Blah, blah, blah
This is how it works:
Finding duplicate bugs in the Bugs and Problems Forum (4 points)
Having a comment featured (2 points)
Recommending a comment for featuring (1 point)
Recommending a user's excellent aid in the last six months for points (1 point)
Recommending a tag change for a storygame (1 point)
Recommending a storygame for movement to a different category (1 point)
Recommending a storygame for a change in maturity level or difficulty level (1 point for each)
Recommending a storygame for featuring (1 point)
Recommending a storygame for unpublishing (1 point)
Recommending a comment for deletion (1 point)
To get points for recommending something, I have to agree with you and newly created storygames are not eligible point earners.
Four Most Important Things when recommending anything:
1. Reply to THIS thread to THIS post
2. A hyperlink to the storygame
3. A story has to be above a rating of 2 (unless it’s for deletion)
4. Number ALL your suggestions
Recommending a comment for featuring:
- The comment that you think deserves featuring (copy and paste it)
- The username of the person who wrote the comment (doesn't have to be the exact username, just enough so I understand who it is)
- If there are already 3 featured comments on the storygame, you also have to let me know whose comment you think should be replaced.
- If I agree, you will get 1 point and the person whose comment is featured will get 2 points. If you are reccomending your own comment, then you only get 2 points.
Recommending a comment for deletion:
- The comment that you think deserves deletion (copy and paste it)
- The username of the person who wrote the comment (doesn't have to be the exact username, just enough so I understand who it is)
It has to either have spammy punctuation, flame the author, be completely incomprehensible, be a duplicate comment, or not actually be a comment (such as "..." or "poop" or something).
Note: Do not recommend comments on Endmaster stories for deletion. He usually monitors his stories’ comments anyway.
Recommending a tag change for a storygame
- All of the tags you believe the story should have
Recommending a category change for a storygame
- The category you believe it should be in
- A short explanation of why
Recommending a change in maturity or difficulty level for a storygame
- The change you think should be made
- A short explanation of why
Recommending a storygame for featuring
- A short rationale for why
Recommending a forum thread for deletion
- A short rationale for why
Recommending a storygame for unpublishing
- A short explanation of why [specifically, you must describe how it fails to meet minimum site standards]
1. Specifically stating in the description/text of the game that it is a "demo."
2. Ending abruptly with a notice that it will be continued later.
Games that say they are the first in a series are not automatically considered "unfinished." As long as the game itself is complete, even if the author never returned to write a sequel, it is not up for unpublishing.
If you don't follow protocol, there will be no negative repercussions, you will be ignored, or I'll take your advice and not reward you with points. Following protocol expedites the process.
To summarize: post here (for the most part) with recommendations for who I should reward / what I should change and I'll reward you with points.
Take a second to check the posts above you and see if someone else has already made the recommendation. Remember, newly created Storygames are not eligible for tag/category/comment points.
Um. That was amusing.
Indeed. At other places you'd get an admin that would act in a vengeful manner like some sort of petty tyrant.
Fortunately, this is a fun loving place with fun loving admins!
Alts Recommended For Banning
Mit216Q, Lady, Mary, Edulf_, UserNamHer01234, Mystery, TestMan, Deer_Lord, afgaghrasgr, Daquan, Name, I_quickscoped_JFK, Fazz, Coco, Teto, Pupu, Lurk, Zark, Acid, Alto, Alum, aerfceadf, Seus, Confused_, Kek_, Butk, Avagantamos, Pyro, Jupitor467, Alts, Four, Jesus_, Claw2k15, AltTracker, Well, People, CYS_Lawyer, AbuttubA, Test1, Beef, Pork, At_Your_Boat, Chan, Fuck, Shit, Piss, Cunt, OldManWillakers
What about Lick? Pretty sure that's a Ford alt.
Actually it isn't, it's Zag's alt.
Finally, the truth has been revealed. But plz dont kill him. I like making wierd jokes about eating stuff.
I already did! (And temporary slave)
k den ;_;
May he rest in Alt Paradise
End-sama, can we please remove this? http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-agency-who-wished-they-could-(build-a-great-website)
A 1 length story that's not really a story, that loops you back to the beginning every time you pick a wrong choice. Written four years ago by a guy who hasn't logged in in four years.
It's rated a 3 because site members had no standards in 2012, but get Seto or a few of these high poing heavyweights on the job and I'm sure it can be knocked down if it matters.
Recommending comments for featuring
Summer lasts forever
1. This is a pathetic attempt at a romance. Fuck grammar, let's just analyze this based off of writing; they dated once before and he's instantly kissing her? How much do you guys want to bet this is written by a thirteen-year-old girl?
Also, what was with that *** shit? It's completely pointless and serves no function. Maybe if a substantial amount of time was passing in between lines of dialogue it would work, but just during a conversation? No. Just no. A thousand times no.
-- Malkalack on 12/3/2014 8:12:56 AM
2. "before you can speak he kisses you"... the choices seem to lie between mouth rape or getting shot by a random murderer, a rather typical "the world is dangerous unless you find one prince charming or Robert Patterson to stay with forever" approach that some mothers like to teach their daughters. Short and interesting, though probably not for the reasons the author intended.
-- Will11 on 2/27/2015 11:06:26 PM
3. Recommending a storygame for movement to a different category
Summer Lasts Forever should be moved to Love & Dating (currently in Modern Adventure)
I don't remember writing that but I was fucking ruthless.
You're just jealous that he lets me call him daddy >:D
Recommending storygame comments for featuring:
The Apprentice King
1) This tale is simultaneously hilarious and terrifying. The humor is excellent, the descriptions are perfect, and there are no errors to speak of. It's hard to pull off a story where both the finger-puppets thing and the udder-tickling trope can work, but you've done it. Marvelous job; a personal favorite.
-- Sszinid on 12/6/2013 1:15:12 AM
2) This story was quite entertaining to read, and it never felt dull or like it dragged on. I liked that there were a decent amount of choices to choose, and each path provided interesting outcomes for the reader. The humor in this genuinely made me laugh a few times as it was just so silly, but written so well, too.
This is definitely a storygame that I wouldn't mind coming back to enjoy again in the future. :D
-- TharaApples on 12/17/2016 12:13:30 PM
3) Short but funny. Wouldn't mind seeing more like this. It was surprising how many choices and endings you packed in; I don't even think I found them all but I consider the Taco Ending to be the canon one. I bet taco truck drivers can drink coffee whenever they want. :)
-- mizal on 10/25/2015 10:57:53 AM
Recommending storygame for tagging:
Blood and Time
4) Fantasy tag
I feel like there's an implication there.
Yeah, now that you mention it...
Recommending comment for featuring in:
The Bard's Tale
Mmmm very good! :D As what the others said, sensible and great rhymes, awesome story, and beautiful imagery (I mean, if you count spit flying out of mouths beautiful... It's the imagery!)
The only thing I have to say is that the rhymes and sentences weren't in sync, so where the stanzas would end, the sentence (thought) didn't - you changed rhyme scenes in the middle of a sentence. I know it's really hard to do that, and I see the work you put into this!
This is one of the more classical ballads, and it's one of the better ballads I've ever read. :D
-- Crescentstar on 12/16/2016 2:28:52 PM with a score of 0
Replace your comment with this one, End. Good things don't last forever :c
I agree, but I'm just appreciative of how much work End (1) is doing on this front. In the end (2), the lower-end (3) featured comments will get replaced by better ones as they happen. It's not too bad for stories to have weekish featured comments instead of no featured comments.
Yeah, it's not unheard of a replacement happening. I usually go through the entire list of comments for the comments that I feel are the best out of the bunch, so it's just me working with what I'm given :p
It does seem like the well is beginning to run dry though. There has been so many hundreds of recommendations that have been made in over these few months.
But I suppose that would be a positive thing actually.
Okay. So I don't like seeing this thread inactive too long, so instead of posting something silly or obnoxious in response to Ford's post, I decided to actually contribute! And lemme just say: Random Storygame Search Function FTW! Sucks for finding good games, but great for finding comments and junk!
Recommending Comments for Featuring, My Dark Liege
1.) Easily one of the best games on this site! I really ended up liking Nick's character, and this was a more realistic love story than most. The choices in this game really ended up making a difference. Sadly, I didn't do very well, though. But ended up with a B in the end! The concept itself was really well thought out, and I enjoyed playing this game a lot! No grammar mistakes, and the writing was really fantastic! I like the part at the end where you see your results, and where it tells you if it's an important decision. Great job! I wouldn't hesitate playing again! I'm very pleased by how this turned out.
-- Warriorstar on 10/4/2015 5:22:36 PM with a score of 0
2.) Great story, So far I have only done the sneaking out path twice (the second time to improve my ending) and I have to say that I was engaged until the end. I only found minimal typos and grammar mistakes. And by adding a time limit you created a bit of tension in the back of the readers mind making me REALLY want to finish the paper but at the same time I didn't want to miss out on the party. It reminds me of the Wal*mart game a bit. 6/8 Really immersive.
-- SonicTurboTurtle on 9/10/2015 8:46:25 PM with a score of 0
Setinel [no, not sentinel, but setinel]
3.) 1. Unless the original work is long enough to need a sequel (which this isn't) or the works focus changes (main character changes) there should not be a cliff hangar to a story. Unless, of course, you aren't planning on doing a sequel, and you were just being lazy which is worse.
2. Don't really know enough about the characters to care about whats occurring.
3. Wasn't the girl wearing a blue armor when we first met her? Since the writing says the opposite later on I believe (though I may be wrong about that)
However, writing was decent.
-- Aman on 4/29/2013 11:31:09 PM
4.) i like the concept however I did encounter a few problems. The cliff hanger ending was unsatisfactory. Also I would get a proof reader to fix the grammatical mistakes. They were not to bad but they did sometimes distract me from the story. Finally the story was a bit dry with little immersion.
-- JamesValkyrie on 4/30/2013 9:06:55 PM
5.) You have a nice story going on here...
But then again, I had no idea whatsoever about the backstory, and the history, and the situation. Pretty short as well, but at least it's got some meat on it. Also, it's "Sentinel". So, if you can clean up your story by adding some clarity, you're set for some higher ratings.
Check back occasionally for the comments you get. Some might be helpful, some might be harmful.
-- Swiftstryker on 4/29/2013 10:32:43 PM
The Adventures of Phoebe McGee: Episode 1, The Lighthouse
6.) 8/8 One of the best stories I have read here. lots of choices and the writing was perfect for the story. It was like seeing the world through a 13 yo's eyes. well done. One mistake I noticed was that if you went back to visit the ship wreck later in the story, when you examine the wheel and the panel, you get stuck there, there is no exit link. Other then that wonderful story. Hope after all this time there was a part 2
-- JinDary on 5/19/2016 10:35:45 AM with a score of 0
In replacement of this junk:
7.) A very well constructed and engaging story. Can't wait for the next chapter!
-- chesterschvester on 5/18/2011 10:19:22 AM with a score of 0
And you might as well delete this:
8.) we got wet over this game
-- Holly Toombes and Milly Thomso on 11/10/2016 4:48:07 AM with a score of 0
(Now I didn't read the story, but that's a bit concerning considering the protagonist's supposedly thirteen.)
Back to featuring:
The Epic Adventure of Epicness
9.) 10/10 for randomness but a 2/10 for plot. if you go for randomness try not to have the next page have anything to do with the page before and a little in common with the one you are currently in. I thought that the fractured engrish was a good bit, you made me chuckle at beef or chiken? lol. Go towards the path of randomness and never follow a straight path of thought again :).
-- alienalpha on 9/21/2011 7:54:18 PM
10.) What's with your choice of weapons? "knocks you out cold with a throwing star."? How are you even suggesting that's possible? (And for the record, it IS possible, but using a throwing star in the normal way? Would traditionally either kill you flat out or just leave you with an extremely mild wound if it hit. And no. Pressure points are not the answer for blades.)
It'd make sense if he just hit a pressure point with a martial arts move. Or a blunt weapon. A careful hit in the right spot with a bokken, maybe. (I say "careful" because its primary ability is to break bones.)
The other part I don't get... one of the ninjas kills you casually with... a gun? Wtf? >_> Using a gun, especially when it's unnecessary, kind of removes what's cool about a ninja in the first place. (And unless you're just trying to be random, they worship cows in INDIA, not Japan. -.-')
-- Kiel_Farren on 10/2/2012 2:26:38 PM
11.) 1. Why is this in Edutainment?
2. Change the title to "The Linear Adventure of Linearness"
3. Give some more background.
4. More than 2 links on each page!
This took me forever to beat on a phone that can't go back, and how random it was just angered me. I like random stories, but not if they're so linear that you have to guess and choose the link that's most likely to kill you each time.
A good first attempt, but having to play that over 15 times just to win one game pissed me off.
-- bucket on 10/8/2011 11:07:46 AM
The Bus of Doom
12.) So let me just recap- you, the Only Sane Man, boards a bus and everything is trying to kill you. It would be good, if most links wasn't a death link!
This method of writing is extremely cheap in the world of CYOA, with nothing to tell you what's going to happen, you are just lending yourself at the mercy of the author. How were you supposed to know that the fat bastard was getting a sandwich? The game that the psycho try to play is stabbing you? The squirrel having a shotgun? You are allergic to mayo? HOW DOES EATING MAYO MAKES YOU EXPLODE?!
