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Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago

Okay folks, this is how it works now:

You lot can go ahead and recommend things such as:

Comments for featuring or deleting
Storygame changes like different category, maturity level or tags
Storygame featuring or unpublishing

Hyperlink to the story because it’ll just be ignored otherwise.
Post what you’re suggesting to be deleted or changed.
Featured comments will only be considered for stories over a rating 3.0

Probably helps if you explain why you believe something should be changed/featured as well. Especially if it’s for story unpublishing/deletion (Usually anything 2.5 or below is up for purging, though up to 2.9 can be considered)

That’s about it.

You might notice that no points are being given out, but that’s not to say they won’t ever be given out. 

Points just aren’t being given out for being a good citizen automatically. If we notice you doing a lot of this stuff though, we’ll probably still throw a few points your way at some point. Nothing set in stone though. Makes it nice and random that way.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago
Gonna just give this thread the bump it deserves so it doesn't sink into the depths of the lounge and get forgotten. Weirdly, these three games need the "Previously Featured" tag because once upon a time they were featured if you look at the author's point history. Guess it just shows how far the site's standards have risen since then.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago
wtf No.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago
Yes.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago
smh I'm out here giving the thread activity and you're refusing to accept the facts and give those games their required tags

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago

Sometimes the outright denial of clear reality is the most comfortable course of action.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago

How did you even find these? Just looking up random games/authors?

Anyway tagged.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago
I found the first one in Dark's points history.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago
On the story Weirdos from Another Planet!

You can find this comment:

don't do attack or drive away. they is badder than getting tan from big boi monster. an old woman molests you so I regret playing, this was good for me to poop on. also its good ASMR so orgasm flow easily. also I have dyslexic so no meane pls. -- Dixie Normus on 12/3/2019 9:33:43 PM with a score of 0

I don't know whether to suggest that it be deleted or commended...

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago
orgasm -- spud on 12/3/2019 9:29:32 PM with a score of 0 Removed that one too, and also rated the game a 1/8 which should knock it down enough to unpublish.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago
No one will care if you unpublish everything primates wrote. Most of his games are half broken, utilize an ungodly number of items, and are just a brutal slog of buttons and items.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago
Wow. I hadn't noticed that until I just now went to his profile and check all those stories. Wow.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago
....how did these survive all previous purges?

Anyway, I removed the Weirdos games. I'll get to the rest once I have time to get the points.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago

For I Went to the Graveyard

Feature comments by:  Mizal; RamsayReed

 

I note that the original post for this new thread no longer says to post the full comment being recommended for featured.  I like that change.  It doesn't seem necessary.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago

Mizal did leave more than one review, though. It should still be pretty obvious which one you mean.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago
Feature Reader82 and AustinC's comments on When The Music's Over, replacing NinjaPitka and MicroPenis.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago

For The Book of Vanishing Tales, feature comments by 3iguy, bilbo, and enterpride.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago
Smh Camelon breaks the link to his own story.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago
A lovely comment on Centenarian:

Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server Hey guys let me back in the server -- Slasher on 1/13/2020 8:43:43 PM with a score of 0

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago
That's been brought up, but Canary has never complained.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago

Reccommending my comment for featuring on CapturedNecko22's "A Dog's Life" instead of Loon's.

 

 

*SPOILERS*

I'm not really sure how I feel about this one. The overall story was decent and actually enjoyable, but the small details from grammar to character were off-putting enough to distract me from the story.

First, I'll go over the formatting and English issues I saw.

The first thing I noticed after the first few pages was that there *seemed* to be a lot of choices. I was excited that the story was going to have a lot of branching and many different endings based on what you chose, but then I remembered this is a 2/8 and found out most of the choices don't matter. That was a little disappointing.

I noticed a lot of grammatical errors as well. The most noticeable things are that the narration switches constantly from past to present tense then back and that the narration switches from 2nd to 1st person a lot. The second person narration is actually pretty good for the most part, but then the 1st person disrupts the immersion completely. You also use a lot of commas where they shouldn't be. When there's a compound predicate in a sentence (ex: You walked to the store and bought bread.) you often use commas before the conjunction. A comma should not be used in this instance. You also misuse ellipses a couple times that I noticed, using them at the end of complete pages instead of to omit text or show that the narrator is trailing off. The sentence structure could also have used some work. It's often choppy to read because of the same sentence structure over and over.

