Let it be said that Mizal forced me into posting by sticking a loaded gun to my head convinced me to post here.
Now obviously I bring along my best bro Tim because he's my best bro.
Next I'll bring along Sent, because he can keep us all entertained with stories about the war or whatever he goes on about. And also because I think he might bring along a can labeled "octopus?", never hurts to have more... Food I think?
For my third pick, I'll bring along End, because when we inevitably leave the bunker we have to have someone who can make the hard decisions like killing a puppy for food.
For my fourth pick, I'll bring along Wibn, because he does farming and maybe he can make us some food with those farming skillz.
For my fifth and final pick, I dunno, Corgi. We need a team pet.
Obviously my list is a prequel to Dusty Fist and we all become those raiders.
Let’s see in alphabetical order:
4 of them seem like they would have useful skills inside and out of the bunker. Cricket, I’m obviously taking so I know I’ll at least have one person on my side if all else fails.
Now Mizal said she probably couldn’t be in a bunker with Cricket, so if she’s rather die in a nuclear fire instead, I guess I’ll take Briar rather than Mizal.
Yes, it is very sad that I’m not taking OG Thara, but there’s not enough room and Cricket gets along with all of the above people so other than there potentially being friction with Mizal (assuming she comes), Cricket is a lot less likely to be lynched immediately by the others.
Mizal, because having someone that's familiar with multiple forms of food prep can keep everyone else alive. We've talked about canning, and freezing food. I also wouldn't at all be surprised if you were familiar with several ways to jerk meat or how to make pemmican. I'm also half convinced that most of the CYSers have burned water, and I've also seen the food shots you post on the discord server, and they all look delicious.
EndMaster, because he seems socially flexible. I've seen him change how he conducts himself around various servers and forums. Having someone around who can carry on a conversation and maintain eye contact, and who is more or less on my side would be handy. Most CYSers seem to be hermits of some sort. After we leave the vault, having a face is a must if we don't come out into a friendly or open society.
IAP. I don't know if we're going to come out into civilization or how much of the population is going to have survived. Having someone for the post apocalyptic world that knows how to kill, clean, and skin an animal could potentially be life saving. He also knows other ways to survive in the wilderness because that's where the man lives.
Chan-bot. Yeah, he's abrasive, but he's still a fair engineer. Being stuck in a vault for years is going to suck no matter who you're in there with, and having someone that can produce solutions to various mechanical, or electrical problems can make the vault more survivable. He would also be able to produce those same solutions with whatever happened to still be around afterwards. I'm not saying it would be easy to convince him to make those solutions if he didn't feel like it, but he would be capable of it.
The fifth person is a bit iffy. I don't know of any CYSers that have a medical background. Modern agriculture wouldn't be able to be maintained in a post apocalyptic setting, so a gardener would be just as handy as a farmer. Most of the people I've chosen so far are a little bit older so I might just pick someone younger who could handle manual labor and not be broken by it. Wibn, Cricket or AYT maybe? Not certain who I would choose if I had time to talk to a few more people about it, but right now I would probabaly choose Wibn, because I know he'd get the job done and complain the least about it.
Rub it in. You were wise to complain about how much work you do for free.
"I also wouldn't at all be surprised if you were familiar with several ways to jerk meat"
Whoa, let's keep this post apocalyptic setting wholesome and not speculate on Mizal's meat jerking skills. (or lack thereof)
Had to make it weird, didn't you? Of course you did. This is CYS. It's going to be a long couple of years.
You already brought Ford with you in the bunker, it's going to get a whole lot weirder.
Yeah. I regretted that as I was typing that. I get the idea that he wouldn't be as bad in person, and he wouldn't have the internet, which would somewhat limit his depravity. Hopefully someone brings along an impressive set of board games.
Fair enough. I was only thinking about skill set the whole time. I'll swap out Ford for Cricky, that way End has a minion and there's less of a chance of shanking.
Hmm...This is difficult.
I would take:
1. EndMaster. Because of obvious reasons. Also, because End’s got logic and some insight into apocalyptic settings.
2. Mizal. She also has a good logical sense as well as being pretty conversational, so we would never get bored in the bunker. Both End and Mizal’s logistical traits would help a lot with rationing food or interacting with the outside if need be.
3. IAP. IAP is pretty much a rugged mountain man who can lift a bunch of things, make a bunch of things, etc.
4. Cricket. Because Cricket is just Cricket.
5. WIBN. He has a funny sense of humor, I guess, and he’s the #2 chicken person.
Yeah. You do seem to be the social butterfly of the site. Wibbons seems to make it into most of the bunkers too.
Yeah. The power team seems to be Mizal, Endmaster, IAP, Cricket and Wibbons.
First off I'll bring EndMaster. He would make sure nobody else decides to eat me--probably, would be good company, would be great after we leave the bunker on account of having grown up in a post-apocalyptic environment himself. Plus has the +2 wisdom bonus for being over forty.
Now, I am obligated to bring Nehal and Corgi thanks to something said on the Discord without the knowledge this would actually happen. They, uh, they would be cool to hang around? I don't really know what skills they have. Corgi could do the landscaping and Nehal probably knows enough about hand looms to make clothes when the time comes? That unviolence princiole could become an issue later on though. And Corgi would probably chop his fingers off if he wasn't supervised at all times. Oh geez....
Next I would bring Mizal. With End around to keep her from eating me, things would probably be fine. We'd probably get along better IRL anyway, on account of me talking far, far less. Actually, wait. She's going to constantly complain about not having enough hot sauce or fresh vegetables or some shit like that, even though there is limited hot sauce and zero fresh vegetables in the bunker--just like North Dakota. Ugh, she can still come because blah blah she'll survive anyway and kill me later if she doesn't blah, and she can play mom to the others.
At this point, am I to be forgiven if I don't bring Wibbons? No, probably not. I guess he can come. Might end up being more useful than most of us here if he doesn't use his newfound freedom to slack off and doesn't complain about his now near certainty of dying single. At least if End ever gives him something, he can pretend it was his trophy.
Not bringing Digit because he probably started this in the first place. IAP is out because, frankly, I don't think he would APPRECIATE my bunker and would probably go on about how great it would be the sleep outside under the no longer visible stars at night, bash zombies/raiders/furry heads in in tje morning, and swim in the irradiated pools in the afternoon. No, sir. I am NOT living with that. Ghost would kill herself by drinking the contents of an aerosol can of window cleaner in an attempt to get high or just see what happens. Sentinel has his own faction of furry homies that can have fun together, and we have no room for his girlfriend. Ford would likely be shanked before he could do anything useful. Sabley will probably be fine with her husband wherever they go, and she's a scary woman mean girl. Anyone with kids isn't coming pretty much, because they can go find their own arrangements and be happy rather than be that one guy who dies a tragic death just before being reunited with his family for emotional impact. Coins is a filthy commie. I don't know who this STEVE some of you have mentioned is. Tim and Chris will have cool adventures together and don't need me. Everyone else is probably some sort of gay homo faggot and not worth bringing up anyway, or they are a kid.
Alright, some of you guys think you know who to bring on your bunker adventure, but trust me, I am an expert at survival and living in small areas with too many people for years. Now, some of these choices are based on personal preference, so please, if you know someone equal in power and skills, feel free to substitute. Anyway, onto the list:
1. Chris. Now I know what you're thinking, "haha of course you'd choose him you're bffs do it for the Tim n Chris meme lol". Yes. But also, Chris is, like, a BIG guy. Like I think he might be bigger than me by a bit. Combined with his deep and manly voice, I feel very intimidated. And that's EXACTLY how the other wastelanders are gonna feel when they get a load of this guy. Chris has also beaten people stronger than him in a fight, so he definitely is a good choice for the big tough guy in our wasteland party. He is also experienced in living the nomadic spartan life, so the bunker phase and transition should be a breeze.
2. Mizal. Now I know what you're thinking, "Tim why are you even about to explain Mizal, everyone knows she's a top-tier choice". Stop interrupting my train of thought. Mizal has definitely hunted animals before, as evident of her tales of snake-beheading and also how boars are kinda hard to kill, naturally making her the hunter-gatherer Walker Texas Ranger of the group. She has also clearly handled a gun before, making her a definite spot on the Wasteland group, above me and Chris combat-wise because no doubt she could probably beat both of us into the dirt, but below both of us diplomatically, as she clearly has no desire to ever deal with people and probably hates having to deal with the group regularly. Lastly, judging by how the Discord Scullery was literally created by her, to show off food that she made, she's more than likely a pretty amazing cook. It's not a gender thing because she's a woman and women are good cooks or something. It's a Texas thing. She is from rural Texas. And rural Texas is pretty much already a wasteland.