This type of game can be better if it was a Flash game, take Puffballs United games for example, it has the same method of insta-death links like this one, having animations that makes it actually worthwhile to watch and replay, in fact, these types of games are the most highly rated in Newgrounds, the idea won't be so good if it was made into text. What this adventure tries to achieve.
It is hard to improve on a CYOA that tries to imitate a actual game. My only recommendation would be just leave it here and work on another story that tones down the amount of death links, improving the length and quality of the game overall, while making it less linear.
-- ViktorVektov on 7/5/2016 6:41:16 AM
13.) I'm giving it a 4/8. Cause I had a fun random time with it, it was pretty easy however, I didn't die once, I kid you not. The choices were for the most part logical and for me in the end it payed off. Maybe you should make like a sequel, but make different "stops" you can get off at, to continue the story, doesn't have to have multiple endings, just different paths to give it replay value. ;)
-- Leon101 on 8/20/2007 1:46:40 AM
14.) Wow. This was bad. This'll prolly hurt me more than it'll hurt you, but this was a pretty crappy game, even for first games. This was the epitome of linear story tree. I literally alternated from selecting the two choices. And with only a total of 6 stops, this was pretty bad. The story was too random to enjoy. Like, I know it was supposed to be random, but believe me, this is crap.
Sorry, dude. 2/8; This would be a 1/8, but I always rate games with a 2 or higher if their a first game.
-- Anubis on 8/21/2007 10:41:20 PM
15.) Ugh. Poor grammar. Pages are, in my honest, humble opinion, too short. The story was confusing and the good ending was...well, I can't really complain about the ending. There are several good games on this site where the good ending involves you dying (Death song, for example), but this is not one of them. 2/8.
-- jamescoker1226 on 6/15/2014 11:13:52 PM
Recommending Further Comments for Further Featuring
The Dimension of Doors
16.) The rating I gave is one that I give to all storygames that met my expectations, but, did not surpass them. It is a great start. But, I feel as if it is a rough draft for something that has potential. Don't be afraid to make longer paragraphs. 4/8
-- Jimmysutton on 3/14/2016 12:06:37 PM
The Robots United : Part Two
17.) Not quite linear as the first one, but change the font. You wrote this in classic, with the basic text editor. switch to rich text. Also, the plot has no starting point. Why would aliens bother with robots? what are the aliens like? At least a Synopsis would be good. and the battles...
-- Rommel on 3/31/2007 6:37:52 PM with a score of 0
18.) Better than the first one. Those errors in tense and conjugation are still present. With all due respect, is English not your first language? A lot of the mistakes are made by people who don't have English as a first lang. Just wondering. Good job!
-- madglee on 9/5/2006 4:46:09 PM with a score of 100
19.) That was really, really good.There was lots of humor, and though the vocabulary could be improved, it was a very well written storygame. There was lots to do and lots of items, lots of endings, too. (yes, I played through them all.)
Thank you for such an enjoyable game!
-- BrightFire on 8/15/2015 3:57:57 PM with a score of 0
20.) THIS GAME ROCKS! Excellent game, very very fun, wish there were more pictures though! This game is more of a puzzle game, as it's a giant maze and you need to do things sequentially, and I wish that you had to beat the first floor and THEN you could fight Morth but hey! I loved this game soooo much and totally recommend it!
-- march5th00 on 3/19/2003 1:13:57 AM with a score of 0
21.) Not bad. Its clear you put some thought into this. Though its also clear that you've borrowed heavily from give yourself gossebumps and lightlty from Zelda :) .<br>I see this a lotlike the the GYSG book where your in the shopping mall and also the one where you in the garden centre.<br>I would say the game is only slighlty above average, though the final battle is cool (I like the way there are so many choices and ways to beat him). <br>If you make more, add some puzzles that require thought (like the ones in the shopping mall book).
-- Paul on 4/1/2003 2:25:07 PM with a score of 0
Forgotten, then lost
22.) I would say that this game is horrible, but it reminds me of my first game. When it was first published, it was linear, confusing, and the result of your "choices" were more or less random. This game could be made good if it had
-and less random deaths
I would give this game a 3/8
-- betaband on 4/28/2014 10:51:00 PM
23.) I hardly see the story in this or the adventure. Basically, all you needed to know about the story was exactly what was said in the description, plus one character.
-- jkulibert2 on 4/22/2011 10:20:36 AM
24.) This storygame was very... interesting. It reminded me very much of a dream, so much in fact that at some point I thought I might actually be dreaming. Most of the story I didn't understand anything, and it seemed like it was just dangling the answers it front of me for fun. When I got to the point where answers started showing up, I just thought, “Well that explains a lot,”. Eventually I came to the conclusion that this universe belongs to Zaren, who is a madman, and he can change reality. I thought maybe there was some way to overthrow his “government”. Again, very interesting. 5/8
-- Venomous on 1/23/2015 5:10:17 AM
25.) This is interesting but too short, it's a promising lead in to what could be a larger story, after this sort of prologue you could move onto "Three years ago... Chapter One". I'm a English teacher so I'm bias into giving you extra points just because I know how hard it can be to write in a second language and you do it very well. The story is on the sad side and seems rather personal, a happy ending is not compulsory of course but even a half-imagined rays of hope might offset the bleakness a little? :) 6/8
-- Will11 on 1/15/2015 7:55:26 PM
26.) This was very short and had little explanation, however I made sure to check for every single page to get each little bit of information.
The premise was interesting enough I that I really wanted to know more, even while I fully understand that it would probably be a let down if I actually knew more of the story.
I never rate games this short highly but yours has gotten the highest rating for a story of this length I have given as the writing, the style and the incompleteness all worked for it.
Next time, if you can, please write a much longer story game as I would love to read more of your work.
-- FeanorOnForge on 1/16/2015 12:36:59 PM
27.) I liked it. They were few grammar mistakes, which happily surprised me, and the story, while quite good, could be a little longer, perhaps add slight descriptions of the surroundings such as the house's front door color or the style of it, something small. Overall it was a pleasant read.
-- DeathIncarnate on 7/31/2015 5:59:24 AM
Bob's Psych Ward
28.) This is awesome, but backstory is always something I want to know. Why is there a perfectly sane person in a psych ward? Why does Bob want to kill you? WHO THE HECK LET THE PATIENTS OUT?! Other than that, it was a good story and I found it quite funny. Good job.
-- MidnightPhoenix on 8/24/2015 8:06:22 PM with a score of 0
September the 14th: Part VIII: Tiff and Tuff Take Tokyo
29.) Another September 14th game... they're all very similar. This one has lots of action, a dead link when fighting viewtiful joe, and less pictures. It's still very linear, it still asks you "did you give the picture to the president" rather than making a picture an object in an advanced game... you have the skill to make a great game. Pull out a sheet of paper, make some charts connecting pages by links and start making serious games!
-- march5th00 on 6/22/2005 7:59:56 PM
30.) The best part of this game was the spelling. Other than that you could try to give us a sence of time. Also jungle 4,7,8 make a odd loop not sure if their suppost to, but it doesn't feel like it. The pictures really did nothing for me, other than distract me from the boring description. I see what you did with the difficualty, and the only reson I agree with it is the fact you randomly die from dehydration with no warning. This can be fixed by going to the varibal and checking show on all pages.
-- Dmanxbox on 5/26/2016 11:30:59 AM with a score of 16
Alright. That's enough.
My body is ready, End-senpai.
These comments bought to you by the Random Storygame Search Function! Remember, folks, if your attention span is too short to actually read stories, just click that convenient button and suggest away!
Yeah, you got most of those.
I just realized that all the points Madglee has been getting for featured comments he's been penalizing himself. I guess he REALLY wants his point count at that number. If he told me, I could have saved myself the time!
It might be referencing the 23 enigma, which is a belief that everything is connected to the number 23
I think it's a reference to some secret ending in his story.
EDIT: Seems to be working now.
Recommending storygame comment for featuring & tagging:
Neon Genesis Evangelion: You Can (Not) Wait
1) I gave it a 5 because I have to factor in how much I enjoyed the plot, etc. I've never seen the show and I don't care much for the genre but I will say that you write well and you clearly did your research and knew what you were talking about.
In addition, your use of the advanced editor was superb and everything flowed very well. However, I think you should always refrain from insulting your reader (which you do at least once) and you should also stop breaking the fourth wall in your links as I feel like it wrecks immersion.
So basically, if you took your knowledge of the advanced editor and your skill with language (though I'd like to see your tone mature a little), and fixed a few small problems and then ported it over to a plot I enjoyed more, I would love to play it. As it is, the storyline just wasn't for me.
-- JJJ-thebanisher on 7/23/2012 8:57:12 PM with a score of 0
2) Advanced Editor tag
xD Wow. I feel bad for the kid, but it gave me a few laughs. Especially the comments. Seriously, why make a storygame on that? Put it on your profile for those who actually care.
Recommending storygame comments for deletion:
Seinfeld Trivia 1
1. Score lol
-- CeruleanFlare on 12/18/2016 11:44:05 AM with a score of 3
-- CeruleanFlare on 12/18/2016 11:43:43 AM with a score of 3
-- CeruleanFlare on 12/18/2016 11:43:23 AM with a score of 2
-- Robin3443 on 7/25/2016 12:32:54 PM with a score of 3
(Maybe one of these comments can stay, I dunno.)
Popping My Cherry (So fucking hot)
1) Awhh, that was sweet ^_^
Got to say though, I did prefer the two stories from the girl's point of view rather than the two for the guys. The one with Bobby was really cute, and while Mike didn't seem particularly interesting as a character, the whole first time being really awkward thing did make the story seem quite realistic.
On the other hand, the two stories from the boy's point of view both involved random girls who the guys barely knew saying, "Hey, I'm feeling horny. You want to have sex?" ... Is that how most guys lose their virginity? I never knew :p
-- Briar_Rose on 5/9/2014 12:44:40 PM
2) Romance Tag
And another one done.
I actually thought that story had been unpublished, but I guess it's still hanging in there with a 4.
It's probably the interesting title that's keeping it hanging in there. I read it before apparently, so I decided to read through it again and it wasn't too bad.
1. Recommending a storygame for unpublishing
Reasons: There is a "dead" page, the story only has choose correctly or die choices, horrible grammar (many sentences don't have periods), pacing is terrible, plot holes and only has a 2/8 rating.
2. Recommending a storygame for movement to a different category
Move to horror (currently in Mystery/Puzzle)
Reason: There is no mystery or puzzle
3. Add horror tag to Psychopathic Circus
4. Change the maturity level to Psychopathic Circus to 4 (currently 3)
Reason: There is a sex scene and another scene where a person head gets crushed, while neither scene is very graphic it does push the maturity level higher
The first one just lead to the Mystery/Puzzle story list page.
my bad, here's the link although it looks like the story has already been unpublished
Recommend Comment for Featuring:
Secret Santa Story
Amazing, you did quite well in making this ballad quite entertaining. You also used the Advanced Editor in a pretty clever way, and while this was short, it wasn't linear.
I found it pretty cool that this ballad had multiple endings and not just one destination for the story to reach. This had a bit of everything that I usually enjoy from a CYOA ballad, rhymes, a interesting story, and multiple paths that the story/poem could take.
This was very enjoyable, so great job, Crescent.
-- TharaApples on 12/18/2016 4:55:04 PM with a score of 0
Recommending comments for Featuring:
The Hunt for Grandpa Simpson
I cannot say I enjoyed this storygame.
First of all, the linearity in the game kills me. Literally, the only main choice that changed the game at all would be "Go to the Retirement Castle" and/or when you search for Grandpa Simpson. This needs to change, because currently, it's like a book. This is INTERACTIVE fiction, not fiction.
The plot should be branched out more. What I mean is that you include different paths. I should, after completing it the first time, be able to go back into the game and search for more. But once you complete the game, you... complete it. Not fun.
The writing isn't all that good, either. I've spotted numerous punctuation/grammatical errors, so spellchecking the game would really help out. Also, on the side, try to actually stich in the dialogue, so it isn't like a script. This is a story, not a script.
The story itself was okay-ish. I'm not a fan of Simpsons, nor ever watch it much for that matter, and I didn't have to watch the show to get the story. That's a plus for me.
The pictures were okay as well.
-- FazzTheMan on 10/13/2014 3:35:59 PM
32.) It would have made a very interesting game, if you had:
1. Put it under fanfiction. There was really no mystery or puzzle involves.
2. Formatted your dialogue with quotations, instead of writing it like a script.
3. Omitted random, unaffiliated characters or at least properly explained why they were in the game.
4. Made it a little bit harder to find Grandpa Simpson. There was literally no challenge whatsoever in this game.
But, until those changes are made, the most I am giving you is a 2/8.
-- jamescoker1226 on 8/6/2014 12:08:25 PM
33.) Well it had characters from the Simpsons in which is a plus. It had too few choices, the humour was not quite up to the Simpson episodes and didn't seem particularly funny to me. It might be funny to other people though I guess.