As for formatting, you often had very short pages with only one link on them. These pages could easily have been added onto other pages to make it seem much less linear. You also had a few times when the use of variables would have been very nice. The pages where you have a list of memories to relive really could have used variables.

Now for the story content itself.

Like I said earlier, I enjoyed the plot of this story. It seemed pretty well thought out, it was just the small details within it that put me off. At the beginning, you suddenly know what humans are even though you were never really given what they're called or what they do. This inconsistency is a common theme throughout the story, so I won't comment on it too much other than that you need to make sure everything makes sense. Speaking of making sense, several of the things that happen don't make any sense at all. The house that's on fire is unlocked, but I'll let that slide. What I will *not* let slide is that you, a puppy, dragged an adult woman out of the house by yourself even though you wouldn't have known she was in any danger and you had no real reason to understand the situation or to drag her out. You also bite Tommy twice (then literally kill him) and don't get put down or taken to the pound for that, which is strange.

Now for characters. I would have liked to see more development with the mother and the other pups so that the protagonist would have a little more emotional attachment to them, but it's ok as it is. Mom doesn't show up much at all except for meaningless interactions after her initial scene. Greg and Tina's romance is a nice subplot that I would have liked to see developed more thoroughly, though this is a dog's story, not theirs. My biggest gripe was with the character of Tommy. It's strange because sometimes he and Greg seem like best friends, but sometimes like they're mortal enemies. Tommy is characterized as a kid who's just a little misguided for most of the book, then he suddenly is a psychopath that kills dogs and girls who don't love him. That could have been built up so much better. Signs could have been dropped here and there showing his tendencies and possibility of erratic behavior. The interactions between characters are sometimes weird as well, specifically the dialogue.

For my final thoughts, this was alright for a first storygame, but it could have been a lot better. The small details within the plot and the writing just needed some ironing out and a lot of proofreading.

-- Megumeme on 2/3/2020 6:30:54 PM with a score of 0

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago

Recommend Shadowdrake's comment for featuring in The Essucian Dragon.

The Essucian Dragon

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago

I'm unsure if this is eligible (seeing as how there are only 4 comments on the story), but I'd like to recommend my comment for featuring on Vicious Moles of Nature by Bill Ingersoll.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago

I think the time for A Day in the Life of a Rich Girl

has come.  It is scoring in the "1"s deservedly.  Unpublish.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago
Whoops, I meant to do that the other day.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago
In my game Venetian's tears http://chooseyourstory.com/story/venetian's-tears I want suggest two comments to feature.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago

There are only two comments on your story in total so far. Also, it's good to put the names of those you think should be featured here. I'm not sure Snail's should be featured though, since while overall a good review it has major spoilers about the contents of the endings.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago
Well, I have seen before, spoilers reviews commended. And Even if I only have two comments so far, I hope had more, lol. And both are really good description of the game. Still, that is adms work

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one year ago
It's a brand new game, usually we let them sit for a bit and accumulate reviews. This thread is more for stuff that slipped off the New Games list and missed our notice. Those will likely end up featured but there's no rush.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

10 months ago

Recommending for deletion: Dragons, by Abigail http://chooseyourstory.com/story/dragons

It's maintained less than a 2.9 in the five and change years since it's published. There's a total lack of characterization, little to no choice for the player, and the only item in the story does nothing. The grammar is atrocious, the story is childish, and it's less than two thousand words. This is a relic of CYS' dark history that deserves a bullet. 

Recommending for deletion: Wizard Duel at Wizard School, by Aureus. 

It's sitting at a 2.82 after five years. There are no characters, nor is there a setting or plot to speak of. The game consists of one page with a half dozen choices, all of them leading to death / defeat except for the one that lets you win before spitting you out at the ending. It's not fitting with the culture of actually good games that the site seems to be inculcating, recently. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/wizard-duel-at-wizard-school

Recommending for Deletion: Long Gone, by thechristianyu http://chooseyourstory.com/story/long-gone

It is unacceptably linear. There is only one path, and deviation from it is punished by instant death. There's no reason for this game to exist. It's also barely above the 2.5 instant death threshhold. Fuck this game.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

10 months ago
It is done. Nothing good came out of 2015.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

10 months ago
Hurray~ less stories for Briar to read!

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

10 months ago
Looks like she already read two of them....the first one with the Briar account in 2014 and the last one during her 1/8 binge. That leaves the wizard story, and the real question there is why did @Digit, Seto, and the author all give it an 8/8? Are they the same person?