3. Mayana. Now I know what you're thinking, "Tim, Maya is literally blind, how can she be of any help, are you just choosing people you like at this point and adding BS answers in post". No, let me finish. Sure, Maya may be blind. But here's something you probably didn't think about: It's pretty dark underground. Especially at nighttime, where the solar panels no longer work and we actually have to conserve electricity. Maya can work effectively in both scenarios. After the first week or two, she'll probably know the bunker better than the rest of us. Another thing you probably didn't think of, but Maya is on a completely different sleep schedule from the rest of us. So, while we're sleeping in the bunker, she'll be wide awake, continuing work during the night shift. Ironically, she'll also be able to hear if there's any bandits outside breaking in while we slumber, making her a perfect lookout. But her real task, her unique objective, will be to chronicle our lives. She'll record the events of the day in writing, and she can even do it in languages other than English, just in case the Russians decide to invade and find it in their looting.
4. IAP. Now I know what you're thinking, "Tim, IAP is one of the most obvious choices, how is he 4th on the list?". What did I just say in Mizal's explanation cut it out and leave me alone. Anyway, yes, IAP definitely has the construction skills and general life experience over everyone here, making him a vital figure in the Wasteland phase, but I think everyone is overlooking some pretty harsh downsides. First of all, he is pretty old. This comes with all the Old Guy downsides, like his withering old man body hurting in key areas and sometimes just not working right for no reason, taking old man naps all the time, and always going on old man rants about how his cable company always tried to screw him back before the apocalypse. And if he gets sick with his weak Old Man Immune System, which he likely will because getting sick is practically part of growing old, that's a pretty large medicine investment to cure him, and if that fails I might as well have started out with 4 people, because he's gonezo. That being said, he also comes equipped with the Old Man upsides, like old man level-headedness making him a strong mediator, old man strength from his constructive hobbies, and old man stories from back when coffee only cost a dollar. All in all, a very neutral, balanced choice.
5. Sent. Now I know what you're thinking, "duh duh duh sent is a bad choice duh duh duh". That's you. That's what your thoughts are like. Anyway, a controversial choice, yes. Sent himself even says that he'd be the worst choice in a world-ending scenario. But if I know Sent, a I know that he is really good at two things: Organizing stuff, and getting everyone to agree with what he says. Two of the most vital skills in an apocalypse setting. He is a very humble person, and was a extremely worthy candidate for CYS presidency. Had my ambition been weaker, I would have gladly accepted a position as his VP. So while he may be average during the Bunker Phase and pretty much useless during the Wasteland Phase, it's the Rebuild Phase where he really steals the show. He has the ability to rally the people under one group. His planning and strategy is among the highest levels. I think he'd actually be a worthy community leader, directing who does what and planning our next moves. As a bonus, he's from Wisconsin. And what's the one thing people from Wisconsin know best? Cheese. So not only will he be a pretty okay assistant to Mizal in the kitchen, he will both figuratively and literally cheese his way to victory.
And there's the list. If your list looks nothing like this, with nobody with these skills, I'm sorry, but you're wrong. Some honorable mentions who didn't make the list include:
End. While he is possibly better at organizing things than Sent, I fear his Chaotic Neutral nature will shift to a Chaotic Evil one once he realizes he could do much better organizing the enemy raiding parties like Caeser.
Sabley. A good choice for farming and breeding livestock. Unfortunately, she tends to get very attached to her chickens, naming them even, and after she's done crying over her lost chickens and husband, I feel she'll shift into unhinged territory and play god with her chickens more than she already does.
Wibbons. An all-around better farming choice compared to Sabley, with pretty much an unfeeling calculation when it comes time to reap. However, as noted by plenty of members of the site, he tends to say stupid things that he thinks is funny, which can lead to some friction in the group and trouble with trade. Also, he keeps pushing the "Tim only says 'Tim'" agenda, so he can go live in a bombed-out house somewhere dying of dehydration with the other mongoloids.
And so concludes the Answer Sheet to the Vault CYS Poll. Just remember, if the worst does happen and the apocalypse does occur, nobody from a writing website will be able to save you.
Endmaster is of course Lawful Evil, not Chaotic Neutral.
Nah man, you barely know End. He's a mad lad who'll kill us all if given the chance.
When it comes down to it, I’m pretty lawful evil.
Chaos is only good in the short term to keep the lower ranks from organizing properly or to bring down an undesirable order and restructure a more accommodating one.
I always somehow knew when this thread went up that I'd be someone's version of Piggy in Lord of the Flies!
I also always knew there would one day be a time when I didn't regret reading that book!
Two of my wishes came true in one day. I can only hope that all this longterm planning doesn't go to waste when Mayana kills me in my sleep for rambling about wizard books in Mizal's Very Serious Hypotheticals.
Going off the premise of some strange disease turning people into furries, and those furries going mad and trying to vore all non-furries. There must be a hidden, secret place to escape to. Aha! Im already far ahead. While there are many cool people. These cool people won out for various reasons.
Anyways, my list: miz, cricky, wibn, sent, and End
End: Our dark lord and savior, because that and we need someone who can at last raise us up into undeath should the worst occur. Although killing ourselves then being turned undead might be the best way to go. No food, no water, no bathrooms or anything would be needed.
Mizal: She can kill snakes and if we can setup internet she will have access to an abundance of video games. She could probably keep us all from doing something insanely retarded too. May be able to offer some communication with the furry hordes :D
Cricky: It wouldnt be surviving the apocalypse without Cricket around to shame us when we fall back on our word. Also she can breath hellfire and chirp the word of God upon the furry heathens and other foul survivors. Also she makes a mean stir fry.
Sent: Where would we be without our crippled war hero sitting in the corner with his wheelchair, rambling about past and future glories to himself? Sents indispensable wisdom will surely aid us in the days to come. Also between Miz and Crickets regular cooking skills, Sents knowledge of occult soups and salads will add variety to our days.
The Fifth Survivor: I am sorry to say it, but in a an epic contest of life and death, AYT punched my original last choice, Wibns, in the dick and took his place. She supposedly has indispensable martial arts, musical, and some medical skills.
Honorable Mention: I was going to pick Wibn for his valauable construction skills and general personality. Fortunately AYT had mercy on Wibns, and finished him off with her cartoon sticker covered pipe before the furries could use him as a human body pillow.
The 1 week to 3 months we all last in here should be interesting.
Hey Mizal, how long do you think you could go without losing your shit with this line up in the bunker?
That sounds less like a survival group and more like a knife fight.
As you can all tell, Maya followed the answer sheet. A++. Or, Y'know, 5. Because Slovenian grading systems.
I live in the great sahara thats apocalyptic enough for me.
No bunker . we'll live as nomads in the great desert .
Who would hit South Africa with WMD's?
the area is very rich in natural resources such as oil . gas (second largest provider to europe after russian Gasprom) . very rich sea wildlife . diverse arable land that provides variety of fruit and vegetables and rich in precious minerals as well as being the gateway between europe and africa through spain and italy . the area would be highly contested by world powers in case of world war and post apocalyptic civilizations for resources.
As you said, it might be contested. Probably not hit by any WMDs. I can't think of a nuclear power that would hit any part of Africa with anything Nuclear. Most of what I've been able to hear about the majority of Africa is that the nice parts are rife with corruption, nepotism, and the warriors of the local tribes are disciplined enough to not openly start fighting. It might get gassed if someone wanted to move their own population into the area without contest, but I don't see that as likely.
I could see fallout being an issue, but outside of that like you said it's pretty post apocalyptic already.
Depends on who's best for eating. There're only enough supplies for one person and it's gonna be ME.
Not Cricky 'cos not enough nutrition.
Not End 'cos I'd be eviscerated.
Probably a group of unsuspecting newbies that have no place else to go. If I'm feeling lonely I'll keep one around.
But when it's time to exit the bunker, I definitely don't want to be sharing food with anyone. Given it's a wasteland I'm expecting subsistence living to be the way things go till we all eventually cark it. And the natural extension of famine: everyone resorts to cannibalism. So there's a point against staying in a group - you show a bit of weakness and you could end up being dinner. In addition, having to take care of a wounded team member, or Mayana during day time, makes traversing the hellscape much harder than it needs to be. Unless you have a vehicle - which means you need to have lots of gas/petrol - more ground would be covered without a group. All the benefits of safety in numbers etc. are valid if you have a reliable source of food. That's a big if.