-- Will11 on 11/13/2014 3:39:09 AM
A Mutt's Purpose
34.) Hmm...well. You can only fulfill your purpose by allowing a male to mate with you? That seems a little sexist. Regardless, there are a lot of inconsistencies in the game that need to be worked out. As Sethaniel mentioned, there was some ambiguity as to the gender of the PC. I also have to agree that there is no reason why you couldn't have given the player the option of being male or female, unless you were just dying to drive in your idea that females exist only to produce offspring. On another note, I can't give this story any points for originality. There have been at least half a dozen "wolf / feral dog" sims on this site, and this one didn't really bring anything new or interesting to the table. Still, the story didn't appear to be littered with horrific grammar, and you managed to steer clear of the squickier aspects of canine reproduction. So, I'll give you a little credit and bestow upon you a rating of 4.
-- James on 10/13/2014 3:07:56 PM
35.) Although the description insists the player-character is female, Mom and the little girl refer to the PC as "him" (I suppose they could just be incorrect?) Also, I didn't encounter any explanation for why the story would be "ruined" if the PC wasn't female.
At one point, the story switches from second-person to first person.
Overall, it felt extremely reminiscent of a typical Warrior Cats fanfic, just with a dog instead.
-- Sethaniel on 10/13/2014 2:25:50 PM
Do you Know the Classics?
36.) "Please do not judge my grammar!!!!"
Your grammar was fine, but this alone made me want to take a point off. You don't improve by ignoring criticisms, and you certainly don't improve by telling people not to criticise you.
The quiz it self though was meh. I wouldn't have prefered to have seen all the right answers, and my score, at the end, rather than having to go back and answer again.
-- Madbrad200 on 5/24/2015 11:29:53 PM with a score of 25
37.) This was all right and it did cover a decent range of movies, but I gotta be honest and say the quizzes on this site never do much for me. Maybe if they gave you some more info or interesting facts about a subject once you guessed right instead of the usual format of 'good job! okay next question!'.
And the first question was a little TOO easy, come on. :P
-- mizal on 5/24/2015 4:46:05 PM with a score of 50
38.) Random games are always risky. For me they're always hit or miss, either completely hilarious or just plain stupidity that makes you cringe. This one I'd actually say falls between the two. It kind of should have been a hit since the random humor was actually random and not just the main character shooting people and farting. That said, I didn't understand what you were talking about half the time and I didn't really get the humor. Good attempt at a random game though.
-- Briar_Rose on 12/23/2012 7:50:24 AM
Stranded: On Familiar Shores
39.) Oh. My. God. It was amazing. Especially when you are really bored. Anyways, i think i encountered a bug (pun intended). I don't know if it's my computer or not, but the problem is that during the Shrew battle, the only weapon or item that I can use are the Throwing Spear and the Praying Mantis. Any other item doesn't work, and I tried everything, including the Trophies. Anyways, amazing game. A sequel might be good, but I'm looking forward to more of your storygames. Welp, now that I'm done, time to find more storygames. Bye!
-- MegaHyper on 12/5/2016 8:57:38 AM with a score of 0
40.) I like this game! :D
I haven't finished it yet, but I can see you've put a lot of work into this. Besides, I really like survival and crafting games, and this one is a much better example of that than the "Crafty Tap" one from before. :)
I'll be leaving another comment when I finish this.
Keep up the good work ^-^
-- Seto on 12/2/2016 5:19:40 PM with a score of 0
Game recommended for deletion: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/destroy-super-team-strike-force
Why?: The game is filled with dozens of dead links.
In other words:
Thanks. I forgot how to do that. I know we learned it in website designing, but I just can't remember it.
<a href="URL">TEXT LINK</a>
And I learned something new
Recommending comments for deletion and recommending tag changes for a storygame
Dating: Mission Impossible
1. A lil funny but mostly lame
-- Shawn on 1/16/2014 8:12:46 PM
Reason: Duplicate comment
2. Mm, hm.
-- PrinceOProvidence on 1/6/2007 12:28:55 PM
Reason: not a relevant comment
3. Add Previously featured tag
4. Remove Serious tag
5. Add Romance tag
Recommended comments for featuring & tags:
The Great Jungle Escape:
1. "That's not a hand! That's a stick!" Well... I wasn't wrong... Sort of...
Anyway this story game was okay. It was better than some games I've read, but it could be better. Maybe branching it out more, more challenges, and a few different endings other than death. Some character develeopment, even just a little, like a name or personality or a backstory, would be nice. Hopefully your future stories are better.
-- MidnightPhoenix on 9/7/2015 12:36:55 AM
2. *Add Serious tag
Time Machine Episode 1: Time Travel:
3. Awesome Does Not Approve!
This game could have potential. It doesn't have it, but it could. I mean, it shoves you along for the ride, and there isn't much time to think other than to click random links.
One thing, how the heck did the gear turn up in the basement? Did I miss something? And why does my family keep the keep to it in the freezer? A bit of backstory and a thicker plot would've helped here.
Another thing, going to school. Is that whole trying to make it on time and leaving just a big excuse to hide the crystal there? I would add more to the school element, if not delete it completely. Just a couple things to think on.
Add an actually plot, and a richer story and vocabulary too.
-- awesomeness1242 on 6/10/2013 11:26:12 PM with a score of 4
The Midnight Monster:
4. Quite a few spelling mistakes. It's spelled 'through' not 'threw,' because 'through' is for 'going through' something and 'threw' is the past tense of 'throw' as in 'I threw it away.' >_> Which is what you should've done with the script for this story. It's... poorly written and not remotely creative in my opinion.
It's bad, but not to the degree where it's actually funny to me. It's sick, but not in a way that's amusing. It's short and has a small word count, which may be the only saving grace for most bad writing, but that also reassure me that, yes, you really didn't put any actual effort into this. Knowing that decreases my respect considerably. I do agree with you, though, there is nothing special about it and it makes no sense.
"Sadly you had aids and gave them to 36 people when your blood splattered everywhere ... Dick." Wtf? Is that suppose to be funny? I'm not a prude and gore's fine, but that was just sort of tasteless. The "you're raped 'til you die because you bought porn" or "you're raped stupid and die retarded" endings aren't much better.
-- Kiel_Farren on 4/7/2014 1:33:01 AM
Ghosthunting in the Little Theatre:
5. What the hell. I took the birdcage and the flower and all of a sudden the game ends? I didn't even get to ghost hunt. And plus the dialogue was confusing, it didn't make sense at all. But the descisions felt pretty meaningful, which you don't get too much in many stories, so I'll give you that. But all in all it is a very neat and shiny piece of shit.
-- SonicTurboTurtle on 6/30/2015 1:47:37 AM
Trapped in school 2: Master’s Degree:
6. Two problems really stand out to me with this storygame.
First of all, I would love more detail! Everyone, at the beginning, refers to him as the boy who saved the school. I would like to know more about this incident. I want to know more about Alex, Sarah, Mike, Larry, and Carter. I want to know more about the college!
Secondly, it is very linear. Please let people choose their path! No one likes a story where every choice except for one leads to death. Escpecially on the ones where the choice is random, such as with the fight scenes.
-- AllThatIsGold on 1/10/2016 5:57:13 PM
7. So if Larry is a homicidal maniac with a sword, how is he still in school? Why couldn't someone report him to the police? Why is he so moody? Why did it only take three days to get a masters degree? If the character is allergic to peanuts, why could you choose to eat peanuts a second time and theirs no mention of being allergic to peanuts? Why is it that when you get hit with a simple ball you die? How is it that you can get hit with a ball, cough up blood, and die form internal bleeding trying to tough it out, but the nurse can make it all better? School nurses don't have the ability to save you from internal bleeding. This isn't what a college campus is like, there is no principle, there are deans for the departments.
-- corgi213 on 9/7/2015 8:23:22 AM
8. Just bad all around. Bad spelling, plot, linear game, and just didn't make a lot of sense. It was unrealistic in that when Larry tried to kill me nobody reacted! Shouldn't I at least had the option to tell somebody? Also, the characters were kind of one-dimensional and boring. I liked the decent amount of options but it always was either choose the right option or die, which just isn't fun.
-- JMgskills on 2/28/2012 10:34:27 AM
Through The Dragon Lair:
9. How "How to Train Your Dragon" should have started.
Also, Red-Pink fire? You could call it Amaranth if you wanted to sound a little more fantasy realm like.
The story was too short. There were some spelling and grammar errors. Would have liked some more explanation as to what motivates the main character. Some things didn't make sense like first off he sneaks out of the house to go off on his own to try and save his community then ends up the community is glad they chose him to be the one to save them? was that a dig on how politicians sometimes take the credit for themselves?
All in all I enjoyed it, just wish there was more of it.
-- BigRonn77 on 11/2/2016 2:09:40 PM
10. Yeah, um. This is the best of that random group of awful storygames I heard about right? This is actually decent. Though short, the story at least had some sort of basic plot structure, paragraph structure, and acceptable grammar. The idea is pretty cliche, but a lot of things are when it comes to supposedly younger writers.
I'm not sure about this, but is this the only storygame out of the mass publications that had pictures? My comment is good job on bothering to find out how to get the pictures.
Write more, develop the plot, and tweak some grammar/structure here and there and you'll get a great piece.
-- Crescentstar on 9/16/2016 9:15:52 PM
The Multiverse Chalkboard:
11. That was ... dissapointing. The first thing that i came to notice was how bland the characters were, starting with myself, dissapointingly enough. I honestly find mildly funny how little this guy reacts to what's happening. There's this portal that brings you to other universes where anything can happen,and honestly he doesnt seem to give much of a sh*t, he seems a bit intrigued at best. The worst is that you are probably the least character of all the characters, and that's saying a lot, considering that the rest are: A jock, who hates you because ... because. A school diva, who you of course have a crush on. The childhood friend, who is your friend. I think there were other ones, that i sadly cannot remember.
And there's also our lovely professor, who for some reason decided it was a good idea to send teenagers on wild adventures in the multiverse, he is also not very good at choosing them. The strong jock and the nerd i guess i understand, but why recruit a person who doesn't respect your authority enough to not consult you before revealing the secret of your project? And what is the diva doing there? What did he see in her? Was he just desperate to find people?
Other than that, the narration is a bit lacking, this is a bit of a more personal note, but i would've prefered if it had been a bit more descriptive of the enviroment, the atmosphere and how the characters felt. My guess is that you ass the author didn't expect much of this story, but i still would encourage you to continue it with a bit more care.
-- JossieMime on 8/10/2016 6:11:16 PM
Invasion of the Evil Pickles:
12. This story, for the most part, is not the best I've seen ever, and it looks like it was written by some young author(s). Especially the strange plot.
The story doesn't necessarily revolve around an Invasion. The best choice, as far as I can see, is just you eating a pickle that would have otherwise communicated with its bretheren for an invasion. Therefore, it doesn't seem to be much of an Invasion if you're just encoutnering 1-2 pickles out of each choice. In fact, for the TV choice, if you pick correctly, you actually get to rule a planet. Where is the Invasion? Certainly not in this CYS.
Another thing would be the shortness of the story. I would have forgiven the above if it were an ACTUAL invasion. But you don't even encounter that many pickles, more like 1-2. Plus there's only 3 storylines you could pick from, with an average of 2 choices after that. And then it ends either bad or good.
At least the writing is a lot better than other stories I've seen with some riduculous plots. I didn't catch many grammar mistakes as well.
Like I said, the story itself seems to be written by a young person, or persons.
In my opinion I really think this should be taken down.
-- Fazz on 8/5/2014 12:47:44 AM
Recommending storygames for tagging:
The Spooky Hotel!
1) Humor tag
The Roman Quiz
Recommending storygame for unpublishing:
4) The Underworld of Lichens
Reasoning: Such a shame, but who's to blame? This game has now hit 2/8 and it also has a length of 1/8.
Recommending storygame comment for featuring:
5) Very good, more than most war-based story games I've read I felt like a real participant as opposed to someone playing a game. By limiting the choices and focusing on producing excellent writing you've given me a great example of what a good war-based story game looks like.
-- Will11 on 11/12/2014 4:54:12 AM
Recommending comments for deletion
1. errrrrrr...cooked potatoes taste good.
-- pooh bear winnie the pooh bear on 4/3/2012 12:43:37 AM
2. errrrrrrr...raw potatoes taste bad.
-- mimbles on 4/3/2012 12:36:36 AM
-- DarthNelly on 4/25/2013 2:26:31 PM
Reason: Comments are irrelevant
DELTA: The Beginning
Reasoning: It's rated 2/8 and the length should really be 1/8 as well. It was quite short, and it also ends with a 'find out where this story will go in the next installment!' Ah, and the dialogue reads like that of a script.
Warlords: Strategic Conquest
2) Cool story
-- Voltage on 11/28/2016 11:12:06 AM with a score of 0
3) Cool story
-- Voltage on 11/27/2016 11:44:33 PM with a score of 0
Life Of The Banished
4) Animal Perspective (You're a unicorn.)
Reckless Young Man
5) Humor tag
Recommending a comment for featuring
1. Glad to see more people attempting CYOAs for this!
I had trouble figuring out exactly what rhyme scheme you were using, it seemed to jump around a lot. The flow was kind of rough in places but there's a lot of imagery here, and it's a good length with quite a few choices.
How 'inspired' by the French Revolution was this? If it's meant to be purely historical it might raise a few eyebrows, this view of it makes it sound like it was entirely dirty evil poor people slaughtering the good and the innocent, and kind of glosses over the amount of suffering people went through in the years prior to that that made them get to the breaking point in the first place...
