remember what the individual's name was.

It was Puppet, I fact when I mentioned their name, that's what caused the side conversation.

I know. It was a joke on how forgettable this entire thing was :p

Oh yeah, I remember that one now.

Thanks for the laughs, Mizal. :D

Recommending storygame comments for removal: 

A.M.I.E (1.1) 

1) wedsedwed

-- d32df945fh on 9/18/2014 12:54:59 AM with a score of 15

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2) coolio

-- dannyjohn1999 on 1/21/2013 2:52:41 PM with a score of 10

Reasoning: Duplicate comment 

Recommending a Storygame For...Idk. Reading?

End, I really think you need to take a look at this thing. If it hasn't been deleted already by the time you come on, that is.

Such a high rating that you gave that storygame :P

It made me laugh on a day I needed a laugh. It deserves that rating xD

That gave me cancer. I actually voted reasonably unlike you and Ford (who's probably the reason why these 3/8 storygames can't be deleted XD). :p

I usually vote reasonably, but I am strange today and bad storygames need love too :P

Funny stuff, so far it's at a 3 so its not going anywhere yet.

Ah, well it's times like this that can be turned into opportunity for those that seek it.

1) Post-Apocalyptic tag

2) Humor tag 

Tbh, @TharaApples

I think he was trying to go for "serious" XD and "socially important"

Dystopia could be thrown in, as well as "based on a true story". Possibly "war" as well.

3) Horror tag

4) Socially Important

5) Based Off A True Story 

6) Geared for Extremists

7) War

8) Dystopia 

I'm not sure about the Serious tag, but the rest were great suggestions. 

My rating has now been changed to reflect my admiration for the moose riding Canadians that valiantly fought in this story.

I was slightly kidding about the serious one xD

And yes. The moose riding Canadians were a good part.

Indeed. Ah, so your suggestions were:

1) Serious (?)

2) Dystopia

3) Based Off A True Story

4) Socially Important

5) War 

You jerk! You better share...

Eh. I didn't suggest anything to End, but to you :P Therefore, all points are yours.

Yeah, but you should also be properly rewarded for your assistance.

Surprised he didn't put it in the Edutainment category.

Well, it was pretty...educating xD

But Seto has made more suggestions than me :(

I'm only trying to keep up with his work ethic.

My feelings are very hurt now. Time to cri :c

I think I do more suggestion dumps, but you make more overall.

Bannerlord was routinely doing suggestion dumps numbering in the 30s for awhile. That was pretty annoying. Lol.

I forgot to mention Banner, oops.

Haha, those were pretty fun to do. I should get back into these threads now that I have a lot more free time on my hands.

I already made fun of seto recently for turning rich text editor on. I won't play favorites. Everyone is treated equally: poorly.

Bleh.

It only appears that way because only a few people really contribute to these threads.

Our relationship is only like that in private anyway. 

so I should make fake PMs that look like this instead?

If it makes you a happy little Ford then I see why not :)

Edit: "Our relationship being like that in private." Was a joke, btw.

Oh good, so it's not just me.

Well then, moving on...

Recommending storygame comments for featuring:

Dangerous Memories 

1) As far as storygames go, it's pretty linear, but the story itself more than makes up for a lack of branching choices. In fact, I don't think that's the type of game Dangerous Memories was set out to be, which is perfectly fine. I was immersed in the story all the way through, even in the beginning when I was trying to catch on what was going on. This was one of the better uses of long-term amnesia I've seen. The way the story unfolded little-by-little made it all the more exciting without talking down to the reader. Even the streamlined style of writing was to the story's benefit, keeping a pace that kept the excitement and tension high. 

I can easily say reading Dangerous Memories was one of the most enjoyable things I've done on the Storygames portion on the site.

-- TaraGil on 9/17/2014 5:11:46 PM with a score of 45

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2) I loved it! Of all the mystery stories I've read on the site so far, I'd say this is definitely the one with the most mystery. I really liked that you started off not knowing anything and had to figure out for yourself who to trust and who not to. It's a shame, 'cos I'd like to see a sequel, but since the guy's already got his memory back, that wouldn't really work. Great game! ^_^

-- Briar_Rose on 11/26/2012 10:24:38 AM with a score of 45

Feels bad now. :3 My name isn't there... I should go rate some storygames...

@EndMaster

You forgot to give yourself points by having your comment featured :3 

Nah, I didn't forget, I just didn't feel the need to bother.

End doesn't need points xD

I suppose that statement isn't false. Lel.

1. Recommending a comment for featuring

Of Ruin

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/of-ruin

So... It's supposed to be a poetic story about the destruction of the human civilization. I am not a poet, nor have I ever liked searching for deeper meaning in sentences, but here we go:
Short. It's short. I understood that humanity probably killed itself, but I didn't understand anything else. Again, it could be to the fact that I don't like cryptic poems and that, so I'll give you the highest rating I find appropriate:
4/8, though I think a 3/8 would be more suitable.

I also see that your other story was the same thing. I don't think people around here like these kind of things, so maybe you should focus on writing longer stories with plots that involve characters and character development...
:) Happy Writing

-- Ronhil12 on 11/27/2015 6:04:34 AM

2. Recommending a comment for deletion

 

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-forlorn

-- Beardon87 on 11/27/2015 2:45:03 AM

Reason: User just put a link to their own story

 

#17

Recommended comments for featuring:

The Ancient Cookie (After-Contest):

1. This story had an extremely random feel to it, and I found when exploring different paths that it was very easy to die for no real reason. This linearity and lack of realism in what appears to be a serious plot makes it hard to have confidence in the story. I only noticed one riddle in my playthrough, and there are some serious scripting errors, where the game claims you have items you never picked up. Furthermore, the end was very dull, for it was never explained why the Ancient Cookie is so valuable. 