Also lol to rebuilding.
Anyways, if anyone wants to bunker down together just let me know beforehand.
@325boy ; @nocturne ; @ApricotMarshy ; @BluePony ; @oraclemache
The fact anyone would send a "just got laid selfie" is disturbing
I genuinely hope that we don't run out of food while sharing a bunker, because I really would prefer not to get eaten, lol.
Nah nah we're not gonna wait till we start running out of food, we'll kill you right away so we don't have to worry about having another mouth to feed.
Sorry friendo, but in this new world, it's YEET or be YEETed.
Well then, I'm glad that my body and living quarters was used for a good cause- to help the rest of you survive. All I ask in return is for me to die a quick, painless death, or for me to taste my first sip of alcohol and then I can finally rest in peace.
While I kinda disagree with some of the choices, my Answer Sheet applied to all the phases, while you customized yours to maximize effectiveness in the bunker phase. Pretty great and unique idea. A-.
Well, the fact that I’m halfway around the world from most of y’all would probably mean that this would likely never happen; but anyway here goes...
Most important part about living in a secluded spot with a group of people for years is not going mentally insane. As for life outside the vault, well as Mizal said, it really wouldn’t be that hard to rebuild so my choices are only going to be based with people who I get along(or like to think that I get along).
1) Undr- I know, I know she’s not been around here, but I really got along with her a lot. Being stuck in a vault for for decades with someone who I can brainstorm my sciency and nerdy stuff with would really help my mental health. Plus she’s Italian and is probably a good cook.
2) Derpussen- We get along well, I think. He’s one of the few people that I’ve chatted with in voice chat, and from what I know he’s a very hard worker. He also has experience in traveling around a lot and living in the country and those skills could come in value. Lastly, I think he has a feel of maturity which could make him a good leader of the group and keep the rest of us in line.’
3)Mayana- I think I get along with her too, since we’ve chatted a lot. Even though she has an obvious physical disadvantage, that could be easily made up with a little bit care from the others. Plus she has a very sharp mind and could be the team strategist and quartermaster who could effectively ration our supplies.
4) Mizal- I think we get along, since she was the first person here who I could properly chat with; and I think we could really be good friends IRL. She comes with the added advantage of being an adult and could kinda become like a motherly figure for our group of children, but well, if she gets annoyed she could easily decide to blow holes in all of us with her shotgun and keep all the supplies for herself, which I hope doesn’t happen so we’ll have to be careful...
She and cricket would probably not get along, but I think overtime they will; since they don’t have any serious blood feud with each other(yet...)
5) Cricket- She’s pretty fun to be around with, and I like to think we get along; even though she thinks I’m some sort of ‘gay homo faggot’ and always has a general disdain for me. Most of all though, I think she has a very resilient mind and would probably not be one of those who go insane and begin killing everyone else due to long term confinement. She’s also extremely social, and her personality would probably help to reduce boredom, which is important since boredom could lead to a mental breakdown.
6) Me- My personality online and offline is of stark contrast. I like to think of myself as a somewhat social person, but I’m adaptable to wherever I go due to my family moving around a lot, I’ve lived in the country as well as a bustling city and managed to adapt. I’m friendly and most of my irl friends sometimes tell me I’m way to naïve for my own good, so that could be an issue I guess. I’ve done kickboxing for 1 and a half year so I have experience in hand to hand combat. I’ve also had a hobby of shooting for quite a while, so I’m fairly okay with most generic pistols and rifles. As for procurement of a gun in India, my mom always keeps one in the house, since it’s required in her line of work(and she taught me how to use one in the first place).
Realistically speaking, this is almost impossible, unless any one of y’all are on vacation here on the day of Armageddon. The only person who could be with me is Nehal, since we’re in the same country; and I’ll probably shoot her in the face if she bothers me too much.
Seeing as none of y’all chose me, I’ll probably most likely be alone.
Oh and honourable mention to Ninja, I’m not really sure about your abilities but you seem cool and calculated so o might replace you with cricket.
Yey! I'm not going to die! ^_^
I'm not convinced that locking yourself in that bunker with those people means you aren't going to die.
We can survive eating the cats that Wibbons kills for us. ^_^?
KitKatKaity - She's cool.
That's all I can think of atm as I've only really chatted with her. Boring, I know.
Sorry I didn't know this poll was for the clique only. I'll go back to my hole now.
Bumped for Cricket.
Switching out Wibbons for Thara.
Wibbons fucked up and isn’t in good standing with the rest of the Villains anymore and IAP can probably do all the stuff that Wibbons can anyway.
So new line up is:
Where Am I to buy my own vault?
Why I have to choose people? Instead, be alone. Okay, I will bring Gower to murder him most gruesome way possible, I will pick Corgi and pirate because they are nice with me. Mizal because is practical and maintain control and Cricket because I have fun with her.
I dunno exactly what he did really, but he pissed off various Villains, so he's out.
Oh wait, now I remember. He got into it with Chris and Tim I think. Then that spiraled into pissing off Mizal and I think everyone else pretty much agreed at that point he was being a faggot about it all.
I wasn't really around for the major blow up, but that's about the size of it.
Alright.... people who I'll take with me to a bunker and the apocalypse... ok!
I know little about these people so here goes:
1). EndMaster because he's probably got some demonic ritual shit going on and we need protection from cultists
2). Cricket because... cricket
3). Ogre11 because Ogres are fat and good for calories
4). 3J because we need someone who can rain down things from the sky or some shit (idk lol)
5). Avery_ Moore because she makes face emoticons on the forums
My reasons are absolutely sound and need no questioning. Move along.
Nah, I got a few hazmat suits in my closet(don't ask) and some noise-canceling headphones. I'm good.
1) Endmaster cuz he can probably keep the others in line
2) Gower because he seems nice and can maybe entertain us
3) Cricket because talking crickets are sort of useful
4) C6H8O6 because I know him irl
5) venyanwarrior so that End and Cricket make fun of him instead of me, also possibly good calories for consuming if we get bored of him.
Sounds great to me.
I'm skinny, I'm not good for calories.
That's why I said that you might be good for calories, and you have other uses as well.
Yes, I am good at squeezing in tight spaces and driving fake cars fast. I'm the next Bear Grills!
Wait then why didn't you just delete this one
Ok, granted, it has been a while since I've been on this website. But why are all of you choosing Endmaster? He's at the top of my "would be willing to eat human flesh if things go wrong" list. As for who I would bring, I'll have to think about that.
Mizal seems to know what's up and Gower seems to have some ingenuity that would help. But that's just spit balling. I'll need to go scour some forums to see if there are any hidden survival skills for others I suppose.
And if it gets me any points towards someone's list, I've done some long-term, long-distance backpacking, make some of my own gear, and have an odd quantity of knowledge about homesteading (candles, soap from ash, tanning hides via brain material, etc.).
GAHHH you did that on purpose. The comma too!!!!
Haha, I actually do editing work on the side so we probably share that aggravation. But grammar is for working and forums are for typing the way I talk.
Oh god, I can only imagine then. At least I get paid more the worse the text is, haha.
No! I was going to pick you for my vault, but I don't think I can now. You'd grammar prank me to death.
But then, dark and fiendish humor might be an asset through the oppressive years as our stalwart band of six awaits the reblooming of the Earth. It could toughen us up for the trials ahead, for when we finally exit our living tomb and rise to conquer a transformed world, only to find the flowers are fed by the dust of bones.
I've only been around about a month, so I don't know everyone, but I think I would pick:
1. mizal - she seems to have a wide variety of skills, including food prep, apparently, and could function as a team lead. She'd probably be the sort to press everyone's buttons, on purpose, after a while, but if we can survive that then zombie hordes and mutant orcs should be a breeze.
2. Gower - we need a lore master, both for the days below ground when we must learn of history, and for the days above when we must write it. He seems disturbed enough to handle the apocalypse without cracking. There is the risk he might leave us one day to find where the sky touches the horizon, but in the meantime we have someone to spin tales for entertainment and tutor us in valuable knowledge.
3. Bill Ingersol - He looks to have some mountain climbing and all-weather survival skills, plus he is familiar with the various dangers alien worlds may present. And a post-apocalyptic Earth might as well be a new alien planet.
4. ninjapitka - Bodies everywhere? No problem; he'll just put on a kettle of tea. Assuming he doesn't kill us and turn us into his puppets while in the bunker, he should be a handy Mad Max sort once we venture above.
5. MadHattersDaughter - because we need someone to jumpstart human culture once above, and to keep our spirits up while underground. And because she can chronicle the rise and fall of civilization in drawings on the bunker walls.