-- mizal on 12/15/2016 9:06:19 PM
Recommending a storygame for unpublishing:
My usual week
Reasoning: It seems to have a 2/8 rating, oh and it also has a dead link page in there. Among some other reasons that makes this storygame feel quite uninspired.
1. Recommending a comment for featuring
Math and Poetry- The Great Adventure
I think this was well written, even if it was very short. I don't understand why you tell people to comment on the blog rather than here. After all, you did share it on this website. And you never mentioned what blog, so that people can comment there?!? Anyways, the grammar and spelling looked fine. But I think you could have improved the story somewhat. Who goes on a roadtrip with a destination that is only an hour away and packs for the trip? Why would they get a hotel instead of just driving home? Perhaps the destination should have been further away? This was an interesting concept, though. I've actually combined math and poetry before for one of my lessons a long time ago. I liked it! Congrats, and I hope to see you elaborate on this story or perhaps write another story. :)
-- breezy134 on 3/30/2016 9:04:44 AM
Math and Poetry- The Great Adventure should moved to Everything Else (currently in School-Based)
Reason: Storygame doesn't take place in a school
Recommending a comment for deletion. Yay.
--reader73 on 2/29/16 7:20:02 AM
Yeah. This comment doesn't really make sense, in my opinion. :/
Recommending a storygame comment for un-featuring and deletion (double combo!):
Tales From The Basement
1) Tales From the Basement was a very entertaining story to read. I especially liked how there's 3 unique characters to choose from, all with their own personal quests to leave the basement. The strongest character of the 3 was the girl's story; after all, her wacky family really made the storygame quite the page turner. The EBay dweller was the weakest, especially because there wasn't much to read about. The Anime dweller was an interesting story, but not as good as Suzy's. Overall a very unique style of writing. Definitely worth the read!
-- Nightsky on 4/14/2014 8:03:00 PM
Reasoning: Tales From the Basement was a very entertaining story to read. I especially liked how there's 3 unique characters to choose from, all with their own personal quests to leave the basement. The strongest character of the 3 was the girl's story; after all, her wacky family really made the storygame quite the page turner. The EBay dweller was the weakest, especially because there wasn't much to read about. The Anime dweller was an interesting story, but not as good as Suzy's. Overall a very unique style of writing. Definitely worth the read!
-- AppDude27 on 4/1/2014 11:46:52 PM
(Unless we need the duplicate comment. )
But what is this? We no longer have three featured comments on a EndMaster storygame!? Ah, well do not despair for I have taken the liberty to write up a comment of my own for reccomedation. (Biased? I think not!)
Comment for featuring in the above game:
3) Your writing never fails to impress. I found all three paths of this story to be entertaining and amusing, as the writing never missed a beat, seriously. This story was fun to read the entire way through, and both the quality of the writing and humor remained consistent throughout each page.
I must admit that I found myself enjoying the Good Girl narrative the most. There was just so many characters that were full of life and each had their own interesting traits about them. It made for many interesting choices as to where the story could go, and where these choices went were all quite entertaining for me as the reader to experience.
How you manage to keep each path in your stories unique and fulfilling remains to be something that is rather awe-inspiring.
All in all, this was impressive storytelling as always. I enjoyed this very much, but enjoyment is something that I have come to expect from EndMaster's works.
-- TharaApples on 12/23/2016 3:07:50 AM
That's weird, I could have swore those two comments were different.
Even weirder is the fact that it was from two different people that as far as I know have no connection to each other. (IPs are different, though NightSky is going by more than a few handles, some of them even recent, maybe she just copy/pasted Apps comment)
Aren't you just glad that you have a lovely assassitant that checks over such things?
Hmm. I'm curious as if that was an attempt to plagiarize a featured comment. If it was then that was quite silly of that person.
Going through her points list, apparently she got docked 10 points for "copying another user's comments" back in June of 2014 a few months after she rated this story. I don't know if it was this story or another, but anyway I deleted her comment.
Lol. Comment stealing isn't something I've heard of before and I've got to say I'm quite impressed. Somebody's finally discovered the most useless form of plagiarism of all time! I mean you don't even get points for leaving a comment. Just... Why?
Recommending comments for deletion
1. Forest of Darkness
-- >>> on 1/10/2015 5:58:08 PM
Reason: Comment is random nonsense
2. Absolutely amazing game!!!
-- ExiledPhoenix on 7/14/2006 10:48:34 AM
Reason: Duplicate comment (Oddly enough the second comment has more written on it)
NOW FEATURING - COMMENTS FOR FEATURING
41.) This games was too rushed and things happend without any real explanation as to why they happened. For example, why was our character selected to go on this adventure, did he have previous experience with tropical islands or something?
The grammar of this game isn't bad, but it was rather... below average and I felt that it really could have made this game more interesting if there was a proper grammar.
All in all, this game is not only lacking any real backstory on the main character(I know it's so that you can place yourself in the character, but still), but it also felt rushed along and the rather poor grammar did not help the cause a lot.
The only reason I'm rating this a 3/8 is because of what it could have been and not what it is.
-- Claw2k11 on 11/24/2016 3:49:11 AM
Through The Dragon Lair
42.) There are some issues here with grammar and the like, but you have a great imagination and should be proud of being better than all your peers. I hope you keep writing and practicing.
You should also tell your teacher that she's retarded for opening your classmates up to potentially receive some brutal savagings. If she had looked around a little or even asked on the forum it should have been obvious none of those stories meet minimum site standards and that this isn't a community that's going to be agreeable to being flooded with low effort work from children that, however old you all are, should really have a better grasp of the basics of the English language by now.
-- mizal on 9/16/2016 3:56:59 PM
43.) I like the writing there, it was certainly evocative and for some reason reminded me of Adele's new song "Hello" (lines like "I've been a ghost this whole time"). I imagine someone who is moved to tears by the sight of a plant would completely break down emotionally if she ever went shopping in someone like a garden centre.
There are some really good things about the story. You were non-specific about the illness and her insanity which was good in a The Yellow Wallpaper style of story way. You made a good choice of words and conveyed maximum emotion with the fewest number of words (or close to the fewest) which is also a sign of good writing.
Now onto the bad things. You use ellipses (this: ...) far too much, the spacing makes the story a challenge to read rather than helping give a literary representation of someone's thoughts and the whole thing was a little random (the text at the end made absolutely no sense at all unless the main character is having audio and visual hallucinations which suggests her whole train of thought could be a delusion). It's a fine line between being too vague and too specific when writing about past romances and this did slip over the line into the wtf-is-going-on region once or twice.
Overall though it was an interesting and refreshingly original story that was well written and interesting, if short. But like Bucky said the spacing
is really annoying no?
-- Will11 on 4/29/2016 9:06:46 PM
44.) It's better than my first game.
My number one suggestion would be to have the choices the player makes have some logical relation to the outcomes.
For example, whether or not Alice goes skating determines her sexual orientation, which doesn't make a lot of sense. It would be better if there was something like "If I go skating, maybe I'll see so-and-so there" so that the player feels like they have some control over the outcome of the story.
You show a lot of promise, keep writing.
-- Sethaniel on 8/29/2013 1:37:07 PM
Hobbit Gimmick Period 3
45.) What just happened, I blinked and I missed it?
But seriously though, this game was far too short for survival story. Survival stories are supposed to have your character go through so many trials, not just to be able to kill a bird with a butter knife and just go back to camp where the game ends... then what? What happens to our character, is he found, is he killed, did the bear come back to maul him for nabbing some of his hidden honey?
The grammar in this isn't the worst I've see, but it's also quite far from being any good for a story, especially one like this.
Now, I like the survival genre and I really would've liked to try to survive in a forest at a risk of being killed by bears, or maybe accidentally swallowing some poisoned berries, that would have been nice.
But thanks to all these mistakes, I'm rating this game a 2/8.
-- Claw2k11 on 11/24/2016 3:57:44 AM
46.) I get it's called "Portal World", but I don't see the purpose in it nor the changing settings. As mentioned in other comments, this storygame features the "dead-end if you choose wrong link" thing, which is forever annoying.
There is no purpose for the protagonist, no layer in the settings nor characters, no sensible plot, and therefore no entertainment unless you find getting your hand bitten off fun.
This storygame features the potent subject of portals, but does not deal with it well. It needs major improvement and revision.
-- Crescentstar on 12/2/2016 5:48:44 PM
Dinnertime for Contessa
47.) Okay, this was cute.
Somehow I failed to see the tags and so it took me a little while to click to what the protagonist was. I was like damn, this girl is /lazy/.
At only a 2/8 in length this definitely could've been padded out a little more. More choices, some kind of conflict, maybe involving the aunt since she was specifically mentioned?
-- mizal on 10/4/2016 7:24:23 PM
48.) It's a perfectly serviceable quiz with a nice variety of questions on the subject.
A few things though:
-->On Question Three, 'Gravitational Force' is misspelled.
-->Changing from ice to water requires overcoming the latent heat of fusion, so energy actually IS required to change states - it's the energy that goes into breaking the intermolecular forces that form the rigid lattice of water molecules in ice.
-- the_quiller on 3/4/2016 5:45:39 PM with a score of 94
49.) Okay, yes, yes. Nice job and all, as expected.
However, if this story is geared towards younger children (ages maybe 5-7 or so?), you should consider the vocabulary you chose. For example, myriad and charlatan. Some of the other words may also be difficult for a younger child to understand, like overwhelmed, void, incur, or unwieldy.
Also, another thing when writing for children is how intimidating all that reading is going to seem. Keep in mind that most children of said age aren't exposed to the mass of words you've presented. Yes, it may be nice and interesting and all for a more mature audience, but the story's mechanics may be a tad too complex for a younger child.
Otherwise, I like the unique story.
-- Crescentstar on 12/6/2016 8:42:32 PM
In replacement of:
50.) Well written story as usual EndMaster! Good amount of choices for a children's story.
-- BigRonn77 on 9/6/2016 2:56:57 PM
Which one? Cresent's or the one that oughta be replaced?
Probably Crescent's, which I wasn't featuring anyway.
That hurts. ;-;
I think I knew all of those words, even as a child :p
1) Geared for Children
Also a comment for deletion
-- epiclab on 4/14/2013 11:31:07 PM
3) Animal Perspective tag
Recommending Comments for Featuring
The Make-Believe Sandbox
51.) I'm giving you a six. It was well done. The plot was good and the characters were pretty interesting as well. I felt that the boy was a bit more interesting than the girl though because of his past.(Which, actually, was pretty sad in a good way. It wasn't overly dramatic or emo and he actually had a good reason to be a little depressed). Also, nice use of pictures.
Some things that I think could have helped was the overall animeish themes. For example, when the girl lost her bikini at the beach. I thought to myself, "Oh come on." I'm not really upset with you but the whole genre who does this, it seems, EVERY anime or so. To me, it's just shameless nudity.
Overall, it was a good romance. I would just try to tighten up the dialogue(make it a bit more realistic) and try to cut down on the anime weirdness.
-- JMgskills on 6/23/2013 10:14:23 AM with a score of 9
52.) Very, very well done. I agree with what others have said; it's a beautiful story, like Snow and The Ocean's daughter. One comment to improve it though: proofread it one more time. There's a couple places where there are little mistakes that can take away from the otherwise wonderful story you've written. (one I remember in particular is using FOUR instead of FOR). That aside, it's a great game, and a fantastic job for your first storygame. I look forward to seeing what you will write in the future!
-- MagmaArmor0 on 6/15/2013 8:15:34 PM with a score of 8
53.) I'm really impressed with this game.
There are certain times when, in a storygame, I simply cannot find any errors, and the ones I do are very, very minor. This is one of those times.
By the end of the storygame, I had a heavy heart and played through the other endings, just to see what I could get.
The only thing I would point out as technically "bad" is the cliche plot of it. The memories, then death, like Snow, and a lot of other Romance/Dating games I can't remember. I feel as though this has been done to death, and it would be interesting to see a change.
The meaning and plot were powerful in this game, and I recommend it heavily.
-- FazzTheMan on 10/14/2014 12:00:59 AM with a score of 7
54.) Wow! Amazing! Just simply amazing!
The plot is intriguing, the grammar is great, the puzzles are easy enough that they aren't super hard, and overall trying to solve a murder case in a movie studio is a fun plot! I really enjoyed the interrogation, the ability to move throughout the areas, and the puzzles were pretty fun.
And the plot twist is what made me go "WOW!"
So yeah. I give this one a 5/8. It took me an hour to beat, and like I was listing above, its really fun! However, it is pretty short (only three chapters) and I always had a feeling in the back of my mind of how you could've made one aspect longer or more sandbox-ish... like L.A. Noire or similar crime/detective games.
But this was really fun. If you're looking for some time to kill, play this game! Cheers!
-- Fazz on 7/23/2014 2:07:51 AM
Terra Proxima: First Strike
game mechanics- this is truly a game
couldn't you have scripted or itemized the story at least somewhat so I wouldn't have to keep track of every little variable myself?
combat maps are confusing
not long/epic enough
-- urnam0 on 7/26/2009 11:35:52 PM with a score of 0
56.) ...Apparently I hadn't left a review before...