Honestly, the game reminded me of a car trip where the driver is close to microsleeping, and you have to nudge them constantly to keep them awake and get them to pull over, then when you arrive at your destination, you wonder what all the fuss was about. Originally I was thinking this was a 3/8, but the only thing I liked about the story was the riddle for the clock and microwave, which had two choices, meaning it really shouldn’t count. So I will rate this 2/8. 

-- Future on 3/5/2016 3:47:35 AM with a score of 0

====================================

Manske’s Island:

2. This storygame was pretty interesting. I liked the premise of traveling to some alternate world on a mission, but some things are never really explained all that well. Like what kind of world is it exactly that the protagonist finds themselves in? Why were they chosen for this experiment? 

These were questions that I couldn't help but ask myself as I played through the narrative, hoping they would be explained when this mission was completed, but sadly that wasn't the case for obvious reasons :l 

This wasn't a bad story though, I found it to be pretty interesting.

-- TharaApples on 12/16/2016 3:06:23 PM

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Battlefield Commander: The Trojan War:

3. Well, unlike many of your works, this was a bit bland, there were a few grammar errors and while I know that info about the Trojan War is easily found with just a click, many of the actions and sceneries lacked significant description 

That said, however, this was a very good example of a Battlefield Commander, I rate it with a 5/8

-- Claw2k11 on 4/19/2016 7:01:42 AM with a score of 0

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Animal Jam Adventure:

4. Although the story is fairly short, I thought it was going to be a regular Warrior Cats story... 

...And then I was proven wrong (at least partially). With the lack of explanation as to the "race" (cat/human) at the beginning, I kind of got confused. But, after a little while, I realized they were cats. Surprisingly enough-to whoever is reading this-this is NOTHING like a regular WC story, and cannot be considered (in my opinion) as such. There are no "clans" like in the typical story, no blatant sex scenes, or completely horrible grammar. In fact, the organization, as the well as the grammar are not bad. My only issue is the fact that you spaced (I believe) every sentence, when that wasn't necessary. Also, the story, though there was room for choices and deviation, all of the choices felt kind of vague (with there not being too dialogue per page). 

But overall, I don't think it is too bad, and I read it completely to the end, which was pretty decent for a story with this level of content and effort. I think that I'll give it a 5/8: the highest rating I'll give for a fan-fiction even slightly related to Warrior Cats. 

Author: You have potential (possibly, since I'm no expert)! I think you can do even better, if you add more "meat" to your stories, and condense your writing more.

-- LeoScales7 on 9/30/2014 7:30:10 PM

=============================

The Fox and the Fawn:

5. This was terrific. 

As a story this was well-written, creative and detailed and as a game there were enough path branches and puzzles to interest and test the reader. The relationships were well-handled and the ending perfectly suited the reader's choices, all these little things adding up to a terrific story. 

Animal Fiction has become a much-maligned genre on this site so it's good to have an example of how it can produce an excellent story-game in the hands of a talented author. 8/8.

-- Will11 on 9/23/2015 10:10:24 PM

6. I only played one of the paths, but from what I've seen it is a very good story. There were very few grammatical errors (maybe two or three in the path I took) and the story itself was great. I like how you gave us a second chance to not go back through the hole as I have a very sensitive mouse which tends to screw up clicking things. This story has received the Phoenix stamp of approval. Good job.

-- MidnightPhoenix on 9/23/2015 6:28:45 PM

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Digitallure:

7. An adventure that tries to combine CYOA and philosophy.. By putting insta-deathlinks.. And Rickroll. 

The concept is prety neat, you live in a dystopian-esqe world, where you are a rich snob that get butcherd to death by a anti-technologic revolution... If you stay and eat breakfast. If you go outside and follow the crowd, you join the revolution. Go against the crowd, World War 3 happens, ignore the crowd, save a suicidal Woobie and get reprimanded because you didn't attend a meeting. Go check on a memo, GET RICKROLLED. This, is the most annoying thing for me when reading this adventure, consistency between games are non-existent. As if the fate of the world depends on whether you eat breakfast or not. 

Consistency issues aside, most of the comments seems to zone in on the blank space between sentences. Whilst it is pretty neat as the story doesn't need a wall of text to explain everything, the length and the bland white of the background makes it a real eye-sore. I recommend making the length between sentences shorter so us PC uses wouldn't have to scroll so far to read one sentence. 

4/10

-- ViktorVektov on 7/5/2016 8:08:24 AM

8. Interesting. Hypocrisy strives for evocative, and attains it (to some degree). I think the negative response might be as a result of a lack of action. People don't like to play a game and be confronted with uncomfortable truths. Perhaps a little bit more development of the ideas, and more discerning word choice could have made the message have a greater impact. The themes are good but the narrative is weak. 
Minor note: I don't think "infinitesimal" means what you think it means. 
Cheers, Hypocrisy

-- dueconsideration on 9/10/2015 4:56:11 PM

Ah darn :(

I messed up with that comment.

"all the well."

Tempted to just post it again without the typo :x

Edit: Done! Feature the new one and remove the old comment :)

Hmm, this one got derailed more than average. No need to delete the funzies though. Time to make a new one.