I hope everyone's OK if I bring my dog. Otherwise, it looks like fun times. Who's bringing the beer?
I guess that would make you and Bill roommates. And the dog, of course. We need the drama of what happens when he sheds on Gower's decliner, or when the food gets low and we need protein, or when the dog is bitten by a radioactive cockroach and turns rabid.
But hey, if he survives until we reach the surface, we'll have a guard dog and a tracker. Assuming its not a daschund or some little dog - in which case the dog is definitely getting eaten.
Bella is definitely not a daschund. Her specialties are snuggling on the couch and giving unsolicited kisses. Getting bit by a radioactive cockroach is a distinct possibility, though. I'll make sure her rabies vaccine is up to date before the zombies strike.
That dog looks like a survivor. Excellent. I like the heroic pose, gazing off into the middle distance.
It's not as bad as my first couple of attempts to post my Boris pic, which ended up a little psychedelic.
I think he's just upset that we're going to be partying inside the bunker while he's left outside as zombie bait.
Best lineup yet! I imagine Bill is terrified by the fact there will be no one to read his stories. ;~)
Here's the full size version!
That's quite the dance I'm doing back there! Awesome drawing as usual.
(Oh, and my mommy says all of my stories are terrific!)
That's a fun thought!
Haha! I love this so much. Your art is so expressive.
Well. I now regret not being a significant member of the site. I'll need to start writing again. Then I'll need to figure out how to write well.
This is incredible! You even threw in Boris. And Gower managed to get a recliner into the bunker before the end, of course.
I'm just really amused by how Mizal looks.
You're an entertaining person. This kind of style fits CYS perfectly. Wait, are those.....spoils from the strawberry pudding spork war?!
PS: Your illustrations make me smile hehe :))
Definitely another great piece of art, MHD.
MHD is certainly a way better artist than that overrated fucktard Quiller that's for sure.
Had hesitated to join this one, since I know next to nothing about anyone here, but I'll give it a go.
1. Mizal- Mizal seems nice, yet sarcastic, with a bunch of practical skills while still being generally personable. I feel she would be able to help with leadership--especially since she knows everyone on the site better than I do. I also feel that she could keep things chill so I do not snap and kill off humanity. It will be fun times.
2. Gower- Gower is positive and helpful. I feel like his writing could amuse everyone for years with just 16 words--a true talent. He also would be solely responsible for the preservation of the English language and grammar in the future. No Natalie will not be on the list Gower.
3. TheChef- Dear lord I hope you can actually cook with a name like that; otherwise, we will all starve. Kidding I can cook a bit as well. I have had some good conversations and enjoyed TheChef's writing/comments. Plus the assumption really is he knows how to cook at some level...
4. Bill_Ingersoll- Bill is an amazing writer and I agree with the logic that his sci-fi knowledge will be valuable after the end of the world. Plus he comes with a cute dog that likes to cuddle, what kind of monster leaves a dog to the zombies?
5. This one is tough. I am between MadHattersDaughter and Endmaster.
MadHattersDaughter- let's face it, I am not bringing art back into the world...it is lost forever if she doesn't come (unless thechef is really an artist?). I feel a cultural responsibility for the future here. She also wrote a great love story (which I am a sucker for) and balances out the whole male-female thing so the zombies do not sue me for being a sexist...I don't see why else that would be important.
Endmaster- I know his writing is amazing, and every story needs a villain...but I'll be honest. I am debating bringing him for one reason: he threw me in the pit of SHAME and I am not sure if anyone but him can let me out. I am unwilling to enter the new world in SHAME and if we are locked in a bunker I have plenty of time to meet the requirements to get out. Not that I will ever win a contest based on choices 2. And 4.
See, folks? This one of the main reasons why you should adopt a dog: you get invited into more bunkers that way.
It was a clever ploy
In no particular order:
1. Mizal - Relatively chill person who seems like she'd be great to hang around irl. She kills snakes.
Role: Hunter - Kills snakes.
2. End - What the other person said: hard decisions.
Role: Leader - Oldest, I think? Also a practical guy.
3. WIBN - I don't know about what happened with the villains, but WIBN also seems nice. I like his stories. And was there something about farming...?
Role: Gatherer/Farmer? - Background knowledge in this?
4. Will - Seems like someone who I could have interesting conversations with (keeps me sane) for a few years. Also, history is fun to ponder.
Role: Cartographer, Record Keeper - The thinker, but who knows what's hiding behind that smile. Maybe he'll take all the maps and stuff and exploit it for himself. Or sabotage the rest of the team.
5. Briar - Sweet person who adds another type of personality to the group. Just the right balance of humor and kindness.
Role: Advisor - Nice balance to End.
My Role: I guess I'll help everyone else?
Hm, well, this is an interesting one. I had to actually spend over fifteen minutes thinking who would I like to bring in my vault because there are a lot of candidates. My top picks would be:
1. Cricket: now, to be frank, no time was spent on debating over her. Cricket was picked because, well, as everyone has said, she's Cricket. More than being the social butterfly she's also smart and spontaneous, which is always a must. She's also sort of the "integrator," keeping everyone together and all that cheesy shizz. So, the best team mate one can have.
Now starts the real difficulty, hm..
2. Dark: I'd like to bring in Dark because I reckon he can somehow make and use his Mexican contacts with the filthy rich cartels and such. Considering he's also highly knowledgeable about drugs, he can get us money and shit after we're let out, or maybe while we're in, too. Who knows. But yeah, overall a strong candidate and one that easily gets along with everyone.
3. Wibbons: his survival skills and ability to deal with the worst of the people and situations are a necessary skill set. Though I reckon he might develop some beef with Dark, but that's okay. That should be manageable. And some entertainment for the rest of us.
4. Corgi: I'd pick Corgi because he's pretty perceptive. So if tensions start bubbling, he's the guy I'd rely upon along with Cricket to calm things down. And maybe his strong olfactory sense--being a dog and all that--would help us be a step ahead of our rivals in the apocalypse.
5. Well, you see, Ozone and Ghost come in a package. Although there are high chances of ghost hurting herself all the time, but ozone's the guy to prevent her from doing that. Plus, the vault will give enough time for her knees to rest; and by the time we're out, her pro athletic skills are going to be advantageous. Ozone is both smart and physically fit. A good asset and entertainer. Though, I'd really be worried for the rest of us because of his foot fetish, but survival needs are greater, so oh well.
People I'm not bringing:
Although I was really tempted to have Mizal and IAP too because they're two of the best people I've had the fortune to know and talk to, but living with them for so long is going to make me die for sure. The intimidation is just too much, man. Plus I feel like Mizal wouldn't be able to live in peace with the rest of us degenerates, especially Cricket. Not choosing End because, again, obviously, I'm deathly afraid of him. Plus, why would he come in the vault of a noob like me, anyway? Would have chosen Sabley, but the choice was really tough. That and she keeps chickens around and I can't stand the smell. :( Luciel was also a candidate but she's just way too sweet. For a moment I also considered Killa for the lols. Would've been an epic fail because he'd always complain, especially about the koala. Pfft.
To sum up, I'm just a noob and want to be with my bestest buds, gah!
Yes, I'm very responsible :)
Meanwhile Dark would be doing that smugpepe emoji if and when he reads this
Dark is awesome, yes
Well, this seems like a potentially fun thread to resurrect and see new members' input on this. And perhaps some of the old members' decisions have changed, with the updated roster of CYStians?
#1: Cricket, because she's usually nice (when she doesn't betray and dox me 😠) and I don't want her to die in a nuclear fallout. Also, as far as I know, she's a good cook.
#2: EndMaster, because he is our malevolent overlord, and I also don't want him to die in a nuclear fallout.
#3: Ninja, because I need somebody fit and strong to cart me around in my wheelchair.
#4: Mizal, because also good with food. Other members in the thread have also given various other reasons.
#5: AYT, because I want a 3:3 split. And she's also the youngest afaik, so she'll be able to lead the future generations after the rest of us die.
always proud to serve as rations
I piss more than I shit, and boy do I shit.
Again, what is it with you and shitting? Are you actually a 40 year old methhead?
I'm afraid to explain my reasoning, lest I get helled here as well.
Mizal: Because we can dress up emoly and make vampire noises.
Sent: He can bring some blue feathers and make bird noises
Chef: He can make cat and bird noises
Canary: Can also make vampire noises.
And....we need another woman so Mizal doesn't feel intimidated by being the only one there.....