Well, it's a good excuse to replay this gem! The combat is really superb, and makes the combat more than just "Do this or die." A cool conflict, although there isn't a whole lot of backstory which would have been nice, and some great combat and writing. Excellent game, Rommy!
-- Anubis on 1/22/2009 8:34:09 PM with a score of 0
The Multiverse Chalkboard
57.) While I enjoyed the story I couldn't help feel like it was meant to be much bigger. It's about a multi-verse yet only one other universe is ever explored.
Which brings me to my second point... of why? The motives of anyone aren't ever explained. Why is the doctor exploring these worlds? I thought his assistant had something to do with it at first, but he makes it clear he's sure he's dead. So why keep exploring when dangerous things are about?
Why use children to help explore, and why did the children agree? Why did they need more of them? Most of them seem to know just how dangerous it can be, yet they keep going. Did they just enjoy the novelty of entering new worlds? Did they stand to gain something by following the Dr?
Why were you invited? It seems the girl likes you, but what would that have to do with inviting you?
It's a cool setting, but I felt like it was left largely unexplored.
-- Killa_Robot on 7/17/2016 3:24:30 PM
And Maybe DEP's response?:
Killa, wow that's a lot to cover. Looks like you under and over thought things in turn, I'll try to respond to all of your questions/critiques....
We actually explore TWO other universes in this story, not one. There's the zombie one and the doppleganger one. Why not more? Because at the end of either of these worlds things get too dangerous and they end the way they end (which should explain why there's no more to explore without giving everything away in a comment).
The doctor is exploring these worlds in the name of science. He's a scientist. Also, if he happens to find a world where say... gold is in such abundance that it's value is super low; he can bring it back to his home universe and be rich. He could find a new invention and steal it as his own. etc.
Why use children? Because they are eager and free labor and he is a man with limited moral values.
As for the danger, (which is actually a few of your questions)... Other than the 'assistant' who 'got lost', there has been nothing dangerous encountered until we pick up with this story; none of the students learn that there was any real danger in this universe hopping until one or two specific paths where Dr. Verrukt reveals what really happened to his assistant.
The precautions they are taking are not in the name of danger, they are to avoid running into a duplicate of themselves... which would presumably be very dangerous. So the students continue to explore from 'the novelty' of exploring new worlds... Though 'novelty' is a word that really cheapens the appeal. They're exploring alternate universes. I don't know a lot of people that wouldn't be interested in checking that shit out.
As for why were you invited; and this one pains me to answer b/c other than your "only one world to explore" this one was clearly answered in multiple paths; you are really good friends with 'the girl'. Dr. Verrukt said they needed more people for exploring, she trusts you due to long-standing friendship; and boom. She invited you along.
Hop that helps clarify some stuff for you. Thanks for reading.
-- donteatpoop on 7/18/2016 12:36:26 PM
Recommending Comments for Deletion
Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe Movie Quiz
this is amazing,i love that movie
do you like it to?????
-- ruby on 3/22/2015 1:11:50 PM
(Reasoning: Talks about the movie, not the quiz.)
The Psycho's Quest
59.) uhm hahahahaha ummm.....
-- AthenaT on 4/23/2015 10:23:13 PM
-- max- for schizzle on 6/26/2003 3:38:02 AM
(Don't really say anything of significance.)
EDIT: We need a new thread; I'm near out of witty puns.
Another Day, Another Set of Comments to Feature
61.) This was an enjoyable story.
There's a bit of an inconsistency error with the falling chairs. The protagonist says she has her backpack in the dialogue whether she has it or not.
I played through a few times, and it seemed like the boys would get punished, even if I didn't offer any evidence.
As it was, I couldn't solve the puzzle for the computer, my best guess was the year Toy Story was released, and I couldn't find tape #3 or a use for the yellow key. So I assume I missed out the best ending.
Overall, the story was well written, humorous at times, and engaging.
-- Bucky on 7/4/2016 5:14:52 PM with a score of 0
62.) A fun little game, though I'm thinking I may have missed a section. Never did find a way into the Teacher's Lounge, and there was some more plot hinted at about one of the teachers that was never followed up on in my play through, so I'm thinking that must be the case.
There were some issues with the ending I did get (At the end, tape #3 is described as having some useless stuff about crushes on it, instead of the wonderfully damning evidence I heard when I found it.)
Some impressive scripting at work nonetheless and this was one of the few games I've played here where I wasn't distracted and annoyed fiddling with my inventory.
I can see now why I had such a boring childhood though, I probably would've just told a teacher about my backpack or had my mom call and bitch somebody out and missed out on all these exciting breaking and entering shenanigans.
-- mizal on 7/4/2016 6:21:54 PM with a score of 0
63.) Very enjoyable game. The scripting was very impressive, by far the most of all the contest games I've read so far.
I think I beat the entire game, although I'm bitter I still got a detention for it. That goddamn bitch of a teacher.
I did at first assume this game was going to go much darker. As soon as I heard the tape of the boys referncing Mr Trent going around the boarded up area, I was certain I was going to find a tape of their horrible demise, and then there crumpled bodies crammed into a closet, before confronting Mr Trent. A bit disappointing child murder wasn't the end of those dickish boys, but whatever.
Anyhow, it was a very enjoyable game, and a great contest entry that came out of the blue for me.
-- Steve24833 on 7/4/2016 7:05:15 PM with a score of 0
Making Bacon Pancakes
64.) Look, I'm going to be honest, the 'wake up in the morning and meander around while random things happen' genre is tied right up there with the wolf sims for me as far as stories I absolutely detest go. The writing was actually really decent in this one so you get a pass, I'm just hoping you focus on something with a little more plot to it next time, because you do have the talent for it.
-- mizal on 4/16/2016 11:36:43 PM
Prisoners of Pain
65.) It seems like the reader had little input in the story like most of the others on this site, but this may be unfair grounds to compare on, however, the actual story itself seems to be quite familiar to that films, Death race, where prisoners are asked to partake in a competition and are offered a pardon if they win. Also in the story line involving the magician a few things are not explained. Such as exactly what is "The magic wand" and how he knew what the second opponents child's voice sounded like. Could have been longer.
-- Darkyangel on 8/13/2011 7:59:37 AM
66.) ... I appreciate the premise here, but your spelling needs work and your link names stopped making sense after the first few choices. Also, if you name a character in a background story? You should actually stick to the name you give them unless plot demands otherwise. I have no idea why the hell the assistant's name was "Herriate" on one page and "Ginger" on the next. And worse, I don't care.
-- Kiel_Farren on 8/26/2012 1:56:20 PM
67.) I liked it in the beginning. I had a lot of options to choose from and the choices that I made actually shaped out my character. Also, I liked the different amount of characters and that each was unique in his/her own way. At first, it was very choose your story kind of game. But then it kind of fell off. I didn't have choices when I fought people, you just decided that for me. Also, I didn't have any impact on the ending.
So in the end, it wasn't that much of a fun game for me.
-- JMgskills on 4/8/2012 8:45:18 PM
The Ocean's Daughter
68.) Okay, one of the better stories on the site. The melancholy was obviously inspired by 'Snow', arguably the best love story on the site. My only problem with the story is the ending. What were you thinking? Was she not on land the entire time and- WHOOPSIES, no-one noticed? How could he not notice? REALLY? Oh well, still a good story, though the ending fell short of a good one.
-- RoyalGhost_007 on 5/15/2015 6:48:10 PM with a score of 210
Recommending storygames for tagging:
1) Science Fiction
2) Post Apocalyptic
Lodin's Quest - Anamandar
4) Part of Series
6) Part of Series
My Apocalypse: On The Road Again (First Entry)
7) Post Apocalyptic
8) Science Fiction
10) Socially Important
1. Recommending a comment for deletion
The midnight monster
play my games
-- betaband on 3/10/2012 5:22:17 PM
Reason: The comment has nothing to do with the story
Move to Fan Fiction (Currently in Fantasy adventure)
Reason: Storygame has the plot of Twlight
1. Recommending a storygame for movement to a different category
Chuck Norris Chasedown
Move to Edutainment (currently in Modern Adventure)
Reason: Storygame has user answer questions about U.S presidents
2. Recommending a tag change for a storygame
Life as a Dog
Add Animal Perspective
Reccomending a storygame for featuring.
Reason: It has a longer length then two of the other featured edutainments and all the visible comments are positive (except a few from guests.)
I would probably be against this xD
Length doesn't mean it's of better quality than any of the others.
Meh. It's just a suggestion.
Never said they couldn't.
Recommending adding tags for storygames
1.The Midnight Monster
Add horror tag
2. The midnight monster 2
Reccomending a storygame for deletion.
Reason: Low ratings
That one... was just bad. That entire series was just... bad. It hurt my eyes. Heck, it hurts my brain just thinking about it.
I wish they could all be deleted, but sadly most of them are higher then 2/8 somehow.
I blame Ford.
Oh, and my rating system has gotten much tougher. So I feel bad for the future storygames I have to read. And the previous ones I rated, well, they're lucky. xD The reason for my tougher rating system is that some of them are just rated/going to be rated higher than they deserve.
Being alive V2.0 tester
1. I was actually quite hopeful in the beginning because the storygame was getting an average start. Then immediately, I rated it a 1/8 at the end. Why?
There were some glaring grammatical issues. Capitalization of pronouns and lack of commas at the right places, mostly.
"Try to stay alive and reach the ripe old age of 80
I first released this early 2014. I never finished it. Now I have upgraded it to 2.0
Nah, just showing a friend." - Your description for the storygame
For the first line, you forgot a period. For the third sentence... why the heck did you "never finish" the storygame before publishing??? Finish a story before publishing. That's a golden rule. And that last sentence: "Nah, just showing a friend." There's literally nothing to show to your friend.
When I read the description, I didn't expect much from the storygame, but when I started reading the storygame, it actually looked decent and pretty good. Until I clicked two or three links. I first got a dead end with a "Save Game" link. Alright. Please don't have dead ends even if there's a link because that link literally gets you nowhere. So I went back. And easily got to the End Game link.
Wow. That was quick. So. Um. What exactly happened? There was so little description, back story, and setup that I didn't even realize the game ended til it did. I was promised a game to make it to 80 years old, but the protagonist was still a baby when the story ended. Except I can't even call that a story.
Please put more effort into writing in general. You have a nice idea going... but this was just sad.
-- Crescentstar on 12/31/2016 12:21:35 AM with a score of 1000
Timewarp - Ancient times
2. That was definitely a very good Edutainment storygame. Though there are a few things I would recommend revising.
First, you called 32-year old Alexander (I think it was him) a "young man". Our definitions of "young man" are very different. Also, the information was just so dense and clunky. After a while, I ended up skimming/skipping the information. While I do want to know, it's a bit... too informing. There's no way I would remember anything, and I doubt many people would bother to actually read through all of that information on every single page.
Other than that, I think that the storygame was well worth my time and energy to read. I definitely learned SOMETHING, and the "story" of it all was well put together. Good job!
-- Crescentstar on 12/31/2016 11:47:35 PM
The Orb of Detroit
3. At first, the *cough*ing really confused me. Try to introduce the characters differently because I had no idea what you were talking about at first.
Grammar wasn't a really big issue despite the lack of "spell check", which isn't an excuse for mistakes. The paragraphs could be broken down. They were a bit hard to read through.
Otherwise, it was really interesting! I really liked everything except for how it abruptly ended for me. It needs to be longer! I love your style and tone and writing skills, but you needed to spend more time expanding the story, the plot.
I would have rated it a 6/8 if the plot was more... Complete. I might have rated it a 7/8 if you added more story to it while keeping up the good writing. But no, the ending was disappointing, but the writing was great!
-- Crescentstar on 12/4/2016 9:56:45 PM
Recommending a storygame for unpublishing:
Reason: The storygame has pages that have no links, and basically the featured comment sums up the rest of my argument.
@TharaApples can you hyperlink this because I'm not sure how.
People >~< anyways...
Thank you. Can you tell me how to do that?
I am very offended by this.
Practice Simple Italian
1) Foreign Language
2) Science Fiction
Comment for recommendation for featuring:
3) Not the best, certainly not the worst!
Wow, this story was surprisingly good. A little crazy at times, but very great. I liked how there was a picture that had to do with the story on every page, and the grammar was great as well.
If I could leave some crtiscism, it would be about the randomness of the options. At some points it just gives you a list of three - four options and you have to pick the best one. At these points you're just clicking random links, trying to get to the end. Not so refreshing.
But it was a great, short story!
-- Fazz on 8/2/2014 1:58:15 AM
A Fantastic Journey
4) Science Fiction
Recommend Comment For Featuring
1) After reading this story, I've come to equally like and dislike a few things about this story game.
The Amazing, Good, Bad, Ugly
The Ugly: I feel the story is weak in really developing the characters. I don't feel a strong connection to them. To me they seem just people that play the parts of a romantic story. I feel like the characters would be more overall more memorable and like able is if they had some more distinction in their personality and seemed to treat other characters more realistically.
One of my main criticisms is that the main character's conflict seems weak. I mainly just disliked the way that this conflict with himself pushes the plot and that made the plot overall weaker in my opinion.
The Bad: I just have an issue with the way the character you play as resolves some of the conflicts with the other characters. I mainly react like "Why am I suddenly acting like... and why are they reacting like?" and "If this actually happened, this wouldn't make sense"
The Good - I liked the actual concept of the story and how the actual gameplay was executed. Although the choices weren't tough, the game is built around continuous replay. And the "True Ending" was a pleasant way to tie up the story and explain everything.