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

4 months ago
Comments for featuring: On Sterling Suburbs: First comment by TheCanary; second comment by Ford. Comments for featuring: On Tower of Rowena: First comment by Multiverse; second comment by mizal.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

4 months ago
Done, except now Multiverse's. His entire comment was just a list of treasure.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

3 months ago
Time to breathe much needed life into this dead thread. Requesting two comments on my story When The Music's Over be featured in place of AustinC's and Reader82's: This story is rather masterfully crafted. I certainly enjoy how it feels as if you aren't truly shackled to one or two paths. It truly feels like an adventure, in the sense that you're given many choices to make that changes the story drastically, and not arbitrarily by any means. What that leaves, in my opinion, is a story-game that should be experienced multiple times to really enjoy it. However, with how immersive the writing was in pulling me into the hero's footsteps, I would say all of the extra times I've played were just out of personal enjoyment. I couldn’t help but see what I could do, outside of wallowing in my castle, or taking on a band of marauders, or even a dragon. Honestly, this is just a great story, Chris. Bravo. :) -- TharaApples on 2/19/2021 3:24:00 AM with a score of 7 This is a good story. Full stop. It follows Kit, a washed up swordsman who’s sick of life and sick of people fawning over him. In and of itself, this isn’t a super original idea for a main character, but it works regardless. You can feel Kit’s apathy oozing from the story, and this makes him really compelling. Too often I’ve read stories-hell I’ve written them even-where the character is just a ball of sunshine and no one can put them down. Not here. Kit’s just tired, washed up, and sick of everything. Sort of like me sometimes, if I’m honest. This works wonders for the story, which while still good, would fall flat on many fronts without Kit as he is. That being said, the story is very mediocre in general. It had interesting ideas and I felt it resolved well in most of the endings, but still left me wanting more. Some more flesh on the bone in the route where you accept the call would’ve helped with this, as I felt it was the weakest of the paths. This brings to my next point: That every other character besides Kit was sort of just…there? They don’t see enough action in my eyes and aren’t fleshed out enough to really make me invested in them as characters. However, this is really only a minor complaint, as I enjoyed what I saw of the other characters regardless. The writing was, in general, good, if maybe a little unpolished. A bit more flourish would’ve really sealed this for me, as it could sometimes feel a little robotic in its tone. But that’s just me, who prefers a little more spice in my writing. It’s clean, concise, and gets the job done. There’s not really too much more I can ask for in that front. It’s a good story y’all, one that I thoroughly enjoyed from start to finish. While it has some flaws baked in, I can’t dock too much from it in that regard. I appreciate it for what it’s worth and don’t regret my time reading. -- wheelbarrow on 12/26/2020 2:10:47 PM with a score of 36

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

3 months ago

But my comment sucks utter ass in comparison to the comments you already have featured. You only get three apparently, Chris. Don't make me have to delete my own comment so that I'll have to make one that is better and more worthy for this awesome story, dammit.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

3 months ago
Do it, coward.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

3 months ago
That wheelbarrow guy was really good while he lasted.

Austin sucks though, gone.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

3 months ago
In the story The Liar (http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-liar) I believe Nightwatch's comment should be featured to replace ninjapitka's. Nightwatch gives more overall information about the story that would be of interest to other readers, while ninjapitka's (while fine by itself) just lists a few errors.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

3 months ago
Done.

Wizzy's had more words than both of them combined, but I am the mod of the people.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

3 months ago
I made a review in Portuguese can I have a recommendation? I am the only person who did something in that language.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

3 months ago

Would you mind padding out the comment a bit more? 

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

2 months ago
Guided by the hand I made my way here,

The Shortcut Home

Firstly, I have two comments. The older of the two should be deleted. I made a shameful mistake and I could not any longer bare it. Secondly, my second comment is somewhat improved from the first.

Maybe just throw this one away?

The comment by Future is the best on this story which has no featured comments.

"Comment: This game is extremely difficult for me to rate. The opening seems promising, we will be fighting for our life in trying to understand riddles from a poem. The items have stylish pictures and the poem sounds nice, but the problem is that no real hints are offered as to where we should even start with coming up with an answer. At one point I felt ‘jadfoijuprhnheuwqefhob jqfebldfwhjfehdfw’ could have been the poem and it would not make much difference.