Eh, I will pick Cel. He is paralyzed from the waist down. And can make retard noises.
Well definitely updating mine now.
I figured most people would be a bit more subtle with the harem they're creating...
Well just to clarify publically and to dispell any nasty rumors relating to the above (yet amusing) post...
Mizal and Sabley were picked to be in there for survivalist skill purposes. Plus they were originally in there to begin with.
Cricket was also in there to begin with, so she stays and she needs someone to interact with, so Green's being added. Plus Green would be all into boardgames.
Finally Thara would have been in there the first time around, but that was during the time she took a break from the site. So she's in obviously. Can't very well include two of the daughters and not the original.
As for why I don't have any guys, well I don't trust any of them enough to not try to kill me and RAEP all the wimmins. There's always a power struggle to be the "alpha" in these conditions, and I can't be bothered with that shit. I'd end up just killing one of the guys ahead of time if they didn't get me first.
Granted I don't trust women either, and all these ladies could just decide they want a complete apocalyptic tacofest and get rid of me in the middle of the night, but I'm confident enough that Thara wouldn't turn on me so I'd have at least one ally.
How have you not adopted MHD yet?
She's already the Mad hatter's daughter.
Nothing wrong with having two dads. ^_^
Oh this looks fun. I enjoy that they either come with me into my bunker or face the fallout, makes me free to pick whoever I want.
1. AL because it'd be really sad if they died in the fallout, plus they're easy to get along with.
2. MHD, with reason that we'll need entertainment and maybe she can help me figure out how to draw things that aren't blobby kappas/cartoon animals/shitty replicas of anime characters.
3. Avery, because she's an animal whisperer so maybe the ones that get mutated by the fallout may not kill us as soon as we get out. Plus, maybe she'll bring her animal friends.
4. Mizal, to babysit
5. I was gonna say Cel, but then realized that these are all girls (not entirely sure about AL but I think so) and that's a terrible idea. Maybe Thara.
Did you just assume my gender?
Are you not a dude
**the REST of these are all girls (if I didn't get the meaning across the first time)
You never know who's male and who's not on CYS. We're the most diverse and welcoming interactive fiction community, after all.
...are you just saying this so I don't leave you to die in the nuclear fallout out of pure sexism
No, sexism is based 😎
Great food for thought. I'll join in. Most of them are placed due to petty reasons.
1. Mizal: just because so she cannot procrastinate anymore on that children's story from the prompt contest. I'm still waiting for its release date.
2. Thara, because she has the best profile pictures and probably a great taste for shows.
3. Ebon, so that he cannot wuss out writing his Mormon "magnum opus" that will dethrone Eternal. Still waiting Ebon, still waiting.
4. Gryphon: so that she can make a 1 million word count review about life on earth so far.
5. Will11: Because someone has to retell the world's history after everyone has died out or write himself into every historic event and ascend to godhood.
For the people who I'm grouping together, because they would be a menace to society: Ford and Celicni. Yup, these two will become the best degenerate/comedic duo during the apocalypse. They'll probably start a sex cult or die in some ditch during their attempt. 50% for either outcome. Fluxion can be their babysitter as the king of shitty dragon stories. Fresh_put_of_the_oven can act as the human sacrifice.
Really proud of my role here, guys. Thank you for thinking so much of me
I even got a cute group shot of the triumvirate.
I love it! What can go wrong with me being tied to Ford's back?
Wheelchairs are overrated, you deserve the best of the best.
1. fresh_out_the_oven, for being a generally kind person.
2. Paradox, for comedic value.
3. Celicni. He can write grimdark fantasy to keep morals high.
4. Random noob. Just in case food supply gets low.
4. EndMaster. I assume he has no issues with sacrificing noobs.
I will valiantly add myself as 4 since:
1: I am named appropriately for said purpose
2: I am still a noob
3: I would not put up much of a fight
4: I equal about 910,000 kcals. If everyone needs about 2500 to maintain a healthy body weight, I would provide 364 days for one person or 91 days for all 4 of you.
Yes! And might I say, you look absolutely delicious. Your sacrifice it most appreciated. ^_^
I have maybe slightly way overestimated my weight. I am a much different person than when I last weighed myself lol.
700,000 kcals is about 280 days or 70 for 4 people.
Your sacrifice will not be in vain.
See, the problem with End sacrificing noobs is that four out of the six people in that vault are, by definition, noobs. Except MAYBE Paradox, I'm not sure how long he's been here or if he's still considered noob status
But I do appreciate the offer to be in a vault instead of a human sacrifice. Moving up in the world!
"I now want only people who can appreciate board games and canned food."
Well I can see why I'd definitely be number one on that list.
I like board games! Can I be in reserve? I actually joined a board game club a few months ago, so I have access to many many games. ^_^
You know, if you ever want a young person to order around and make do all the work you could always take me. I come with knowledge of how to use multiple weapons, being able to be quiet and disappear, lots of board games, and the ability to entertain myself for hours without electronics or anything else. I do have a small case of a deathly allergy to nuts and being a child though, but I think the pros outweigh the cons. If you do find me as too much dead weight, you could also sacrifice me or eat me. Whichever floats your boat! :)
Oh, damn. Might have to kick one of the other girls out of my bunker to make room for you. ^_^
Well, since I am still new around here, and only have vague impressions of y'all, this is who I would bring into my vault.
1. EndMaster - of course, he is our leader and I figure it might be good to have the grim reaper on my side in the apocalypse.
In a situation like the apocalypse, I think that the strong would have a better chance of survival than just all the nice folks. For slots 2-5, I would throw the rest of you in a pit and let you fight it out for survival. I might be nice and drop a weapon or 2 just to make it fun. My estimation of those results would be as follows.
2 & 3. Ninja and Sent seem like they would be good in a fight and would most likely survive (and even thrive).
4. Mizal - well Texas - and although many times she is a voice of reason, seems like she can bring the hammer down when she needs to.
5. Thara - she doesnt take crap from anyone. She would make it out.
The number of times WIBN used to occur on these lists is distressing.
Probably because he did have the redneck builder knowledge and slave mentality that would have made him an excellent minion with a weak will and strong back.
Your new pfp is creepy.
I'm liking the idea of a girls only apocalypse.
We shall stay up all night playing board games, drinking hot cocoa, telling scary stories and having pillow fights in our pajamas going "tehehehehe". Then, once the apocalypse is over, we shall go up to find EndMaster (who shall undoubtably be the only remaining survivor) and invite him in for a game of Exploding Kittens. ^_^
Abgeofriends because she lives on a farm, is a pretty decent cook, and it would be nice to have someone to practice kung fu with. It also helps that I’ve been friends with her since I was a baby.
Olivesalid10 because she also lives on a farm and I also know her in real life.
Mizal because of obvious reasons.
Endmaster because he seems like a good leader, and the whole grim reaper thing is a plus.
I was thinking about this one for a little bit, and after some consideration I remembered that someone as awesome as MHD existed, so of course I would bring her along. What would a bunker be without her drawings and false doorways?
I want Sent and Dark. Sent because I need his long ramblings to stay sane and I want him to decorate our shelter, Dark because I would get bored without someone to smoke weed with. We would probably also ideally want a woman to barter sex for ammunition and medicine with local survivors, but I would feel bad making a CYStian do that, so I might keep it fellas only with Chris and probably Ninja because he seems like he knows about outdoor survival shit and would be reasonably intimidating.
EDIT: I only picked four other people. Tim is the no brainer here because him and Chris together lower each other's stress levels and are less likely to cause a Rimworld style meltdown, and he can rock a gas mask
Seeing as my previous answer sheet is now defunct due to irreconcilable issues, I will now update it. Please keep in mind that, while the skillsets of these people are optimal for post-apocalypse survival, I am not sure about the overall compatibility between them. Therefore, this ranking takes the liberty of believing everyone in the bunker will be cool and good to each other and we will all be friends.
I will still be keeping around Chris, miz, and Sent, for the same reasons as before. There's been some patch changes, but things have mostly stayed the same. Still pretty top-tier picks.
The first new pick for the vault will be Dark. From his extensive experience surviving the mean streets of Mexico, he will be a great help adapting to the hellscape that is the outside world. He's pretty much already living in a post-apocalypse environment without the apocalypse. Likewise, from the injuries he's survived and told tales of, his constitution would be a great asset as well. It would also help to have someone that can speak spanish besides my own gringo-level knowledge. All in all, he's much like miz, only on the other side of the border. A possible downside is that he will not be able to bring his sister, but if he's resorted to bunking here, that's probably no longer an issue.