The Amazing - This story really captures the emotions of the characters and makes it them seem more human. I loved the individual stories of each of the characters, and it really was interesting to discover their stories.
This definitely isn't a terrible story. I think being in the romantic genre, most of my criticisms regarding the characters and plot probably stem from me not liking the romantic genre. Overall, I feel like this story does deliver a lot of interesting story and it kept me reading until I finished the end.
-- RewriteN on 8/28/2016 8:58:44 PM with a score of 90001
2) It started off great; a few typing errors here and there, a bit of confusion over who spoke, but a very interesting premise with rich and delightful characters. The setting felt real and was well-written, with some excellent imagery, and there was a constant feeling of threat and conflict, which kept me on my toes, however . . .
. . . Cecelia was the start of the downfall; she was not developed *at all*, but came across as a love-at-first-sight Mary Sue (even odder when it alienates some people, as well as seemingly goes against the character, and breaks the genre of the story somewhat). I found Kelso to be a potential love-interest, much better than she was, and that it was even hinted at (the fact the hero's gender WAS ambiguous made this easier to believe, too, as he could be gay or straight as one wished to interpret, depending on what gender one assigned him).
Cecelia also marked the point I twigged who the Professor was, which ruined the upcoming element of 'surprise' and big 'twist' . . . I found myself skipping the text of the battle, no longer interested, and forced to endure more of this relationship with Cecelia (seriously, they'd known each other ONE WEEK, why would I - or they - care about their 'romance' when I have a huge battle raging on and deeper philosophical debate to consider)? I managed to guess all options from that point on to get to a good ending, simply as the narrative went from 'original' to 'predictable'.
Yes, it turned out the Professor was EXACTLY whom I thought he was . . . I would have been happy with that, had it been a chance to deeply explore one's loyalties, sense of identity, and the grey side to 'right/wrong' . . . instead it became a black-and-white choice with little explanation as to anything, making everything beforehand seem pointless.
So much potential as a story . . .
Wasted . . .
If this was rewritten WITHOUT Cecilia (or she was given - you know - a personality or some likeable traits), I would give it a much higher rating, but . . . frankly . . . Cecelia pissed me off so much - with her Mary Sue, Love-At-First-Sight, 'Soul Mate' crap - I felt that I was being sucked into a "Twilight" fanfiction by a teenager at that point and wanted to bang my head on a wall.
Probably won't replay.
-- RobinMask on 6/11/2016 11:39:08 AM with a score of 2
The Price of Freedom: Innocence Lost
3) I thought this story was really good and well thought out. I had a lot of fun replaying it, trying to get the ending I wanted. It even distracted me from TWD! The only critique I have is extremely minor in that I wish that, for believability, that more of Lula's dialogue was more choppy and used simpler words if she learned it from other slaves, as is my guess, or even still if she learned it in Ethiopia. Because some of the words she remembers would are more complex than the ones she does not. But again, this is still a very minor critique. For something I'd like added, it would have to be maybe some more dialogue options that could better define Andreas's personality and to justify himself more such as when Andreas kills the bleeding out boy, I wish I could've explained to Alexius and Brasus, and even Gerda why I had done it. Also, PLEASE FOR ALL THAT IS RAINBOW add a gay romance option. I know that could be hard to do if you yourself haven't been in a gay relationship, and maybe don't know how, so if you feel uncomfortable with that or don't think you can do it justice, that's fine. I understand, I just feel at this point Ceacilla has been written as Andreas love interest, so I'd just like alternatives, even if that is only just turning her down. Sorry for the long comment, but I when I like something I talk a lot about it, so, yeah. I'll be looking forward to the next part of this amazing story that was so well written I jumped right into it. Thanks. I hope you keep up the good work!
-- Meta on 3/27/2016 10:24:46 PM with a score of 0
Recommended for Featuring
4 Little Mice
1) "4 Little Mice" was an adorable, warm game that immediately captured my heart and attention. Written in a poem format, it sounded similar to a children's story and reminded me of the popular nursery rhyme "Three Blind Mice", only this story had a modern, slightly macabre twist. The game offered a variety of different scenes and endings that were all fun to discover, and I admit that I purposely chose the paths that would kill the mice, just so I could see what inventive deaths that were laid out for them. The cast of characters were all endearing, each having their own unique abilities and personalities that made them stand out. It saddened each time I failed to save a mouse, which pushed me to replay the game so that I could help the entire family escape. It was surprising that giving the needle to the foolish mouse would save one of the siblings, and it warmed my heart to see that the mouse who appeared "useless" turned out to be a hero.
Overall, "4 Little Mice" successfully grabbed my interest with its endearing story and multiple endings, and it left me smiling at the end. It definitely wouldn't be an appropriate game for younger kids, despite the cheerful tone the narrator adapted throughout the story (which somehow made the death scenes even scarier). I'm glad that I chose to play this game and would definitely recommend it for those who love cute stories and adorable mice.
-- SummerSparrow on 4/11/2016 4:27:21 PM with a score of 4
America: Made Apocalyptic
2) This is one of the funniest fucking things I've read on this website. Really fun mix of social commentary with absolute, ridiculous absurdity. I was ugly laughing by the time the Canadians invaded on mooseback.
There were typos and grammatical mistakes sprinkled throughout, but it was mostly minor stuff; homophones, incorrect use of apostrophes, etc. For the most part, your syntax was fine.
Really cutting stuff. I look forward to your next endeavour, and hope it involves more Candians. I rate this story a solid 6/8. Good shit, OP.
-- Malkalack on 12/18/2016 9:37:37 PM
3) This had a nice humor element, and it was well written and a good idea in general. Very original.
Although, while I loved it, I'm just warning you other people might not. These types of things really piss people off, as they can be sensitive about people expressing their opinion this way.
While you should be prepared for some bad reviews from people who can't take a joke, I think you should definitely keep writing. This was definitely a great and fun way to kill a few minutes.
I did notice a few flaws, but nothing unfixable. I hope you continue publishing, 6/8 :)
-- MinnieKing on 12/16/2016 4:56:57 PM
4) I didn't care for it too much. The story had a lot of potential, but I felt that it fell flat. The writing could have been better, but I think the plot itself just wasn't well fleshed out. There was a lack of character development, which made it extremely difficult to care one way or the other what happens to the protagonist or to any of the characters we meet.
I've seen worse, and the story does have a lot of potential. I'd have liked to see it go deeper, explore this characters love of this woman. There was room to make this a complex plot, with a lot of emotional attachment, but it fell short of that. It wasn't a *horrible* story by any means, I'm just disappointed that such potential was not met.
-- LoneSilverWolf on 6/9/2014 11:21:19 PM
The Murder Mystery
5) This was a good attempt and I like the effort. There were two main problems that really ruined it for me. First and foremost, the grammar was terrible. You need to watch your tenses. You switch from past to present in mid sentence and it destroys immersion. Beyond that though, the motivation wasn't there. Why did she lead me on a goose chase just for her to tell me in the end? Why did I have to see her brothers? How did the ambulance driver know about her childhood death wishes? Why did she have childhood death wishes? There are about 1000 plot holes and that happens when you've got an idea for the plot and force it to go that way, its better to let it flow from character motivation. Still, good effort and keep trying.
-- JJJ-thebanisher on 9/1/2010 7:39:43 AM with a score of 0
Recommended comments for deletion
The Robots United : Part Two
6) I DIED! NONONONONO!
-- on 6/29/2006 7:43:44 AM with a score of 0
Reason: Not about story
(Sorry if it seem's like i'm spamming these, just want to get as many in as I can while I have access to a mouse.)
Reccomending a story for deletion:
Reason: Low Ratings
Too late, already deleted.
Give me o-o
Recommending storygames be moved to a different category
1. Escape School
2. Escape School 2- Watergrove Academy
Move both to School-Based (Both currently in horror)
Reason: As their names imply they both take place in a school
Reccomending comments for deletion on: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/TRASH.aspx
1) I was a bartender. Fun.
-- SystemReboot_3 on 4/21/2016 3:40:46 PM
2) Wow girls can be real bitches sometimes. I lost my car and my car house!
-- SystemReboot_3 on 4/21/2016 2:22:11 PM
3) I got beat up by a dog. I'd like to say I'm a huge fan of your work, Endmaster. Especially the Necromancer series and Ground Zero.
-- SystemReboot_3 on 4/21/2016 2:19:58 PM
4) I stole from an evil cat lady. Fun.
-- SystemReboot_3 on 4/21/2016 2:15:59 PM
5) I avoided getting a job. That was easy.
-- SystemReboot_3 on 4/21/2016 2:13:10 PM
I'm sure he would've deleted those comments awhile ago if he had any problems with them.
Mabye so, but I just noticed they were all from the same person so I decided to post it here just in case.
Is that so? Well, I suppose if he really wanted, he could delete all of those comments except the third one.
Yeah i'd say if one of them got to stay it would be that one since the others are about four words each.
I'm keeping all those, besides you haven't read the instructions at the top that say don't bother recommending comment stuff on my stories since I monitor them myself.
1) Romance tag
Full moon's night
Alone in the Forest
3) Animal Perspective
Reccomending storygames for tagging.
Tags: Horror, Fantasy
Thara: You're doing the Dark Lord's work. You have my blessing.
MinnieKing: Your avatar is punchable. Change it.
My poor avatar does not want to be punched ;-;
Welp, now I gotta roam to the ends of the earth to find a new profile picture.
there I changed it. Better or worse?
*Braces for tomatoes*
Meh, better I suppose.
I'm quite honored ^-^
(I swear this is my last one for today)
Reccomending stories for Tagging.
Tags: Romance, Serious
My Unusual Day
1. Recommending a comment for featuring
It's hilarious that at an elementary school there's a group of girls who jump new students at the first opportunity to murder them with knives, and I guess no one ever noticed and caught on.
Unfortunately the rest of this was pretty low quality, the ravings of IlliterateFangirl69 aside.
Passages like this:
'You are starting your first day of school. You have just arrive at school, and is making a dash for your class. You made it in time. Your teacher introduce you and went straight to teaching.'
...are just pretty cringeworthy all around, as far as grammar goes. The author seems to have been very young (at the time they published this...ten years ago, wow), so the hope is they kept practicing and went on to write better things.
-- mizal on 12/20/2016 2:25:04 PM
2. Recommending a comment for deletion
dudee. no offense, but thiz story sukkd. maybe u cud put more aktionnext timee
-- fezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz on 3/3/2010 10:23:54 PM
Reason: Comment commits genocide of English language
3. Recommending a change in maturity a storygame
My Unusual Day maturity rating should be changed to 3 (currently 1)
Reason: There is part where your character can get stab to death, while not graphic it does warrant a rating higher then a 1
Mercenary Queen (Part 1) Escape from Essitrea
Mercenary Queen (Part 3) The Hemlock Band
Just keeping the tags consistent between both of these storygames. Also, there's no part 2 of this... sucky.
The Last Man Standing
Extinction of the Neanderthals
4) This is quite a short game, it doesn't mean that it can't be done well, but a few pointers:
- This game should be in 'Edutainment' rather than 'Sci-Fi Adventure'.
- The sudden deaths feel quite unrealistic. I researched the subject of surviving in the wild for the story I just published, and I can say that spear fishing/grabbing mussels in the waters would be the more rational choice in general, as hunting large prey brings a very high risk of injury, unless you hunt in packs and are very skilled with a spear or bow.
- Also, the title gives away your whole story, we already know what will happen, making the story less intriguing.
My recommendation would be to polish this story and make it a bit more factual in terms of actually surviving in the wild. You don't have to end everything with 'you die', there are other ways to wrap up a particular path.
-- Future on 2/29/2016 9:34:11 AM
Recommending storygame comment for deletion:
Chuck Norris Chasedown
-- bjhovey on 8/19/2014 10:34:11 PM with a score of 0
Recommending storygames for movement to a different category
1. The midnight monster
Move to horror (Currently in Modern Adventure)
2. You're the bachelor
Move to Fan Fiction (Currently in Love & Dating)
Reason: Storygame is based on the tv show The bachelor
Recommending a comment for deletion
3. My unusual day
you should make your story longer and not make so many choices involving dying. otherwise, it's an okay story.
-- panuki1 on 2/26/2006 10:54:43 PM
4. You're the bachelor
dat was gd yo 4 sho!!
-- lamborgini-merci on 9/17/2013 10:41:09 PM
Recommending a tag change for a storygames
5. Escape school
Add part of a series tag
Unusual day doesn't clicky link.
My bad, thanks for posting the link Seto
Reccomending my own comment for featuring:
It was well written and all, with few spelling mistakes but there was one major issue I only gave it a three. There were no choices.
Sure, there were about three links on every page, which simply lead to one sentence before taking me backwards. That isn't writing, it's just forcing players into picking until they find the path that makes them progress.
I'm not trying to be mean, just constructive. In these types of storygames, people expect choices. However in this, there was one real path, multiple dead ends, and I counted one ending after playing three times.
I think there should be some way to actually lose, because this seemed like it was some sort of challenge and mystery to find the right person, but it simply took me back over and over until I chose the right one... Although you supplies clues I guess, there should be at least one bad ending.