I think for a game to be decent, it has to be playable, and this is basically nothing more than a set of riddles, and one which offers no obvious direction as to how to approach it. Maybe if the author had some backstory so that, when the reader reached the story, the past events linked to the actual solution, this would be a more feasible story. It was nice that the author included a walkthrough so I could understand how he came up with the solution, although I still have no idea how the answer to Question 1 makes sense, which puts me off this game a fair bit as it’s the first impression a reader has.

I think this game falls into the trap of making riddles too ‘clever’ for their own good, although the author deserves some credit for making the pattern somewhat similar for each riddle, to the point where I actually managed to get the last riddle correct on my own. I’m going to rate this 3/8 on the basis that the riddles actually got more feasible as they went on, with the last two striking a good balance of being tough without making you despair too much."

Elvis Cock

This featured story has no featured comments.

I recommend the comments by Will, jster02, and Myself

Finally, Virtual Reality Game

Perhaps feature this comment,

"This story suffers from the common problem of lacking detail. At most there is a paragraph on each page. While thus is more acceptable when used in interactive fiction, so that the reader can quickly advance the game, you still need to find a balance. Describe what the levels look like. Describe the fear. Explain things. Create dialogue. What you have here is a summary: "You did that, then you did that." Go into the actions in detail.

Another annoying thing were the choices. Oftentimes they were random. Sometimes you would do something, and would be sent directly to the End Game and Leave Comments page without explanation as to how you died. Besides that, the interactive part was mostly done well with consequences and such (despite the fact that nearly every other choice lead to death.)

It also felt a bit pointless to have the random choices at the start which had no effect on the virtual reality and just rambled on. What does a gingerbread house evil lady have to do with a sci-Fi virtual reality game? It felt meaningless to have that and that section was prone to change genres quickly. Cut to the arcade!

Also, the friend disappeared so many times, coming in and out of the story at random.

Despite these faults, though, this story has some nice potential. You understand punctuation, spelling, grammar, and capitalization. You understand how to make a story interactive. And I enjoyed the game even with its drawbacks. Keep on writing :D" - SixtySnakes

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

2 months ago
I think that's all sorted now, thanks.

No need to actually link profiles btw, just the game itself and the name of the reviewer will do.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

2 months ago
Oh, I had just never learned how to do that before. I was having a bit of fun and making sure I would remember. I had been using the wrong text editor in the past.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one month ago

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/Aloe's-Disappearance

This is the worst story I've ever seen on the site and it should be deleted.

 

 

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one month ago

That one was low enough on the ratings anyway.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one month ago

That was fast!

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one month ago
@eatyourveggies I have a task: Go to Infinite Story and rate up all Endmaster's games ASAP. You owe us. You know why.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one month ago
@eatyourveggies

I SAW YOU ONLINE

YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM ME SON, I'LL BREAK BOTH KNEECAPS

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one month ago

I will do it, but it will have to be later tonight, I'm at a restaurant with my family right now and they want me off my phone.

But you sound just like my grandma looking for the waiter!

 

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one month ago
Pfft.

'worst story I've ever seen', he says.

You 2020 accounts don't have the first inkling of how good you have it...

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one month ago

True, I have heard tales of the dark times. But they would never have happened if Endmaster had been in charge then.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one month ago

Ocean Adventure

This story needs to have the tag previously featured, according to the authors point history page. 

 

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one month ago

Odd, I don't remember that story ever being featured. Must have lost it long before I even got here.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one month ago
2001 sure was a crazy time. I don't think this one needs any special recognition however since it looks on the verge of being unpublished anyway.

Might be the kind of thing @Cerene was looking for though.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one month ago
It sucks. :(

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one month ago
The author has interesting stats, to say the least.
He's been a member since ???, and also has an admin penalty stating "You are Me"...

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one month ago
The Great Schism of 2005

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one month ago

Will the Real J. Jonah Jameson Please Step Forward?

 

Unfortunately, this story also needs the previously featured tag. 

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

one month ago

This place really was fucked before I showed up.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

16 days ago

The Adventures of Phoebe McGee: Episode 1, The Lighthouse

This story needs the previously featured tag, according to the authors point history page. 

 

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

16 days ago
Thanks for pointing that one out, it must've gotten lost in the shuffle when we were changing categories around. I just moved it to Family Friendly and refeatured it.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

3 days ago
Tane No Monogatari Needs the Foreign Language tag. Ninjapitka's comment is also featurable, unless we don't bother featuring comments on very low rated storygames.

Risk My Attention (New World Order)

3 days ago
featured ninjas comment