My other new pick is Malk. While we may disagree on some cultural aspects from time to time, Malk is definitely the pinnacle of warrior scholars. His vast knowledge of both the Islamic faith and various tactical maneuvers make him an excellent choice for both the Wasteland and Rebuild phases, especially when paired with Sent. He'd also pair well with Dark during the Bunker phase, since they'll both be partaking in some spiritual THC-assisted sessions of enlightenment.
Now, I know what you're thinking.
Keep thoughts like that to yourself.
Anyway, here's a quick review of other good choices that I will not be taking, personally, but I understand if you do:
End. Great scholar, excellent leader, still not entirely convinced he won't just organize a hostile takeover when the time is right and go on to lead a Mad Max-esque raider nation.
Sabley. Great farmer, optimal for the rebuild phase, but now not only has a husband but also a child. Heck, they probably have their own bunker. Do not separate.
Corgi. Great for the Bunker phase and other general morale-boosting activities, but unfortunately has a designated naptime of which NONE may wake him. Not so great in an emergency situation.
MHD. Amazing artist, great for the Bunker phase morale and Rebuild phase propaganda, but due to the severe lack of both fancy hats and cool tea sets in the apocalypse, she might really go the "M" in "MHD".
Finally, I have come to realize that bringing ANY one of the three sisters without the other two as well as End would be a fatal mistake. They probably have their own happy little vault, anyway. DO NOT SEPARATE.
This is the new answer sheet. Again, keep in mind that my own assuredness in this list has been shattered, and I am no longer confident in my ability to pick optimal writing site members to survive the apocalypse with, even casting aside the fact that, hypothetically, I would probably be the last person anyone should pick in this scenario and nobody would want to be paired with an absolute clown such as myself.
You wouldn't think 3 years is enough to change things, but man...
Alright, so, I've never exactly been decisive in picking people out during apocalypses, but I do have something remotely on topic to post here. Lots of discussion has been had about who you could take to the CYS bunker, but little has been said about the bunker itself. What, I wonder, would a bunker capable of supporting only 5 people look like? Well, I was able to build a pretty good bunker some months ago during a very secretive Let's Play I did in like January, and I dunno why, probably because it was just on-topic at the time, but I only posted it in a discord channel of like three people.
Here is the full tour, editted and revised, in accurate color, rendered for the Cystian Public.
This is my base of operations in House Flipper.
Uh, I can explain
This is a perfectly rational thing. The surf boards serve a very important purpose!
The Goblins fear them. It keeps the goblins in their yard-village and OUT of my house. But they dug this fish pond by themselves and I'm still pissed.
Every once in a while I give them a fruit offering to invade someone else's lawn and annex their land or belongings for myself. One day I will defeat the tyrannical housing association and rule the neighborhood with an even, righteous hand! And acquire the building permits to expand my bunker, probably.
Every time one scrub dies in battle, it seems like another goblin appears in their house. And they're still building new ones! It's a little concerning honestly. I'm glad I managed to oust them all from my house using surfboards.
The Goblin Grove, where they grow peaches in the summer and harvest pumpkins in the fall.
This is the Goblin Lord's manor. I beat him up so he answers to me now, according to Goblin Law. You really have to be proactive about controlling the goblins in your area if you want to get the most out of them. He's very possessive of his pool, it looks like. I think I technically have permission to swim there, as his liege, but I wouldn't want to mess with those guards of his.
This appears to be a Goblin Temple of some description... They barbecue their prisoners of war here and offer them to whatever spirit lives in that birdhouse. That whole process freaks me the fuck out, but hey, it's outside the surfboards so it's not my business.
I was able to save money on two surfboards by installing this outdoor gym machine, because they seem equally afraid of this.
My home gym is positioned in such a way that I can keep a watchful eye on them while I hone my ability to beat up the Boss Goblin.
Ah, yes, the house of the Goblin Shaman. He's the one in charge of the horticulture of this village, growing pumpkins and such in my yard. And he's probably also the one organizing the village-wide ritual that causes live fish to rain into the pond on Saturdays. I can't complain, it's pretty benign as far as goblin mischief goes.
Some goblins rarely make purely liquid potions, and instead make extremely powerful brines whose herbal effects are diffused into small portions of food. If you ever see suspicious pickle jars in your garden, don't eat them. There's no telling what effects they might have.
This is my lazy chair, where I can barbecue, keep an eye on the goblins, and threaten the neighbors all from under the same umbrella, which is just the zenith of American Outdoor Living in the pre-apocalypse stage.
This is also where a guest would presumably sit while I'm sitting on my barbecue yard throne, but the seating in my yard is a lot more sparse, because I don't know what to do when there's no walls. There's no feng shui to work off of.
This table in particular is where you can tell I got too excited to work on the inside of the house, and figured I would just design the rest of the outside space later. I know this would also look much nicer with some ground panels and stuff, but I hate laying brick/flagstone surfaces and planting trees and shit because it feels like actual jobs I've done for work, which is something I instinctively veer away from when playing games
But while the picnic table is a bit haphazard, this pizza oven is actually placed in one of the most tactical spots on the property. I've calculated its angle and placement precisely. You'll see why later on as we go.
For one thing, it's right next to the big pool!
There wasn't a diving board, nor did I really have any room for one, so the only way to throw yourself into the water at high speeds is to fling around on this swingy rope thing.
I really shouldn't have swung from the swingy thing while my buoyancy was this... Compromised. But luckily the stairs were built that way just in case I forgot I was wearing a 1500s full plate harness and did exactly that. That's the key to good interior and exterior design: Know yourself.
You'll see now one of the major strategic points about the oven's position. It's very convenient to eat pizza while sitting in the hot tub! And no, I'm not gonna talk about the vault hatch yet. That's a whole other thing to get into.
I know I haven't gone on that much about the general apocalypse preparedness of the house, but this is an important feature. I hung up these bat houses, and when shit hits the fan, I plan on putting up even bigger ones, so that when I'm ready to leave the bunker, I'll have giant mutant bat buddies who fondly remember my generosity and are also willing to keep the property clear of Cazadores. Some of them might be fruit bats, and I receive a tax of 54% of all the peaches they grow in the Goblin Grove, so they also have regular offerings to remember me by.
The astute will have noticed there's lots of security cams around the house- And that the door appears to be inside a very thick wall where the panelling goes all the way in. This is no mistake. The house is made of a very heavy tungsten structure and the "panelling" just happens to be a protective shell that's linked together like the rings of a rattlesnake tail, letting it flex and bend in the face of extreme forces. This building will undoubtedly stand a nuclear blast on any of the nearest dense population centers. Or an earthquake, because I think that happens most everywhere you can grow peaches.
But anyway, without further adieauxooue, The LIVINGROOM, right as we come in.
The flag of Cystia warms our walls as the most patriotic of tapestries.
It has a good strong table for stacking cinderblocks, playing board games, and apparently counting bullets and drinking tequila out of a pokemon. I suppose I also have a Big Spoon right there. In case I need it. I don't actually know how the pokemon got in here or who put it there, but buying a liquor bottle shaped like a creature in order to find out what it tastes like does seem like something I would do.
Now, I don't live in such a high-security house just because I'm preparing for an apocalypse. I have built this panic house for perfectly valid general safety reasons too. House Flipping is an intense business, and I have many dangerous rivals who would like to see me dead due to my based interior design decisions. But on the bright side, having enough enemies to necessitate a well-protected house with cameras, vault doors, bulletproof windows, and a goblin levy army, has allowed me to indulge the finer things in life, like collecting priceless artwork. This picture is just a replica, though. I keep the real one downstairs so that I can admire it for a few hundred years and preserve it after the apocalypse hits. But that's skipping way ahead, there's so much upstairs things to do first.
This is the main living area, which I designed primarily around its cool rug. I guess that ringy ball is also there because I like those things. They are the source of an entertaining and acceptable amount of injury to myself and others.
I am going to use my imagination to supercede the limitations of House Flipper, and just pretend that the floor is like a hexagonal-pattern wall to wall carpet, because the concrete poolside tiles they're supposed to be would surely be the death of me if I started doing anything stupid on a ringy ball.
I don't know why I went for this creepy crouch-behind-the-couch angle with the camera. Maybe it was to give a more immersive view of the tv and speakers, but I think it was to put more focus on the ringy ball.
I really like this couch and would probably sleep here a lot, using my room mostly to keep up appearances. I don't know why the dinner tray has the big rambo knife. I think the implication was that it was a really gopnik way to open a can of meatballs, but that can clearly has a pull tab on it. Meaning the knife is for eating meatballs with. Seems like a precarious affair, tbh.