Not badly written, but there were a fair amount of mistakes, and this didn't quite strike me as amazing. I guess I sorta enjoyed it, but it needs more paths and branching.
-- MinnieKing on 12/12/2016 11:19:17 PM
Reccomending Storygames for Tagging:
It's a funny coincidence this story is currently rated a 4. The writer made it for class.
Reccomending comments for deletion on chooselife:
-- WarriorCats on 12/29/2014 2:11:02 AM
Reason: Unrelated to the story
-- epix on 10/11/2016 3:47:10 PM
-- Lancelot on 9/17/2016 4:45:44 PM
Reason: Once again, Unrelated to the story.
Reccomending comment for deletion on Coffee Break:
-- At_Your_Throat on 11/15/2015 8:21:02 PM
Reccomending comment for deletion on Nick the Computer Guy:
-- WarriorCats on 12/25/2014 3:58:08 AM
I'm not sure how Ayt's comment wasn't related to the story, either.
I agree, the above comments are fine in my opinion.
Reccomending comments for deletion on: The Hunt for Cake: A short story about cake.
1) I am... victorious!!!
-- Deadly Lion on 4/21/2016 3:17:24 PM with a score of 0
2) Got the "Lie" ending. The cake was a lie.
-- Deadly Lion on 4/21/2016 3:16:11 PM with a score of 0
3) Got an third "Death" ending. First dying from starvation, then by a gunshot and then of a breaked neck.
-- Deadly Lion on 4/21/2016 3:13:48 PM with a score of 0
4) Got an third "Kicked Out" ending.
-- Deadly Lion on 4/21/2016 3:12:23 PM with a score of 0
5) Got an alternative "Kicked Out" ending.
-- Deadly Lion on 4/21/2016 3:11:03 PM with a score of 0
6) Got an alternative "Death" ending.
-- Deadly Lion on 4/21/2016 3:09:40 PM with a score of 0
7) Got the "Kicked Out" ending.
-- Deadly Lion on 4/21/2016 3:08:26 PM with a score of 0
(Geez. All of these comments being recommended for deletion.)
1) A neat little story. Nice writing and use of pictures. As interactive fiction I feel this should be more fleshed out so that there are multiple branches including their own plotline instead of one choice that leads to a Try Again" link and the other continuing the story until it ends.
-- FazzTheMan on 6/30/2015 2:28:29 AM
A Jung Hero's Adventure
2) A very intriguing method of exploring Jung's theories within the oddly appropriate trapings of a Bladerunner-esque dystopian future reality.
Admittedly, from a glancing perspective at least, it appears that this piece could have done with a tighter focus on the titular Jungian concepts, with much of the story seeming to veer off into purely sci-fi territory.
However, as one starts to realize that most of the characters are representative of one Jungian archetype or another, & that their actions in the story and our responses serve to illustrate in a practical fashion the inter-relation of archetypes and the means by which they can be understood & overcome, one begins to appreciate the level of comprehension the author possesses with regards to Jungian theory.
To the author: Have you considered working with an editor to iron out any grammatical oversights? A work of this calibre is certainly deserving of some straightforward proof-reading, & there's no sense in you getting bogged down in details when you have important lessons to impart : )
-- Ravanosh on 3/5/2013 4:34:09 AM with a score of 530
(I think that this comment should replace the top one that is currently featured.)
3) Dystopia tag
4) Science Fiction tag
The Miserable Life of a High Schooler
5) The game was decent. One suggestion I would make is that you don't need to give the pages numbers and have choices saying, "If you want to do this, turn to page 3." You only really need that in a book.
Other than that, I'd say it was really random how, if you tell your best friend you're being bullied, she suddenly decides she doesn't like you anymore and goes and makes friends with your bully. That really didn't make any sense.
That aside, it was a well written short game. Well done. ^_^
-- Briar_Rose on 11/19/2016 12:03:12 PM
1. Add Historical Tag
2. Move to Edutainment (Currently in Modern Adventure)
Reason: Story takes place during D-Day
3. Delete comment
I loved this story. Sad and heart-warming. Would it have been diffrent if I had shot at the left side of the barrel? Who cares! This was AMAZING with a capital A!
-- Flamepelt43 on 11/9/2014 6:22:07 PM with a score of 0
Reason: duplicate comment
Oh well, that guy's banned and his story has been unpublished.
New category (For now)
Ooooh. So tempting, but I needs to stahp procrastinating.
This one hasn't been moved to the closed section yet:
And for that matter the ones it links too.
EDIT for clarification:
EDIT: Whoa! Four points each? That's nice.
Also, to add on to T-Count's stuff...this and this and this annnnnd this as well.
This has not been moved to closed yet: http://chooseyourstory.com/forums/bugs-and-problems/message/17018
The Biggest Recurring Problem Ever .
Hint: Each word is a different link
And these things as well
And then there's this.
And this. It's related to the T-Count stuff.
@Endmaster I was actually still editing xD
But I'm done now.
Wait is this all the same bug?
EDIT: Nevermind I see now.
Every word is a different link. :D Because I thought it looked a little neater that way. And it was a bit easier to do.
Now for the article problems...
Here they are...there's actually quite a few..
I most likely should have replied to the main post *sigh
Also, these things.
For some reason those other two links didn't go anywhere. Got this one though.
Looks like you're late for those last two.
Old Duel Glitch
If I did my math right, you missed some that I edited in.
Some of you guys are faster than others, so there's a couple times where you give me a link and someone already got it.
EDIT: Nevermind. Just got some more points.
To add on to that, this is due to the same thing.
Already mentioned that one in mine.
Basically some are probably still showing up in the Bug & Report section, but I've actually moved them to the Newbie section. I'm trying to keep "one of each bug" since JJJ wants an example to keep.
How? I just clicked on it and deleted it.
You got points for it.
Alright. Since no one seems to put in the actual research :P (Just kidding) I'll do these ones.
These ones are already closed:
1) Ratings Disappearing Problem/Top Storygames Disappearing
Already closed: here
2) This has been addressed here.
These are the same old duplicates
3) Cutting Problem Once Again
4) Same thing as this one and this one!
5) Possibly Haunted Links
No need to do the closed ones. Just open.
Yes, I know. Just showing proof that the matter is closed, therefore the open one is a duplicate.
Oh I see, I'm just trying to remember which ones I already did/moved/deleted/etc.
#3 and #4 have never appeared in this thread, but the other duplicates like them have. You usually keep one, so 3 and 4 are probably safe to delete.
#5 and any similar duplicates have never appeared in the thread, so you should probably delete the further one as it has no replies, and keep the first one.
Also, the forum bug and picture bug has been addressed several times, and closed so I don't see why you can't delete the others.
Yeah I might have to go through the newbie section and delete some of these, but for now it's fine as long as its out of the bug forum.
Those are two different errors, I believe.
Yeah those hadn't been done yet.
Island Attack: Escape
1) Better than your other game. A little more detail would have been nice but you had a plot this time, which is good. I like the action scenes and I think this game was longer than you're other one, which again is a good thing to see. Some of the problems I had with the game was that there were no pictures for the items. That would have been a nice detail to put in.
I'm going to give you the same rating for your last game but I can see improvement. Keep trying.
-- JMgskills on 3/3/2012 3:47:05 PM with a score of 0
The Fox and The Fawn
2) Awesome Storyline & Plot (it really showed that ye put a lot of time, effort, & imagination into it). The story was so addicting that it made me want to keep reading (I chose the Fox Clan).
The bad parts of it though is that ye misspelled many words & some words had letters missing from them so a reader could understand what the word was meant to be, but shouldn't have to need to do that. I did not see any noticeable problems with grammar.
I rated it a 7 out of 8 (Mostly because of the story/plot & the informative background & descriptions. Though ye lost a point because of the many spelling errors).
Overall, it's a great work & I wouldn't be surprised if ye soon became a featured writer on here. Keep up the great work!
-- bearclaw01234 on 9/28/2015 5:35:48 PM
Well, you point-greedy gits already cleared the B+R section. Shame on you lot for not sharing. I needed the points way more than you.
Recommending for Comments for Deletion:
-- Sir_Lancegalawain on 1/10/2007 5:18:34 PM
Reasoning: Fails to convey a message.
70.) Super Play My Game Kirbys Adventure
-- ebGAMES on 11/4/2003 7:00:09 PM
Reasoning: Pretty sure that's advertisement.
-- Lily on 3/31/2015 5:23:14 PM
-- calj on 2/26/2016 6:54:09 PM
Reasoning: Duplicate Comment
73.) Why am I not in this?????????? #forgettable
-- aweiorfhajskdf on 4/4/2013 2:07:43 PM
Reasoning: No evident relation to the story.
Recommending Change in Maturity Level
74.) 7/8 to 3/8
Reasoning: Maybe even less. There's nothing in this game less than mundane and innocuous.
75.) Just a really fast run-through...
I really, really, really, really, REALLY wanted it to be more in-depth than a "you do this, and that, and this, and that." If you read EndMaster's stories, he pretty much loops many important events in his character's life to make a decent amount of years. In your case, you're skipping all the good parts, like the relationships and children. Instead, you're aiming for a summary. That is a big no-no. The story will not become a story if you only make it a compilation of summaries, and it will only give the readers a very "hawk" point of view.
-- Swiftstryker on 4/5/2013 1:26:47 AM
Yeah those hadn't been done yet either.
Aw, what? There were more? I feel cheated.
As a general rule I'm fine with leaving the stuff that just says "Good story" or "This sucks." (Or even just "good", "sucks")
Nah, just four different people who were obviously just at a lost of words by the story to leave a wordy comment.
Date Rape Laws and Prevention:
1. Let me preface this by saying that I come to this site to escape the monotony of "real life". I was let down by this story, so I thought I'd return some of that feeling to the author(s).
The characters were one dimensional, if even that, so I attempted to put myself in their shoes (which would be out of character, not to mention against the laws of physics!) and tried to imagine how any of this was plausible (especially the dancing).
You have the rules of writing (ie. grammar, punctuation and spelling) down pat so I can't fault you for that, but I didn't feel that there was any passion behind this. The best way to get your story across (especially to younger readers) would be to encapsulate it in something that would capture their imagination and evoke emotion.
This'll probably get by on technicalities, but you should really rethink your story and turn it into something that will stick with readers while they go about their own humdrum lives.
-- TheNewIAP on 4/26/2016 11:33:36 AM
2. Very good for it's purpose. Of course there are lots of different situations as well as this example like drinking house parties and drinking alone with someone you think is safe, being pressured to take drugs and being drugged and robbed, also don't forget men can also fall victim to date raping from homosexual men or even women. This is well written, clear and does exactly what it sets out to do, I'm guessing this is a school project so you should get good marks for this :)
-- Will11 on 4/25/2016 11:04:56 PM
3. I'm surprised almost no one has commented so I think I ought to: the story was good and nicely written but it was a little on the short side, it also follows romance story conventions pretty predictably so the reader doesn't get a very strong emotional reaction, I'd suggest writing more on each page and giving the reader stronger emotional responses to the events and people they meet.
It's not a decent story and has good multiple branches but it is a little on the predictable side.
-- Will11 on 10/21/2015 11:36:05 PM
Search for the Jade Tiger:
4. I liked fhat you used illustrations to give us an image of the adventure you are at, i used 'illustrations' because the rules at the start of the game doesn't matter at all, and most people can play the game properly just by reading the bland description. For a CYOA, it's bad as most the plot is driven by the author rather than direct player action- For example, the first guard that you talk to, you don't pick what you say to him, or try to bribe him, you just punch him, because the author said so. It would work if you were writing a non-CYOA text. But since this is a CYOA, a game that heavily emphasizes on player input, this is a flaw that you should improve on. Another example of this is the 'museum party' area. You can't talk to Person 2,3 or 4. Just the 'hot and smart' archeologist that just happen to know where the Jade Tiger is. As if this adventure is clearly mapped out for the player before they even begin. Something that most CYOA's tend to avoid.
Plot issues aside, there are also some grammatical and formatting errors, such as the point where you follow the researcher, the text is placed arkwardly making it hard to see, most people just hit random options from then on.
My recommendations would be to make it more open-ended, rather than just having the author do it for you, the only true CYOA aspect of the adventure is the movement, the others are already pre-determined. Improving on this will also make the adventure more intresting overall, and might earn more points this way.
-- ViktorVektov on 7/5/2016 5:54:57 AM
So You Wanna Be a College Student?
5. Watching a snail is actually more interesting than this. Unlike the snail, who may do something interesting, this dragged on by slower than I could tolerate.
The language seemed far to formal making me believe that some cranky, old Englishman was speaking those dreadful words. This is also a tragedy due to your wide vocabulary used within the story.
Furthermore, you wrote a story about researching colleges. If I wanted to research Northeastern or Cornell, would it not seem more logical to simply Google them instead of reading this?
Finally, whenever I see the title of this story, all I can hear is John Lennon singing, "So you say you wanna revolution?" Why does the title have "wanna" when the rest of the story seems more akin to a college essay?
-- WouldntItBeNice on 2/23/2016 11:57:50 AM
It was posting in forums on mobile that was a recurring problem.
Well, there's always later :P
I'm sure there'll be plenty of bugs during the great site changes.