Too many balls in this room. I'm going to go to the bathroom. It's hard to get a good angle on the whole room, because it's a small, very functional space. It's not needlessly ostentatious, like some kind of degenerate rich bathroom. This is a tasteful, just-the-right-amount-of-class, pleasantly fancy normal bathroom, with just the bare necessities! Well fuck, bare necessities was right. I forgot to put a mirror in here. It's alright though because if I polish the marble walls right, I'll be able to see my face above the sink anyway.
This is the shower and towel corner.
And THIS is the Toilet Zone. Now, I know, it's kind of a weird sight. But I'll be sure to put an appropriate mirror over the sink later. Nothing all that weird about this image otherwise
Of course I also keep the scoped AR15 rifle here for easy access while I'm shitting. As is my right. Mizal made the helpful comment that it'll be useful to protect myself if Wibn should ever find a way to seep his way up through my plumbing, but I may need to keep an additional pistol here for such close-quarters encounters. My REAL thinking here with the rifle was this:
If I'm ever out making pizza in my yard and I get an attack of the mad shits, (no doubt because I've been poisoned by some kind of dastardly degenerate pizza burglar) I can make a show of being like, "Oh no, I have to shit, I better go inside my house and leave my pizza unguarded"
And then BANG! RIGHT IN THE ACT!
I told you the positioning of my oven was extremely tactical, though you might not have believed me at the time.
This was supposed to be a picture of the door to the kitchen, but it was at this point that I took another picture of the alcoholic pokemon. I think it moved when I wasn't looking, so I had to make sure.
This is my Frank Frazetta-themed kitchen, featuring another priceless artwork. Well, actually, I guess the lighting would be way darker, warmer, and more moody if this were a Frank Frazetta kitchen. So it might have been a different orange-loving barbarian painter. Like, uhh... Maybe Earl Norem? I think he had a painting of Conan fighting a sandstorm that looked like these walls. Or maybe it was the guy who did the original cover of Heroquest. Actually, shit, this is my Heroquest kitchen.
THE BEST THING ABOUT HEROQUEST KITCHEN IS THE TEA AND CHINA SET.
The goblins first stole the tureen for me last christmas, and through their looting and pillaging have been bringing me a complete set since then, piece by piece. I have an illogical love of tureens. When a young lad saw a tureen for the first time, you know what he said? He said "What the hell purpose does this object serve?" and he was wrong to even wonder.
THE BEST THING ABOUT HEROQUEST KITCHEN IS THE SECRET INGREDIENTS.
At least two of these jars are mislabeled. That's how you keep the ingredients secret.
THE BEST THING ABOUT HEROQUEST KITCHEN IS THE PRICELESS BLEMMYE WOODCUT. IT IS THE FINEST WOODCUT OF A BLEMMYE IN ALL THE LAND.
THE BEST THING ABOUT HEROQUEST KITCHEN IS... Still the blemmye woodcut. I can't even pretend for the sake of the heroquest gag. That was objectively the best part of this kitchen. Some might be persuaded by the serene painting of a lobster in a shirt, but it's half the size of the Pointing Blemmye and by far the cheaper item on the illicitly obtained art market.
This is my bedroom, it's still a work in progress. I know the first time I redecorated this house on my old save, it had a lot more cool stuff on the walls. Also the first time I redecorated this house, I wasn't single. But now that I am, I only have to be concerned with one side of this bed being used, and can occupy the other side with this elliptical machine shaped like a guy with his arms in the air going, "AAAAA!" When the raiders come after this house, I'll be able to put clothes on this elliptical and a picture of my face to distract them.
You see, this would be a good angle to jumpscare anybody opening the door.
This is my corner of the bed, where I ponder the secrets of the purple trianguloid every evening. And yes, that is indeed the famous shotgun I grab every time I think I've detected WIBN.
In another example of my brilliant forethought, it also has a sightline on my pizza oven. This is the window directly beneath the bat houses, too. So if I'm cooking pizza at night and I have to go to my room to get something, I can command them from this window like the monkeys in wizard of oz.
And this is my office, which did magically appear as I was taking pictures. This room is magical like that.
The wall next to it looks inappropriately bare. Well, more inappropriately bare than most of the other portions of wall in here.
There. Now I can keep track of all the hidden mysteries of CYS while I'm on the internet. I know the computer looks like a dinosaur, but it's the only way I can still use the site on the top secret unfinished Fancy Mode from the times before the big site update.
Truly something, isn't it? It was the product of an age undreamed of. The liminal times, back when Mizal's name was un-capitalized, the world was young, and death was but a dream.
I also installed this TV sideways so that it's easier to watch while I'm laying down, and it'll give the elliptical thing some ominous backlighting to boot.
And now, at long last, we're ready to enter the bunker. You may have noticed some helvetica signs in the background. This is important if the apocalypse strikes while Cystians are visitting, because I know not all of us read things. there might not be time to explain. And also, it's important that visitors know that there's security cameras watching the outside, and especially important that certain members, *ahem*CORGI*ahem* know where the bathroom is.
But yes, let us finally go into The Bunker. It might be difficult to see because the room-by-room lighting system of this game is fucked, and these lights will not actually turn on because, since you're on a staircase as soon as you enter the room, you're never actually on the floor that the engine considers part of the "room" that the stairwell is on, so these lights will never actually turn on. But rest assured, the paneling I used is meant to expose the layered segments of solid steel alloy insulated with heat-resistant rubber, to ensure that more than just unreliable things like the ground are protecting it from nukes and ballistic weapons. This bunker is like a submarine that can sail through dirt. It will survive any natural disaster!... Even if it's no longer in the same county by the time it's over.
Don't let the concrete and industrial panelling color your expectations though, it's much more homey downstairs.
This is the "real" front door of the house. Or, it would be, assuming the top part manages to get really fucked up during the apocalypse. I built it to be easy to clean, as it is the designated laundry and supplies area, but also to uphold the general appearance and values of civilized living to all visitors, as this waiting room may well be one of the last public bastions of such things come the great SHTF'ing. As you can see, I couldn't afford (nor did I have the space for) full renaissance paintings, so I settled for hanging souvenir dinner plates over the door. They may become the last surviving copies of the works one day.
Normally that drying rack is folded up and put somewhere else, but there's no option to hang a folded drying rack anywhere, so right now it just serves as a deathtrap to get somebody coming down here unawares to trip and fall off concrete stairs. I made sure to put an extra beautiful painting there so that it can be looked at and pondered. Imagery of what the outside world once was and could look like is a key factor of not going insane after years of subterranean living. And also if people get past the first blast door, they might stop and get distracted by the beauty of the painting, and the security camera can put them down with its built-in 9mm.
This is where the laundry stuff would normally be kept, it's the general supply area full of crates and jerry cans and other useful stuff. The space behind the stairs is also empty, leaving room for probably months' worth of food and shit. Potentially years, if I'm willing to hoarder-house this particular space with crates and barrels and gradually throw out the empty containers, but I'm not quite there yet, because it just doesn't look natural to fully stack and stock up the entire cubby in this game.
Maybe the rest of my supplies will be under the totally hidden trapdoor area that leads to the rest of my power generator. because clearly this little easily attackable greenie thing wouldn't actually cut it. This is probably just the small emergency generator.
The door itself is virtually everything-proof, and of course the motion-detecting camera also has that gun in it. So you have to ring the doorbell politely if you intend to be let inside by the occupants. In the meantime we've set out some tea and communist literature for those waiting for their evaluation. Their response to Mao's Little Red Book will be carefully measured by an expert me.
Of course, a primary fixture of the living room is our Siege Gun, in case anyone tries forcing us to open the door by holding our lobby supplies hostage.
But the living room is much more inviting when that's folded up and put away next to the arcade machine (unfortunately also not doable in-engine.) I carefully agonized over the color of the room. Because while I generally find dark and cold colors more comforting and nice to look at when I have the freedom to go outside, I knew I needed an alternative when inside was the only option and I may not experience sunlight for years on end. So I went for bright orange walls so that it would feel warm and homely, and also added the yellow corners so that the room would look brighter and more open, but the main part of the wall itself could feel a cozy amount of dark and not have to be oppressively bright. Using my extremely rudimentary knowledge of interior design theory, that's the best recipe I know to keep this space from getting too claustrophobic, which is good because I might be spending a really long time here. Of course there's also all the amenities of home, like TV, and a kitchen, and two mini-fridges that can be deactivated individually, because I might not always have the power to maintain one full-sized refrigerator.
There's also the prized bourbon and three tumblers (and three gas masks) down here, because I figure from a bedding standpoint, the maximum occupancy here would be me, someone in a fucked up enough situation to wind up on the other side of the bed, and a couch-sleeping Cystian lucky enough to find this place shortly before the apocalypse. More Cystians might be able to stay depending on who's okay using a sleeping bag or something- Or if the nature of the apocalypse means the upper part of the house is still intact. But just in case this bunker is really all we have, there's also the filing cabinet full of supplies like clothes and miscellaneous outside things.
And also the Second Peacock. (Very important.)
The surveillance cameras are all routed to the TVs on the shelves there, so that we can watch for outside movements and intruders while we watch movies and wait for news stations to come back on.
And of course, all the supplies we need if we're for some reason (lord forbid) going to go... Outside... during the Dark Times. A gas mask, a crowbar, a deagle, and the remains of a 6-pack of BANG may be all I have for the journey to Wal-Mart. I've built my survival strategy around that.
And of course all the necessary things for a kitchen. I'm not actually sure all the coffee would do me any good in the sanity department, but I am cognizant of the fact that many people will go insane without coffee. So, if I intend to survive the apocalypse with other people, it's a wise investment.
Also this fabulous still-life painting from the Dutch Golden Age, to keep us reminded of the delicious fruit that potentially awaits on the surface. And also to provide lots of detailed little things to ponder, which is important. People will have to do a lot of painting-pondering to pass the time sometimes.
There's also a nice painting next to the arcade machine. Particularly more Outside Imagery to keep stir-craziness down, but also, importantly, Naval imagery, to remind people of the nobility, courage, and adventurous nature of living on or in confinement. If such a thing were an option, it would be a framed image of a Napoleonic battle, or the deck of a mighty galleon, but no such paintings are available in House Flipper.
Of course, in addition to the auspicious imagery of my black market art collection, there's also the cultural imagery to remind us of our loyalties and heritage. History will remember Cystia by their artifacts, and they will know we stood strong against the tyrannical Cogite tribes when the dark times came.
And of course, if all else fails, there is but one image we have left to maintain or perhaps restore our sanity in a potentially challenging environment. No one could go insane looking at this. It is psychologically impossible. The door to the right of the puppy is the bathroom. I figured that was a good feng-shui move, as it may be critically important to restore one's sanity before or after using the bathroom. Long have I had emotionally devastating rage-shits when I eat too much beef chili and then remember Wibn breathes the same air that these cows, beans, and tomatoes once did.
The door to the left of the puppy leads to my bedroom, which bears the only acceptable pride flag of ahrm, 'my people'. Which I had to partially hide behind the bedframe because the game did something really fucked to the transparent png I uploaded, but otherwise it would hang much higher. Also, yes, that is the original 'Sentinel The Conqueror'. Valued at $500, it is the top 185th most valuable and coveted full-size Frazetta painting. Truly the jewel of my collection.
This is my sick Secret PC Setup, which I can use to play games with all the settings. And the Fez I wear for the totally-not-a-secret-fraternity that I'm definitely not in, that doesn't discuss pictures of dog turds and do hermetic rituals.
There's also radio and communication equipment I can use to get in contact with any cystians around the country (or, unfortunate souls they may be, the land that was once Canada) who may have survived the apocalypse, and from that point, coordinate future survival and political schemes to further the Cystian Agenda as our people rise from the ashes of this world.
Of course, at the time I built this place I was unexpectely single, but I figured that the apocalypse is definitely something to plan ahead for. So while my side of the bed has all the stuff I think I'll need at my bedside, (Including an assault rifle. Because if Wibn STILL manages to come for us in the end times, then I'm DONE FUCKING AROUND) the other side of the bed has all the stuff I think a malnourished wastelander woman might need.
Well, shit, that's kind of a weird joke to end on. How about we take a tour of the bathroom, since that's really the crown jewel of this bunker.
So this is the bathroom. It's another one of those open-shower type deals, partially because those smooth slabs of marble and these linoleum sheets made to look like tile are especially easy to clean. And it's of hyperbolic importance that the bathroom is clean and does not become gross in any way during my stay here, because, in a truly nuclear apocalypse, I will be trapped down here with it. And also it's good to have entirely waterproof surfaces lining the whole inside of the bathroom, so that people can have therapeutic steamy showers and not shorten the life of the only bathroom we might have for a long time.
Some extra medical supplies and a safe full of treasure are also kept here because, whether you're coming in from that vault entrance out in the yard, or you're coming in through the big door attached to the rest of the house, this place requires you get through the most blast doors to get to, and is effectively the final panic room if the worst should occur.
I hadn't yet fully kitted out the medicine cabinet, but it has some of the bare essentials. And an hourglass so you can time yourself to save water/brush your teeth and shit.
There's also the Toilet Corner, next to the shower, in the unfortunate case that we either run out of toilet paper or you really really fuck up using the bathroom. I may be down here for decades, and accidents happen to the best of us. Don't pretend that they never do!
Of course, the shower is extremely cool and one of my finer achievements in designing a space. I think this may be one of the places that saves my mind during long protracted periods underground.
What you see here is a waterproof vinyl replica of the Great Wave Off Kanagawa. I put it here specifically so that while I'm taking a shower early in the morning, I can pretend I'm looking out the window of some kind of futuristic ship on a stormy sea. There's also a cup so I can drink my morning drink of choice, and a bowl so I can eat Shower Fruit. An experience I dubiously recommend.
I can also turn on the shower and be like, "WE'VE BEEN HIT! MAN THE CANNONS!" making myself the alarm clock for everyone in the bunker, so nobody goes insane by losing their sense of time and place. There's no way that could have dubious effects on anybody for any reason.
As far as who I'd take with me to this place in the event of dire circumstances- I think this place would house 5 people relatively comfortably in the event of a non-nuclear apocalypse, so I will be able to pick the people I think would make the strongest team from this base.
Tim and Chris are a package deal, you can't pick one without the other. Tim's commitment to wholesomeness and friendship is critical for the morale of the Cystian cause, and Chris's raw fortitude (he's seen and been through some shit) will be critical in finding and rescuing other survivors. I think both of them have guns, so this will be helpful. I think it might also be possible to power the generators with Infinite Dew, if it comes to such a thing.
Cricket would probably be the best person for abstract logistics and stock-taking of supplies as a mostly-trained accountant and math-doer. She may or may not have access to a gun, I don't remember, but she can pierce people with misused farming tools as well as anyone, and also pierce souls with her glare, so she can still help us through a dire and violent situation. She also has a boyfriend who could also prove a helpful +1 if he stays outside in the goblin village where he fucking belongs.
Mizal's stalwart level-headedness and sense of humor in the face of the worst news will carry our sanity through the worst of it.
Endmaster has the highest streetwise stat out of all of us as a Detroit Survivor, and his knowledge might be more conducive to our safety in a decaying neighborhood than a fortified compound alone.
Dark and Malk I wouldn't bring with. Not because they didn't make the cut, but because it's critical to my plan. Most of the Cystians on the North American continent are between them, and it would be immensely valuable to the survival of our people to have two bowmen out there coordinating, reporting back to us from the downstairs communications center on the state of the outside world, and bringing together the remaining Cystians in the latitudes between when borders fall to shit. Malk's task when the apocalypse comes is critical, but also perhaps the most dangerous, as he will have to Jihad Fury-Road-Style through the accursed French Lands in order to reach the far northwest and usher Anthony to safety, to ensure the survival of CYS itself.
This is exactly why Sent is an obvious pick for the rebuild phase of the apocalypse.
Nobody can match his planning and detail when it comes to building safe environments. The pizza oven is in SUCH a strategic location, I thought it would just be covered by one vantage. Clearly I lack the sheer brainpower to come up with such a blueprint.
The man even changed the meta entirely by bringing to light a PRE-BUNKER phase.
I'm glad that you exist, my friend.
Yeah, I didn’t get any of that. I'm just going to commend it because it looks like some effort was put into it.
Pizza oven sniping spots.
Damn and I thought Ford was autistic.
We're all a little autistic here.
I can't believe I just read five thousand words of Sent talking about a fictional bunker, and didn't get bored. I also still can't believe that Sent doesn't have any storygames. He could make a whole point and click adventure out of this one house!
Honestly, if I got to live in this place, I would hope for an apocalypse!
Definitely wouldn’t pick anyone that didn't pick me. Fuck you. I don't like you either.
I hate this thread!