Hopefully. But most likely there will since some of these may be big changes, and AlexP's coding is rather confusing.
Reccomending storygame for deletion
These September games are steadily getting axed from the site.
Gettin wiped out one at a time.
I couldn't even read them TBH. XD I mean, there was one that was ok? I think? But that was basically it. The rest were terrible.
Well, considering there were about ten of them and only three left, anyone could guess that they're shit xD
I think so.
I stopped counting at like..pt XIVVV or whatever it was.
At least, he apologized.
Quiller's comment for The Final Chapter sums it up pretty well:
"I hate myself for playing through this entire series. My sanity may never recover. I feel like I just took a -9999hp attack to my literacy simply by going through all eight of these games.
That being said, I think whatever sanity I still had just threw its hands up in disgust and gave up halfway through this last game, which actually allowed me to enjoy it for what it was. Sheer, mindless randomness. This was some kind of mega-crossover from hell. Super smash brothers on crack. I don't even know what to make of it anymore. Part of me cringed at the massacre of so many beloved video game characters. The other part of me just stopped caring and cheered like an eight year old simply because they made an appearance.
This may be a classic case of a game being SO BAD that it loops back around to being good again as a parody, because it doesn't so much as break its readers suspension of disbelief as much as it beats it into silent submission.
God, I need a drink."
You'll need some battle armor, shields for your eyes, and a way out of hell.
I have Bleach ready, and a train ticket to NOPE town. Here, have it. You'll need it more than me.
Make sure you do it quick, you never know when they might disappear!
I just unpublished them, so if you REALLY wanted to put yourself through it, you could go read them by navigating through the author's profile.
The author coincidently showed up just around the time I was purging some of them. I sent him a PM at the time about the reason why, but never got an answer back and he just disappeared again.
Oh, I never noticed you only unpublished them. I might read them later today.
Recommending a comment for featuring. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/under-the-bridge
"Haha, in hindsight, the fact that this was in the Fantasy Adventure genre instead of Puzzle/Mystery should have tipped me off, but I was surprised and amused all the same.
Lots of lampshading and harpooning of classic fantasy tropes, witty dialogue, and some of the funniest game over pages I have had the pleasure to read. It was very well written, even if it was very, very short, and I'll save it for a rainy day when I need a chuckle.
That being said, it's was too short for me to give it a higher rating, but what's there is certainly worth the five minutes it takes to read! I'd love to see this game expanded upon, because I'm a sucker for sarcastic and fourth-wall leaning fantasy humor"
Reccomending a storygame for featuring:
Reason: Higher ratings then 2/3 of the currently featured Edutainments
I'll look at this one after the big site changes occur soon.
Reccomending storygame for deletion:
Omg. I remember this thing T_T
Recommending A Storygame for Unpublishing
1) Portal World
Reason: Low rating. It currently has a 2/8.
Why does this exist? Why is it rated a 3? Recommended for unpublishing. It's been two years and fits the 'ends abruptly' criteria. Also, it's Pokemon fanfic.
Yeah that one's an insult to pokemon.
:( I feel sad looking at this one.
It's short, the items don't appear to do anything, it's painfully linear, and writing is subpar at best. Also, the abrupt ending after defeating Gary was bad.
Plus, Blastoise and Charizard aren't starters. They're evolutions of starters. This person probably watched two episodes of the anime, and threw together this monstrosity.
Reccomending Storygame for Tagging:
Tag: Contest Entry
Recommending story games for unpublishning
1. MAG The college years, freshman year.
Reasons: By far the worst grammar of any story I've read, it's actually difficult to follow the plot because of poor grammar and spelling. In addition the vast majority of the pages only have a single choice on them, the few that do are the "pick right or die" variety.
2. Pokemon Journey
Reason: Ends abruptly, several links lead to blank pages, while others don't work at all, extremely linear and several spelling errors.
Reccomending comment for deletion on: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/Wes
Not that bad, really. Could have been extended longer though...
-- CurseOfTime on 3/23/2016 8:23:27 PM
Reason: Duplicate Comment
Reccomending comment for deletion on:
-- Daniel White on 11/11/2016 11:36:59 AM
Reason: No connection to the story
Reccomending comment for featuring on:
I am going to go out on a limb here and Guess that English is not your first language. Maybe Japanese?
There were a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes that usually arise from a non-native English speaker rather than just a young or careless writer and some of the phrases and actions is why I guess Japanese.
But anyway, sadly as mentioned above, there are many spelling and grammar errors that make the story hard to read at times.
The idea behind the story was fun and the attempted descriptions were enjoyable.
-- FeanorOnForge on 10/21/2016 7:01:39 PM
Recommending Suggestion for Criteria Change
I propose that the standards be raised for games in the Fanfic section. Instead of a rating of 2 or lower, a rating of 3 or lower should be criteria enough for the unpublishing/deletion of games in the FanFic category. Games like the Pokemon one Mizal read in all honesty deserved a 1, but the thing is so long as the topic is popular, there'd likely be fans ready to give them more forgiving ratings that they really didn't earn. Fanfics can easily be trash works, so I believe maintaining higher standards for them would be a great way to motivate fanfic writers, if not keep the more crummy stories out.
I second this. The 3/8 storygames in Fan Fic are the equivilant of a 2/8 in any other category.
Yeah, I've already been deleting other 3 rated stories that haven't even been suggested on here.
3s won't be an automatic purge, but yeah they're up for deletion suggestion if they're really shitty like all the fanfic stuff that's been cropping up.
So are we allowed to recommend 3/8 rated games for deletion as long as we have a good reason?
Bah, I should have clarified Fanfic 3/8 stories.
But there probably are some other 3/8 that qualify like stuff that have broken links or dead links. Especially anything like that.
End, maybe you could just do a clean sweep of everything with 'Pokemon' in the title? (Excepting Will's parody, of course.)
Written in 2014, author hasn't been around since 2015, ends abruptly, and it'd be hard to argue that there are any actual choices.
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: the Stirring of the Legendaries - Part I: The Beginning
On the fence about this one, technically the writing isn't completely awful, but it was published in 2015 and despite the author being active really recently, Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: the Stirring of the Legendaries - Part II: The Second Part has yet to make an appearance.
More to the point, I'd hesitate to call it a CYOA. It's linear. Like, completely. You can go forward on the single set path or you can get looped back to the beginning, there are no other choices.
You mean like, a banning on all pokemon games except Wills, or just the ones currently up?
The ones currently up, most likely.
Good because i'm acually working on a pokemon story xD
Recommending a Storygame for Unpublishing:
Escape From Britannia
Reason: Low rating.
Link doesn't work
Here you go :)
Who editlocked me? ;-;
Oh. Nm. Thanks xD
Recommending storygame for unpublishing:
Get Laid By Gabriel Gray
The amount of 1 ratings it has exceeds the other ratings. And after reading through it, I'm not exactly sure how it's rated three. It's really one of those random nonsensical humor kind of games, tbh.
Oh, and one of the choices in the beginning just ends the story arubtly.
Recommending for unpublishing. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/riddles-of-the-movies
Reason: It's currently rated a 1/8. Nonexistent grammar, terrible syntax, no effort put in its creation. So confusingly written I couldn't understand the questions.
Recommending for unpublishing. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/pokemon-~2d-the-new-legend~3a-part-.
Reason: It ends abruptly at an illogical place, and is therefore incomplete. It's under 4/8 and more than six months old.
resident evil (my way)
From the very first page and then onwards, questionable grammar seems to be quite consistent. This story also ends rather arubtly.
"Two dessert eagles."
I hate dessert eagles, way too much trans fat
Me my sister and Frozen
This storygame was a bit unpleasant for me to play, but at least there's some fun to be had with this next recommendation.
So here's a small snippet from the description of this storygame:
"By the way in comments please do not tell people to stay far away from the game. Because other people might like it. I hope you do like it because I worked really hard on this!"
Wow...where do I begin with this.
First let me say that as shamed as I am to say this, I did enjoy the movie Frozen. Yes this is true, I am a fan of Frozen. So imagine my displeasure when I come across this story based on a movie that I actually enjoyed!
The grammar isn't dreadful, but it is bad. And it gets worse as you continue through the story. At first, I thought I could ignore it. I actually tried, but it's impossible! The punctuation really needs some work, and so does your spacing. Some parts of the story require me to reread it in order to figure out what is happening. That is not a good thing.
"So Danaos, if this story is based of a movie you liked you must have thought it was good!"
That couldn't be any further from the truth. The story can best be described as stale, bland, lacking any flavor. You are taking the role of a transgender person living in the Kingdom of Arrendale during the time of the new queen's rise to power. I say transgender because it seems like no one even knows whether or not I'm a boy or girl. Hell, they don't even know if I should wear a dress or a suit.
This WILL bother you throughout the whole story. You are referred to as a 'brother/sister', a 'son/daughter', and a 'girl/boy'. Apparently not even the author could decide what gender the main character should be. Not that is matters anyway. It adds NOTHING to the story at all.
Almost every page on in this storygame averages a few sentences each. Not only that, but the author has taken the liberty to explain everything to us in PARENTHESIS. How many times do we need to bring this up? Please refrain from using parenthesis when trying to add detail to a scene. You need to learn how to actually describe the see, paint a picture, create a sound. That will give some more depth and elaboration to your story. NOT adding parenthesis to every scene. On some pages, you ask if we [the reader] has gotten over something, or understands something. How can we even answer those questions if we don't even know what's happening? In fact, why are you [the author] even asking us these questions? It breaks immersion within the story constantly.
The dialogue, is cliché and boring. At several points it just makes no sense. On one page I openly say I don't like the queen. On the next, I'm defending her. Apparently, not only am I transgender, but I'm also bipolar.
My final verdict for this story is a 1/8. Stay away. Far, far away.
-- Danaos on 6/30/2014 11:17:54 PM with a score of 0
Storygame for unpublishing-
This needs to be unpublished, and someone should educate this ignorant n00b.
it IS unpublished...
Now it is.
We should probably implement a rule that having an story unpublished by an admin has you lose ten points automatically.
I second this notion. It's not too harsh, and serves as an important warning.
The Chained God
2) Geared for Extremists
3) Advanced Editor
4) Advanced Editor
Escape School (I think someone already mentioned this but only requested to move the category :P)
Tag change: Remove 'horror'
P.S. If you're feeling extra nice I request to have this comment featured:
Well, this would be more fun if there were less death links (although, in your defense, the 'good' links were really obvious)
and if you made it like a puzzle; little mysteries here and there, maybe you try to find the SAINT hideout instead of just knowing where they are (secret hide-out behind a peculiar bookshelf in the library? secret trapdoor underneath a certain student's desk? the possibilities are endless :D).
You could also make it so that the weird device would be hidden somewhere hard to find and there are clues (maybe some are written in code? You could find a graffiti saying "atbash" or "2 letters forward", hinting how to crack the code.)
Maybe some nice girl (secretly from SAINT) in the beginning stops you and says something like "Don't trust the teachers" or "Don't eat the food" so you would get a hint. Heck, maybe you even have a crush on this girl.
I think you can make this into a fun puzzle-ish storygame.
Minor bug: Even if you don't go to to the Teacher's Lounge you could still give Jenny the H2O.
-- Yuisawachelsa on 1/11/2017 3:32:54 AM
Maturity level change: I think this should be around 3/8. There was nothing really too violent in this story; Just one ending where you slowly die of holding a poisoned lever. -shrug-
Recommmended comment for featuring:
In my opinion, "FH LABS" is a poorly written and designed game. The mechanics are broken and leads me back to previous scenes or unexplained endings, even if I make the correct choices. This quickly becomes frustrating and is rather unfair, as I'm forced to take tests that I have already completed. I feel that the story wasn't thought out very well. Although it gives you a brief outline of your surroundings in the beginning, the plot is rather cliche and fails to grab my attention. Also, the poor grammar and spelling makes it hard to understand, and it quickly becomes annoying. The narrator attempts to be humorous at times, but the "humor" is usually too random or irritating to elicit a laugh.
Overall, I didn't like this game. Although the puzzles were alright, it was hard to enjoy them when I kept being dragged back to previous pages or undefined endings. The story and grammar didn't bother me as much as the poor mechanics did. It'd be best if you took more time to work on this game if you want better ratings. In the future, I suggest that you test your games and run them through spellcheck before releasing them, as that can help you catch and fix major problems before your readers stumble into them. 1/8
-- SummerSparrow on 4/11/2016 5:12:38 PM with a score of 0
Explore my appartment (Yes, that's the actual name.)
Recommended for unpublishing
"Okay, guys I made this for practice, it isn't supposed to be the most awesome story. I was considering making an advanced one with a story, with keys and secret notes and passwords, but this one was just for practice. I know I didn't really describe stuff good, but it was still pretty hard to describe, and I couldn't add photos because it' my parents home. Still, thank you all for trying this game, and the tips in the comments!
-- MariTheCat on 10/11/2014 1:33:47 PM"
Recommended for unpublishing
?Why? There's a page that just has a "Save Game" link and no other links and there's a page with literally no links.
It ends in Chapter 2.1 where you are only aged 13 I think? (The goal of the game is to reach age 80. So far you can only got to Age 13 or something, so that means this story is unfinished.)
Oh, yeah, and it literally has "tester" in it's name.
Probably should create a new thread at this point.